by Shyla Colt
“Yes, I am.” He nods his head. “When I come back from this trip?”
“I’ll be waiting.”
ASHER
“What’s going on with you?” Luka shifts in his seat to face me from across the aisle in our private jet.
“What do you mean?” After a weeklong meeting with a new distributing company in New York, we’re on our way home.
“You’re different. You used to love the traveling, and now you rush to get back home. I can’t help but wonder what changed.”
I rub the back of my neck. “I’m dating again.”
“What?” His eyes widen comically. I snicker. It takes a lot to ruffle the family patriarch.
“It’s a recent decision Clara and I made before I left. That might be the reason for the anxiety you picked up on. I’m nervous about how this is going to change things for us.”
“As you should be. It’s a big deal. Why didn’t you say anything before now?” Luka asks. He swirls his bourbon. The round balls of ice gently clink against the glass as I struggle to find the right words.
“I’m having a difficult time adjusting to the idea of being in a new relationship. It feels odd and uncomfortable, like I’m wearing a new pair of jeans I haven’t broken in properly. Additional pressure didn’t seem like the best way to go.”
“It’s past time, little brother.”
“I know.”
“Yet it makes it no easier, does it?” Luka asks.
“No. The thought of making new memories with someone else is foreign, and a tiny part of me feels like it’s a betrayal to Holly.”
“She’s not coming back, Asher,” he says gently.
“I know. I always thought she was the love of my life. That no one would ever compare, and yet here I am. What does that say about me?”
“That you’re human.” He sets his drink on the tray attached to the seat in front of him and fixes his gaze on me. “Do you think she’d want you to live the rest of your life alone?”
“No.” Holly taught me love meant wanting the best for the other person. Father Carthy, who married us, described true love as willing the best for the other person. It always stuck with me long after our marriage prep classes. She showed me in her actions and thoughtfulness how important I was to her. I did my best to reciprocate. We’d never been religious in my class, and despite attending R.C.I.A to become a member of the Catholic church, I was a newbie.
“Then why do you feel that way? Holly was one of the most giving people I ever met.”
“Becoming involved with Clara isn’t dipping a toe into the water, it’s jumping headfirst into a raging river. I think about her constantly. Seeing her happy makes me feel like I’m on the top of the world. I never thought I’d experience this type of joy again. She paints my life with color.”
“Isn’t that a good thing? For too long you’ve been coasting through life. Sure, you kept busy and went through the motions, but we all knew deep down, you weren’t truly fulfilled.”
“Contentment is safe. You don’t stand to lose yourself. I spent years trying to figure out who the hell I was without Holly. We were together for so long; she had become a vital part of my personality. Suddenly, with her gone, I was a boat adrift in an endless ocean. I managed to find a place where I’m okay. Stepping out with Clara threatens all of that.”
“I don’t agree, but I won’t tell you not to feel a certain way. If you feel like this, why are you dating her?”
“I tried to stay in the friend zone, but the pull between us is too strong, and the thought of her finding someone else is unacceptable. Ignoring it was a temporary situation at best.”
Luka takes a sip. A thoughtful expression falls over his face. “Life is full of ups and downs. We know this well. All you can do is see where this may lead, and enjoy every second of the ride. We all like Clara. She’s kind, driven, and beautiful. I think she’ll be an excellent match for you. Routine and work were how you survived the grieving process. This is the next step in the process, moving forward. You can’t live in the past forever.” His words hurt, but they’re honest. “Promise me you’ll give this thing with Clara a real chance.”
“I promise. I’d never willingly hurt her. She’s my best friend.”
Luka smiles. “I think this will work out just fine. Give it time. Take things slow, and remember we’re all here for you, whatever you need.”
“I appreciate that. How are you and the wifey?”
Luka beams. “Better than ever. We’re trying for a baby.”
My jaw drops. “You?”
“I know. I never saw fatherhood in my future, but Olive has changed my mind on many things.”
“You would be an excellent father. Just ask Rach.”
He smiles bashfully. It’s odd to see my control freak, overly confident older brother like this. Olive has brought back some of the carefree boy he was before we lost our parents. “Do you think so?”
“With one-hundred percent certainty. The family is growing rapidly.”
“You know how it is with a big family. Once you break the seal on the children front, the rest tend to follow. This way, at least some of the cousins will be close, and I’m not getting any younger.”
“Please.” I roll my eyes. “Forty is the new thirty, and you’re only forty-one.”
“It takes nearly a year to cook a bun in the oven.”
I cringe. “Never let Olive hear you making light of the pregnancy process like that.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “I like my head to remain on my shoulders thank you very much. That woman is an Amazon crammed into a petite frame. Angering her is never a good idea.”
“My sister-in-law is a feisty one. She needs to be to put up with you. You’d run over anyone else.”
“I’d be offended if it wasn’t true.” He shrugs unapologetically. “When are you going to bring the new flame around? If they find out via third person, they’re going to be hurt.”
