by Lisa Ladew
Graeme had warned her Leilani’s body would cease to be and asked her if she’d be able to get back to Rhen’s meadow when she got expelled. They had closed the circuit, created a time spur, and destroyed that old world where that body had lived forever. The world in which the bear had died did not exist. The world in which Khain had won, that world was destroyed, and now she and Leilani would live it all again. But did Leilani remember it?
Leilani spoke, her voice that of a clear and strong young woman, not the hazy, crazy sing-song way she’d had of speaking when Evie had known her before. If it had happened in the future could it really be before? She wasn’t gonna think after. The future was now the future, right? But it had happened in Evie’s past.
Oh! Hi! You… you—I know you… but, what bear? Did what bear live or die?
Evie couldn’t speak for a moment. Couldn’t project her thoughts to Leilani in that way she had the last time she’d been in Leilani’s body, when they’d found what was left of the KSRT and gone back in time to save the bear, a full month farther back than the dragen had said was smart, but bold and not smart weren’t always the same thing. She hadn’t gone back as far as she’d wanted to.
Leilani was speaking clearly to her. Looking her in her imaginary eyes, making sense, paying attention. Here and now. Not crazy.
Leilani? she said, even though she knew exactly who she was talking to.
Leilani nodded and Evie sensed her hair bouncing in a hazy way, through Leilani’s senses, but secondhand.
Yes, see, you know my name. We’ve never met before. How do you know my name and how are you in my body? Why is the bear so important? What is your name?
Eventine tried to remember all the questions so she could answer them. Leilani had not asked her name the last time they’d met.
Eventine, she said.
Leilani liked it. Eventine could feel it. Was flooded with the emotion. Whoa. Leilani’s mental voice had a firm note, like she was the judge pronouncing everything exactly as it should be. Eventine. It’s whimsical. I like it. It’s pretty, too, but I don’t think it matches you.
Eventine shook her head, disliking the feeling of doing so with no body. You can see me? But it made sense. Eventine could see Leilani, standing next to her in a dark room, feet bare, hospital gown on. Evie looked down at herself. She was dressed in what she liked to wear. A blue pantsuit. Flats. Chunky metal necklace the only jewelry. Was everyone’s mind a dark room?
Leilani went on like she hadn’t heard. Your soul says you should have been named something like … Cleopatra. There can only be one. Isn’t that true? In that way, then, it fits you. Are you… like me? You’re not, are you?
Evie almost smiled. She like this Leilani a lot. This Leilani reminded her of Jaggar. Perfectly normal and sweet and intelligent in an expansive way. Full of questions. Always wanted to know everything. But with secrets inside.
Evie struggled to become aware of their surroundings through Leilani’s senses. Too late, she realized that Leilani was strapped onto a gurney that was being pushed through a hallway. Evie hated this place. The Roosevelt. A hospital for “mental patients.”
Where are we going? she asked Leilani.
I’m not sure. No one told me. Leilani swung her gaze up to whoever was pushing her down the hallway. Evie knew the guy from the last time she’d been there. A real douche.
I don’t like him, Evie snarled.
That’s Joel. Nobody likes him.
Evie couldn’t see him. But she could sense him. Young. 18 maybe, or 20. Brown hair, emo haircut, penchant for leather jackets even in the summer. Raging red pimples covering face and forehead. Mean sneer where a smile could be.
He looks sleazy, Evie said.
He is.
So matter of fact. That’s the way it is.
This Leilani didn’t make sense to Evie. She couldn’t reconcile her with the one she’d first met. Why are you here? she asked. You don’t seem like you belong here.
Leilani’s eyes rolled and Evie’s stomach swooped as Leilani’s senses spun.
But I am crazy, Leilani said.
Really? Leilani hadn’t been lucid enough the last time Evie had talked to her to make a judgment call on her own craziness. Evie was fascinated to see what she would say.
Really, Leilani said. I believe that I can travel in time.
Evie didn’t know what to say. Was Leilani really in this place because of an ability she actually had?
