“My lady,” one very skinny old man with bad teeth bowed humbly in her direction. “I am Asher. I would be happy to show you my work.”
Kathalin watched the old man with great interest as he turned to the cabinet behind him and opened the doors. There were various boxes inside and he pulled one of them out.
“Work?” Kathalin repeated, genuinely quite curious. “You make jewelry yourself?”
The old man grinned, displaying the three yellowed teeth in his head, as he opened the box. “I do indeed, my lady,” he said. “I was taught by my father, who was taught by his father. He learned his trade in Roma.”
Roma. Kathalin smiled at the mention of the name. “Rome,” she said. “Where our Holy Father lives.”
The old man nodded as he began to pull forth chains of gold and laying them upon the black wool felt. “Indeed, my lady,” he said. “The Holy Father lives there, but there are also a million other people who live there and go about their daily lives. My grandfather’s life happened to be that of a goldsmithy. He would take jewels, or pearls from the sea, and make jewelry with it for the nobles.”
Kathalin was looking at the gold he was laying in front of her with wonder. In fact, she could hardly look at anything else. “God’s Bones,” she declared, lifting up a hand to touch it but, fearful to do so, lowered her hand. “I have never seen jewelry such as this. You truly made these pieces?”
“I did, my lady.”
Kathalin bent over the black felt, watching him set necklaces of garnet, of yellow stones, of green stones, and of amethyst upon it. He even had a gold and pearl necklace with matching ear bobs.
“Oh… goodness,” she said as he set the pearls out for her view. “I have never seen pearls before. They look like… like angel’s tears. They are white and shiny and perfect.”
Gates, standing behind her, was touched by her excitement. It was as he’d thought of earlier – seeing the world through her eyes. Who else but a woman who had never seen the finer things in life would have described something as simple as a pearl as angel’s tears? He leaned down next to her right ear.
“Beware,” he whispered. “This is evil finery. Beware that Mother Benedicta does not burst through this door and tell you how wicked it all is.”
His hot breath against her ear once again sent ripples of excitement bolting through her body, although she refrained from lifting a hand to her ear as she had done before. She did, however, tremble with the thrill of it. She looked at him with a grin.
“It may be wicked, but it is beautiful nonetheless,” she said. “I am coming to think that Mother Benedicta has never seen anything beautiful like this, or touched any fine garments, in her entire life. If she had, she would not have told me that they were wicked.”
Gates winked at her as he straightened up, fighting off a grin. “Would you like to try any of these on?” he asked her. Then, he looked at the old man. “Do you have a mirror for the lady to see her reflection?”
The little man nodded eagerly, opening his magic cabinet again and withdrawing a polished bronze mirror. It was shiny enough that the likeness was fairly true. Before Kathalin realized what was happening, Gates had put the pearl necklace on her as the old man held up the mirror.
A woman of unparalleled beauty, now with a pearl necklace around her throat, gazed back in the shiny bronze. Awed at the sight of her reflection with the jewels around her neck, Kathalin leaned forward as if to gain a better view, running her finger along the bronze as if disbelieving what she was seeing. Her finger left a streak across the pristine bronze.
“I… I do not even recognize myself,” she said quietly, looking down to her bosom to finger the pearls. “I cannot help but wonder who the woman is that gazes back at me.”
Gates watched her as she lovingly fingered the pearls. “A woman who has had her life opened up to her,” he said softly. “A woman who is seeing the world outside of the priory for the first time. I rather like what I see. Do you?”
Grinning with embarrassment, Kathalin removed the pearls from her neck and moved to touch the amethyst necklace. “I am not sure,” she said. “I do like the fine clothing, for my skin has been eased by it, and the pearls are most becoming, but… but it is hard to say if I am comfortable with all of it. It is still all very new to me.”
Gates knew that. It was part of his attraction to her, a woman who had never known such beauty or such pleasure, now becoming acquainted with it all. There was such naked joy in her expression and he liked telling her of things she did not know of. It made him feel as if he were useful and mentoring. He picked up the amethyst necklace because she seemed afraid to do it, holding it up so the deep purple stone caught the light.
“Hopefully, you will grow to like it very quickly,” he said. “Although I have nothing against life in the cloister, the world at hand offers so much more by way of life and love and experiences in general. I should have thought you would realize that by now.”
She nodded as he got in behind her so he could put the necklace on her. “I have realized that,” she said, once again seeing herself in the bronze mirror now with the fingerprint on it. “It is all quite… overwhelming.”
Gates stood back, watching her as she examined her reflection. “Then mayhap you are to be like your mother,” he said. “She does not like the world, either. She remains sequestered in her chamber and does not come out. There is nothing wrong with preferring solitude, of course, but it could get a bit lonely.”
Kathalin touched the purple stone around her neck. “Wouldn’t you come and visit me?”
He grinned. “If you were in a convent, I could not,” he said. “I am sure Mother Benedicta would have a crossbow meant only for me.”
Kathalin laughed. “She is not so violent.”
Gates watched her laugh, thinking he liked it a great deal. She had such a charming smile. “She would be violent if a knight kept trying to visit one of her novice nuns,” he said. “For my sake, you should not return to St. Milburga’s. You should remain at Hyssington where I can see you without fear of having an arrow lodged in my chest.”
