Fifteen Lanes

by S. J. Laidlaw

  “Why don’t you sit here with your parents, Grace?”

  I slumped into the chair next to my mom and tried to make myself as small as possible.

  “Madison, would you like to start?” asked Mr. Smiley.

  “She’s a liar,” said Madison.

  I was pretty sure she wasn’t supposed to say that. I shot a look at Mr. Smiley, who was giving Madison a disappointed look.

  “There’s no proof she did it,” said Madison’s father.

  Did what?

  “Two other students brought this to my attention just today,” said Mr. Smiley firmly. “And Madison has already admitted that she said mean things to Grace.”

  Madison glared at me.

  “The sooner you apologize, the sooner we can move on,” said Mr. Smiley to Madison.

  “What will the consequences be if she admits it?” asked her father.

  “We’ll discuss that at a later time. First, Madison needs to apologize.”

  There was a long pause.

  “I’m sorry,” said Madison.

  I was completely confused. What was she apologizing for, exactly? Kelsey had admitted to me that she was the one texting me. We only had her word so far that Madison had anything to do with any of it.

  “That’s okay,” I said. I’d have apologized myself if it would have got us out of the room faster.

  Mr. Smiley practically glowed, and there were a few sighs of relief around the table.

  Mr. Donleavy didn’t seem to be buying it though. “So, you’re admitting you did all this, Madison?” he asked gently. “The texting, and sharing the photograph?” I was a little annoyed that he was being so nice to her, but it was a fair question.

  “Sure,” she said, which wasn’t the same as saying yes, though only Mr. Donleavy and I seemed to notice.

  “Well, that’s it then,” said Mr. Smiley. “Thank you all for coming. Grace, you can go back to class. I hope we can all put this behind us now.”

  My parents and I stood up and filed out. They gave me hugs and congratulations, neither of which felt deserved. I still had a knot in my stomach. I knew for a fact that Madison was taking the fall for Kelsey on the texting. And none of this explained why Todd had been such a jerk the other day. For someone with no part in this at all, he’d certainly seemed eager to humiliate me.

  I couldn’t ask Kyle if Todd might have a reason to hurt me, since he still didn’t know what I’d done, but there was nothing to lose by asking his former girlfriend, Anoosha Kapur. Kyle had told me that Todd had ruined their relationship. Maybe that was a clue.

  I looked for Anoosha as soon as I reached the cafeteria at lunch. I was disappointed but not surprised to see her in a large group of popular girls. If I hadn’t been so desperate, there’s no way I would have gone up to them.

  “Grace, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” Anoosha said as I approached. “How are you doing?” Her voice was full of concern. “Sit down.”

  “Could we talk in private?” I asked, avoiding the stares of the other girls.

  “Sure.” She stood up. “Watch my things,” she said to her friends, and she followed me out of the cafeteria and down the stairs to the school’s reception area. We sat down on one of the two couches.

  “So, how are you really?” she asked.

  “I’ve been better. I’m still trying to work out how all this happened. It’s a little confusing. I was wondering if you know anything about Todd’s involvement.”

  “Probably no more than you do. He came to school bragging you’d sent him a topless photo. No one believed him at first, till he forwarded it to a bunch of people.”

  “Wow! That’s already more than I knew. So Todd thinks it was me who sent him the photo?”

  “He did at first, but then we all heard about the sexting and realized someone had been leading you on. I’m sorry you got tricked like that.”

  “So Todd passed my photo on just to show off?”

  “Partly, but he also hates your brother. You gave him a perfect opportunity for revenge. He had a crush on me last year and did everything he could to break Kyle and me up. One night at a party, I was drunk and I let him kiss me. I made a mistake, and Todd finally got what he wanted. Your brother dumped me. But even after we broke up I wouldn’t go out with Todd. He’s a bad guy, Grace.”

