My Rock #4 (The Rock Star Romance Series - Book #4)

by Taylor, Alycia

  I couldn’t sit still in my little room so I got up and paced the halls. They had the television on in the dayroom and there was a clip of Elly and I playing as I walked by. I stopped and watched it; we looked damn good together and we sounded even better.

  There was some tweaker chick sitting on the couch and when she looked up and saw me she said, “Shit! That’s you!” I started to walk away and I heard her say, “Is she your girlfriend?”

  I looked back up at the screen…at Elly’s face. My girlfriend? Fuck no! I didn’t do girlfriends. I just walked away and ignored her. It was none of her business either way. I went out onto the patio. The night was cool as the weather was starting to change. I wondered what I would do about my apartment if I didn’t win…or if I got disqualified for singing with Elly.

  Damn it! I wished I could make my mind still. I knew that I could. I wasn’t a prisoner there. I could sign myself out and go score some weed. That would calm me down. Of course, they probably wouldn’t let me back in if I just left, and if they did, they’d make me piss in a cup and kick me out anyways.

  Shit! I hated it. I wanted to call Elly, but it was too late to use the phone. I hated where I’d put myself and I hated that I had no idea where I was going from there. I guessed that was the kind of shit my therapist wanted me to talk about. I didn’t see the point, though; I could talk about it until I was blue in the face—wouldn’t change a fucking thing. I was the only one who could change anything. Thinking I only had myself to depend on, was a depressing thought. I’d done a fucking bang up job so far.

  I finally went back to my room. It took hours for me to fall asleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about how bad I wanted something…anything. It wasn’t a physical craving any more. It was mental. I wanted to feel numb again; feeling shit was for the birds.

  I got woke up the next day by a loud knock on my door. It was the nurse with my pills. They gave me something that took away the cravings for the opiates. They had something new; they didn’t use methadone like they used to. I used to like the methadone—if I’d cheek it and then take it all at once later on, it was almost as good as a speed-ball. Probably why they stopped using it—they figured that out. The shit they gave me was called Suboxone. It worked, my body wasn’t feeling that physical need for the drugs…but it didn’t make me high, or numb.

  After I took my pills and had breakfast, I went to my appointment with my therapist. I had almost convinced myself that I was going to open up to him that day. But, I knew that was just going to make my anxiety worse. We talked about the show the previous night and he tried to talk about my parents again. Finally, after about fifteen minutes of that, I told him I wasn’t feeling good and that I’d been thinking about leaving and going to use all night.

  “So, are you going to be okay tonight, when you leave for the show?” He looked concerned.

  “I doubt it,” I told him, honestly. “I really don’t want to start this shit all over again, but given the opportunity today; I think I’d take it.”

  “So what should we do?” he asked me.

  “I think I should skip the show tonight. If I leave here, I’m going to find something, and I’m probably not going to care what it as.”

  He nodded and said, “I’ll call them and let them know you’re not going to make it tonight. I’m proud of you for coming to me with this, Tristan; it shows real progress.”

  I walked away from that meeting wanting to be as apathetic about it as I was everything else. The hard truth was that it had been so long since anyone had been proud of me for anything, I let it make me feel good that he said it….just a little bit.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ELLY

  The first thing I realized when I got out of bed was that I no longer had to look at the stupid picture of my dead boyfriend. I’d taken it and put it in the drawer the night before when I got home, and I had no desire to look at it again. One thing that I’d learned since being with Tristan is that anyone can get off drugs if they want it badly enough.

  Tristan was the most stubborn man I’d ever met. He also came from an environment where drugs were the norm. He didn’t have any support other than me, and to be honest, he really didn’t even know me well enough yet to know if I was going to stick around. He was doing it, though. He’d gone into rehab and he was following their rules and, I wouldn’t tell him because it would probably just have pissed him off, but I was proud of him.

  I also couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss. Every time I did, I got warm and tingly all over and my belly filled with butterflies. It was just so…sweet. I laughed out loud when I had that thought. If I told him that, a blood vessel would probably burst in his head. I wouldn’t tell him, but that’s what it was.

  I opened the door to the bathroom and was surprised to see Susie standing in front of the mirror fixing her hair.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I should’ve knocked.”

  “Oh stop, you’ve seen me in my underwear before. I got up late; I’m supposed to be at work in half an hour.”

  “I’m not late, so you go ahead,” I told her. I sat down on the side of the tub and said, “Did you see the show last night?”

  Susie’s face brightened and she turned around towards me and said, “I’m so glad you brought it up! I was afraid to say anything. Oh my god, Elly! You were fantastic! But how….?”

  I couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm. “Thank you. As far as the how…we just did it. I might not have a job after I get there today.”

  “Oh my god! You little rebel!”

  I laughed, “I’m not a rebel, and you know that. I’ve been agonizing over it all night. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but Tristan said that he needed me….”

  Susie sat down next to me and said, “I saw that kiss, too.”

  “Yeah….”

  “It was so romantic. Did you guys plan that?”

  “Oh heck no! Romance and Tristan are….polar opposites, usually. It came out of nowhere and it’s another thing I’m turning over and over in my brain. I’m wondering what it meant.”