Kathalin was still gigging as she removed the necklace. She laid it back in the box when the second old man, who had retreated into the rear of the stall, reappeared with a larger box. It had a lock on it and, once he unlocked it with a tiny iron key, he opened up the lid to reveal a collection of precious rings carefully set upon more black wool felt. Kathalin forgot about the necklaces for a moment as she fixed on the magnificent jewelry.
“Good heavens,” she gasped, reaching out to timidly touch one, a gold ring with a scarlet stone in it. “Such beautiful rings!”
Gates leaned over her shoulder, looking. “Indeed,” he said. “You could use those as weapons if needed. One good hit and you could put someone’s eye out.”
Kathalin was back to giggling. She ended up picking up a dark gold ring that had a big diamond set in it. It was truly awe-inspiring. “Who would wear such a ring other than a queen?” she wanted to know.
“Ladies often wear them as symbols of marriage, my lady,” the second jeweler said before Gates could reply. He was a round man with dirty gray hair and foul-smelling breath. “I notice you do not wear a ring, my lady. Mayhap your husband should like to buy one for you.”
He meant Gates, as he was gesturing at the man. Surprised, Kathalin looked up at the jeweler. “But I am not married,” she said. “I do not need a ring.”
Over her shoulder, Gates spoke softly. “You may have a need one day,” he said. “Remember this place so that you may return to select the ring you want.”
The shopping mood abruptly left her. It reminded Kathalin of the conversation with her parents, on how they were attempting to force her into a marriage she wanted no part of. Gates’ words only seem to further distress her. Was it possible that her parents had told him to convince her that the marriage they wanted to arrange was for the best? Was it possible that the real reason behind this errand to purchase jewelry had an ulterior
motive?
More than likely, it was not only possible but probable. Gates did serve her father, after all, and was sworn to do the man’s bidding. There was instant frustration in Kathalin’s manner as she moved away from the boxes of jewelry, heading for the door. She felt betrayed by a man she thought was her friend.
Nay… more than a friend.
He was much more than a friend.
“I do not want a ring,” she said to Gates angrily. “You cannot force me to purchase one.”
Gates followed her, grabbing her arm before she could get out of the door. “Wait,” he said, holding her fast. “No one is forcing you to purchase a ring, my lady. Wherever did you get that idea?”
Frustrated, hurt, Kathalin frowned at him. “Did my father tell you to do this?” she wanted to know. “Was it your directive to take me to Shrewsbury and suggest a wedding ring?”
Gates shook his head steadily. “Your father said no such thing to me,” he said. “I think you know me better than that. I do not hide behind subversion.”
She held his gaze a moment longer before looking away, visibly forcing herself to relax. He was right; since she’d known him, he’d been upfront and truthful with her. In her experience he had never been the subversive type. Now, she was starting to feel foolish that she’d ever thought such a thing. She took a deep breath.
“Nay, you do not,” she said. “Forgive me. After the conversation with my mother and father, I naturally assumed you came with me to Shrewsbury to do their bidding. They could not convince me into marriage so I thought mayhap they had sent you to try.”
Now, she was starting to speak of those two days when he hadn’t seen her nor spoken to her, when she had kept close to the keep. He knew that Jasper and Lady de Lara had spoken with Kathalin and could only guess at the contents of the conversation, but now he was starting to hear the reality of it. The truth was that he was not surprised; he had expected as much. Jasper had already told him that he wanted marriage for his daughter and it was evident they had told her as well. Her reaction was just as Gates expected it to be; she hated the idea.
He hated the idea of her being married to someone else, too.
“My only directive in coming to Shrewsbury was to purchase jewelry for you,” he said after a moment. “I am not here to further your parents’ agenda.”
She eyed him, her anger fading. “Then I apologize.”
He met her gaze, studying the shape of her bright blue eyes. They were most beautiful. “No need,” he said. “But if you must know the truth, I do not agree with what they are doing. Now that I have come to know you and understand your wants in life, the fact that your parents are trying to force you into marriage is not something I approve of.”
Her face slackened and he swore he detected hints of hope in her expression. “Truly?” she said. “I wish you would tell them that. I wish you would tell them to let me return to St. Milburga’s.”
He regarded her a moment. “Is that really what you want?”
She was puzzled. “What do you mean?”
He looked around the stall as if to indicate the world at large. “You have admitted you like fine clothing,” he said. “You have admitted that worldly things are not as evil as you have been taught. Do you truly wish to return to woolen clothing that irritates your skin? Do you truly believe you could forget all of this and return to the priory?”
Her brow furrowed as she thought on his words and he could see how badly the question confused her. “I have wanted to become a nun since I was very young,” she finally said. “It is my mindset. But… but you are correct in a sense. Now that I have seen the world outside of the priory, there are things about it that are quite pleasant. And I have come to meet you and you have been quite pleasant. Do you know that other than the priest, I have never known a man other than you?”
He smiled happily. “I am honored.”
