Was he doing the right thing?
And then the priest had arrived with Stephan and the reality of what was to take place that night hit him like a hammer. He’d known all along it was coming but to see the clergyman arrive through Hyssington’s big gatehouse brought it all home. Kathalin was being married that night and it would not be to him, yet he would be expected to attend the wedding as a show of good faith, that he held no hard feelings, in the hopes that Jasper and the de Lohrs and even Alexander might see that he was made of better things. He was a de Wolfe, after all, and he’d never in his life truly lived up to that name.
Now, he was hoping he finally would.
He was hoping the cost of redeemed honor was worth the price of a lost love.
“Gates?”
A soft voice came from the doorway and he turned to see Stephan and Tobias standing there. Tobias was already entering the chamber, looking at Gates with great concern.
“We came to see if there is something we can do for you, Gates,” the young knight said. “We have not been invited to the wedding. We thought, mayhap, we could… do something for you.”
Gates’ eyes crinkled at the corners as he suspected what the man meant. In truth, he wasn’t surprised that they knew. The four knights were quite close and there wasn’t much they didn’t know about each other, not even in a situation such as this.
“Like what?” he asked.
Tobias appeared uncertain, hesitant. “Anything,” he said. “Anything at all.”
Gates cocked an eyebrow. “Are you offering to abduct Lady Kathalin and spirit her off so that I may come to her later, and then we will run away together?”
Tobias looked at Stephan with some chagrin because Gates wasn’t pleased by their offer of service. Stephan chuckled softly. “Something like that,” he said as he came into the room. Quickly, he sobered. “As you might have suspected, Alex told us everything. Gates, I cannot tell you how sorry I am for you, my friend. If you want our help, then all you need to do is ask.”
Gates’ initial reaction was one of embarrassment, embarrassed because his men knew of his weakness in his love for a woman. But he was deeply touched, and not at all surprised, that they would be willing to risk themselves on his behalf. Their bonds of brotherhood ran deep.
“Did Alex send you to ask me this?” he asked.
Stephan shook his head. “He did not,” he said. “Tobias and I discussed it. You are our liege and, truth be told, much more of a liege than de Lara ever was. You have stood beside us in battle, have risked your life for us, and now it is time for us to repay the favor. We stand at the ready to do your bidding, my lord.”
Gates looked between the pair; the big, hairy knight and his young, pure-looking counterpart beside him. They made quite the team, now intending to right the wrongs on behalf of Gates and Kathalin. After a moment, Gates simply chuckled and reached out, putting a big hand on Tobias’ shoulder.
“I am honored and touched by your gesture,” he said, “but I will tell you what I told Alex. I would not dishonor him in such a way as to abscond with his bride. The implications of an action such as that would be more far reaching than you know. It would not be a simple matter of running away with Lady Kathalin. To do so would shame Alex, his family, my family, and the de Laras. The greater implications could be staggering. I will not go into all of it, but you get the gist of my reasons. And I thank you for your offer. It means a great deal to me.”
Tobias, who was young enough that he’d not yet learned not to wear his heart on his sleeve, was clearly upset by the situation. “Alex said that you and the lady are in love with each other,” he said. “Alex said he did not want to marry her because of it, yet Stephan had to fetch Father Wenceslaus and bring him here. Is Lord de Lara going to force Alex to marry Lady Kathalin?”
Gates sighed heavily. Even the mere mention of what was to take place this evening left him feeling hollow and weak. It was one thing to think it, but to hear it… God, it was painful.
“Aye,” he said. “The marriage is going through as planned.”
Stephan, who had known Gates for many years, could see the anguish in his features. He’d never seen that from Gates before, not ever. It was enough to sink his spirit.
“Gates, are you sure there is nothing we can do?” he pleaded softly. “Anything, lad. If you want me to break down the door to the keep and steal your lady, I will do it. It doesn’t seem right that de Lara is forcing this.”
