Last Kiss in Tiananmen Square

by Lisa Zhang Wharton

  Lao Liu cut in, “As you know, China had a brief democracy around the turn of the century under the Sun Yat-sen’s government after the toppling of the Qing Dynasty, the last imperial dynasty of China. It had the first democratic election in 1913. But it was short-lived and only lasted for three months before Sun Yat-sen relinquished his power to General Yuan Shih-kai, who in turm declared himself as the emperor of a new dynasty until his death in 1916. The warlords and Chiang Kai Shek ruled for the next 33 years without success and lost its power to the Communist Party in 1949. The Chinese people have been used to a central government as shown by our more than 2000 years of civilized history. People in power don’t like to give up power because it’s so nice to be the ‘Emperor of China’. So why do you think this time it’s different? I can’t believe how crazy you have gotten.” Lao Liu opened his palms staring at Dagong.

  “Yes. I can’t believe myself. Sometimes after you have long suffered long and been almost dead for many years, you tend to believe in miracles.” Dagong sighed.

  Lao Liu continued. “Do you remember in 1957 when everyone was encouraged to speak up and to criticize the Communist government? In the end, the government came in, purged the most brilliant and most talented individuals and sent them to labor camps. Have you forgotten that? Have you forgotten the Cultural Revolution? Have you forgotten the labor camp yourself?” Lao Liu stood up, grabbed Dagong’s shoulder shaking. “Wake up!”

  Dagong broke free from Lao Liu and sat down. He lit another cigarette and started smoking. “But what is the meaning of life if we keep being passive and dead?”

  “Who tells you to question that? You know many of these young people didn’t even know what the Cultural Revolution was like? They were born after that. There is a sucker born every minute.”

  “That’s the beauty of that, their naivety They will rise up and overthrow the government,” said Dagong. He was surprised how forceful he had become.

  “Then do you think they would be interested in having a democratic government? What makes you think they are not interested in having the power all to themselves?”

  “One can always hope. I don’t know. I just don’t want to be negative.” Dagong looked up to the late spring night. The moon came out from behind the clouds, looking huge and pale emitting its cold light. He thought of Baiyun, her angelic face, her beautiful voice, and her troubled family background. She, too, suffered in the Cultural Revolution. Why were they stupid enough to join the movement? He should find her and ask her that question. How much he wished he could see her now.

  “I’m going in,” said Lao Liu while standing up gradually. He tried to do a few stretches. “Oh, my legs. But you, Dagong, I think it is safer for you here. Zhang Ping is mad at you and may strangle you if she sees you. Take a nap here by the fish pond.” He slowly walked away. Then he turned back, “Oh, I forgot to tell you that the police have been ordered to line up near the Beijing University and QingHua University so if students were ready to march again, they can be stopped at their infancy. Of course, the police will wait for orders. If there is no order, they will just stay there and watch. Tell the students to be careful. The police are armed. Good night.”

  “Ok. I will. Good morning,” said Dagong.

  Lao Liu chuckled and sauntered away.

  Dagong tried to sleep on the brick wall by the fishpond. Fortunately Lao Liu left him a blanket to cover himself. He couldn’t fall asleep. He thought about what was going to happen if he continued to ignore the TOFEL study, join the student movement and see Baiyun. Regardless whether the students should succeed or not, he would have to change his life. He had woken up. He realized that he had lived in a self-imposed prison for too long. The wind of democracy finally broke the window of his cell so he could escape. But it was up to him to decide whether he should get out or not. It is time, he was telling himself. He would at least pitch a tent in Tiananmen Square tomorrow just like all the people from other provinces. At this moment he could hear the opening and closing of the squeaky gate. He could hear Little Pea’s giggles and her boyfriend Yu Gang’s voice. As soon as they came in, their voices stopped.

  Dagong sat up which startled Little Pea. She touched her lips trying to muffle her scream.

  “Uncle Dagong, what are you doing here? Has Zhang Ping kicked you out? I don’t understand. She adores you.” Little Pea looked puzzled and sympathetic.

