Last Kiss in Tiananmen Square

by Lisa Zhang Wharton

  “What do you think the police are doing here?” Dagong asked a student at the Beida station.

  “I don’t know. I think they are targeting us so we have something to demonstrate about. Just kidding. I think the government just tries to scare us by sending the police and troops here so we will give up. But it is not that easy. Reporters from all over the world are here so the government has to consider their reputation. They don’t want to lose face. They don’t want to be the first ones to open fire.”

  “Have you achieved your goal of having a dialogue with the government?” asked Dagong.

  “No. The government still refuses to talk to the United Student Federation. We are waiting patiently. If they still don’t agree to meet with us, we are planning to have another rally in a week to coincide with the seventieth anniversary of the May 4th student movement.”

  “Really, it is great. On May 4th, 1919, students from Beijing University played a crucial role in the movement against the Versailles Treaty that awarded the German rights of Shandong province to Japan. You can do it again seventy years later.” Dagong waved his fist in the air. “Do you need our workers protection? In the next few days, I can find a group of strong workers to meet with you in Beida. We can serve as a human shield for you students.” Dagong couldn’t believe that he was getting excited. He would be able to see Baiyun again and march with her. For the time being he could not stop seeing her. Whatever it took, he would pursue it.

  “Sure. I would like that.” The student shook hands with him.

  Just as he was about to walk away, he heard a familiar voice.

  “Dagong.”

  He turned around. He couldn’t believe his eyes. It was Baiyun. She was wearing a blue and white floral long sleeve shirt and blue jeans. On her head sat a broad-brimmed hat. She beamed at him with her two big innocent eyes. Under the bright sunshine, she looked like a flower in full bloom. She extended her hand toward him. He grabbed it, opened his arms and gave her a big hug. Baiyun rested her head on his warm chest. They hugged for a long time. He hadn’t felt so comfortable for a long time. If not for the others around here, he would definitely have kissed her. He broke loose of her and breathlessly exclaimed:

  “I finally found you. What brought you here?”

  “I’m a reporter now for the Beida News Center. So I have to come here once in a while to report on what’s going on. The rest of the time, I have been studying TOFEL because Mother asked me to promise that I would. I keep thinking it would be nice if I could study with you.” She looked longingly at his swarthy face.

  “I have been thinking about the same thing. Let’s take a stroll since we have been so good, too good, I mean.” He wrapped his arm around her waist and guided her away from the crowd. “Let me show you downtown Beijing.”

  “Sure. Where are you going to show me?” Baiyun looked at him sweetly. Her heart was beating a little fast.

  “It’s a secret,” said Dagong. How much was he looking forward to this?

  As they walked across Tiananmen Square hand-in-hand, they heard loud cheering coming from one of many circles of crowd.

  “Let go and see.” Baiyun pulled Dagong forward to the crowd.

  “I thought I was showing you around,” murmured Dagong. But he followed. What else could he do?

  Baiyun came to the wall of the crowd and could see nothing. So she pushed, shoved and ducked under people’s arms. Dagong followed with difficulty because people cursed after Baiyun as she moved forward. Finally they arrived at the front row. Baiyun wasn’t sure she wanted to see.

  Many bald men piled on top of a small bald man wearing a white cotton robe and whose neck was resting on an edge of a knife. His face was red and the blood vessels bulging yet his neck was intact. His eyes were closed and he looked serene and peaceful.

  “Is this Qigong?” asked Baiyun.

  “Ya. This must be a top Qigong performing troupe,” said Dagong while watching intensively.

  People’s cheering was getting louder as more bald men climbed on top of the pile in the center. The man on the bottom was holding tight. You can almost see the edge of knife made a grove on his neck but no blood streamed out.

  “Let’s go. I can’t stand it.” Baiyun pulled Dagong out of the crowd.

  “Wow, that was impressive. Are you a little scared?” Dagong put his arm around Baiyun and looked into her face smiling.

  “Not really. You don’t know how brave I am. It just reminds me of something scary,” said Baiyun sinking into deep thought.