Evie took a moment to gather her thoughts. She was just glad to be there. Somewhere, rather than nowhere. Somewhen, rather than nowhen. She’d thought she’d been lost for good, that she would float and ask that question forever. Did the bear live or die? She wished she knew.
Thanks to Leilani she had could find out. Thanks to Leilani, maybe the shiften had a second chance to stop Khain.
If it had worked, if the shiften really had another chance to beat the demon, none of them would ever know how much they owed Leilani. Eventine would deliver Leilani to Harlan and then retreat to Rhen’s meadow, her part in this little drama over. She had no idea when she would be pulled to where she belonged, to the Haven.
But what if the wrong side won again?
Evie clenched her non-fists, the thought making her tense in horror. Unthinkable.
7 - Not on Evie’s Watch
I’m gonna get you out of here, Evie said to Leilani.
Oh no, I should stay. I don’t belong anywhere else.
Evie sensed an IV dripping cold liquid into Leilani’s arm. Cold liquid and something more. What are they giving you?
I don’t know.
Anger flared inside Evie. When do they untie you? She hadn’t been tied the last time. Evie tried harder to see out of Leilani’s eyes, searching Joel for identifying marks, so she could identify him later, or describe him to someone when she got Leilani back to the KSRT.
She could kind of see. Brown hair. Brushed toward his face. Hair sprayed that way. He was bent over her. He untied the soft leather cuffs keeping her on the bed, then her gown pulled her gown away… What is he doing?
Leilani didn’t answer. Evie could sense Joel’s words as Leilani heard them, they were soft, but not right.
“How are you this fine evening? May I take your coat? You have a beautiful body.”
Leilani, answer me. What is he doing? She tried to see around the room. Was there anyone else in it? No. Just Joel and Leilani.
Did she feel his hand on Leilani’s skin? On her belly? Oh. Hell. No.
Leilani squeezed her eyes shut tight, tried to move her head, seeming to have a hard time. She managed, pulling her head to the side, trying to hide her face in the pillow. No, it’s ok. He doesn’t do much. Just mutters under his breath like that. He put his hand on my leg once. That’s it.
Can you… can you open your eyes again? I need to see him.
I can try.
They’d had this problem last time, too. Leilani had not enough control over her own body. Evie had had to let the drugs wear off before she’d been able to get Leilani out of there because Leilani was pumped so full of drugs.
Leilani’s eyes opened. Evie could feel the light. She focused, tried to see what Leilani was seeing. Leilani gasped and all at once Leilani’s senses flooded into Evie’s awareness. Joel was at her hip. Joel was touching her.
Oh no, Leilani breathed. What is he doing? She squeezed her eyes shut tight and started to whisper under her breath. Go away Joel please go away.
Evie had seen enough. She could control Leilani’s body if Leilani stood aside enough, and she couldn’t control the deadly red rage that had ridden into her vision. She jumped forward, grabbed control of Leilani’s body, the too big body that Evie couldn’t get to move just right, but in her anger, her outrage, she could make it move well enough to hit Joel in his brachial plexus with a chop of Leilani’s hand. The lech rolled backwards off the bed and thumped to the ground. Hopefully for long enough for someone to come find Leilani. Yell for help, Lani.
Le
ilani didn’t say a word. Didn’t respond. Lani, now, do it now, stay with me here.
Evie was getting Leilani’s emotions again. Swimming in them. Fear, anger, helplessness. They were coming fast and furious and pulling Evie’s attention all over the map. She waded through them, trying to gain control of Leilani’s body again-if only they could get up and walk out!-when Joel sat up. Evie could feel the wind of the air of the room move from the flutter of the hair on Leilani’s arms. She was hyperfocused, but still removed.
Joel’s pushed to his feet and glowered down at his helpless patient, his face a sick mask of horror . “That was rude,” he said. He swung the gurney around and pushed her out the same door that they’d come in, heading down a deserted hallway, deeper into the bowels of the sad building. Evie tried to curse him. She couldn’t quite manage. Leilani was fighting her.
Leilani cringed, pulling herself into a ball. The self-assured, intelligent Leilani disappeared and a little girl replaced her, chanting in a little girl voice. No evie, no evie, no evie, don’t let him.