Gates looked at his old friend. “Bear, if I asked you to pull a wall down to get to a barrel of ale on the other side, you would do it for me,” he said, watching Stephan smirk. “You are a true and loyal friend, but this is a battle you cannot fight for me. In fact, the war is over and de Lara has won. But I will tell you this and you must vow you will never repeat it, especially to de Lara – after this wedding, which I have been asked to attend, I am leaving for Castle Questing. I do not want any memories of this place after tonight. I am going home.”
Stephan was saddened but he understood. “Of course,” he said quietly. “Shall I have your horse ready for you?”
Gates nodded. “Aye,” he said. “And if you would not mind packing my belongings and putting them on my horse, I would be grateful. Once the mass is completed, I am leaving for good.”
Both Stephan and Tobias nodded. “Aye, we will,” Stephan said. “Is there anything else?”
Gates thought on that a moment. Then, he went to his wardrobe and took out a clean, red woolen tunic along with a small leather purse at the bottom of the cabinet. He set the purse on the bed as he pulled the tunic over his head, settling it on his big frame, and then retrieved the purse. He pulled several coins out of the purse and handed them to Stephan.
“You will look in on Helene of Linley from time to time,” he said. “Make sure she and the child are fed. Will you do this?”
Stephan took the money. “Of course.”
Gates looked at the man a moment, a man he’d seen years of battle with. A man who was his close friend. He put his hand on Stephan’s cheek.
“Thank you for your friendship and sword,” he said softly. “If you need me, you know where to find me. But you will not tell anyone else. Understood?”
Stephan nodded firmly. “Indeed, my lord.”
Gates was satisfied. He then turned to Tobias, putting a hand on the man’s shoulder. “And you,” he said, nodding his head in Stephan’s direction. “Listen to this old man and you will live a long and healthy life. Will you do this?”
Tobias nodded. “I will, my lord.”
“And you know my whereabouts, too, but you will tell no one.”
“A thousand instruments of torture could not drag it out of me.”
Gates smiled ironically. “Let us hope it does not come to that,” he said, giving the lad one last pat before dropping his hands. “Good knights, it would seem I am expected at a wedding. Will you escort me to the hall?”
Stephan and Tobias did, gladly, but there was great sadness in their movements. Gates saw it but he hardly cared, mostly because it was taking everything he had simply to put one foot in front of the other, heading towards the great hall where the priest waited to join the woman he loved in marriage to another man. He kept praying it was a dream and that he would soon awaken, with Kathalin in his arms and the love between them growing deeper by the moment.
But he knew that was not the case. He was living a nightmare. He had fleeting regrets about not bedding Kathalin, simply because it would have been a demonstration of his love for her, but he knew it was better this way. He knew that once he had a taste of her flesh, his honor would leave him and he would become the dishonorable rogue who ran off with Alexander de Lohr’s bride. He knew that any taste of her beyond what he’d already sampled would have turned him into a mindless primitive, a being led by feelings his common sense could not overcome. But in his case, it would be more than lust. It was love as he’d never known it.
And never would again.
&nbs
p; Once the three of them reached the bailey, the great hall loomed before them in the darkness. The rain was growing heavy at this point and the long, lancet windows cut into the side of the building were glowing from the light and warmth emitting from inside. The entry door was open and he could see illumination beyond and he could also see figures standing in the doorway.
Of course, it was the priest and Jasper and the de Lohrs preparing for the ceremony at the door to the hall before proceeding inside and heading to the small chapel that was just off the west side of the hall. The chapel wasn’t big enough to hold more than six people at any time, a tiny room where generations of de Laras had worshipped. Tonight, it would see a man’s life ruined.
Stephan and Tobias moved away from Gates midway through the bailey and let the man continue on his own to the hall. Step by step, inch by inch, Gates felt as if he were going to his own execution. Everything for him would end on this night, the life he had never hoped for but found himself wanting.
The love he would never fully know.
Death, to him, would have been preferable.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
It was upon her.
