by Nikisha Mock
Chapter 19
Ayanna
“You go lay down, boo. I got you,” I told Ciara when we got back to her house from the clinic.
Although I had never gone through an abortion I could only imagine what she must have been going through both mentally and physically. She was real quiet on the ride over so I let her be. I wanted her to rest like the nurse instructed her to do. I would be there when she woke up. I decided to cook something for us so I checked her fridge. I found some shrimp. Shrimp scampi it is then, I thought to myself when I found some shrimp scampi sauce. She had some angel hair pasta, which I figured would set it off nicely.
As I was looking to see if she had any wine, I heard my phone beep. It was Cam. Lately, we hadn’t been talking all that much. Ever since that mess with Tracey’s brother, I wasn’t feeling him. I knew he was a street dude but I didn’t think innocent people would be getting hurt. Luckily, he didn’t die but that also meant that Cam and his boys were now hot and paranoid as ever.
Rommell had gone missing which only meant that he had gone out of town to lay low for a while. Cam swore that the guy never saw his face because they had a bag over his head but I don’t believe that. I still hadn’t heard a word about Fallon. That was fine with me. I wasn’t even keeping up with the latest on Tracey and her charges. Cases like that would take forever to finally go to court.
I thought Cam was smarter than that. Now he was walking around all jumpy and irritable. We had started arguing about petty shit. I was not feeling it. I wanted to tell him to get out so bad but I wasn’t going to kick him when he was down. I was thankful for my job because I wouldn’t have to deal with him much since he ran the streets half the day and night.
I sent him a short but sweet text back telling him that I was at Ciara’s helping her with some things and that I was going to go to work from there. I knew he had an attitude when he didn’t respond. I was not pressed. He was not my favorite person at the moment.
I finished dinner then decided to catch up on a few movies since Ciara had Netflix. The wine must have gotten to me because the next thing I remembered was Ciara standing over me, waking me up.
“Hey, my bad boo. You okay?” I said while wiping a little slobber from my mouth. I was so embarrassed. I guess I was really tired.
“Yeah, I’m okay. It smells good in here. What did you cook?”
“Girl I took out those jumbo shrimp you had in there and made us some shrimp scampi. It is good if I do say so myself,” I said as I popped my imaginary collar.
She laughed. It was good to see her smile.
“How you feeling, Ci? You sure you’re good?”
“Yeah, I’m good. It had to be done. I don’t regret a thing. I’m in a little pain but that will go away. I’m a trooper.”
She gave me a weak smile. When my friends hurt, I hurt. I didn’t press the issue with Ciara because I knew if she felt like talking about it more, she would.
“Did you eat yet? Girl, I don’t really have an appetite but it smells so good that I gotta try some of it,” she said.
“I was gonna wait for you to wake up but, see, the way my hunger was setup,” I said. We both laughed.
“But I’ll go fix you a plate though. You sit right there and relax,” I told her.
As she ate, we talked about life, men, and a little of everything else in between. I began to reflect on the fact that all three of us had men in our lives. All three of us were going through three totally different types of drama. Eva had caught her man out with another woman, yet she’s been in the beginning stages of planning their wedding.
Ciara was caught in a love triangle between Darren and Jay although I silently prayed that she would leave Jay’s dog ass alone for good this time. Then there was me and Cam. I didn’t know what to say about us, other than the fact that since he moved in with me, things have been different. If I was really being honest with myself, I don’t even think that the real issue was about him being involved with Tracey’s brother’s shooting because I knew what it was when I got involved with him. I think he was more of a novelty thing. He was fun and exciting when he would spend the occasional night. Now that he was living there, it was a totally different story.
For one thing, I had never lived with anyone else before so I went from having total freedom in my own home to having to share my space with him. Honestly, I wasn’t digging it. Even though he was in the streets most of the time and I worked nights, it was still the fact that he was there that got to me. Sometimes I lingered around at the club after hours so that I could use the excuse that I was tired when I got home. I love Cam but the thrill of him was quickly fading. I didn’t feel no type of way about that either. I guess this is how men can be so nonchalant about us sometimes. Maybe I was starting to think like one.