Ah crap. Evie’s heart tore and twisted. What in the hell was going on? And how much of it was her fault? Spare electricity in Leilani’s nervous system fired, fear making her body jump, but she wouldn’t push herself up and out of the bed to run.
Evie would. Leilani, we’re going to run. I have some friends who will help you. Just let me take control. Let me take control. You did it before.
Before Evie could move, Joel stopped the gurney at a doorway, ran forward, grabbed Leilani’s wrists, and tied her down again. Evie stared at him through Leilani’s eyes, hate coursing through her. She would get this dickhead, this waste of oxygen. Somehow she managed to speak. “Don’t do it,” she rasped out of Leilani’s vocal cords. “I’ve got mean friends.” She wanted to promise him she would rip his left nut out of his pathetic, wrinkly sack and show it to him before she tossed it in her mouth and chewed it like breakfast, if he touched Leilani again. But that was a promise she could not keep because she was dead.
Joel laughed, his attention still on his work. “The only friends you have are imaginary.”
Evie growled. She would go to Harlan in his dreams, whisper in his ear every night until he finally figured out what he needed to do, who he needed find and punish. Who he needed to “talk to.” With enough time and determination, she could convince him. She’d done it before.
Joel finished tying her second hand down, then he pushed the entire gurney through the doorway into a new room.
Leilani was losing it, sliding backwards into craziness. Whatever happened inside this room was not good. “No!” she cried.
Evie tried to see, tried to see out her eyes to see what was going to happen. Evie’s own repeating question shot through her mind and Leilani’s at the same time as Leilani’s nerves fired in Evie’s mind. Or something. Did the bear live or die? Did the bear live or die? She had to know. Leilani had to know. They had to know.
She tried to talk to Leilani, soothe her, calm her, but their thoughts twisted around each other, like a conversation with a best friend. No Leilani it’s ok, he did live. I know he lived. No! You don’t know. Yes, He must have. How can we get out of here? You don’t know how do you know and I want to know Did the BEAR LIVE or did the bear DIE!?
And suddenly they were ripping through time and Evie recognized the feeling, the ripping, the sliding, the tearing, the bludgeoning, remembering it from when they’d gone back and saved the bear and where were they going this time but no when were they going no when were they going?
Leilani stood up on her own two feet, untethered, no longer in a bed, somewhere in semi-dark, and Evie could almost see out her eyes. Where were they? Sounds and sights came to her like she was crouched in the very back of a movie theater, the biggest one in the world, and the projector was fuzzy and the sound wasn’t loud enough and what was that on the screen? A room - large room? Small house? Cabin? She couldn’t tell. Several people were present, staring at the camera. No, at her. No, not at her, at Leilani.
Evie tried hard to catch the scents and the sounds, stretching her mental ears and eyes. Maybe if she added it all together she could figure out when they were, where they were, and then she could- she caught his scent. Harlan. Smoked cider wood and and masculine spice. A scent she hadn’t smelled in almost 30 years. Harlan! Her mate. She’d been able to see him from Rhen’s meadow, but not smell him. Not… touch him. Her heart clenched and tears sprang to her non-eyes but did not fall. She missed him so much. It had been so long. She tried to reach out with her non-fingers, to touch him. But it wasn’t her body. Leilani. Please. She tried to get Leilani to do what she wanted her to do, sudden desperation making her weak. Head that way. Harlan. Harlan. Harlan.
Harlan! Leilani reacted to Evie’s distress, picking up the chant inside her own mind. Harlan! Harlan! “Harlan, did the bear live or die?” Leilani cried out loud and Evie held her breath. Did Evie know which one was Harlan? Was she looking at him? Evie tried to see, tried to hear as well as she could. Would she hear Harlan’s voice through Leilani’s ears? But Harlan wasn’t talking.
Someone else’s voice. “Harlan that’s your mate!” Mac. The poor male had been a mess last time she’d seen him. Harlan’s voice, hard to hear. “.... my mate.” She tried to pull herself together. To say something. She needed to tell them… what? When was it? She looked for clues. Who else was in the room? It was hot. Sweltering. And loud. This was type B time travel, Graeme had explained. Type B for bludgeon. It was hard on everyone involved, even hard on time itself, it seemed. It should be. Leilani literally reached her hands out and tore a hole in time and stepped through to wherever she wanted to go. Perfect control. Almost perfect.