Kathalin and Lady de Lohr approached the great hall in the darkness of the bailey, through the cold rain that was falling on them, and Kathalin could see the men gathered outside the door of the great hall where the beginning of the marriage mass would take place. The priest would begin the mass at the entry before gathering the wedding party and proceeding inside, which was the normal protocol. As Kathalin drew closer to the door, which was emitting light into the darkness of the bailey, she realized that the time was finally upon her. No more pleading, no more bargaining or begging. Now, it was finished.
It was time to marry Alexander.
The realization was like a stab to her heart and the tears started, mingling with the freezing rain that was falling upon them with increasing strength. Her careful hair dressing was becoming wet, as was her gown, and by the time she and Lady de Lara reached the doorway, the priest was ushering everyone inside and out of the rain. It was beginning to rain in epic proportions and a change of location would have to be made. The mass would have to be started, and finished, inside.
The fire in the hearths were burning brightly and Lady de Lohr gently pulled Kathalin over to the closest one, now concerned with drying the woman out. It was very cold, and Kathalin was shivering violently, and Lady de Lohr sent the nearest servant for something hot for the woman to drink. The priest, seeing that the bride and the groom’s family were gathered over near the hearth closest to the door, made his way to them.
“It is of no matter to begin the mass in here, my lord,” the priest said to Jasper. “It will keep my book from becoming soaked if there is a roof over our heads.”
Jasper, who had been drinking fairly steadily since having left Gates about a half hour earlier, simply waved the priest off. He had a fourth cup of wine in his hand and he wanted to be done with this entire situation, as stressful as it had been. After everything that had happened over the past few days, he was coming to regret ever having a daughter. His mood, therefore, was foul.
“Fine,” he snapped. “We are waiting for one more guest and when he arrives, you will begin.”
The priest nodded. “What of Lady de Lara, my lord?”
Jasper glanced at him, sharply, before grunting in disgust. “She will not attend,” he said deliberately. “We are waiting for one more man only and not my wife.”
Elreda, standing with Kathalin and trying to dry the poor woman off, heard Jasper’s comment. “We could wait for her, Jasper,” she said. “In fact, I will go to her chamber and escort her down here.”
Jasper was shaking his head before she even finished. “Nay,” he said shortly. “She does not come out of her chamber. She never comes out of her chamber. She stays in there and rots.”
Jasper’s drunken words were harsh. Henry, standing with Alexander, didn’t want to get caught up in a tussle between his wife and Jasper. He put out a hand, mostly to interrupt any manner of argument that might be starting.
“Certainly we can conduct the mass and if Lady de Lara chooses to attend the feast afterwards, it will be most agreeable,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. “Jasper, I forgot to tell you that I have brought four bottles of good red wine from Spain. I will bring them forth after our children are wed.”
Jasper was interested in the wine, enough so that it forced him off the subject of his wife. As he and Henry began to discuss the region where the wine originated, somewhere in the Andalucia region, Kathalin held her hands out over the fire and tried to warm herself. Elreda was behind her, shaking out the back of her surcoat and trying to wring the mud out of it, and as Kathalin rubbed at her hands, she heard a quiet voice beside her.
“I see that you let my mother have her way with your hair,” Alexander said. “You look quite lovely.”
Kathalin looked over at the man standing next to her. He was smiling timidly at her, his handsome features reflecting the firelight. His golden hair had been neatly combed and he had even shaved. When he smiled, the dimples in both cheeks were deep. Aye, he was a very handsome man but all Kathalin saw when she looked at him was sorrow. She sighed heavily.
“Thank you,” she said quietly. “Alex, please know how sorry I am that you are being forced into this. I am sure this is not how you ever imagined you would be married.”
His smile turned ironic. “Nor you,” he said, his eyes lingering on her a moment. “The situation cannot be changed, my lady. I will make the best of it if you will.”
Kathalin nodded but her eyes were beginning to well. “Gates told me to be good to you,” she said, choking up. “I promise that I will do my very best.”