  There wasn’t much left to say. Kelsey was the one doing the sexting, and Todd had sent my photo to the entire school to get back at my brother by humiliating me. Kelsey said it was Madison’s idea, but she’d lied about Madison sending my photo to everyone, so maybe Madison wasn’t involved at all. Mr. Smiley said two students had squealed on Madison. After Kelsey had admitted her involvement to me this morning she might have panicked that I’d change my mind about turning her in and decided to give Smiley someone else to blame. Todd was a slime for going along with her but, given what Anoosha said, it wasn’t hard to believe he’d pin everything on Madison to save his own skin. With college applications looming, they both had a lot riding on maintaining clean records.

  I followed Anoosha back to the cafeteria and took a seat at my usual table. I was glad VJ wasn’t there yet. I needed some time to think.

  I felt Madison’s presence before I saw her. She came up behind me and slammed one hand on the table, leaning in so our faces were inches apart.

  “I know you’re the one who told on me. Smiley wouldn’t say who it was but I know!”

  I was so shocked by the accusation that I didn’t know what to say.

  “First you try to steal the boy I like by sending him a boob shot, as if your flat chest would attract any guy, and then you accuse me of being behind it all. Do you really think a hag like you is a threat to someone like me? Why would I bother to take you down? You’re already beneath me.”

  “Look, I know Kelsey was the one sexting me. Why don’t we go tell Smiley together? You shouldn’t be taking all the blame for this.”

  “Just because you’re a rat doesn’t mean I am.”

  “I didn’t tell him you did it, Madison.”

  “Yeah, right, who else would do it?”

  “Smiley said two students came forward, so it couldn’t have been me. Maybe it was Kelsey and Todd.”

  “You really expect me to believe that? You tried to steal the boy you knew I liked, and now you try to drive a wedge between me and my best friend. You just don’t give up, do you?”

  “Ladies!” VJ arrived at the table, shouldered Madison out of the way and took the seat opposite me. “Are you joining us today, Maddy dear? Do say you are. I haven’t seen a good catfight in weeks.”

  Madison barely noticed him she was so focused on me. “Do you know you got me suspended for three days? It’s going on my permanent record.”

  She didn’t deserve that. It was a serious consequence for something we both knew she didn’t do.

  “Well, maybe next time you’ll think twice before being such a colossal bitch,” said VJ.

  Madison flinched. I felt a pang of sympathy as she turned and walked stiffly away. I was pretty sure she was trying not to cry, and I knew what that was like.

  “She didn’t do it,” I said. “I think I should go to Smiley.”

  “Stay out of it,” said VJ. “It’s karma. She’s done plenty to deserve retribution. You’re too soft. You need to toughen up.”

  I nodded, but I wasn’t sure I agreed. Maybe I needed to be tougher, but that didn’t mean it was okay to jeopardize Madison’s future for something she didn’t do. I looked around for Kelsey and wasn’t surprised to find her sitting with Todd, giggling. Had that been her endgame all along?

  “Madison’s taking the fall for Kelsey, and she thinks I’m the one who told Smiley it was her.”

  “Good. Maybe now she’ll realize you’re not someone she can push around.”

  He couldn’t have been more wrong.

  Noor

  Equal chances …

  If she’d been old enough I would have sent Aamaal to school alone the first day back from m
idterm break. I didn’t want her with me when I encountered my friends. I knew the stain of who I was couldn’t be washed away by medals, or even years of friendship. I only hoped the parents of Aamaal’s friends would spare their young children the knowledge that a cherished playmate was the daughter of a prostitute.

  Only Gajra was waiting at the gate when we arrived. That was unusual but not unheard of. Particularly after a break, the other girls were often swept up in the excitement of sharing details about their recent vacations. I cringed to remember the fantastical stories I’d told them myself over the years. Would they realize that every word was a lie?

  Gajra opened the gate for me and hugged me as soon as I stepped through. Then she bent down and hugged Aamaal as well. Aamaal was startled but hugged her back. It was as if Gajra were consoling us for a death in the family, which in a way I suppose she was. The family that I’d created, the one I desperately wanted to be true, was gone forever. Stripped of my past, I had no idea who I would be in this new future. I clung to the only thing I was sure of, Gajra’s affection.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “For what, Noor?” She linked her arm in mine, as Aamaal raced off to find her friends. I watched her go and was relieved to see she was quickly absorbed into a game of chase.