  “Not really. I think I deserve a timeout myself for coming home late,” said Dagong mater-of-fact. “Just like you, except your parents will understand and let you in. Zhang Ping still thinks I shouldn’t get involved.”

  “She is still living in the past, I think. I understand you. It is hard not to get involved. Nobody is working or going to classes. Everyone feels change is really coming this time so they don’t want to miss this huge event and being part of it.” Little Pea had really become an articulate girl.

  “Have you had fun?” asked Dagong.

  “Yes. We watched poetry reading and an acrobat performance.”

  “Acrobat performance? How does that have to do with the prodemocracy movement?”

  “They are patriotic acrobat performers. They are raising money to buy tents for people from out of town.” Little Pea talks so fast she was out of breath.

  “Are you going to spend the night here?” Dagong asked Yu Gang.

  “I think so. Little Pea, do you think your mother will approve of this?” gesturing at the two of them. Yu Gang sounded unsure.

  “Of course. We are getting married, aren’t we?” Little Pea went over and gave Yu Gang a hug.

  “Good night, Uncle Dagong.” Yu Gang wrapped his arm around Little Pea’s waist and pulled her toward Pumpkin’s apartment while kissing her.

  “Good night.” Dagong watched them going away into the darkness and felt a tinge of jealousy. Right now he could use a kiss from Baiyun or, rather, many kisses from Baiyun. All of sudden, he got very tired. Nothing could stop him from sleeping. His eyelids were fighting to stay open and it was a losing battle. He decided to take a chance and go inside to sleep. Zhang Ping couldn’t possibly be still awake. He tiptoed and tried not to make any noise as he was approaching the door. He opened the door slowly. As he opened it, a shadow jumped on him.

  “Dagong, where were you? Why haven’t you come home?” Zhang Ping fell into his chest sobbing. “I have been waiting for you all evening and then dozed off for a while. I heard your voice in the yard. I was too embarrassed to join you. I heard that you were with the students. How brave and how stupid! Why have you given up your dream of going to America? Do you know how many days I have prayed for us to go to America? Do you think I’m just a stupid woman with no dreams? I do. I want to go to America and you are my only hope.” She slipped down and fell to the floor since Dagong was not holding her tightly. She started pounding the floor and screaming. Little Turnip woke up and ran toward his mother. They were in a duet of crying. “Why are you so involved in this movement? There is no future in that. I know it. It never was and it will never be. Haven’t you forgotten the labor camp?”

  Dagong, sat on the bed, numb. He was stunned to see Zhang Ping’s reaction and to witness her desire to get out of China. She might be smarter than he thought, he told himself. But he was too tired to think now. He just stared into the darkness listening and weeping silently.

  “Ok. I will study TOFEL tomorrow.” He uttered these words to his own surprise.

  Zhang Ping stopped crying immediately and stared into Dagong’s eyes. “Really? I love you.” She started kissing him all over.

  Chapter 7

  At midnight, Baiyun was back in her dormitory room. By then Yumei was fast asleep as well as the four other roommates. Not wanting to disturb them, she went to bed quietly without washing.

  She had a dream that night. She dreamed that two people were pulling a rope to see who was stronger. They asked her to be the judge. After they had pulled for a long time, she couldn’t declare a winner. Exhausted by watching every step they took a
nd looking for evidence of cheating, she ended up calling it a tie.

  Baiyun heard knocking on the door while still in a deep sleep. As the knocking persisted, she eventually woke up. She had a hard time opening her eyes due to the bright sunshine through the window. By the time she did open her eyes, she noticed that all of her roommates had gone. She was only one in the room. They must have gone home for the weekend, said Baiyun to herself.

  “Who is it?” She asked.

  “Your mother.”

  Oh, my God, what was SHE doing here? She jumped off the top-bunk and opened the door. Her mother was wearing a tan silk shirt and a pair of blue jeans with her hair tied into a ponytail, looking much younger than her actual age of forty-six. Her plump figure was unusually full of energy. After putting down two plastic bags full of food on the only table in the room, she wiped her face with her handkerchief.

