by Lizzy Ford
The constriction of her chest was only getting worse. She didn’t need Brandon to tell her what happened if Jonny became disabled after Jonny’s explanation that Valon was a godslayer. With trembling hands, she opened the top drawer of the desk and spotted the single item in its depths. A knife hewn out of one single piece of pale material was smooth and cool beneath her fingertips. She hefted it, the dread inside her growing as she thought about what Valon wanted her to do. It was made of material she didn’t immediately recognize, with the lightness of wood and the solidness of stone. Was it ivory? Bone?
“Why us?” she whispered. “Why didn’t he take some other Naturals to torture?”
“Because of our skills and because he wants to use us to keep … Xander in check. He found you at the club. He found me … by tracing the cell phone, same as Jonny.” Brandon’s good eye closed and he sagged more. “Hurry … Ashley. Disable Jonny … and go to the location … on knife.”
She glanced down. In the glow of the screen, she was able to make out numbers written on the blade, coordinates like those Brandon used in his emergency app.
“Memorize and erase … the numbers,” Brandon directed her. “He says now.”
She repeated the numbers several times then wiped the blade clean.
The monitor on Brandon’s end flickered off.
“No, no, no! Come back, Brand!” she whispered frantically and touched the screen. Her brother was in bad shape – but alive.
“Natural!” Charles called from down the hallway.
Ashley’s gaze flew up towards the door. She swiped away tears she hadn’t felt form and shoved the knife into a pocket. Flipping off the monitor, she stood hastily before Charles had reached the doorway.
“All clear.” Her voice was choked.
He peered into the room. “Are you well?”
“Very.” She cleared her throat. “Just worried about my brother.”
The explanation seemed to satisfy him. His attention went to the darkness of the hallway.
“I checked everything,” she told him.
“All right. C’mon.”
Ashley steadied herself the best she could and left the office. Her hands trembled, and she had the urge to run or fight or dance or just stand and scream. Brandon needed help, but his mission …
It was crazy for her to feel torn when her brother needed her to act! Why did stabbing Jonny with the knife seem like the worst option she had when Brandon’s life depended upon it?
Valon won’t free either of us, whispered her instincts. If anything, Jonny was in a position to help her. He was aggressively hunting down the rogues and likely to find Brandon. To risk Brandon’s life because she failed to act, however, wasn’t an option, even if Jonny found Brandon before sunrise.
“Natural!”
She blinked and realized Charles had been talking to her while they stood in the hallway. “I’m sorry, what?”
He eyed her. “I said, I’m disappointed we didn’t find more.”
“Yeah.”
He shook his head and motioned for her to follow him. She did so woodenly, her emotions all over the place as she considered the choice she had to make. A world without Jonny or one without Brandon? It shouldn’t have been hard, and she berated herself over and over for the confusion she experienced when the answer was supposed to be clear.
Brandon. Her choice had to be Brandon. Always Brandon.
Yet it made her start to panic to know Jonny was going to die at the hands of Valon if she followed through with it.
She barely registered the light touch of a Traveler and the world shifting around her. They materialized somewhere other than the location where they’d left from, and she forced her thoughts to the world outside her head as she oriented herself.
They were on the ocean, somewhere warm and humid. Palm trees were framed against the night sky and a dock facing the ocean before her. The mansion behind her was large and white, its property sprawling for more than ten acres and edged by tall walls of concrete.
“My hunch was wrong,” she heard Charles say.
Ashley didn’t dare turn around to confirm he spoke to Jonny. Xander had taught her some thought suppression techniques to use when faced with a mind reader, and she was in no emotional state to control her thoughts. Neither did she have any clue where to go since they were somewhere new.
“I’m going for a quick walk,” she called over her shoulder and then struck out towards the private beach without waiting for anyone to respond.
Ashley didn’t start to relax until a solid five minutes passed. She stood on the white sand and stared at the ocean, unable to shake the vision of her brother or the choice Valon had given her.
Stop, Ash, stop! Jonny was dangerous for many reasons, and one of them was his ability to strip away her defenses to see what she was thinking if she didn’t get hold of herself. He’d been somewhat reserved on that front, compared to what he could have done, but if he grew suspicious, if she gave him a reason to push inside her head …
She clenched her head between her hands. “Stop thinking,” she told herself. “Stop feeling!” Emotion had always been her downfall when it came to thought suppression, and the fresh pain of seeing her brother suffer wasn’t allowing her the control over her mind she desperately needed.
For the second time, the world felt too real. Too likely to hurt them, and she didn’t know how to pretend it wasn’t the case so she could rein in her own mind.
“You found nothing.”
Oh, god. Not yet. Dropping her hands, Ashley squeezed her eyes closed and willed her thoughts quiet. Her breathing was off. Someone as perceptive as Jonny was going to notice she wasn’t quite right.
But she prayed he didn’t.
“No,” she answered.
“And nothing happened.” By the calm note in his voice, he was already suspicious.
“Nothing,” she lied. “It’s so fucking frustrating. I know he’s hurt. I know he’s scared. I don’t know how to do anything.” She reached for the strange knife in her pocket, itching to get the worst part over with, and withdrew it.