  “Shall we go see how everyone’s holiday was?” asked Gajra.

  It was the last thing I wanted to do, but there was no point delaying the inevitable. Arm in arm, we walked toward a cluster of my former friends. They pressed together at our approach like a flock of skittish pigeons.

  “My father says it’s improper for a girl like her to go to school with girls like us.” Sapna kept her back to me but spoke loudly so I was certain to hear.

  “My father says it doesn’t matter where you come from, it only matters what you do with your life,” said Gajra. “What is it your father objects to, Sapna—the fact that Noor bests you in almost every subject, year after year?”

  “I’m the daughter of a doctor!” Sapna rounded angrily on Gajra, her hands balled into fists. “She’s just a … a …” Poor Sapna was trapped by her own snobbiness. It would be unthinkable for a well-brought-up girl to even say the word “prostitute.”

  “She’s just a what?” Gajra demanded fiercely. “A straight-A student? Our future valedictorian? Our future prime minister, perhaps? What is it you’re trying to say?”

  “Why do you defend her, Gajra? She’s not one of us.”

  “You’re right. She’s smarter and works far harder than any of us. But who knows, if we’re lucky maybe some of her perseverance will rub off. Didn’t your father also come from modest beginnings, Sapna?”

  Sapna turned crimson.

  “What was your grandfather?” Gajra continued, “A taxi-wallah, isn’t it?”

  “That’s a respectable job.”

  “Of course it is, and wasn’t he lucky to be born a boy so every career option was open to him. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if girls had the same opportunities?”

  “Her mother could have been a maid, or a street-sweeper. There are other jobs for low-born women.”

  “Yet you only have to look outside the gates of our school to see whole families living on the street. Work is not easy to come by. Don’t you listen to what our teachers tell us? Seventy percent of our population lives in slums, a quarter lives in absolute poverty. Would you really judge a mother harshly because she would do anything to provide for her children?”

  “Perhaps you’re the one who will be our future prime minister, Gaj,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood. “You can certainly argue like a politician.”

  We all laughed—all but Sapna, who continued to glower at Gajra.

  Gajra stared her down. “I want to live in an India that isn’t held back by the prejudices of caste and color. Don’t you, Sapna?”

  Sapna looked from Gajra to the other girls. It was clear which one of them had won the day. She gave a grudging nod.

  “All this talk of politics is making me bored,” said Kiran. She sighed dramatically. “Come on, Noor, haven’t you got a game for us?”

  “I’m sure I can think of something.” I looked around at the faces that had become so dear to me over the past eight years. For the first time they were looking back at me, the real me. They waited eagerly as I decided what we should play.

  The rest of the day was like my first day of school. I entered every class, each new cluster of schoolmates, frightened of rejection. I needn’t have worried. My friends cocooned me with their laughter, and most teachers went to great pains to congratulate me on my recent medals. There were a few who were awkward around me, but none mentioned the revelation of my origin. I collected Aamaal at the end of the day, confident we’d weathered the worst. She too had had an uneventful day and was full of stories of one of her friend’s rabbits. It had had babies over the break, and Aamaal pestered me all the way home to let her have one.

  When we entered our street I managed to distract her by giving her a few rupees to buy some greens for Lucky the goat. While she was suitably distracted I went inside to pick up Shami. The house was just waking up, but Deepa-Auntie already had Shami bathed and fed and was playing catch with him in the lounge. I was pleased to see Shami chasing a tightly balled sari. He was having one of his good days. The labored breathing that had hung on for weeks was finally responding to a new antibiotic.

  I no longer took Shami to doctors. It was easier, not to mention cheaper, just to ask advice from the other aunties and buy what they recommended. I was pretty certain Shami had tuberculosis, and I knew he had the virus. I was determined he’d be one of the lucky ones who survived. He just needed to hang on a few more years. As soon as I got my school-leaving certificate, I’d get a job so I could afford the medicine and look after him properly. Three more years was all I needed. I knew lots of people with the virus who’d hung on longer than that, my ma included.

