by Lisa De Jong
Copyright © 2014 by Lisa De Jong
Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the above author of this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
ISBN-13: 978-1499514322
ISBN-10: 1499514328
Edited by Madison Seidler
Cover by Mae I Design
Interior Formatting by Kassi Cooper of Kassi’s Kandids Formatting
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Epilogue
Other Works
Acknowledgments
YOU KNOW HOW IT’S SO EASY to remember every detail of your favorite movie? You remember every word said, every little thing that happened, and in what order. That’s how that day is for me, but it’s not a movie. It’s a real life nightmare … one I continue to wake up in every single day of my life. Every detail haunts me to this day, and at this point, I think they always will.
I remember everything about that dreary, cool autumn morning. The light rain that fell from the gray sky, keeping the newly fallen leaves from blowing in the wind. I remember the red shirt I wore, the large hole in the knee of my favorite blue jeans, the smell of maple brown sugar oatmeal that permeated the small kitchen.
I remember watching the little white car back out of the driveway, but I didn’t realize then that it would be the last time. I’d seen that smiling face every day for years, rewarding all of the good things I’d done. The smooth voice inside soothed me to sleep when nothing else could. The warm hands that held mine as we crossed busy streets in our small town.
When I was young, I didn’t think so much about the things I should have said, the things I should have done. That came much later when I had time to look at things in retrospect and had the knowledge to process it all. They say wisdom comes with age, but it’s not because of the things you learn with time, but the events you live through.
I wish I would have known what was coming because there’s so much I would have done differently.
But it’s too late now.
That smile I can only see in pictures.
That voice I can only hear in my head.
Since that day, I’ve hated red, and I can’t stand the smell of maple. With one event, my entire life is lived differently.
But the worst part is the words last spoken between us weren’t necessarily the ones I wanted to remember for the rest of my life.
I can’t change it now, but learning to let go isn’t easy.
If I can move on from the past, I can have everything I’ve ever wanted. I’ll be happy for a change … or at least that’s what I think …
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP SO EARLY?” It sounds like I failed at my mission not to wake up my new roommate, Kate. She turns in her small twin bed and runs her finger below her tired eyes.
“It’s Saturday,” she adds, covering her face with her forearm.
I smile as I pull on my old tennis shoes. “I’m going to check out the rest of campus. You’re welcome to come.”
“It’s too freaking early for that. I plan on staying in bed until my date with Beau later. You should go back to bed, too.”
“Not happening. There’s too much I want to see,” I say, sliding my purse strap over my shoulder. “Go back to sleep. I’ll be back later.”
Kate lifts her arm, staring me down with her dark green eyes. “Grab some coffee while you’re out. You’re going to need it.” With that, she rolls around and quickly drifts back to sleep, leaving me to my own devices.
I’ve been a small town girl since the day I was born. It never really bothered me much when I was younger, because back then, all I needed were a couple friends to play dolls with, and I was content.
Life was simple. Dreams were simple.
But as I got older, things changed, and I wanted more.
And now, I’m here, living day one of my new life. A life I’ve spent the last few years planning and working toward. There’s no script or master plan. I just want to come out of it with my degree so I never have to go back to that small town again. It’s all part of a bigger dream.
As I step outside, the hot summer sun beams down on me, forcing me to pull my sunglasses from my shirt collar. When I arrived on campus yesterday, I didn’t get a chance to see everything because it was too dark, so now’s my chance. I’m quickly realizing this place is almost as big as the town I grew up in. It certainly has more things to do and see. If I knew it wouldn’t earn me an unwelcome audience, I’d probably be skipping through the grass because I’ve dreamed about this for so long. It’s a moment I’d thought about for hours at night while lying in my bed … it means everything to me.
When my dad told me he couldn’t afford to send me to college, I thought my world ended. I’m not one to let anything get me down, though, and the next day I woke up with a better outlook. I spent hours each night studying, getting perfect grades on everything just so I could get a full scholarship.
It worked. I’m here now, and even though no one can see it, I’m jumping up and down inside. This is my kind of adrenaline rush … my ride around the track at one hundred and fifty miles an hour. I’m trying to slow it down, to take it all in.
Besides voices and laughter, campus is quiet, and I love the serenity of it all. It’s full of life, students walking about, the grass covered in blankets where some sit chatting or reading books. I like that it has the same quiet, small town feel as where I grew up—with so much more possibility.
The space between the buildings reminds me of a park—full of green summer grass and an abundance of mature trees—but my favorite part is the river that separates the east and west sides of campus. I can see myself sitting there with a book on days like this; the quiet sound of the water is the perfect backdrop to a good story.