All of us had drama. It was not cool at all. I wondered what happened with Eva and Ty. She had been really quiet since Friday night so I hadn’t had the chance to talk to her yet. I made it a point to call her when I left Ciara’s.
“I’m not going to tell Darren about the baby. It’s better this way. Besides, with the way Jay reacted when I told him, I already regret that decision,” Ciara said, breaking me out of my zone.
“That is your right not to tell him. Fuck Jay. He’s an asshole. Enough said,” I responded.
“In a way, I feel relieved. On the other hand, I can’t help but to wonder, what if. What if that was Darren’s baby? I think he would have been a wonderful father. But, Yanna, that man ain’t even officially divorced yet. How is he going to bring a baby into this world? And Jay? Honey, he better stay far, far away from me. Imagine if that had been his baby? I would have been miserable for the next eighteen years. So that is why I know I made the best decision for me. That is why I can live with it.”
“Well, I salute you for being so sure about it. That’s why I love you, Ci. Out of all of us, you’re the most levelheaded one. If it weren’t for you, me and Eva would go crazy,” I laughed. So did she.
“Hey, speaking of Eva, have you talked to her since Friday?”
“No I haven’t. I need to call her.”
“Me too. We both slipped on that. We gotta check on our girl.”
“I promise that I will call her on my ride to work. Now you eat up and get right back in the bed,” I said, sounding like her mom.
She leaned over and gave me a hug. “Yes, ma’am! Thank you, girl. I really appreciate you being here for me.” “Oh hush. Of course, I’m here for you. Wouldn’t you be here for me if the shoe was on the other foot?”
“You know I would,” she smiled.
Ciara ate and took some pain meds. Then it was lights out for her again. She needed the rest. I took another quick nap too. I set my alarm so I wouldn’t oversleep. When it was time for me to go, I checked in on Ciara. She assured me she was fine. I kissed her on her cheek, told her I loved her, and then headed on my way to Downtown Al’s. As promised, I called Eva to see what had been going on in her house since all that drama happened over the weekend.
Chapter 20
Eva
“Hey girl, what’s been up with you?” Ayanna beamed, sounding happy on the other end of the phone.
I took a deep breath and shook my head. “I fucked up. This time I have really, truly fucked up,” I said.
“Wait a minute. What do you mean? What did you do, Eva?” she said. I could tell she had turned her radio down in her car so she could hear me better.
“Yanna, I fucked up. Friday night, after we all went our separate ways, I did something I never thought that I would do. I drove myself right to Bryce’s house,” I blurted out.
This was the first time I’d actually said it out loud. It made me weak thinking about all the things that man did to me that night.
“Who the hell is Bryce?”
“Doc! My doctor’s first name is Bryce.”
“Say what now? You went to see the good doctor? Why do you sound so sad? Was the dick that little or something?”
“I
’m gonna act like I didn’t even hear that,” I laughed. “Are you serious, Yanna? You do remember that I not only live with a man but I am engaged to him?”
“And? These men do that shit all the time, so what you saying? At least with us, most of the time there’s no emotion attached to it. These dudes be having whole families and separate identities that we don’t know about it,” she said. Even though she was right, I needed her to see the severity of this thing.
“Yanna, you’re right. Trust me when I tell you that the good doctor put it on me something serious. But I never saw myself as cheating on someone. Tyler is supposed to be my husband in a few months. How could I do that to him?” I whined. I sounded so pitiful that I almost got mad at my damn self for sounding like that.
“Why are you the one that fucked up? Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t we see him on a date with another woman? I don’t think I was drunk that night,” she said.