  Shami squealed with delight when he caught sight of me. “Noor-di, Noor-di!” He hurled himself into my arms. I caught him mid-flight and swung him up onto my hip. I had a flash of anxiety that at four he was still tiny enough that I could easily support him with one arm.

  I gave Deepa-Auntie a questioning look. “He’s had a good day,” she confirmed. “He took only a short nap today, so you might get him to bed early.”

  “Ma?” I asked.

  “Still sleeping.”

  I set Shami down. Ma was getting harder and harder to rouse these days. Even Prita-Auntie had tried to talk to her about her drinking, and everyone knew Prita-Auntie was one of the biggest drunks on the lane.

  “I’ll be back in just a minute, Shami. You play with Deepa-Auntie.”

  “I want to come. I want to see Ma.”

  “She needs her tea first, Shami. You know she’ll be happy to see you once she’s had her tea.” I hoped this was true, but Ma’s moods had become as uncontrolled as her drinking. Even Aamaal, her clear favorite, could never be sure whether she was going to get a kiss or a smack. She’d taken to avoiding Ma altogether. She refused to even come inside to change her clothes after school until I told her it was safe. Often I had to bring her clothes down to her and she changed in the washing room, not greeting Ma at all.

  I left Shami in the lounge and walked down the hall, careful to listen for Pran. I could hear some of the other aunties in the downstairs room that was just below ours. I poked my head in their door to greet them as I passed. A large rat scuttled toward me. It noticed me at the last minute, turned tail and disappeared down the corridor back to the kitchen. I paused at the bottom of the ladder. There wasn’t the slightest noise from above. I should have asked if Prita-Auntie was still passed out as well. I quietly climbed the ladder and breathed a sigh of relief when I popped my head through the hatch. Prita-Auntie’s bed was empty.

  I scrambled up the rest of the way and walked over to Ma, who didn’t stir, and watched her for a moment. Even in sleep the lines around her once-beautiful face drew her mouth into a perpetual frown. Sever
al locks of lank, greasy hair had escaped from her braid and fell across her folded arm. Her body under the threadbare sari was little more than bones. It was hard to remember the way she used to be, so full of energy and determination. I used to pride myself on being like her.

  Silently, I vowed that in three years I’d take her away from this life as well. I hoped it wouldn’t be too late for her to regain some measure of who she used to be. At least she could live her final years in peace and comfort. We wouldn’t need much, just a small room we could call our own, a kerosene cooker and, if we were lucky, running water and electricity. I’d seen rooms like that in Kamathipura, but my mother was not going to end her days among the men who had used her. I would take us as far from these fifteen lanes as it was possible to go. As Gajra had so recently pointed out, India had no shortage of slums. We’d make our home where no one knew us.

  I reached under the bed for our stash of food and pulled out the tea, powdered milk and spices. I took her mug and our single pot from her bedside stand and returned to the ladder.

  Ten minutes later I was back at her bedside holding a steaming brew of masala chai. Cinnamon scented the air, briefly overwhelming the usual, less pleasant odors.

  “Ma.” I gently shook her shoulder. It felt as if the bones rattled under my touch. She, on the other hand, didn’t move at all.

  “Ma,” I said more loudly.

  Her eyes peeped open. “Leave me alone,” she groaned. “What time is it?”

  “It’s late, Ma, almost five. The men will be coming soon. Deepa-Auntie has already turned one away.”

  This was a lie but it had the desired effect. Ma hastily dragged herself into a sitting position, resting her back against the wall. “You haven’t let her steal any of my regulars, have you?”

  “Of course not, Ma, I would never do that.” There was no point trying to defend Deepa-Auntie, who had never once accepted one of Ma’s regulars, though many had approached her. Ma’s mind traveled in deep grooves like a train, impossible to derail.

  I knelt down and pulled out the box that stored our clothes and took out a salwar kameez for Aamaal. “Shami’s doing well today, Ma. He’s running around downstairs.”