by Nikisha Mock
“Which one of you little bad asses did this? Huh?” she yelled and nobody said a word. I’m sure some of us even stopped breathing at that moment. My teacher, Mrs. Nance, looked completely shook and it was clear she wanted no parts of Judy Lee. Mama grabbed my hand and told me to get my stuff. When we got to the door of my classroom, my mama stopped and turned around to look at my classmates.
“So y’all don’t want to tell me who did this to my baby and that’s fine. But let me make something very clear. If anyone does so much as bumps into my daughter again, I will be back and you better call your mamas and whoever else but I will beat the black off whoever it is!”
I knew my mama meant exactly what she said and inside I was so embarrassed but I was proud too. My daddy died when I was only five years old. From then on, it was just me and my Judy. It was cool that I had a mama who wasn’t afraid of anything or anyone. Those girls never bothered me again. Well, almost never. They laughed and whispered a lot whenever I came within earshot of them but none of them ever touched me again. I think even Mrs. Nance was afraid to say or do the wrong thing because even she was nicer to me. The rest of my third grade year went by without anything else happening and that’s when I knew my mama was a powerful woman. A woman that people respected and looked up too. I was proud that she was my mama.
“Can you make my blanket purple, please? You know how you love everything yellow but I’m not as big a fan of the color as you,” I teased.
“Oh hush. I can’t help it. Yellow is my favorite color. I would never wear anything else if I could find more clothes in that color,” she said and we laughed.
“So what’s on your mind Cici? It’s been a little while since you called me. Now I’m not saying you want something but I figured there must be something on your mind. Whatever it is, you know that you can always talk to me about it.”
I was quiet for a minute. My mama knew me from the inside out. I don’t know where all the emotions came from but when I tried to speak, a lump formed in my throat and the floodgates opened up. I must have cried for a good five minutes before I finally calmed myself down enough to say something to my mama.
“I-I messed up this time, Mama. I messed up real bad.”
She sighed. “Well, baby girl, whatever it is we all make mistakes. What is wrong, baby? You’re starting to scare me, girl.”
“I’m pregnant, Mama,” I said between sniffles.
“Well, that sure isn’t what I expected you to tell me but I still don’t understand why that has you crying like this. What else?”
“I’m not sure who the daddy is,” I said and hung my head in shame.
“Ciara! Now I know I taught you better than that. What do you mean you don’t know who the daddy is? The last time we talked, you told me that you and Jay were done so either you were lying or there’s a new man in town that you haven’t told me about. So go ahead, girl, Spill it.”
“I know, ma, I know. I told you I messed up. Jay and I did break up and we’re not even living together anymore. It’s been over for more than a year but a few months ago, he started calling and coming around again. Mama, I still love him. Well, I still have some love for him. Then I met another man named Darren. He’s everything that Jay never was and he treats me good. I never meant to get caught up in this mess with Jay. Now look at me,” I said and was crying again.
“Well, child ain’t no need in crying now. What’s done is done. The question is, what are you going to do and have you told these men yet?”
“No. I don’t know how. I don’t want them looking at me like I’m some kind of two dollar hoe because that is so not how it happened.”
“If these men love you then they already know that. Does Darren know about Jay?”
“Yes. I told him everything. I wish I could say he was as honest to me though.”
“What does that mean?”
“Darren told me he was previously married but I found out that he’s still married but they’re separated. There’s obviously still something there or at least there was until recently. I was so mad. I haven’t talked to him since I found out.” I told her.
“Well, you can’t ignore the man, especially now. If that is his baby, then he deserves to know. He needs to be there with you throughout the pregnancy. What about Jay? How come you haven’t told him?”
I had to think about it for a minute. “Mama, Jay is a little high strung these days. The minute I tell him I’m pregnant, he’s going to be all excited and thinking that it means that we are going to be together again. I’m not even sure that I want that. Jay still has some messy stuff he’s dealing with and I don’t want any parts of it.”
