by Kelly Goode
‘You’re a liar,’ she replied. ‘Every single person involved in this damn team is a liar.’
‘Lies are what keep people alive.’
Ember shook her head.
‘I’ve been bombarded with false promises since I got here. I’m as dead as I was inside that detainment unit. I just didn’t realise it until now.’
Carter grabbed Ember’s arm. Her skin felt warm beneath his palm.
‘You committed a crime. This was the only way you were guaranteed a second chance.’
‘Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better.’
‘Why are you being so selfish?’
Ember rolled her eyes in exasperation. ‘Is it so bad to be selfish occasionally, Liam? Is it so bad to admit what you want?’
‘And what do you want?’ he dared to ask.
‘I want my life back…my freedom. And I really want Mari to be alive again.’
‘You have freedom,’ Carter said though it sounded lame.
‘No, I don’t. I’m told what to eat, what to wear, who to seduce…more importantly who not to.’
‘Well, you certainly had your freedom tonight and any other night that you allowed Harvey into your bed.’
Ember’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, but she didn’t deny the accusation. She turned to leave the room but as he still had hold of her arm, he pulled her back.
‘Where do you think you’re going? This isn’t over.’
She tried to shake him off, but he held tight.
‘There’s nothing more to say.’
Carter turned her to face him and shook her by her shoulders.
‘You have no idea what’s at stake here, do you? Do you want to die, is that it?’
‘Maybe I don’t have anything to live for.’
Ember screamed the words into his face and for a split second, Carter thought she was going to erupt into a giant fireball. His grip on her shoulders intensified as he stared into her green eyes, which were clouded and angry.
He didn’t think the next part through. He moved his hands to the back of her neck and kissed her hard on the lips.
64
Carter’s lips on mine felt so right, yet so wrong. I’d wondered what this moment would be like from the first time I’d seen the sullen agent. There was definitely an attraction between us. One that I couldn’t deny. He was strong and dependable, and I desperately wanted to reciprocate, to throw my arms around his neck and think “to hell with it”, but something held me back.
Maybe it was the fact he tasted of vodka and a part of me thought he was only kissing me because he was intoxicated. Maybe more surprisingly, it was because another small part of me wanted it to be someone else.
Carter must have sensed my hesitancy as he pulled away from me.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I shouldn’t have done that.’
He ran his hands down his face and moved back towards the bed. He sat down on the edge with his elbows on his knees.
‘No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shouted at you. Guess that was one way to shut me up.’
He gave me a wry smile, forcing the scar on his cheek to pucker. I sat down on the bed beside him, taking one of his large hands in mine.
‘How did you get those scars on your face?’
Carter sighed, and I really thought he was going to tell me to mind my own business, but he started talking.
‘There was a girl…’ he began.
I smiled.
‘There’s always a girl in story like this.’
‘Yep, she was a recruit like you.’
Carter looked directly into my eyes, and I saw his pain reflected back at me.
‘Like me?’ I asked.
‘Like you, but not like you,’ he said cryptically. ‘I was her handler. The team rarely use women to complete missions so at first I didn’t know how to manage her.’
‘Your bedside manner hasn’t improved much,’ I joked and was relieved when his lips twitched into a half-smile.
‘Cass…Cassie was a shape-shifter. A wolf.’
Saying her name must have taken a considerable amount of effort as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
‘Why was she in the detainment unit?’ I asked.
‘Her pack attacked another pack over turf, but when the war spilled over into a pedestrian area, several humans died. Various sentences were bestowed on the pack members. Cassie was looking at five years and the pack leader, the alpha, was sentenced to death.’
‘How’d she end up here?’
‘We offered Cassie the same deal as you. We needed her particular skills for a mission, and she was happy to help for the price of her freedom. Or so I thought.’
He looked down at our joined hands, seemingly lost in thought. Mine looked pale compared to his weathered, darker skin tone.
‘You remind me of her so much sometimes,’ he finally said.
‘Is that a good thing or a bad thing?’
Carter shrugged his wide shoulders. ‘Cassie was a warrior. She had this tenacity to her, and she never backed down from a fight. We became close. I liked her. I trusted her.’
Jealousy reared its head even though it had no right to.
‘Did you ever kiss her?’ I asked.
‘No, it seems I only have those moments of weakness around redheads.’
I smiled at his words.
‘My feelings for her were more like a big brother,’ he continued. ‘I wanted to protect her.’
‘Did she complete her mission?’
‘Yes.’
‘So what’s this have to do with your scars?’
Carter released my hand and rubbed the dent in his eyebrow.
‘Cassie gave them to me.’
I sucked in a breath, not sure that I wanted to hear the rest of the story, but he continued regardless.
‘After we got back to base and she was debriefed, she attacked me. Kept screaming for me to release her alpha. That promises had been made to her that he’d be safe, but I didn’t know what she was talking about. I didn’t have that sort of power. I tried to reason with her. I fought her off for as long as I could but when she morphed into a wolf, I reached for my gun. I didn’t want to hurt her, but she was out of control. She kept howling and clawing at me. That’s how I got the scars.’