  “Later. Let’s go and see the poetry reading over there, which is not so crowded.”

  “Sure. I love poetry.”

  “You too?”

  “Yes. It is the language of your soul, isn’t it?”

  “I agree.” Baiyun nodded.

  “Do you have any poems that I can read to see your soul?” asked Dagong.

  “Yes. I’m not sure I want you to read them. It’s too revealing.” Baiyun made a face to him. “You?”

  “No. But I can write some for you.”

  “Sweet.” Baiyun smiled.

  They arrived at the Poetry Reading crowd at the edge of the Tiananmen Square where the Great Hall of People was. A very young looking man stood in the center on a makeshift stage that was put together with boxes piled up in a pyramid shape. He wore a wrinkled white shirt and a white headband with “fight” in Chinese on it. He waved his hands as he spoke while trying to balance himself on this shaky stage:

  In my grief I hear demons shriek;

  I weep while wolves and jackals laugh.

  Though tears I shed to mourn a hero,

  With head raised high, I draw my sword

  “Good job, young man! Do another one!” Someone in the crowd shouted.

  A young lady with short hair and a red string headband on her head jumped up in the front row and rushed to the stage. She pushed the young man off the boxes after getting on. The stage wobbled and she, too, fell off. The crowd laughed.

  The young lady stood on the ground and started reading:

  As I look into the sea of people

  I see anger

  As I look into the sea of people

  I see courage

  As I look into the sea of people

  I see victory

  “Let’s go,” said Dagong. “We can pick up something to eat”

  They walked to a vendor with a cart full of steamed buns. Behind it was a plump lady in a green polyester shirt and a ponytail tied up with a red ribbon. Dagong ordered ten pork steamed buns and two bottles of orange soda. When he handed the money to her, she asked, “Are you with the students?”

  “She is from Beida.” Dagong pointed at Baiyun

  “Ok. It is free then,” said the lady with a big smile.

  “Thanks.” Dagong shook her hand. Then he turned to Baiyun and said, “Now we are going to Wangfujing shopping mall to get some deep-friend cream puffs.”

  “Sure. I haven’t been there for a long time,” said Baiyun. She was getting very excited.

  “Sounds like you are a country girl,” said Dagong teasingly.

  “Bad.” Baiyun jabbed him on the ribs.

  They had to fight their way through the crowd with a mixture of students, citizens from many parts of China and police in green uniforms. As they approached the Wangfujing Street, the famous shopping center, many shops with neon lights and signs and with merchandise inside and outside appeared. The signs said, “Olympus”, “KFC”, “Rolex”, “Gourmet Street”, “Calvin Klein”, “Nina Ricce”, “Gucci”, “Prada” and so on in both Chinese and English. It was noisy. The voice of people bargaining and merchants yelling could be heard. Then Dagong spotted something and quickly pulled Baiyun toward a vendor who had a table full of fried crickets, scorpions and grasshoppers on sticks.

  “Baiyun, want one? I bet you have never had one of these.”

  “Fried bugs, Yuck. When I was in high school, my classmates used to eat fried cicadas and frogs. I had never been popular
enough to have a friend who ate them. It is too bad. Otherwise, I would have developed a taste for them at an early age.” She looked at the dead stiff crickets on sticks and frowned.

  “That’s Ok. It is for kids and the Westerners who think these are our delicacy,” said the little man behind the table. Sure enough, two tall and red-faced Westerners came and each bought two.

  “One is too small. They usually buy two to three,” said the little man.

  “Let’s go,” said Dagong and walked toward the big tan brick building, the “Xidan Shopping Center”. .

  As soon as they walked into this newly renovated old building, Baiyun got lost. She couldn’t believe her eyes. Everything had changed. She was so amazed to see the freshly painted balconies inside with elevators that had glass walls. Many colorful banners were hanging down from the third floor. The old wooden escalators had been replaced with a shining new one with lights all round. The atrium was full of well-dressed merchants with shining new products like Rolex watches, Gucci purses and Sony cameras. In the center a giant chandelier hung emitting soft white light. Many spotlights on the vast ceiling were shining down like many stars. TV screens along the walls of the balconies were flashing ads constantly. The whole place made her dizzy but she was in high spirits.