“But you wanted a piece of that meat, didn’t you? You probably should have thought about that then, right?” my mama said and actually had the nerve to laugh a little.
“Ma! Eww. That’s gross hearing you say ‘meat’. I’m already nauseous, ma, dang,” I joked.
“What? Girl, I am sixty years old. I ain’t never been one to hold my tongue and ain’t no use in starting now. Plus, your mama is not that old yet. Me and Charlie still…”
“Mama! No ma’am, we are not about to discuss you, Charlie, and sex in the same sentence,” I said, cutting her off. We shared a good laugh.
“Okay, Cici. Seriously though, you have to know that you are going to have to tell both of them. I know it’s going to be hard but you’re going to have to put your big girl panties on and do it. When the baby is born, y’all can have a DNA test and go from there. But ain’t no need in beating yourself up about it, baby girl. Shit happens, even to good people.”
“I’m not even sure that I wanna keep it though, ma.”
“That is your choice, honey. Either way, they need to know. When you’re ready though, be careful, baby. Mama’s sixty but I will still come up there and put my hands on somebody if they mess with my baby.”
“I know you will and that’s why you need to stay your hot tail down there in Florida,” I laughed.
“It’s real good to hear from you, baby. You need to come and see me soon. I miss you.”
“I miss you too, Mama. I’m going to check flights and come see you in the next few weeks, okay? Tell Charlie I said hey when he gets home. I love you Mama Judy,” I said because she hated when I called her that.
“Oh, I love you too, Ciara Lisa.”
I knew my mama was right But the way Jay had acted before had me a little hesitant to tell him. I wasn’t speaking to Darren at the moment so I really didn’t feel like dealing with him enough to tell him either. This sure was a fine mess I had gotten myself into. I made a call to my OB/GYN for an appointment to confirm what I already knew. I wanted to tell my girls but not yet. I needed more time to think.
Chapter 12
Eva
The weekend was approaching and another girls' night was in order. I had to make sure that the kids were settled at my mama’s for the weekend but I was definitely trying to hit up somebody’s club with the ladies. I decided to call Yanna first and make sure she could get away from the club one night this weekend.
“Hey girl! Whatcha up to?”
“Nothing much. Just chilling around the house being lazy. Cam left. What’s up, boo?” she answered.
“I was thinking that maybe the girls could get out this weekend and tear the town up. You down?”
“Oh absolutely! It’s been too long. With everything that has been happening, I haven’t really even thought about going out. I could use some fun and I’m getting tired of looking at tatas and coochies every night,” she said. We both laughed.
“Maybe we can hang out downtown and bar hop. Hey, invite Star too. I know we’ll have a good time with her.”
“Okay cool. Make sure you help me keep her from getting into trouble.”
“It’s going to be fun! Let me call Ciara and tell her to ditch her new boo to hang out with us this weekend.”
“Yeah she does seem happy and all. I hope he’s a keeper. Ciara deserves it,” Yanna said.<
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“She sure does. We all do. Well I’ll keep you posted on what we decide and the time. Talk to you later girl,” I told her and ended the call.
I was really looking forward to a good time with the girls. Soon it would be time to step head first into wedding planning so I needed a little fun before all that started. On my ride home, I had time to really think about everything that I had going on at the moment. I had two kids that were healthy and I adored them. My girls seemed to be headed to the right side of happiness and I was truly in love with a man that seemed to drop out of the sky and was made for me.
Sometimes I wondered if Tyler really understood how much I loved him. I had fantasized about Bryce but I never really had any plans to act on all that. Shoot, I’m human and I have eyes. Bryce was definitely good on the eyes for real. Plus, I really hadn’t gotten over that scene at the club with Tyler and that chick. He said it was nothing and that girls scope the VIP sections in the club all the time trying to find some guys to let them in. I knew that much because I had seen it all a million times. But that girl had a look in her eyes that said to me that she wanted my man. I couldn’t really read Tyler and that bothered me.