  “Oh, it’s hot in here. Baiyun, are you alright?” She said to her still sleeping daughter who had crawled back into the bed. Touching Baiyun’s forehead, she said: “Aach. Are you having a fever?”

  “No, mother. I feel fine.”

  “You should be careful. Mother can’t stay here and take care of you all the time. Last time, when I heard you marched to the square, I was so worried.” She sat at the table across from the bunk bed.

  “Mother, I am twenty years old and can take care of myself!” Baiyun just stared at the ceiling. She knew a long lecture from Meiling was coming.

  “I don’t know whether it is mother’s business to tell you or not. You are old enough to know how to deal with boys. But please stay away from those crazy students! And keep up your studies.” Meiling was getting more emotional as she spoke.

  “He is not a student, mother,” said Baiyun calmly. She knew sooner or later she had to tell Meiling about Dagong.

  “What? You have a boyfriend and he is not a student from Beida?” Meiling’s mouth dropped and her two big long-lashed eyes looked huge behind her glasses.

  “Yes. But I’m just getting to know…. know him. But it feels good and I really would like to see him more,” said Baiyun while playing with her fingers. She was a little embarrassed.

  “Ok, I don’t care who he is. Mother is just concerned about your future like always.” Then she stood up, “Get up. Mother will take you to lunch.”

  “Where are we going?” Baiyun sat up.

  “The Russian Tavern.”

  “Woo.” Baiyun was excited. She decided that it was worthwhile to sit through another one of Meiling’s long lectures in order to have a nice meal.

  After Baiyun finished cleaning herself in the common washroom and putting on a floral silk dress, she left for the restaurant with Meiling. Unavoidably, Meiling’s presence had attracted some attention on campus. But this time the students were not so surprised, since this was just another example of a parent coming to take a student home, quite common lately. Many parents worried about their children’s future during this chaotic time. Many parents decided to take their children home to keep them out of trouble. Nevertheless, plenty of people were still hanging out on the street. Besides, Beijing University had become the focal point for students from other universities, reporters from all over the country and small business people from all around town. Baiyun’s mother couldn’t help to stop at a student fund-raising table, manned by a bald but well-groomed student. As a successful small businesswoman, Meiling enjoyed showing off her new wealth. She opened her purse and gave the student twenty yen.

  “Thank you, auntie,” said the student with a big grin. He tucked the coins neatly into a metal box on the table.

  “No problem. This is my daughter’s school. I should support the students..” Baiyun was embarrassed. But she was happy that Meiling supported the movement without even knowing it.

  A second young man with long hair and scruffy beard stood by the table. He was holding a flag with the Beijing University emblem on it. He picked up a small model of the flag from a box and gave it to Meiling. She proudly placed the flag in the buttonhole of her tan blouse. After that, they passed a few impassioned street orators and the now common T-shirt vendors. The restaurant was located across the street from one of the campus gates. It was a small elegant restaurant specializing in Eastern European cooking. Baiyun’s mother always brought her here to treat her. Although the treat session did not always end happily, Baiyun kept coming back. The food was too good to refuse, and the portions were large.

  The restaurant was usually very busy due to its location. It was not so today since the lunch crowd had not arrived yet. A hostess in a traditional Russian costume showed them to a small table for two covered with a green tablecloth. A beautiful plastic flower vase in the middle had a few freshly cut flowers.

  “Oh, my God, it is so hot,” said Meiling while seating down. Her ample body was always more sensitive to heat than others.

  “Baiyun, I think you are too skinny now. You see, Mother can’t stop you from attending extracurricular activities. But we should set limits. It is not worthwhile to damage your health. My God, look at my tan and slender girl.” She stared at her and frowned.