The room was silent as I imagined the scene in my head. A werewolf against a man, and yet the man was still standing. There was only one possible outcome.
‘Where’s Cassie now?’ I whispered, the hairs standing up on the back of my neck, as I already knew the answer.
Carter looked directly into my eyes.
‘She’s dead, Ember. I shot her.’
65
I left Carter to finish his vodka binge. He’d gone quiet after the “Cassie” story, and I’d felt him slowly seal his emotions up, shutting me out again. He’d said she’d been like me but not like me. That he’d cared for her like a big brother, yet kissed me as if he’d wanted more.
I was confused and wasn’t sure how much more emotional turmoil I could take in one night. I slowly made my way back to my room. As I pressed my palm against the security panel next to my door to open it, a cloud of black smoke surrounded me.
‘Harvey?’
I felt something nudge me in my back, forcing me into my room. The door slammed behind me as the smoke gathered into a ball, and then a figure materialised.
‘Harvey,’ I repeated, running to him and hugging him tightly. For a few awkward seconds, the embrace was one-sided until I felt his body soften and he hugged me back.
‘Keep this up, Red, and I’m going to start thinking that you like me again.’
I felt his hands slide through my hair and tug gently, forcing my head back until I was looking up at him. His dark eyes drilled into mine, giving me a funny feeling in my stomach. He seemed angry but then he smiled. I wanted to return it, but the enormity of the night’s events wouldn’t allow me to.
‘What’s wrong?’ Harvey asked.
I bit my lip, an image of Mari’s small lifeless body plaguing my mind.
‘Did Darrick hurt you?’ he continued, sweeping his fingers over the two small fang marks on my neck.
‘No.’
‘Did you get the stone from him?’
‘No. He…he killed Mari.’
Harvey’s face remained indifferent. I wasn’t expecting him to break down and cry, but I would have liked to see some emotion on his face.
‘Did you hear me? Mari is dead.’
‘I heard you, but I can’t say I’m surprised. She didn’t do very well during our group evaluation. It was only a matter of time before she bit off more than she could chew.’
My hands clenched into fists at his blatant coldness. I broke away from his hold and stalked across to the other side of the room.
‘She was our friend,’ I said. ‘You could at least express some sense of loss.’
Harvey shook his head.
‘No, Ember. Mari wasn’t our friend. She was just some random woman we spent time with. We didn’t know anything about her. Truthfully, her death hasn’t affected me at all.’
I wondered if he would sum up our relationship in the same way if I’d been the one Darrick crushed.
‘What sort of attitude is that?’
‘The “rather her than me” attitude.’
‘You’re a bastard,’ I hissed.
‘I’m a demon. What did you expect? There’s no happily ever after waiting here for you with me. I won’t apologise for my attitude. It’s called survival, and it’s the reason I’m leaving this damn place, and the rat isn’t.’
‘You completed your assignment?’
I posed it as a question but already knew the answer. The demon had always said nothing would come between him and his freedom.
‘Yes. All I need to do now is find Chief Andrews. He’s working on my release papers. Have you seen him?’
I shook my head.
‘No. I only saw Pete when he picked me up from the club and Carter when he…’
I bit back the rest of that sentence, hoping my cheeks weren’t as red as they felt.
‘When Carter did what? Please finish,’ Harvey said sarcastically.
I was so mad at his lack of empathy that even though I knew I shouldn’t play petty point scoring games with him, I couldn’t stop the spite from forcing its way past my lips.
‘When Carter kissed me,’ I said, not missing the slight twinge in his jaw as he processed my words.
There were a few seconds of silence.
‘Did you kiss him back?’ he asked.
I shook my head, biting my lip.
‘Why not?’
Why not? - Such a simple question with so many complicated answers. I should have said it was because even though I was drawn to Carter, Harvey was never far from my thoughts.
But I was a coward so said, ‘he was drunk.’
Harvey’s dark eyes clouded over as he zeroed in on me.
‘So the only reason nothing happened with Carter was because he’d been drinking?’
I nodded even though internally I was screaming that it wasn’t the real reason at all. That sex without emotions didn’t suit me as well as I’d first thought.
Harvey straightened his back as he stared down at me.
‘Fine,’ he said. ‘Just be sure to tell him when he sobers up that he has my blessing.’
66
Harvey felt his anger swirling around him like the black mist he could disappear inside. He wanted to take back those ugly words the moment they slipped out. Carter didn’t have his blessing. He didn’t want the agent within ten feet of Ember, much less kissing her but as always, he’d let his inner-demon control his reaction.
Harvey couldn’t admit that he’d felt a pang of sadness at hearing the rat was dead. It was far easier to be a bastard than to admit to weakness. So many emotions denied to him for so long were slowly returning. Like the one that he was feeling right now as he stared into Ember’s glistening green eyes. It was akin to regret. A longing to be normal. Something a demon had no place ever feeling.