She also wasn’t able to stomach stabbing Jonny and knowing he wasn’t likely to recover this time. She warred with herself internally, furious and worried, unable to justify why she shouldn’t hurt Jonny and unable to convince herself it was the right thing to do, either.
In the end, she was too twisted up inside to act before he touched her. Jonny approached from behind and wrapped an arm around her. The crippling combination of knowing she’d always loved him too much and needing him again sent her insides flaming with desire and anticipation. As a teenager, she’d lusted for him. But this … this was something more than hormones. The yearning was deeper, primal, a need she didn’t ever think would be met no matter how many nights they spent together.
He maneuvered her to face him, and she felt herself turning her head to expose her neck without a second thought. She gripped the knife and held it against her thigh, paralyzed by emotion and the need to feel Jonny’s skin against hers. His eyes glowed almost fully red and his arousal pressed to her lower belly. His fangs were out, his grip around her strong.
“I hate you right now,” she said breathlessly.
“I’m not surprised.”
He kissed her, and she melted against him, overwhelmed by his scent and the furnace at the base of her belly that left her crippled. His mouth left hers to trail hot kisses and fiery nips down the side of her jaw to her neck. Ashley sighed, lost to him, at least, until she felt his free hand tighten around the wrist holding the knife.
She jerked then, senses returning. Panic lit inside her at the thought of losing her brother because she’d let herself fall under Jonny’s spell.
“What was your plan?” he whispered, refusing to release her.
“Jonny …”
“Wrong answer.”
Ashley’s breathing grew erratic, and she strained for a moment.
“Answer my question.” Jonny’s controll
ed, hard tone was worse than him screaming at her.
“I don’t know,” she managed finally. “I don’t know.”
He held her in place. “Let go.”
Ashley refused for a long moment. If he wanted to use his power to force her, he could. “Jonny, they’re going to kill him.”
“I won’t let that happen. Now, let go.”
She obeyed. He slid the knife from her hand and tossed it.
His mouth found hers, and he kissed her harder than he had before, his lips branding her in a way that sent a surge of hot need through her. Any other thought burnt to ashes in the face of his passion, and she clung to him, channeling her tortured emotion into desire.
Jonny Traveled to a large bedroom on the second floor. Ashley’s hands slid under his shirt, and she pushed it over his head and flung it away before her shaking fingers went to the button of his jeans.
With urgency, they tore each other’s clothing off and collapsed into bed, a mad frenzy of lust and emotion burning them up from the inside out. Any restraint she’d held the first night with him melted, and Ashley lost herself in her senses, in the feel of his hot skin against hers, in their hard breathing.
Hours later, when they both were spent, she collapsed on top of him, panting. Jonny was little better off, his breathing ragged and both of their bodies covered by a sheen of sweat. Jonny’s arms circled her loosely, and he kissed her temple before shifting them onto their sides. She closed her eyes as his teeth sank painlessly into her neck and tucked her face into his shoulder.
He didn’t feed long, and she was still, listening to his heartbeat. Too worn out to tense in the quiet that followed, she nonetheless began to feel scared again as she came down from the afterglow of sex.
“Tell me everything,” he whispered.
Ashley didn’t feel him in her mind, but she wasn’t capable of stopping him from entering, either. She complied – until she reached the point about the coordinates. That tidbit she did her best to suppress. When she finished, Jonny was quiet. She held her breath, praying she’d managed to hide what she wanted to. She wasn’t going to be able to hurt Jonny now that he knew, but she could still surrender to Valon and hope for the best.
She breathed in Jonny’s masculine scent. She was too comfortable with him. It was too natural for her body to mold to his hard form. “I like this,” she said sadly. “And I hate you for it.”
“Ash, I know things are weird between us. But … if you ask for my help …” He trailed off.
She heard it again, the note in his voice that sometimes appeared when he wasn’t trying to be an unfeeling robot. She shifted her head back to see his face in the dim light of the bedroom. The glow of his eyes was muted. “No,” she said before she could stop herself. “I don’t want to ask you for anything. I don’t want anything to be between us. Good, bad, other.” Even as she spoke, she tucked her face into the nape of his neck so she could breathe in the scent that sent a thrill through her.
“You just fucked me like it’s our last day alive. That’s not something someone like you can walk away from.”
I know. Troubled by her confusion, she traced the line of his jaw with her fingertips. “I want to kill Valon.”
“No,” Jonny said firmly. “This is between him and me.”
“It’s not that easy. He has Brandon. He has my brother.”
“And I will get him back.”
“You?” She pushed onto her elbows. “Why, Jonny? Why would you do anything for us?”
“It’s my duty.” He touched her face lightly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
She rolled her eyes. “And I’m a means to your end.”
“Yes.”
She was beginning to think, though, that his interest was more than his duty. His lovemaking was too intense, too passionate, for her to be only a tool to him. Even now his hand was straying down her body, tracing circles on the skin of her back. If their history had taught her anything, it was that she never truly knew what he felt. She’d never known the real him, not four years ago, not today.
“I feel like a fool,” she said. “I should’ve stabbed you. I should’ve just done it and freed Brandon.”