The buildings themselves are a mix of old and new, some brick, some contemporary architecture. I don’t see how someone wouldn’t feel at home here; it’s so diverse in everything—like Disney World for young adults, because I can spend days exploring and never get bored.
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This whole experience is different for me than most. Is it about freedom? Yes. But it’s also about taking a step toward who I want to be. I think most come here to figure it out, but I already know. When I’m done with this place, I’m going to be Dr. Emery White, child psychologist, and move to a big city. I’m going to make a difference in the lives of others.
It’s what I am meant to do. It’s what I wish someone would have done for me.
After crossing the walking bridge that goes over the river one more time, I dig through my purse and pull out an elastic band to tie my brown hair into a ponytail. If I ever move out of Iowa, one thing I’ll never miss is the humidity and what it does to my long, thick hair.
As I fumble to zip my purse back up, I run into a large, solid body, sending me back a couple steps. I’ve been sweating since the moment I stepped out of the dorms, and now my face is burning from embarrassment, making the heat seem that much worse.
“You should probably watch where you’re going,” a deep, male voice comes from a few feet in front of me.
Slowly, I lift my eyes and find myself staring blankly at very toned calves and working my way up to an equally defined torso. Holy mother of God … this guy doesn’t have a shirt on, and his black mesh shorts hang low on his trim hips—showing off everything. There’s at least a six-pack there, maybe even eight. I don’t let my eyes stay there long enough to figure it out. Ogling isn’t usually my thing, but this guy is impossible to ignore.
After lifting my eyes from his muscular chest, which glistens with a thin layer of sweat, I close in on his face. It’s been my experience that a guy either has a killer body or good looks, but not both. Blinking, I try to keep my expression from giving away my amazement. They just don’t make guys like this where I come from. That, or I don’t see it because of the baggy t-shirts and jeans they wear.
“Are you done yet? I have a game to finish.” The sound of his amused voice brings my head up the rest of the way without even thinking about it.
My theory is completely debunked when I finally see the rest of him. Unable to speak, I take in his damp, sandy blond hair and brazen blue eyes, highlighted by the bright sunlight. Unbelievable.
His lips quirk at the sides as he slowly scans my body. I can’t decide if I should be relieved or embarrassed that I chose a pair of shorter cut-offs and a white tank this morning. I mean … I’m in shape because I’m constantly on the go, but I have no idea how it looks to him. I’m probably less than a five on this guy’s scale.
I want to turn around and run the other way, but he interrupts my plan before I get a chance. “Do you speak?” he asks, rubbing his hands along his strong jaw, which is peppered with a light shadow of facial hair. I’m not usually a fan of it, but it works on him, making him look older than he probably is.
I adjust my purse strap on my shoulder, wishing I’d at least put a little make-up on this morning. Back home I never cared much, but this is a whole other world … one that’s going to take some getting used to.
“Sorry,” I finally reply, shaking myself out of my stupor. “I guess I can’t do two things at once.”
A cocky smile appears on his face, bringing out more of his strong, masculine features. Square jawline. Chiseled cheekbones. If my heart rate wasn’t already high from all the walking I did today, it’s on a 200-mph race out of my chest right now.
“If you ever want any lessons on multi-tasking, find me. I could teach you a couple things.”
He just knocked himself down a couple notches on the hot meter. I know guys like him. They’re all about girls and fun, or should I say, having fun with girls. So very self-important, and he doesn’t know it yet, but I’m his worst nightmare. I can’t stand his type, and I’ll never give him what he wants so he shouldn’t waste his time on me. With looks like his, there are lots of other girls who will be happy to cater to him.
“I think I’ll pass. I prefer to hang out with people who aren’t so full of themselves,” I say, keeping my eyes up to avoid getting sucked in by his magnificent body again. His looks are the only thing still holding my interest.
“Chambers, this one looks like she’d like to be full of you,” his friend, who I hadn’t even realized was standing next to him, pipes in.
I step back and watch as Mr. Half-naked-and-sweaty gives the friend a look that would send an MMA fighter packing. It works. The guy walks back to the grassy area, tossing the football high in the air for another shirtless guy to catch.
“Gavin’s an ass. Ignore him,” he says, momentarily bringing my attention back to him.
“It’s not a big deal. I know plenty of assholes so it’s nothing new.”
“Blunt much?”
“Every day.”
Scanning our surroundings, I try to figure out an escape plan. This is awkward, and I’m ready to get back to my idea of a perfect Saturday. So far, my college life is unblemished. My day has been perfect … I’m not going to let this guy ruin that.