  “I’m totally lost now. Where is the restaurant that has the deep-fried cream puffs?” Baiyun was really excited to come in here with Dagong. Before the only person who took her to restaurants was Meiling. Even though the food was always good, Meiling often was in a bad mood. It was so refreshing that she could come with such a handsome and fun company.

  “It’s a surprise!” Dagong grabbed her hand pulled her toward an elevator. “Let’s try this brand new elevator.”

  “Ok. I’m afraid of elevators,” confessed Baiyun. “But I’m sure you would be able to protect me if I get sick. I’m afraid of getting stuck in the elevator. Now I’m looking forward to it as long as you are with me.” Baiyun looked at Dagong’s eyes and smiled. Dagong pulled her toward him and gave her a squeeze, just short of kissing. At this moment, the elevator stopped and they had to get on with a few others. Baiyun was a little disappointed. Fortunately they got pushed together closer in the elevator. Baiyun got to rest her head on his chest.

  “Don’t just stare at me. Are you surprised how handsome I’m?” Dagong teased her. “Look outside the glass wall. You are missing all the fun.”

  Baiyun gazed out and all the colorful banners, merchandise and the chandelier became a blur as the elevator travelled. She could feel her stomach churn. She quickly looked away.

  “Are you sick?” Dagong asked and looked a little concerned. Just at the moment, the elevator stopped and everyone swarmed out.

  “No. I just need some food.” Baiyun was so relieved that they were out of this fancy glass elevator.

  As they walked to the restaurant together hand in hand, Baiyun could see some people watched them in admiration. A sense of pride hit her. She tried to remember when was the last time she had felt this way. Growing up in shame and humiliation due to her father’s troubles from being a professor and Meiling’s many liaisons, she couldn’t remember an instance when she felt proud except when she got an “A” for her class at school which had not happened for a while. She really could feel it and liked it.

  As they entered the brand new restaurant, Baiyun was surprised to see it empty and a group of waitresses standing in the corner chatting. When they noticed Baiyun and Dagong, one of them scurried over. She wore a red embroidered Chinese style top and a black mini skirt matched with a pair of red patent spiky high heels. She asked them where they wanted to sit among many shining wooden classic Chinese styled tables and chairs. They chose a table for two by the wall that had a red rose in the bottle.

  After ordering some watermelon juice, they looked at the menu.

  “What do you think? Should we sample some seafood dishes here before having their famous desert, the deep-fried cream puffs?” Dagong asked. “I don’t make a lot of money. But what the heck! Life is too short.”

  “I have some money. Mother always makes sure that I have some money with me. I agree. Life is too short,” smiled Baiyun. “Let’s have our last meal before we die for the good cause.”

  “Wow. I can’t believe you are ready to die already. Don’t you think you are too young to die? Would you have any regrets?” Dagong winked.

  “I don’t know. Because of my harsh childhood, I felt like an old woman by the time I was 15. Now I feel so happy, so I’m actually getting younger. So maybe I’m too young to die. I want to experience true love.” Baiyun stared at Dagong and her eyes were brimming with tears.

  “Are you ready to order?” The waitress showed up all of sudden.

  “Sure,” Baiyun switched her mood, a skill for which she had plenty of training during her complicated childhood. “I would like to order a plate of sliced beef tongue and a plate of pig ears.”

  “I would like to have some crispy shrimp. That’s it,” said Dagong. He handed the menu back to the waitress, who walked away wiggling her hips.

  “I hate that she interrupted our nice conversation about the life, death and love, especially the last one,” said Dagong. “I’m still curious about your childhood story of your mom and the knife. Do you care to tell?”

  “Why not, even though it might give me nightmares tonight,” said Baiyun mater-of-fact as thought she was commenting the furniture.

  “You don’t have to if you want to. I don’t want to wreck your mood.”

