by Taylor Hart
“Not how it works.” She pushed away from him and swam to the side, as if the water could wash away her racing thoughts. The man would be leaving.
“Shot down,” he mumbled.
She glanced back and grinned at him while moving to a little bench. “I think your ego can handle it.”
He laughed and moved toward her, trying to see if there was space for him.
She gestured to the spot next to her. “You can sit.”
As he sat, she played with the water. It was unnerving being here with him, after all of this had turned become real. The memory of dancing with him last night flashed into her mind. And, of course, kissing him. Ugh.
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” he asked as his shoulder touched hers.
“Nothing,” she lied.
“It’s your story. I’ll let you tell it.”
She spotted the tattoo on his back. “Is that from being a SEAL?” she asked. “I know Lacey’s husband talks about how usually each branch of the military did their own kind of tattoo.”
He nodded and turned so she could get a better view. “A frog man. That’s what they call us.”
She traced it, letting her fingers brush his skin. When he jolted, she pulled her hand back. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he said, leaning back. “I kinda like it when you touch me.”
She noticed the huge scar on his shoulder, and she brushed her fingers against it. He stiffened a little, but he didn’t protest. “Does it hurt? This is where you were shot?” With fascinated horror, she inspected the whole scar; the bullet had that torn clear through. “Do you massage it ’cause it hurts?”
He shrugged. “It hitches sometimes, but it’s fine.”
“I know that SEALS, that all military are in danger, but it’s never felt so real to me as it does right now, thinking about you. Thinking about someone shooting you.”
He faced her, taking her hand and squeezing it. “I’m right here, and I’m okay.”
Her mind returned to what his grandpa had said. “Your grandpa seems like he wants you to stay.”
“Yeah.”
“Why do you want to go back?”
He scoffed. “Are you kidding?”
“Right, because I mean, who wouldn’t want to be shot at?” She said it sarcastically.
“Right,” he said back with the same amount of sarcasm. “But it’s not just that. My team is my family. The guys I go out with on missions. We’re tight.” He let out a laugh. “I was supposed to be in Cabo this week with two of them.”
She didn’t like thinking about him being in Cabo and not here. “That’d be fun.”
He leaned back. “I’m glad I came here.”
“You are?”
He reached up and moved a piece of hair out of her face. “No matter what happens between us, I’m glad I met you and got to be your fake boyfriend.”
Warmth filled her. Again, she thought about kissing him. “Me, too.”
“But with my team guys, it’s important. I mean, those guys have my back. We would literally die for each other, and I like knowing that I’m doing something important with my life.”
She could understand that. “I guess it doesn’t leave much room for a relationship, though, does it?”
He met her gaze. “It could. If I wanted it to.”
“No, I’ve seen my cousin and Dom. They are like crazy in love and they have their family, but it’s brutal for her. She’s here by herself with the kids. Sure, my aunt and uncle help her, but she misses Dom so much. I wouldn’t want that.”
“You’ve said that.” He shifted his gaze to the water. “So what would you want?”
“What do you mean?”
“What’s your next level?”
She couldn’t believe they were actually talking about this, but a tiny part of her felt like maybe there was hope for her and Jax. “Someone that’s here. I have grown up watching my aunt and uncle be madly in love. Like, seriously.” She smiled, remembering how she and Mike and Lacey would always run screaming from the room when they were kissing.
“That exists?” he asked quietly.
“I think so, and I want that. I want my husband here, and I want him to laugh with me and work with me and play with me and have a family with me.”
Jax didn’t look at her, still playing with the water. “Ride horses—do you like to do that?”
“Yep. I love horses.” Could it really work with them? “But you’re a lone SEAL guy, right?”
“I want a family,” he said quietly.
“I don’t think you should re-enlist.” The words tumbled out before she could stop them.
He turned to face her, glancing at her lips. “You don’t?”
She shrugged, the same crazy butterflies on hyper alert. “What if you really did what your grandpa said, came to Snow Valley for a while?”
“You heard what I told my grandpa. Snow Valley isn’t my home.”
“Right.” It was stupid for her to be so invested in this issue. She barely knew the guy.
“What’s wrong?”
“Is it because of your mom?” she asked nervously.
He went completely still.
“I know your mom left you and your dad, but she’s not even here. So I’m just trying to understand why you couldn’t be here?”
“Off-limits,” he said quietly, staring off into the distance.
It felt like he’d detached himself from even being here. “Aren’t we past that?”
He searched her face. “Do you want to be past that?”
His question felt like a challenge, and she didn’t know what he was asking. “I don’t know.”
He bit his lip, swimming away from her, and treaded water in the middle.
“Is this what you do in war? Detach and go somewhere else? Is this what you did when your mom left? That’s what you’re doing now.”
He glared at her with terrifying anger. “Are you psychoanalyzing me? ’Cause I don’t need that.” He swam to the other side and climbed out of the water.
For a moment she wanted to fight with him, argue about all of this, but then she just felt hopeless. “You could forgive your mom,” she said.
He turned to face her. “What did you say?”