Ever since then whenever his phone rang, I immediately felt like I needed to be on high alert. I hated the fact that I had started to feel like I needed to start checking behind him and stuff like I did so many times over Damien. I told myself that I would never do all that again. Before I start feeling the need to look around for things that don’t seem right, I told myself I would leave. Without trust, a relationship is about as useless as a penny with a hole in it. I wanted no parts of a relationship like that. One was enough for two lifetimes. I decided that this issue would have to be addressed with Tyler and quickly or there wouldn’t be any need to plan a wedding.
I was really in a good mood as I was getting dressed for my night out with my girls. It was a hot one and I had decided to do something I normally never did which was wear a short dress. The shoes I had bought went great with the all black freak-um dress. I was ready to have some fun.
“Mommy, you look really pretty,” Kyla said as she sat on my bed watching me get dressed.
“Thank you, sweetheart. You wanna play dress up with Mommy?”
“Yay!” she yelled as her eyes lit up with delight.
I had always wanted a little girl and Kyla was my everything. I grabbed her by the hand and we raided my closet. When we were done, she had on one of my shirts and we tied a long scarf around her waist to make the shirt fit. It was so cute, looking like a dress on her.
“Can I pick out my shoes? Please?” she asked while smiling at me.
“Of course you can, baby.”
Kyla took her time looking through all my shoes and finally settled on a pair of what had to be the highest heels I owned.
“You are going to break your neck if you try to walk in those,” I laughed. She stuffed her little feet in my shoes and it was a sight to see. She only walked a few steps before she took a tumble and we both cracked up laughing. I loved that our relationship was so close. I was very close to my own mom and I always wanted my kids to feel this close to me. Miles was in his room playing the game as usual so we let him be. My mom got there before it was time for me to leave.
“Ma, thank you for coming to watch them for me. I love you,” I said and kissed her on the cheek before leaving.
“I love you too, Eva. You know I don’t ever mind watching my babies.”
I hit the streets feeling carefree. Tyler was off somewhere doing only God knows what. For once I could not be bothered. I wasn’t sure what his deal was but lately he had been so hot and cold. One minute he was super supportive and attentive to me. The next he was missing in action with no real explanation for it. If we were going to get married in a few months I knew that had to change quickly or there wouldn’t even be a wedding. It hurt me to think about it so I shook it off, determined to enjoy my night. I had decided to drive so I was picking Ciara and Yanna up. Star said she was going to meet us downtown. I got to Yanna’s house first and as usual, she wasn’t ready.
“You know what? Next time I’m telling you a different time that I want you to be ready by, that way when I do pull up at the time that we need to leave your ass will be ready,” I said and laughed but I was so serious.
“Bish, don’t trip. I was ready,” Yanna laughed. She knew she was always late to stuff. It was a running joke with us.
“Yeah, that’s why I’ve been out here waiting for ten minutes right, heffa?”
“Oh alright, my bad. Can we get to the fun stuff now?” she joked.
I laughed. “Have you talked to Ciara lately?”
“Not really. We’ve sent texts back and forth but nothing really major. Why, what’s up?”
“She seems to be a little distant these days, that’s all. The last time I felt this disconnected from her she was going through all that shit with Jay. Hey, you don’t think it’s about him again, do you?” I asked, truly hoping that wasn’t the case. I was not Team Jay and doubted I ever would be again.
“You know Cici. She’s always been a little on the quiet side. If something was wrong, she would tell us. If not now then trust me she’ll come around when she’s ready. We won’t push her about it, okay?”
“Yeah you’re right. Here she comes now. She looks so cute!” I beamed watching my friend walking towards my car wearing a sexy romper pants suit. It was accented by a thin gold belt around her waist. She wore some banging heels to set it all off. Her long, silky jet black hair was laid for the Gods and flowed in the wind as she walked. I was glad to see that she looked happy. Maybe I had been reading too much into her quietness lately.