  “No. It is about time for me to tell everyone that I’m different and strange sometimes because of this. It is time for me to come out as a young woman instead of staying as an old one.” Baiyun felt good after saying this.

  “Great. I’m glad that I helped you to come out. Whether you still like me or not after that, I don’t know. But I’m willing to risk that for your sake.”

  “Of course. I will still l-i-k-e you,” said Baiyun. “Well. In a stormy night, my mom came home with a bloody leg. Oh, sorry. That’s a different story. One day, I arrived at my apartment after school. After walking through the dark hallway and opened the door, I saw my mother sitting smoking by our round dining table and on her right standing by our double bed was a young man. He was mumbling chants and waving a knife in his hands. Scared as I was, I froze and didn’t know what to do. My mind was racing and searching for solution frantically. Should I go to the neighbors and ask for help? Which one should I go to since most of them were still working? Would that be soon enough? I stood there silently and was too afraid to say anything since none of them noticed me anyway. I was telling myself that I was ready to leap forward to protect mother if the young man decided to attack her.” Baiyun stopped to take a breath.

  “What happened then? What were they talking about?”

  “Of course, Mother is still alive. She didn’t even get injured. Nothing happened. But it was the most intense moment in my life.”

  “Has it been giving you nightmares?” Dagong sounded a little concerned. He was so focused on Baiyun and he didn’t even notice the dishes had arrived and Baiyun had already started eating. “I guess you don’t have nightmares. Ok. Just wondering.” He joined in the feast.

  “I didn’t say I didn’t have any nightmares. I’m just hungry,” said Baiyun with a mouthful of food.

  “I see. As long as you are eating, you are doing fine. Otherwise you wouldn’t have grown to be a college student. You would have perished a long time ago.”

  “You are right. I’m doing fine. Don’t worry about me. Nightmares come and go. Am I full of surprises?” Baiyun looked at Dagong hard and was trying to gauge whether his attitude toward her had changed. She regretted telling him so much. But whom else could she talk to?

  “Just talk to me about it if it bothers you. I love the fact that you are full of surprises.” Dagong touched Baiyun’s hand.

  Baiyun held his hand and said, “Thank you for understanding me.” Then as though she remembered something
, she asked “How about you? Do you have any secrets?”

  “Of course. But I think we have revealed enough secrets for today. Do you still want the deep-fried cream puffs?”

  “Oh. I forgot. I think I’m full. How about you?”

  “Let’s go.” After putting down 10 yens, he stood up.

  As they walked out of the Xidan Shopping Center, Baiyun encountered something she wished she didn’t. She saw Meiling riding on Lao Zheng’s motorcycle followed by a group of young men on scooters. She was wearing a new shinning leather jacket and a pair of leather pants. Only half of her face could be seen from under her helmet. Yet she had no trouble seeing. Baiyun tried to turn away swiftly because she didn’t want her mother to see her with the new boyfriend. But it was too late. Meiling greeted her before she could say anything.

  “Hello, Baiyun, Baiyun, my daughter.” Meiling’s loud yelling could be heard a thousand meters away.

  “Mother, what… are you doing here? It looks like you are leading a motorcycle gang.”

  “Yes. What an observant daughter! We are called ‘The Flying Tiger Brigade’ and ride our motorcycles and scooters around to pass information to people in Tiananmen Square,” said Meiling proudly.

  “I told you motorcycles would become a popular transportation in Beijing,” said Lao Zheng and gave Baiyun a wink. “Do you want one? I can buy you a new BMW motorcycle.”

  “No. I don’t need one. I’m a reporter. If I travel too fast, I will miss crucial details.” Baiyun shook her head. The last thing she needed was to accept an expensive gift from Lao Zheng.

  “Who is this young man?” asked Meiling.

  “A friend I met around here. Not in Beida,” lied Baiyun. She decided that it sounded better this way.

  “A handsome boyfriend! Good for you,” cheered Lao Zheng.

  “Stop.” Meiling slapped him on his arm and turned to Baiyun. “How many times do I have to tell you? You should study TOFEL and go to America?” Then she pointed at the crowd. “Do you think this will turn into something?”