It was so stupid that they were fighting, but she didn’t have much time with him. “If you forgave her, it’d be better.”
“If forgiveness is the answer, then why don’t you forgive Brad?”
He’d just launched a full-on assault. She got out, wrapped herself in the towel, and shoved on her boots and coat. “I don’t think I need a fake boyfriend anymore, so you can just go.”
Chapter 17
Curse words ran through Jax’s mind. He hadn’t seen the enemy forces coming, and they’d snuck past his defenses and nearly gotten to the center of his heart. He breathed deeply, in and out. Who did Tia think she was, telling him to forgive his mom? Cuckoo, that’s who.
And she just dumped him? Or fake dumped him or whatever? Told him she didn’t need him. Pfft!
Jax watched her quickly rush back down the trail. Even though he’d gone on a five-mile run today and then done a ton of chores for his grandpa and ridden both horses, he was all worked up. Why had his grandfather kept bringing up his mother anyway? And why did Tia ask him not to re-enlist?
He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to push away all the crazy feelings that were running through him. Fine. Whatever. He was a SEAL. He’d been through cartel ops, terrorist ops, and he wasn’t going to get all upset because of some woman who was overreacting.
In his training, he’d sit all waterlogged on the beach for hours at a time. He’d run until he puked almost every day. The physical part of anything was always easy for him. The mental part he’d learned to deal with, but it was harder. When he least expected it, things could come back to him—memories, pain, and all kinds of stuff he tried to stuff away in drawers. But those drawers had a way of popping open at the worst times.
His
mother. He hated thinking of her, remembering the pain, anger, and confusion of how she could just leave. She hadn’t just left his father; she’d left him. And it’d hurt.
He put on his coat and boots, ignoring the cold. He picked up the bag of food and tromped down the path toward her place. These shenanigans were annoying. Dog-butt stupid. Why had he even gone through all of this the past couple of days?
Sure, he was here to help his grandpa, and he’d done right by him. But all these other things that had clogged up his mind: the girl, her ex, the town, and the dance. None of that mattered to him, because he would be going back to his team. Back to the life he’d chosen, the life that made sense.
When he reached her house, he took the bag of food and set it down on her porch. He didn’t want it. There was no use for it. He was good for going days upon days on rations that mostly consisted of high-protein bars. When he was determined to do something, he put his mind to it and did it. No problem.
This was over. And he was shutting his mind on all that had happened. It’d been a mistake to even get involved with the girl. So what if he had to eat dinner by himself? Boo-hoo.
He punched the hood of his grandpa’s car. The metal reverberated and it should have hurt his hand, but it didn’t.
All of this had been a waste. He’d get his grandpa home from the hospital tomorrow, help him for a day or two, then get back to his team. He still had over a week; he could go to Cabo after all. He yanked back on the truck door.
“Jax! Wait!”
He stopped, his heart hammering in his ears. No, he shouldn’t wait. He shouldn’t just stand here, like he was doing now.
“Jax,” Tia said, coming closer.
He turned to face her. She’d put on her snow boots and some kind of robe. Her hair was loose and still wet. Her white skin gleamed in the moonlight. This woman was beautiful—not that it mattered.
“Hey,” she said and moved right into his personal space.
He stood military straight, relaxed but prepared for a fight. “Yeah,” he said.
Without warning, she grabbed the coat lapels by his chest and pulled him to her. “You forgot to kiss me.”
At first, he resisted, closing his hands around hers. “Wait.”
“I promised you a kiss every night,” she whispered.
He saw the tears in her eyes, tears that were breaking his heart. He didn’t understand what was happening, why she was doing this after she’d left, but he knew that this wasn’t fake anymore. “First of all, don’t tell me you’re not a singer. That’s a coward’s way. Why can’t you be a singer and a writer? Why?” He shook his head. “It ticks me off you underestimate yourself so much.”
Tia was quiet for a moment. Then she whispered, “Are you going to kiss me or not?”
“Do you want me to kiss you?” he asked, feeling so confused.
Instantly, her lips pressed against his, flooding him with more fire and light. He thought of her singing in the freezer today. Dang, he’d fallen for this woman.
Instinct took over. He cupped her face with his hands, not holding back—he kissed her like he’d been a POW lost at war and he’d just been released.
She hesitated, then her hands slipped into his coat, against his bare flesh, circling to his back and pulling him closer.
He deepened the kiss, setting off rockets in his mind and body. His desire mixed with the anger and pain she’d released inside of him.
“Wait,” she protested.
Crazed, he yanked back. “What do you want, woman?”
She searched his face. “I want you, Jax. I want you to stay. Can you do that?”
All of his flight-or-fight instincts were on high alert and he thought of everything she was asking of him. Sudden panic hit him. “I have to go.”
Chapter 18
The next morning, Tia sat in a rocking chair at the hospital, holding Chandra.
“Why are you upset today?” Chandra asked.
“I’m not,” Tia denied, pasting on a smile. She felt stupid for getting so invested in Jax. But she’d thought they’d connected. At every turn, he’d surprised her—helping her write her books, learning to dance, and somehow seeing the real her. He’d told her to quit underestimating herself. He’d kissed her like he loved her.