  “OK, mother.” Baiyun was so amazed to see how Meiling always worried about her being too skinny while her own concern was to lose some weight herself. Even by Western standards, she was not a skinny girl. It was not obvious to Meiling, however. In fifteen minutes, the first course had arrived. Baiyun’s was a bowl of mushroom soup while Meiling’s was chicken soup. The soup looked white and creamy.

  “Baiyun, listen to me. Please don’t get involved in this protest business too much.” Meiling lit a cigarette and started smoking. “You should think about yourself more and try harder to go to America.”

  Baiyun swallowed several spoons full of soup. Creamy soup was her favorite. She finished it in just a few minutes. Then she raised her head and stared at Meiling. She didn’t answer Meiling. But inside her, she was asking herself. Why wasn’t she interested in going to America anymore? In the last five years, she constantly dreamed of going to the western world because she wanted to escape the craziness of her family. Life had not been easy for her. This noisy, strange, family full of dark secrets had never felt like home for her. While Baiyun was growing up, Meiling had never had much time left to spend with her after working long hours and going out with her boyfriends. Her betrayed, powerless father had enclosed himself inside a private greenhouse after work or played violin late into the night. She always imagined a place was far and far away where everyone loved her and adored her. America was a place far enough away for her to imagine. During her freshman year at Beijing University, she was not chosen to go and study in Europe. She cried for a week and experienced deep depression for the first time in her life. Last summer, she spent the whole summer reading the English language newspaper. At the end of the summer, she found out that she needed to get glasses. But now all the eagerness to get out of the country had evaporated. A powerful force had pulled her heart away from that dream. It was so strange that for the first time in her life she felt she was not in control of her life. Through this movement, she found friends, community, and most importantly, excitement. Was it true that she always wanted to be a leader?

  “Why don’t you answer me?” asked Meiling.

  “Mother, I don’t know.” At this moment, her heavy, inflated head thought of nothing but food. She felt like she could eat a horse.

  “Don’t mumble! Where is my hard working determined daughter? I haven’t talked to you for a couple of weeks; you seemed to have really changed. Ok. Like I have always said, it is your life, not mine. You have to decide what to do with it.”

  She knew this was Meiling’s old trick, transferring the responsibility to her. Actually she liked it this way, which would help her to think more seriously about herself.

  “Actually it is to my advantage if you decide to stay here rather than going abroad. Why do I want you to leave, to go to a place so far away and not knowing when I would see you again? It is just for you
and for your future that Mother encourages you to go to America,” said Meiling earnestly.

  Yes, Baiyun said to herself, she was very useful for Meiling at home. As the main cook and household chore person, Baiyun’s leaving would be a major loss for her family, although Meiling had turned her boyfriends into cooks after Baiyun had left for college. Yet her going to America was an important decision for both her and Meiling.

  Their main course had arrived. Meiling suddenly made a big grin toward the waitress. Baiyun got a cream-baked fish while Meiling had Russian style beef, which was also full of cream and butter. Then the waitress placed a hot iron plate in the middle of the table. It was full of seafood, eggs, sausages, onions and mushrooms. A propane burner was burning hot under it.

  “What wonderful food! Thank you,” said Meiling to the waitress.

  “Do you need anything else?” asked the waitress coldly. It was impossible to get any smile out any of these state-employed waitresses.

  “Not for a while,” said Meiling with a mouth full of food.

  By now Baiyun was immersed in her food. Heavy cream was her favorite. Soon her mouth, inside and out, was coated with a layer of pink cream.

  “Eat. Eat.” Meiling kept putting food into her dish. “Baiyun, listen to me. Think about going to America soon. The situation here is very unstable now. The students may be right but you never know what is going to happen next. The government keeps broadcasting threatening messages. Police are posted everywhere. Don’t get confident too early. The situation could change overnight. By that time, it might be too late to go to America. They may shut China’s door completely.”

  Baiyun nodded while putting a squid into her mouth. Her cheeks expanded. She was struggling to chew and swallow. The juice contained in hollows of the squid oozed out from corners of her lips. She struggled to wipe it off before it dripped down to her dress.