“What’s up, chicas?” Ciara beamed as she got in.
“Hey boo! You look fierce, girl. I’m loving that romper,” Yanna complimented her.
“Thank you, girl. I almost didn’t wear it. I wasn’t sure it looked right with the weight I’ve picked up,” she said.
“Weight? What weight? Girl, you look fine so cut it out,” I said.
“So where are we going, ladies?” Ciara asked.
“I figured we could hang out downtown and bar hop,” I said.
“Sounds like a plan to me! Where’s Star?” Ciara asked.
“She’s gonna meet us down there. So what’s been up with you, Cici? Everything good?” Yanna ask and I knew where she was going with it.
“Yeah, everything’s good. Working, you know how it is.”
“You still kickin’ it with that mystery man?” Yanna giggled. I laughed too a little because we still had yet to meet the man that had Ciara smiling lately.
Ciara sighed. “Girl, you know how it goes. They all seem good as gold at first. Then sugar turns to shit. Come to find out he’s still married and there seems to be more to the story than he ever told me. We actually ran into her at a club a few weeks ago.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell us girl? What happened?” I asked, completely shocked at this revelation. Ciara usually called us immediately when things happened. I was surprised she kept that from us. But then again, this was classic Ciara so maybe I wasn’t really that surprised.
“I cut him off and didn’t think twice about it. I’m feeling the solo thing right now. Men cause too many problems,” was her response. I wasn’t feeling it but I let it go. Now Yanna on the other hand? Not so much.
“Ciara, now that is bullshit. Regardless of if you cut him off or not, you could have at least told us what was going down. We’re your girls. Don’t you know you don’t have to keep anything from us?”
Ciara got quiet for a minute. I glanced in the rearview mirror a few times and I saw the all too familiar look on her face and knew she was fighting tears. I didn’t want my girls arguing and I didn’t want Ciara to feel like we were ambushing her so I tried my best to change the subject.
“Hey, hey look now. I planned for all of us to have a good time tonight hanging out, drinking, and being fabulous. We’re not going to ruin it by talkin
g about all this heavy shit. Besides, men aren’t really my favorite topic these days anyway,” I said thinking about my own issues at home with Tyler.
“Why you say that, Eva? What’s going on with you and Ty? Damn, is everybody having a crisis and forgot to tell me? Y’all heffas are shady. I tell y’all all my business. I’m finding some new friends,” Yanna said as she crossed her arms across her chest and pretended to be pouting.
“It’s nothing major but Ty has been acting a little off lately. I don’t know if it’s me being extra sensitive ever since that little incident with him and those girls at the club but there are a few things that don’t always add up with him. Like tonight, for example. I don’t even know where he is and I didn’t bother to ask him. Mama is at the house watching the kids. I got dressed and left. I didn’t even tell him we were going out.”
“Looks like he’s about to find out,” Yanna said making me and Ciara look at her strangely.
“What are you talking Yanna?” I asked, now feeling uneasy.
“There goes Ty right there with Jay,” Yanna said pointing.
Ty and Jay were walking into a bar and grill and they were not alone. Two girls were right there with them, walking in front but close enough to let me know that the group was there together. My heart immediately sank. I knew that things were off with Ty but honestly I really didn’t think he was cheating on me. Maybe I was in denial, I don’t know. I managed to find a spot to park real quick and before the girls had a chance to get out of their seatbelts good I was out of the car and speed walking up the block to the restaurant.
“Eva! Hold on, girl. Don’t go doing nothing stupid!” Yanna yelled but I wasn’t hearing any of that.
My blood was boiling. Here I was with my head in the clouds thinking that I was about to start planning my dream wedding with the man that I loved and shared my bed with and he was out here fucking around with some chick. I was not the one to be played. Ty was about to find that out.