“What’s your name?” he asks, running his fingers through his damp hair, letting it fall every which way. He’s got this accidental sexiness to him, but he knows exactly what he’s doing.
“Chambers, hurry up. Your new friend can wait!” his friend shouts with the football tucked under his arm.
“Calm the fuck down! I’ll be right there!” His voice softens as he focuses his attention on me again. “I should probably get back over there.”
“Nothing’s stopping you,” I say, pushing back a loose strand of hair that had blown in my face.
As I take a couple steps back, his friend, Gavin, approaches again, passing the ball back and forth between his hands. “Numbers are odd,” he remarks, raking his eyes up and down my body. “Maybe your new friend wants to stick around and play a little football.”
A grin spreads across Mr. Sexy’s face as he looks at me. “I don’t know, Gavin. She might get hurt playing with the big boys.”
I shift on my feet, crossing my arms over my chest. “There’s nothing hard about catching or throwing a football.”
“I’m not a girl, and I don’t throw like one either.”
Gavin laughs, tossing the football at the guy who’s become my Saturday distraction. “Show her what you got. Words don’t hold the same weight, Chambers.”
I open my mouth to argue, but I’m silenced by the football falling at my feet. The guy I now know as Chambers bends in front of me to pick it up, sliding his shoulder against my bare leg. I flinch, taking a small step back. I should walk away right now, but I don’t. When he straightens, his body is close to mine again. The smell of musk and sweat hits me as he raises his hand, brushing a piece of hair off my cheek. “Let’s make a bet. I’m going to walk over by the oak tree over there and throw you the ball. If you catch it, you’re free to go. You drop it, and you’re mine tonight.”
My eyes widen, genuinely shocked by his bold words. College is promising to be quite an adventure. “Not happening.”
“I didn’t mean that quite like you think. Besides, there’s a reason you’re still standing here.” He slides his tongue over his lower lip while staring down at mine. “Maybe we should find out why that is.”
“You think you have me all figured out, don’t you?”
“Prove me wrong,” he says, his eyes searing into mine. “I don’t think you can catch a ball—not one thrown by me.”
He’s challenging me, and I’ve never been one to back away from a challenge. “One ball. I catch it, and I’m out of here.”
He smiles, nodding to the grassy area. “Stand over there.”
I do as he asks while he walks about twenty yards away from me. Why am I even doing this?
“Are you ready?” he yells, pretending to throw the ball.
Taking a deep breath, I place my hand over my eyes to block the sun. After regaining some of my composure, I drop my hands to my sides, and nod, waiting for ball to fly through the air. Please let me catch this.
He fakes it one more time before he lets go,
sending it straight at me. I don’t know much about football, but it looks like a well-thrown ball. Putting my hands up, I move a few inches to my right, and when I feel the leather against my palm, I grip it tightly.
It all happens in a matter of seconds, and when it’s done, I look down, feeling the ball in my hand. I smile, tucking it under my arm as I watch Chambers walk in my direction. When he’s close enough that I know I can throw it to him, I do just that. “Looks like I win. You’ll have to find someone else to play with tonight.”
“Tell me your name.” He stares at me with his head cocked to one side, hands resting on his slim hips.
“There’s really no reason to since I don’t plan on talking to you again.” I smile, proud of myself for being able to think quickly with a college-aged god standing feet in front of me.
“Good luck then. You might need it around here.” He backs away, eyes roaming my body as he pulls his lower lip between his teeth. A tingle runs down my spine; even though his personality hasn’t wooed me, his looks are getting to me. The guy’s walking sex, but luckily, he’s walking away from me.
Not even a hot guy walking around campus without a shirt can stand in my way when it comes to doing what I came here to do.
Before heading back to my dorm for the day, I stop at the coffee shop for a latte. The quaint space is much like the rest of campus, full of students, some reading, while others are chatting around packed tables. The walls are a rich yellow, and the floors are rustic stained cement. It’s another place I can see myself spending a lot of my afternoons over the next four years.
I order an iced caramel latte, letting the first sip sit on my tongue for a few seconds longer than I should. This is something I can’t get back home, and I’m going to spoil myself with it as often as possible. An indulgence my dad would tell me is just a waste of money. Maybe it is, but I only have one life to live.
When I finally reach my door, I take a deep breath, part of me hoping that Kate has already left for her date. I only met her yesterday, and she seems like a nice girl, but I also need time to myself. Time to process and adjust.
As I open the door, the first thing I see is her head of long, auburn hair in front of the mirror. At least she’s getting ready, I think.