She returned his smile, timidly. “I am still astonished that you do not have a wife or family, de Wolfe,” she said. “You are such a kind and noble man. I do not understand why you have not selected a wife to honor you. A woman would be very fortunate to have you for a husband.”
Now they were back onto the subject that unnerved him so badly. His gut reaction was to jest his way out of it, which he’d done before with her. He would do it again now because it was dangerous ground they were walking upon, at least as far as he was concerned.
“You must not really think that,” he said, rather dramatically. “You offered once to bear my children but then you rescinded that offer and left me devastated. Do you remember?”
Kathalin’s giggles returned. “Of course I do,” she said. “But you never once mentioned marriage. It would seem that all you want is a woman to bear your children without benefit of marriage and I would not do it. Why are you so opposed to marriage?”
“Why are you?”
He had her cornered and the giggles turned into laughter. “You know why,” she said, sobering. “I do not want to marry because I want to join the cloister.”
“But if you do not join the cloister, why are you still opposed to it?”
She put up her hands as if to push away any suitor that might come near her. “Because I do not want to marry someone I do not know,” she said. “Would you?”
He shrugged. “You know me and yet you will not bear my sons.”
“I will if you will marry me.”
“And if I agree?”
She pointed to the box of rings. “Then you must purchase a very big ring for me, big enough to put an eye out.”
He laughed. “That seems like a fair bargain,” he said, realizing with shock that he had just agreed to marry the woman and hoping she wouldn’t realize it. Or maybe he hoped she would. Either way, the rapid-fire jesting between them had turned into something unexpected and he struggled to get off the subject. “But in the interim, go and pick some jewelry so we can be done with this. I am famished and if we do not find Alexander soon, I will have to eat you, so pick your jewelry and let us be finished.”
Kathalin was looking up at him, smiling broadly. She had, indeed, realized that he agreed to marry her, or at least he was thinking on it. That was all she could ask for. Having no tact or sense of restraint when it came to emotions, and most especially when it came to Gates, she didn’t move for the jewelry boxes as he’d commanded. She was still standing there, gazing up at him and feeling that warmth that she had come to associate with him. It was warmer, and stronger, than ever before.
She had to tell him what was in her heart. There was no stopping it.
“De Wolfe,” she said softly. “Gates. If you were the man my parents chose for my husband, I would not want to return to St. Milburga’s. I think I would like being married to you.”
He just looked at her, shock rippling through his veins. He’d heard words like that before, in many variations from many women, but never in his life had they actually meant something to him. In fact, he could feel a distinct sense of joy; was it possible that she actually had feelings towards him? Dear God, he knew very well he had feelings for her. Nay… more than feelings… something deep and powerful and fluid. But hearing her softly uttered words gave him such hope and joy that it was all surging through his body at an alarming rate, causing his limbs to tingle and his palms to sweat. He’d never experienced anything like it.
But on the heels of such joy came the cold dousing of reality. Jasper would never agree to a marriage between them and he knew it. Jasper wanted a man with a noble reputation, a man who didn’t have bastards all about England, and man who would bring joy and honor to Kathalin. Gates couldn’t do that. He’d lived a life free to do as he pleased, free to bed whom he pleased, and that was the way he’d wanted it. At least, until now.
Now, Gates was quite sure he would only bring Kathalin shame if he married her and, as much as it killed him, he had to accept that he could, in no way, become her husband. He would never knowingly shame the woman. He adored her… aye, he did. He ad
ored everything about her.
Never in his life had Gates known his heart to break.
Until now.
God, this hurts!
“I… I am flattered,” he said hoarsely, wanting very badly to take her in his arms but dared not do it. “You honor me greatly, Lady Kathalin. You will never know how greatly it pains me to explain to you that I shall never marry. I am not the marrying kind. But I thank you for your kind words. I shall cherish them, always.”
Slapped. That is what Kathalin felt like. She felt as if he’d reached out and slapped her across the face. Ashamed, she lowered her head, feeling her cheeks pinken and feeling her chest tighten up with shame and disappointment. Nay, it was more than that – it was sorrow. She had opened herself up to him, told him what was in her heart, and he had refused her.
Dear God… such shame…..
“Then… then I shall have to return to St. Milburga’s,” she said, trying desperately to grasp the light mood that had been there only moments earlier. “I was not serious about marriage to you, de Wolfe. I was only jesting. I have only always wanted to return to St. Milburga’s and you know that. Now, let me look at the jewelry again. I… I do believe I want the pearls.”
She moved away from him, back to the boxes of necklaces, and Gates let her go. He could tell from her expression that she had, indeed, been serious about marriage and he’d shut her down, hurting her. He wouldn’t have knowingly hurt her for the world but in this case, he had no choice.
When he had wanted to declare his desire to marry her as well, he’d had no choice but to deny her. It was for her own good, he told himself. It would be no life at all for her to be married to a man who would only bring her shame. A man who would change his spots for her, become a devoted husband only unto her, but a man who would never be able to escape his past. A man who would never be worthy of an honorable wife.
For the first time in his life, he was deeply sorry for a reputation he’d never given a second thought to. God, it was killing him. As he stood there and watched her finger the necklaces in the box, he saw her bring a hand up to her face, twice. His heart sank when he realized why.
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