“I know. Next time we do brunch at Sugar and Spice, I’ll bring her.” The family traditionally gets together for brunch once a month at a local restaurant.
“I’ve been thinking about opening a local office again. It’d bring jobs back to the place we’re from, and allow us to spend more time here. Plus, Cincinnati has really come a long way. If we made it a hands-on experience, it’d do well in Over The Rhine.”
“OTR has a chocolatier.”
“Yes, but Davenports offers so much more. What if we had a build your own chocolate bar feature?” Luka asks.
“You might be on to something.”
“It’s a concept I’ve been thinking on for a while. We’re all starting to settle down and the desire to spend more time at home is growing. We’ve put enough time into training our managerial staff to keep things running smoothly with fewer trips and more reports. I think we’ve earned it.”
“We should bring it up at the next family meeting. I think Micah would be on board, but I can’t speak to Kane. He’s still sowing wild oats, and in love with travel.” I shrug.
“He can still travel if he wants to. This is one of those greater good instances.”
We continue to dream up plans as we coast through the air toward Cincinnati.
Misgivings aside, Clara deserves to be treated like the queen she is. I hit the stores still dressed in my suit and climb the stairs of the condo with bag after bag on my arm. I fight with the keys to unlock the door and stumble inside.
“Are we hosting a party?” Micah asks from the couch.
“No, I have a date.”
“W-with who?” he sputters.
“Clara.”
He throws his head back and laughs.
I roll my eyes. “Get the laughs out now.”
“I’m happy for you, man. Luckily, I have a previous engagement tonight, so you kids will have the house to yourself. I’m spending my evening with the Cincinnati Paranormal Society.”
“You and Trisha are getting close.”
“It
’s not like that. Her boyfriend is a member, too. I like helping people. I’ve been doing research so far, but tonight, I’m going on my first case.”
Dropping the bags by the front door, I kick it shut. “ I didn’t realize you were so into this.”
“Yeah. It feels like where I need to be right now. You know?”
“I do,” I say, thinking of my own journey. We’re all growing and moving forward.
“What do you have planned?”
“She’s bringing Rook over, so I thought I’d set up the patio.”
“Like I said before, Mr. Suave.”
I shake my head. “It’s been a long time since I did this, and I want it to be right for her.”
“The best thing about you and Clara is how well you two connect. Don’t complicate it.”
“Are you getting wiser?” I tilt my head and study the man who stands where a boy once did. It’s hard to see your siblings for the adults they grow into.
“Please, I’ve always been this smart.”
“You wish you were.” Kneeling down, I begin to remove the items from the oversized bags. Thanks to Pinterest, I won’t be begging Rachael to help me. Our patio has a nice view, but the undecorated minimalistic decoration leaves much to be desired. In order to set up a romantic evening, I have work to do.
Chapter Five
Clara
Rook meows pitifully as I walk him up the down the hallway. I click my tongue.
“Just a little farther, Rookie. I know you missed your daddy. ”
“Rawr?”
“That’s right. Daddy missed you, too. He’s going to be so excited to see you.” I never thought of myself as a cat person, but from the minute I heard his pitiful mew, I was hooked. The fact that he’s as cute as a button and extra cuddly helps. I rap on the door, and it swings open. Candles flicker in the darkness, giving the room a soft glow.
“Ash?” I’m stunned by the transformation. He takes the carrier from my limp hold and guides me inside of the apartment.
“I wanted to show you how important you are to me. We left things on an iffy note. I don’t want you to think I’m going into this with the ghosts of the past haunting me. I’m looking forward to getting to know you on an even deeper level. Neither of us would take this step if all we wanted was a casual date.” Bending down, he lets Rook free. Strands of dark hair fall over his forehead. He rises. “I think together we’ll both flourish.” He takes my hand in his. “I never would’ve asked you for more if I hadn’t believed I was up to the task.”
Slightly overwhelmed by his grandiose gestures, I struggle to untangle my tongue enough to speak.
“You didn’t have to do all of this.” I crane my neck to take in the aisle way created by tealight candles leading out onto the patio.
He kisses the back of my hand. “That’s where you’re wrong. I’m a fortunate man to have you by my side. I’ll endeavor to make sure you feel I’m worthy of your affections.”
If I could melt into a puddle right now, I’d be soaking into his plush beige carpet. The hint of a British accent he procured from his mother tips the scene into the realms of romance novel status. Coming from anyone else it’d be a line. From him, it’s charming. He tugs my hand, gently, guiding me through the room and out onto the patio. The space overlooks a pond with a flowing waterfall and a beautiful display around the edges.
Strands of tiny white lights have been hung over the patio furniture in a large V-shape. Soft looking navy blue blankets are draped over the sofa. Light blue accent pillows with anchors are angled against the cushions. A vase full of sunflowers rests on an end table with pillar candles that add to the ambiance. The large table directly in front of the couch has a silver container full of ice, and Not Your Dad’s Rootbeer bottles. Vampire the Masquerade tabletop game is stationed in the center of the table, ready for us to play. I hold a hand to my mouth as tears threaten to spill.