‘I’ve got to get out of here before I do something stupid,’ he said, torn between wanting to slam Ember up against the wall and showing her how much she meant to him, or just walking away and forgetting the redhead ever existed.
He knew option two would be better for both of them in the end. For all the bullshit he’d churned out during his therapy sessions, he was not a reformed character. He would go back to killing supernaturals for a price, without guilt or remorse. He didn’t want the darkness that consumed him, to infect Ember’s life.
She deserved so much more.
‘You know where the door is,’ she said coolly, tearing him from his thoughts. ‘Don’t let me keep you.’
Harvey shoved his hands into the pockets of his trousers. His head was telling him to go, but his feet did not want to move.
Damn it!
He was a demon. He couldn’t go mushy over some fire-witch. They’d had sex, great sex, but that was all he was capable of giving. He turned and walked towards the door.
‘Harvey.’
He heard Ember call him back, but he forced himself to keep walking. Away from this place, away from her.
‘Harvey, wait.’
He gritted his teeth. Why did he care so much about the disappointment in her voice and the fact that he’d put it there?
Harvey paused and looked over his shoulder. Standing there in her black trousers and top with her red hair cascading around her shoulders, she looked beautiful.
‘Yes?’
He’d tried to sound nonchalant, but his stomach was in knots.
‘Merry Christmas,’ she said despondently.
‘Merry Christmas, Red.’
Those three words caught in his throat and it took all his strength to open the door and step out into the corridor.
67
Carter left the half-empty vodka bottle on the floor and crawled into bed. He wished he’d never told Ember about Cassie. He wished he’d never opened that compartment inside his brain, which he’d worked so hard to keep locked. He’d repressed those memories for a reason, and now he couldn’t stop replaying the scene.
Over and over.
He could see Cassie lying on the floor, the blood pumping from the bullet wound in her chest. He’d never wanted to kill her, but he knew if the roles had been reversed, she wouldn’t have hesitated to rip him to pieces.
Carter pushed his face harder against the pillow. Trying to retreat from the darkness that consumed him. He wished he were as shit-faced as Ember had accused him of being. If the alcohol had numbed the pain, he would have finished the bottle but it was only heightening the torture.
He’d kissed Ember, and in doing so had broken every rule he’d promised to uphold. He was screwed!
He must have drifted off because the next thing he felt was someone shaking him.
‘Carter, wake up.’
The female voice disorientated him. Had he left his door open again?
‘Who? What? Ember?’
He sat up and rubbed his eyes, the alcohol slowing his reactions.
‘Help me.’
Sasha was once again naked in his bedroom, her blonde hair cascading around her shoulders.
‘Go away, Sasha,’ he sighed, flopping back onto the bed. ‘I don’t want to have sex with you. Not in real life or in my dreams.’
‘No, Carter,’ she replied, leaning forward and shaking him again. ‘This is serious. Please help me.’
The tone of her voice was sombre, so he immediately rolled off his bed and stood up. His head was fuzzy from the vodka, and he wiped his hand down his face in an attempt to wake up.
‘Is this a dream?’
Sasha nodded. ‘Yes, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. He’s trying to kill me.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘After you made it clear that you didn’t want to pursue our bond, I moved onto the next sui
table candidate.’
Sasha's image flickered as if she were part of a poorly projected film.
There then gone.
There then gone.
‘What are you talking about?’
‘He’s strangling me. Please get to me in time. Please, Carter.’
Sasha started clawing at her neck, as if invisible hands were choking her. Her eyes bulged out of her beautiful face as she struggled for breath.
‘Where are you?’
‘I’m in my room,’ she gasped. ‘You’re the only person I could contact like this. The only other man I visited in their dreams.’
Sasha disappeared at the same time that Carter woke with a start. He didn’t hesitate as he jumped out of bed and headed for the door.
68
I heard Harvey expel a grunt of pain, and I ran towards the open door. Looking out into the corridor, I found the demon sprawled out on the floor and Carter leaning against the wall, rubbing his temples.
‘What happened?’ I asked, kneeling next to Harvey to check he was ok.
‘That lunatic came charging at me. Knocked me off my damn feet.’
‘Are you hurt?’
Harvey brushed off my concern and stood up.
‘I’m fine. Seems as if G.I Joe sobered up and came rushing back for a second chance with you,’ he said bitterly.
I didn’t appreciate his sarcastic tone so left him and moved across to Carter. I laid my hand on his shoulder.
‘Are you ok?’
Carter turned to face me. His blue eyes seemed a little vacant as he wobbled on his feet.
‘I think so,’ he said.
‘What are you doing here?’
Carter’s posture changed and he pushed away from the wall and ran towards the door next to Harvey’s room.
‘Sasha?’ he shouted, banging his large fist against the wood.
‘What’s happened?’
‘Sasha is in trouble,’ he replied, banging again. ‘She needs my help.’
‘I’m sure if she were in there she would have opened up by now,’ I reasoned, but Carter continued to bang harder and harder until I thought he would smash the door from its hinge.