“That’s the thing. Tyler told me that Jay is messing with that girl’s friend and that he didn’t know the girls were gonna be there when Jay asked him to go out for drinks. Yanna, before you say it, I know it sounds crazy. I know it does, But you didn’t see the look in his eyes. He told me that he has not slept with that girl. I don’t know. I think I believe him, which is why I feel so damn bad because I definitely screwed Bryce with no hesitation. I didn’t feel bad about it either until I got home that night and Tyler told me all that. Now I have no idea what to do because Bryce is calling and texting me. Tyler is trying to play it off but I know it’s a matter of time before he asks me what’s up.”
Ayanna was quiet for a minute, which was a first. I knew my friend. I knew how she could get so I waited for it.
“Girl, you kidding me, right? Yes, it does sound crazy. We all know that Jay is a hoe. I would not put it past him that he’s messing with the friend but you mean to tell me that you actually believe what Ty is selling? Not only did we see him with the girl, but you have seen their interactions up close and personal that night at the club. So, let me get this straight. If he’s only been talking to the girl then that’s okay as long as they never had sex, is that right? Come on now, Eva, I know you know better than that.”
I felt what she was saying but she didn’t see Tyler’s eyes. She didn’t hear the sincerity in his voice. I had never once considered holding anything back from my girls. We always kept it one hundred percent real with each other, but right then at that moment, I was kind of wishing I had kept my mouth closed.
“Yanna, are you telling me that there is no room for error? What if he did fuck that girl? Didn’t I fuck Bryce? Does that mean I get a pass and he doesn’t? I hear what you’re saying. Trust me, the thought ran through my mind too. But, at the end of the day, I love him, Yanna. I don’t know how to walk away from him.” I said that with all honesty.
I was truly in love with Tyler, yet I was hurting over him at the same time. Dishonesty and infidelity hurts so many people. I had always been the one that was able to hold my head up high. I could always say that I had never been the one to cheat. I hadn’t even told Yanna how I really feel yet about Bryce.
“If you like it, I love it. I won’t judge you. Hell, who am I to judge anyway? I know you love Ty. I know he loves you too. It’s not easy to walk away. I know that even though I have yet to find the love of my life. So if you believe him, then stay and make it work. But you have to tell me something first though.”
“What’s up? What do you wanna know?”
“Did the good doctor put it down like I’m thinking he can put it down? Because I saw that man up close and personal. He’s got a body like Tyrese. He is fine, honey, whew! So spill it!” she burst out laughing.
“Yanna, babaayyy, you have no idea! That’s the problem too. We have been talking daily since Friday. He wants to see me again soon. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want too. How am I supposed to do that now when Ty has admitted that he never messed with that girl? I feel like shit,” I said while shaking my head.
“Don’t look at me for advice. I’m a bad influence,” she laughed.
“Heffa! You are crazy. I love you. I’ll take everything into consideration. But if I call you on the late night, know that I was with you!” I said. We both laughed.
“I know that’s right, boo! Love you too, girl. Bye!”
I loved my girls. They always made me feel better. This time it was only temporary though. Tyler had been really good to me these past few days. I started to think back to the night everything unfolded and went all the way left.
After Tyler told me what was up, I actually had a freaking panic attack! I’d never had one of those before so I had no clue what was happening. I couldn’t catch my breath. Out of nowhere, I was crying and trying to get it together. Tyler grabbed me. He kept telling me to calm down and that it would be okay. I have never been so scared in my entire life.
The blessing that came from it all was that since I had already turned on the shower, once I calmed down some, Ty helped me in the shower. Then he stepped in behind me. He washed my entire body. I felt so bad! I kept crying silently. The ironic part about that was he probably thought I was crying because I was upset with him. I was crying because of my own scandalous actions.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw flashbacks of Bryce and me. What was even worse was the fact that there was a definite connection between us. He was gentle with me. Every single time he touched a different spot on my body, I felt electricity. The man had me on fire. I truly enjoyed every bit of it. The remorse didn’t set in until Ty spilled his guts because at first when I saw him, I didn’t have a care in the world.