“Because Valon would keep his word.”
“What if he did?”
“Ashley, don’t be naïve. It’s a trap. He’s waiting to vamp Brandon until the last minute, when he has you. Then he’ll vamp you both. A fighter like you and a vamp undetectable to Guardians?” Jonny shook his head. “He’d win the double lottery. I’m jealous just thinking about it.”
“You know better than to cross Xander.”
“Valon wants my position. Chances are, he’s got a plan to deal with Xander. Every step he’s taken has been calculated and planned. You and Brandon give him a leg up over me. He can wipe out my vamps with the two of you helping him then come for me.”
She didn’t want Jonny to make sense. “Would you save Brandon if it meant you lost say, fifty vamps doing it?”
His silence crushed her.
Tears stung her eyes. “I’m going after him. I don’t give a fuck what you do to me, Jonny.”
“No, Ash, you won’t. There’s a strategy to this struggle with Valon. He’s not going to let Brandon die, but you showing up is going to make him vamp your brother.”
“You don’t know that.”
“It’s what I’d do if I were him,” Jonny said.
“But you haven’t, and you have me. You knew where we were. You could’ve vamped both of us at any time.”
“Stop, Ash. You –”
“No, you stop, Jonny! I can’t believe a word you say. You only care about your vamps. You’ll let Brandon rot and –”
“Do you still love me?”
Her breath caught. How the fuck did he know? She froze, afraid to think or move or feel in case he was in her mind.
“Then trust me,” he added. “I will not let Brandon die.”
“Unless saving him clashes with your organizational goals,” she snapped.
“I will not let him die.”
She wanted to believe him but feared doing so, feared entrusting her brother’s life in the hands of someone who had nearly destroyed her family once before. The fate of her brother belonged in the hands of no one but her. “Yes,” she said hoarsely. “I’ve always loved you, Jonny, but I’ve never trusted you. The more I learn about you, the less likely I will ever trust you.”
He kissed her lightly and rested his forehead against hers. “You should trust me, not love me,” he whispered. “I will save your brother, and I will crush your heart.”
Pain slid through her. “Again.”
“Yeah. Again.”
“Fuck you, Jonny.” Her voice trembled. Emotionally devastated and physically exhausted, Ashley rolled out of his grip and to the edge of the bed. “I want to sleep. Alone.”
He was quiet for a moment before he spoke. “There’s an empty bedroom across the hallway. You need some sleep before going out tonight.”
A tingle of electricity shot through her as his fingers grazed her back. She froze briefly, suspecting he was knocking her out again so she couldn’t run off and do something stupid like she fully planned to do.
Cursing him under her breath, Ashley rose and pulled on enough clothing not to be embarrassed if someone spotted her crossing the hall. Without another word to him, she left.
Only when the door was locked and she was curled up in her bed alone did she let emotion overwhelm her. Tortured by his scent on her skin and the yearning for him burning her raw from the inside out, she began to cry and covered her head with a pillow to block the early morning light.
She was already hurting, and Jonny hadn’t even tried to destroy her heart yet.
Chapter Eighteen
Ashley didn’t awaken until someone pounded at the door. She jerked, surprised by how little she was able to fight Jonny’s sleeping spells. It was evening, and dusk rendered the lighting of her bedroom barely enough to see.
I
really, really hate you, Jonny. She rubbed her face, furious he’d knocked her out when she had shit to do. “Come in,” she called in a gravelly voice and pushed herself up.
Charles opened the door. “You coming with us or sleeping like a lazy fucking Natural?” he asked with his usual abruptness.
“Like you’d be successful without me!” she retorted somewhat moodily.
“Come on then.” He tossed her gym bag full of clothes into her room then left her door open and disappeared into the bright hallway.
Despite the day of sleep, she felt miserable. Her eyes were puffy, her body lethargic. Ashley refreshed herself the best she could in the bathroom and changed, groggy and unhappy. She hadn’t planned on sleeping so much or going out on another raid, though she began to suspect a raid was the only chance she’d have of escaping. Jonny likely had wards like Xander’s that weren’t going to let her ride come get her when she needed it if she tried to leave from the headquarters.
She chanted the coordinates in her head over and over to keep them fresh and left her bedroom for the hallway. She followed the sounds of movement, radios and weaponry being issued out to the open foyer of the mansion, where Charles the vamp named Tasha were double checking the equipment of the raid parties.
Ashley needed a cell phone in order to figure out where the coordinates Valon provided her led to and to find a ride. She watched the vamps milling and walking in and out of the busy space, waiting for someone to leave his or her cell unguarded for the split second it’d take for her to grab it. The vamps were too disciplined to set down their sole means of communicating with their commanders, but several carried theirs where she could reach them, in baggy cargo pockets or tossed in the outside pockets of backpacks.
Narrowing down her target, she maneuvered through the vamps and bumped the vamp she planned on robbing. Muttering an apology, she snatched the phone visible in his unbuttoned cargo pocket and slid it deftly into hers.
“Natural!” Charles called.
“Coming!” she said and rolled her eyes. She approached the table where he stood with several vamps. “I hope there are more to take out than last night.”