“I know you will.”
“I hope… I hope we will at least come to like each other. I could not bear it if you resented me.”
He shook his head. “Nor could I bear it if you hated me,” he said quietly. “I swear to you, Kathalin, that I will do my very best to make you a good husband. It is the least I can do to make this situation pleasant for the both of us.”
Kathalin nodded as the tears spilled over, and Alexander was seized with sympathy for the woman. He wanted to reach out and comfort her, but somehow, it didn’t seem right. He didn’t want this marriage and neither did she, but at least he didn’t have the added burden of being in love with someone else. So he stood there, close to her, watching her weep and wishing he could say something to her that would bring them both comfort. As he stood there, wondering what he could say, he saw movement in the hall entry.
Looking over Kathalin’s head, his eyes locked with Gates as the man entered. The storm outside was raging and Gates was fairly soaked, and his eyes found Alexander’s right away. It was a poignant moment for them both, one full of a thousand unspoken words of thanks, of sorrow, and of friendship until Gates finally nodded, once, as if to acknowledge that he had arrived and that he was ready for what was to come. Perhaps not completely ready, but as ready as he would ever be. But then his gaze moved to Kathalin’s lowered head and it was then that Alexander saw just how distraught Gates still was. By his sheer expression, the man was being torn apart. Before Alexander could move to him, however, Jasper caught sight of the knight.
“Ah!” Jasper said, thumping the priest on the arm to get the man’s attention. “Our last guest has arrived. You may begin. Gates! Attend me!”
Kathalin’s head shot up at the sound of Gates’ name being shouted and she turned around to see the man as Jasper went to him, grabbed him by the arm, and pulled him up to the hearth. Gates’ gaze found her, through the people and the smoke around them, and he gave her a small smile, an encouraging one, as if to silently tell her that everything was going to be all right. Of course, it wasn’t going to be all right and they both knew it. Kathalin couldn’t even manage to smile back.
In fact, she realized she shouldn’t be looking at him at all. The sight of him threatened to destroy her composure c
ompletely so she quickly turned around and faced the hearth, telling herself that there was no use in thinking on the man. There was no use in looking at him or even acknowledging that he was standing behind her. For once, for just this once, she had to be strong and not think of him and pretend none of this mattered because, for certain, the alternative was a complete collapse which, in the end, wouldn’t stop the wedding. It would only delay it, and there was no use in delaying the destiny that had been chosen for her.
A destiny without Gates.
So she faced the hearth, tears still streaming down her face in silent protest of what was about to take place, each tear representing a fragment of her heart that had been splintered away. So many fragments poured down her cheeks and she kept wiping at them, dashing them away, and trying not to be too obvious about it. It occurred to her that her tears might be an insult to Alexander, who was trying to be kind to her in this dismal hour. Therefore, she tried very hard to stop those fragments of liquid emotion that poured down her cheeks.
It was the most difficult fight of her life.
The priest, not oblivious to the weeping bride, had Alexander face him and then positioned Kathalin on Alexander’s left side, as woman was created from Adam’s left rib according to the church doctrine. Father Wenceslaus, a slender man with heavy, dark eyebrows and hair growing out of his nose, eyed Alexander and Kathalin seriously.
“We shall begin,” he said. “I will ask the guests in attendance if any of them can show just cause as to why you two should not be married, and then I shall ask you the same question. Can anyone tell me why this couple should not be joined?”
The question went out to the group. Kathalin closed her eyes tightly, cringing as she waited for Gates to speak up. Perhaps she was praying that he would, hoping beyond hope that the man would denounce what was happening to the woman he loved. In fact, every person in the room other than the priest was waiting for the same thing, but Gates remained silent in the matter. He was staring at the priest without saying a word. Elreda and Henry sighed with relief as Jasper glared at Gates, who refused to meet the man’s eye. The priest, not receiving any response, turned the question on Alexander and Kathalin.
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