The next morning, my mama knew something was up but she didn’t say anything. By the time we woke up, she had cooked a huge breakfast for all of us. Even though we kept up small talk at the table, I looked up once and caught her staring at me. I immediately had to look away. A mother knows her child. I felt like she could see straight through me. My kids were oblivious. They were happy that my mama was there because they loved it when she came over. They loved her cooking even more. I decided that we would have a lazy Saturday.
After my mama left, we cleaned up the kitchen then I put a roast in the Crockpot. I made pallets on the floor in our living room and told the kids it was movie day. Somewhere between cartoons and teen comedies, I fell asleep.
When I woke up, Tyler was laying on the couch behind us. He was asleep, looking so peaceful. The man was sexy even in his sleep. His long eyelashes were more defined when he had his eyes closed. The skin on his face was baby smooth. What little facial hair he did have was always groomed nicely. I wanted to touch his face but I held back. I crawled over to the couch and laid my head on his lap.
After only a few minutes, I felt his fingers running through my hair. Maybe he had been awake the whole time or maybe I woke him up. He was so gentle in the way that he stroked my head. I closed my eyes because such a simple gesture put me at ease. I really did love him. At the same time, Bryce was invading my mind. I was a confused woman.
Chapter 21
Star
Shorty put it on me! I mean that. I had been with plenty of girls before. Usually I have their asses screaming. However, Reign had me begging and whining like a little bitch! She did shit to me that I didn’t even know I liked having done. At the end of the day, I’m still a chick but I’m usually the aggressor. I’ve never been made to tap out. I do all the tapping. It was crazy how we met but hey, it is what it is. I haven’t talked to her since that night. That’s cool too. I’m not trippin' over no twat.
I walked into the kitchen. It was earlier than I had planned to be up. I was hungry as hell. I spotted some Fruit Loops in the cabinet. That would do. I sat down at the table eating my cereal. Then my phone rang. Without looking to see who it was, I answered it.
“Hey boo.”
“Indy, what you need?” I said as flat as ever. Even though the test had come back negative, I still didn’t have shit to say to her scandalous ass.
“Damn, why you gotta sound like that?” she asked with attitude.
“Because I can’t figure out why the fuck you’re on my phone, that’s why!”
“Star, baby, please don’t do that. I miss you,” she said sounding like she was about to cry. Like I gave a fuck though. Indigo was the last person I wanted to talk to.
“Look, I ain’t trying to hear all that so miss me with all that. You are one lucky bitch that I ain’t got that shit. Your best bet is to keep it moving while you already dodged one ass whooping,” I told her.
She laughed. “Bitch, whoop who? You don’t scare nobody. All I wanted to do was talk to you. You’re acting stupid as usual. I’m glad your test came back negative. Good for you.”
“No bitch, good for you. One of us was going to jail. The other one... you know the rest. Now lose my fucking number!” I yelled then hung up the damn phone.
Stupid ass bitch. If I didn’t know she made Al so much money, I’d tell him to fire her tainted pussy ass. On second thought, I decided I was going to tell him anyway. Her shit is hazardous to people’s health. All it would take was one man to catch that shit from her and they’d be liable to blow the place up. I wasn’t trying to die over her ratchet ass cooch.
I went to the kitchen and pulled out a Heineken. I downed a lot of it in one gulp. I didn’t care that I had to be at work in a few hours. Sometimes I felt like I needed to be buzzed to deal with working at the club. I had been thinking about finding me another gig. Now, after Indy calling me on some old bull, it made me realize that it might not be such a bad idea. I wasn’t going to be able to take too much more of her shit. If anything ever popped off, it would take a damn army to get me up off her ass. Yeah, it was time to move on. I wasn’t trying to go back to jail. I lit the blunt and took a big hit. Shit. I realized that my life wasn’t really crazy, minus Indigo’s bum ass but she was a non-factor. Maybe I would hit up Reign to see if she would come to the club tonight. Yeah. I was digging her ass.