She tried to see out of Leilani’s eyes, scent from Leilani’s poorly-performing nose. Was Leilani’s vision worse than it had been a second ago? Or was that Evie’s vision? She scented a felen, and a bearen. The doctor and Bruin’s twin. A female … two females. Heather, ripe with child. Rogue. More… Leilani was talking. Evie tried to touch Heather’s mind, but Heather didn’t respond. If Heather were there, that meant Graeme was there. She could talk to him maybe, if she could just convince him of who she was … if he would just listen to her, which no one ever did, they all knew she was dead, thought they were hearing voices, but then another consciousness reached out to her.
Female.
And that was all she knew.
Dragen? Maybe. Eventine stilled, trying to make sense of what she felt.
Heather’s young. Kendra, she called herself. And she was pissed, fire and smoke and heat belching from her inner self. Her mind was on the bear, and she was fuming. Evie poked her. Hey, calm down little one, you’re too young to come out swinging. Her tone was light, but in truth, she was more than a little scared for Bruin’s brother. This young was powerful, and had little sense of morals or values yet and Evie could clearly sense her intent to hurt the bear and her special knowledge that she easily could.
The young swung to face her. Evie pulled herself to her full height of 5 foot 2 inches and eyed her back. The young, in her own mind, had no words yet, but she had wants and wisdom and now she was studying Evie, looking for weaknesses. In her mind, she was not a pudgy little baby, but a tall and willowy being of fire and scales held together with protective feminine energy. She could look human in her mind, and she shimmered into that form to show Evie she could, showing off almost, but even like that, her hair was the one part of her that still seemed more fire than form.
Evie traced the detail of the female, fascinated. If she had been alive, she never would have seen any of this, but her bodiless self could see all, wherever she focused hard enough. She wondered if Harlan had been able to see the engel’s inner “animals” before he’d been-
No. That never happened. None of it. Not in this world. Not on this timeline. Harlan lived. She could scent him. He was here in this room with her. She would not let herself think of that past anymore. Now it was only one possible future. Not even a probabl
e one with Bruin still alive, she thought. If he was still alive. Had anyone answered the question?
The fiery young shivered in her mind and wrapped her mental arms around herself. Her hair faded from deep fire red-orange, to a light orangish-yellow, fire that was almost only hot air.
Leilani, Evie hissed, trying to catch Leilani’s attention. Leilani, let me talk. I have to talk to Harlan.
She tried to push forward. Take control. Almost had it. But no, Leilani was resisting, not her, just resisting, still trying to talk herself. “Is he alive? Is he alive? Is he alive?”
A female talking. Rogue? She said Bruin lived! Good. Good. Things were already different. They had to be different this time. She could not live through that again.
Eventine felt her own relief, she felt Leilani’s relief, but Leilani slumped suddenly, letting Evie leap forward to take control of Leilani’s body, but Leilani was already loosening her hold on time, and they were being sucked backwards and she only had a moment, if that. She wanted to talk to Harlan so badly, but she wouldn’t have time to say that and what needed to be said, too.
She spoke with Leilani’s vocal cords as she felt the pull back to The Roosevelt. “The bear needs to go. And Kendra says it’s too cold out here.”
And whoosh, they were back in the asylum. She couldn’t relax because Joel was bending over them. He was looking at Leilani funny, but not like she’d just disappeared from view. He was pushing her gurney into place against a long white machine. He didn’t react like anything had happened at all. He was still muttering, and again, the room they were in was empty. It was just Leilani and Joel, and Eventine.
Joel snatched up some wires and shook them at Leilani. Leilani quivered, whimpering inside her mind like a little girl, her body crying visibly, which seemed to make Joel happy.
Eventine looked as closely as she could through the haze of Leilani’s eyesight which was still worse than it had been before, even now that they were back in the bright light of the mental hospital.