“What’s wrong? I thought this would please you,” Ash says hesitantly.
“Nothing.” I shake my head. “You remembered my favorite things.” The complete acceptance is disarming. My last beau spent months trying to shape me into the woman he wanted me to be.
“I listen to everything you share about yourself.” He brushes my knuckles with his thumb. I shiver.
“Would you like a drink before we play?” He helps me sit.
“I would.” He pops the top on a bottle and hands me a frosty brown bottle with a black and white label. I run my hand over the game board. You need to tell them. My conscience gently nudges me toward the confession I’ve been dreading. The flawless execution of this evening has me feeling guilty for all the things I’ve left unsaid. Slow and steady is our pace. He’s recovering from a loss, and I’m learning to trust a man with my heart.
I’m a private person by nature, but the events from previous years hardened my heart. I grew tight-lipped and closed off. The road back from that sad and lonely place had been difficult. Scars do funny things to people.
“Before you left, you shared your past with me. I think it’s only fair I do the same. I’ve had a few serious relationships in my life. My first was a high school first love that didn’t make it past the first year of college. The next came just after college. We were together for three years and separated when we realized how far apart we’d grown. We were chasing different things. I knew marriage could never be an option. Marriage, a family, and a satisfying career were the things I wanted most. So after my break up with Ralph, I focused on the latter. Mainly because I didn’t need anyone else to achieve it,” I admit wryly.
Ash snickers.
“That’s where I met Ian. On paper, he was everything I had prayed for. He was a pediatrician who loved kids, volunteered on his days off, and had a great sense of humor. He wined and dined me for a year. I was head over heels and starting to believe he might be the one. Our family and friends were just waiting to hear an engagement announcement. I was happy.”
“So what happened?” Ash asks.
“Things started to change. It was in small increments. He started nudging me toward certain styles, events, and causes. I know growing together as a couple and finding common interests is important. I also know that doctors have a certain image to uphold, so I went along with it at first.” I cringe as the shame washes over me, weighing me down like a stone around my neck. How could I be so stupid and blind?
“Clara?” Ash tucks my hair behind my ears and cups my face. “You know this is a judgment-free zone.”
“He was a slow-moving poison that crept into my veins and rotted me from the inside out. The inches he took became miles, and I felt powerless to stop him. He always made it seem so trivial. That my protests were a manifestation of some silly emotional response. His way was logical. Why make a fuss over it? I should’ve picked up on it sooner.”
“Because you have a Masters in Psychology?”
“No.” I shake my head. “But I know the sign. It’s one of the things we’re briefed on in my profession.”
“It’s different when you’re the one in the situation, Clara. You know that.”
“I do. I let it go on too long. Until the overbearing, boundary-pushing manipulation strangled me.” I touch my neck. “I had to get out while I still could.”
“Did he hurt you?” Ash’s eyes flash black with rage.
“Not physically.”
“That’s worse. Mental and verbal abuse are silent soul killers delivered by those who seem too good to be true to everyone else.”
“Yes.” I breathe the words. He understands. “It was an ugly parting. People took sides, I had to change my shifts, and suffer gossip and speculation. I learned the hard way who my friends truly were. It was a painful lesson. I fell into a depression. It was a time of great self-doubt, reflection, and growth. It took me a long time to build myself back up. Looking back I can see how necessary the lesson was.”
“And now?” he whispers.
“Spending time with you, forming a close friend
ship first, and letting things develop naturally cracked the shell I’d built around my heart. I couldn’t deny our connection if I wanted, which I don’t. In a lot of ways, I’m just as scared as you are.” I sigh. “What a pair we make, huh?”
“One made for each other.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”
“I wanted to be on equal footing with you.”
His smile eases the tightness in my chest. A sense of rightness descends. My spirit lifts.
“I think we’ve had enough serious talk for one evening. Let’s get a game started.” We slip back into our easy companionship, and I feel the seeds of something new take hold as the weeds of past disappointment, hurt, and sorrow are banished by hope.
“Are you nervous?” Ash asks with a smirk.
“Yes.” I bite my bottom lip.
He pulls my lip free. “Don’t be. You already know them.”
“Yeah. As a lactation consultant, not your date.”
“You’re adorable when you’re nervous.” He kisses me sweetly. I moan as his tongue parts my lips and sweeps inside, distracting me
“Shouldn’t you be more supportive?” I elbow him gently.
“No, this is too rare a sight not to savor.” He chuckles gently. Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, he pulls me close to his side.
“This will be fun. Look at it this way … they’ll be eating brunch, so how many conversations can they really expect from you?”
I pat his cheek. “Always looking on the bright side of things.”
“I try.” We leave the car behind and walk toward the bright pink building with a wooden sign with the words ‘Sugar and Spice’ written in red. The restaurant is an old favorite I’ve never had the pleasure of eating at.
“How long have you guys been coming here to eat?”
“Since we were kids. I can’t believe you’ve never been here before. You’re in for a treat. Everything is made fresh and delicious.”