And now he was leaving.
“Tia?” Chandra said.
Shoot, she needed to focus. “Do you want me to read Winnie the Pooh again?” Tia asked the little girl.
Chandra nodded, holding her blanket tightly and looking around. “Uh-huh.”
She began reading, stroking the little girl’s head.
Chandra snuggled into her. “I love you.”
Tia put the book down and rocked her, humming the song her mother had sung to her when she was sad. “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey.”
Without warning, her tears surfaced again, and she sucked in a breath. No. She would not cry this morning. She still had to put in a shift at the flower store and then MC the dance tonight. “I’ve always loved you and made you happy …” she kept singing.
Why had Jax Casey walked into that flower shop? She hated the man. It dawned on her that she might actually hate him even more than Brad. She’d never thought that would be possible.
Chapter 19
Jax walked into the hospital. Martha had called him and told him the doctor would be releasing Grandpa. Good, then he could leave even sooner.
“Jax!” Martha waved him over to a different hallway on the other side of the hospital. This part of the hospital had fish and sea animals on the wall. “Come quick. My favorite thing is when she starts singing this.”
He jerked a thumb to his grandpa’s room. “I’m picking up Grandpa.”
“Come quick.” She waved emphatically.
Relenting, he moved toward her. Everyone was so nice in Snow Valley, but he was done with nice.
She took his arm and led him down the hall. “Listen.”
A woman’s voice crooned, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey …”
He stopped moving, realizing who was singing.
Tia.
“It’s okay.” Martha tried to pull him. “She’s just right in the next room.”
Jax’s heart raced.
Tia continued singing. “I thought I loved you, I thought you loved me, but then you told me you couldn’t stay. It really hurt me, you really hurt me… ” Her voice got quiet. “But I don’t want you to go away.”
Martha frowned. “I’ve never heard this verse.”
Hurt her. Was she singing about him? He backed up quickly.
“But—” Martha said.
“I have to get Grandpa,” he said, rushing away. He couldn’t deal with how he felt. He had to get out of Snow Valley, and quick.
Later that night, Jax was packing his suitcase with all of his clothes and belongings.
“Jax, could I trouble you for a glass of water, please?” His grandpa sat in his usual chair, watching the television.
Quickly, Jax moved from his bedroom and slipped the suitcase inside the hallway closet. He’d organized that closet last night, along with all of the other storage places in the house. Needless to say, he hadn’t been able to sleep well.
Jax walked into the kitchen, gave his grandpa’s water mug a quick rinse, and filled it with ice and water before going back and handing it over. As his grandpa sipped at his water, Jax thought he looked good. Maybe not great, not like the grandpa he’d grown up with as a kid, but good. The doctor was more than hopeful that he’d be able to get back to all of his activities.
Grandpa put the cup down on the television tray beside him. It also held the remote, some tissues, Chapstick, cough drops, and everything else he needed. “Thank you.” He leaned back, closing his eyes, and crossed his hand on his chest. “Thank you, Jax.”
Jax’s heart raced. “I, uh, wanted to tell you that I’m heading out tonight.”
His grandpa’
s eyes opened. “What?”
Jax rushed on, moving to the center of the room and rearranging the magazines on the coffee table. “Don’t worry. I’ve told Chase Moon, and I’m going to pay him to come and do the chores around here for a couple of weeks. He’ll keep tabs on you and let me know if there’s anything else you need. I also spoke with Martha, and she’s going to arrange a cleaner to come in once a week and also do some washing and stock your fridge with groceries. Plus, she put me in contact with Meals on Wheels, and I lined it up so you’ll have one fresh meal a day brought in to you.” He kept picking up, straightening the blanket on the couch that didn’t need to be straightened.
“Jax,” his grandpa said.
Jax didn’t want to make a big deal of all of this. “Look, Grandpa, you knew I was re-enlisting, and I can still spend a week with a couple of my team guys in Cabo, so I’m going to do that. I think I deserve that. I mean, they’re my brothers, after all.”
His grandpa’s expression had turned stoic.
“And there’s nothing else for me to do here except chores every day, but Chase is going to do that. And cook, but we’re having a hot meal brought in. You and I know that’s better than I could do.”
“And Tia?” his grandpa said.
Jax’s heart hammered in his chest, but he didn’t break eye contact. “She told me she didn’t want me to go to the dance with her anymore.”
His grandpa gave him an appraising up-and-down look. “What did you do, Jax?”
It annoyed Jax that his grandfather would think so poorly of him. He’d only ever been amazing to his grandfather. “Nothing,” he said, crossing his arms like he was twelve again and in trouble.
His grandfather waited, as if his stare could tear the truth from him. Then he turned back to the television, picking up the remote. “Okay.”
Jax had been prepared for a lecture. He’d been prepared for a fight. He’d been prepared to actually take whatever his grandpa would say and just ignore it. But he hadn’t been prepared for nothing. “What does that mean?”
His grandpa changed the channel, not speaking to him.