  “What did it feel like it meant?” She asked.

  “It felt like…passion. Real, honest passion from the heart.”

  She raised her eyebrow. “It doesn’t usually feel like that?”

  I smiled, “No, it usually feels like lust…it was definitely different.”

  “Then you should talk to him about it.” She patted my hand and then went back to the mirror.

  “I was going to, last night. But he had to get back….he had to go. I need to talk to him about it though, otherwise I’ll build it up way too much in my head and I’ll end up getting hurt that much more when he tells me it didn’t mean a fucking thing.”

  Susie laughed and said, “He’s kind of….blunt, isn’t he?”

  “That’s putting it nicely,” I told her. I looked at my cell phone then and said, “Aren’t you down to about fifteen minutes now?”

  “Oh shit! Yeah,” She popped back over to the tub and hugged me. “Just remember that you deserve to be happy, okay?” Susie knew how hard I struggled after my boyfriend died, and how I had a tendency to blame myself for things and take on other people’s problems as my own.

  “I’ll remember. Thank you, Susie.”

  After Susie left, I got in the shower and got ready to go. I was a nervous wreck. It was one of those days where I seriously hoped my deodorant was working. I wasn’t so much worried what Molly would think. She’d been encouraging me all along to keep seeing Tristan, although I was sure she’d be surprised that I stood up there on stage and kissed him in front of god and everyone. I was worried about what the producers were going to say, and I was sure that no matter what I’d told myself, they weren’t going to just let it go.

  I was going to walk in there with my head held high and take it like a grown-up if they fired me. I’d made a choice to do what I thought was right at the time; I had to live with the consequences.

  I ran into Molly in the parking lot. She had a
look on her face like she was about to burst.

  “Oh my god, Elly! What was that last night?”

  I shrugged and said, “He didn’t have anyone to sing with.”

  She wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “Why didn’t I know you could sing like that? You were amazing. You should be in this contest instead of behind the scenes.”

  “Thanks. I’m not much for singing in front of an audience.”

  “You sure did a fine job last night…and of kissing in front of a live audience too! Wow! That was hot!”

  “That wasn’t really part of the plan….”

  Molly laughed as I pulled open the doors and we walked in, “I could tell,” she said.

  “Elly!” It was Clint’s secretary. She looked like she’d been waiting for me.

  Molly gave me a look of encouragement and said, “I’ll see you later.”

  “Hi, Theresa,” I said to the other woman.

  “Hi, Elly. Clint wants to see you in his office in fifteen minutes.”

  “Okay, thanks,” I told her. I didn’t ask her what it was about. That would be like indulging in sadomasochism. I knew exactly what it was about, and I was pretty sure how it was going to end.

  Those fifteen minutes may have very well been the longest in the history of the world. I went and put my things away and then I just paced around until, at last, it was time to get it over with. When I got to the office, Theresa told me to go on in; “they” were waiting for me. I wasn’t at all surprised to see Jake and Tony both there too when I opened the door.

  “Hello, Elly.” Jake said my name in a tone that denoted a deep disappointment. I think he had high hopes for me.

  “Hi…everyone,” I said.

  “Have a seat please, Elly,” Clint said. “You know what this is about?”

  I nodded and then tried to swallow the lump in my throat. My mouth was too dry. Finally, I said, “Yes, I think I do.”

  Jake spoke then, “I’m just so surprised, Elly. Why? What would make you do that? You are so good at your job and you seemed so excited about it. You gave me no reason to think that if someone was going to “fraternize” with one of the contestants, it would be you.”

  “He didn’t have anyone else. He needed me,” I said.

  “He manipulated you,” Tony said. Tony didn’t like Tristan, it was no secret. It was really Tristan’s fault, too, so I couldn’t hold it against him. But that wasn’t true. Tristan didn’t manipulate me. I went in to it knowing full well what I was doing and what the consequences would be.

  “No, Tony. He asked me and I agreed. There was no manipulation involved.”

  Clint finally spoke then, and he looked pained when he did, “What about the kiss, Elly? You were on live television. You had to know that we couldn’t let that go. Had you sang with him only…maybe we could have figured something out, but that kiss made it obvious to America that the two of you have been seeing each other.”

  I nodded and then, feeling I had nothing to lose, I said, “Do you guys really think the rule makes sense though where someone like me is concerned? I’m an intern. There is no way I could sway the results. The only thing I did that might help him is sing with him so that he didn’t have to be the only one without a partner.”

  “Sing you did,” Jake said. “You have an amazing voice. Maybe you can look at a career in front of the camera or at least the microphone.”

  “So does that mean I need to start looking for a new job?” I asked.

  Clint sighed and said, “I hate this, Elly…I really do. But, if Tristan won and people found out you were dating him, there would be uproar. We’d get sued, we’d lose sponsors—we can’t let this go.”

  I nodded again and stood up.

  “Thank you all for the opportunity,” I said. Then I looked at Clint and said, “What about Tristan?”

  “This meeting is over, Elly. I’ll deal with Tristan later. You can go.”

  I felt numb, like I was in shock. I knew it was going to happen. I should have told him no. I could have helped him find a singing partner….fucking hindsight!

  Tony walked me to the door and I tried one last time. “Is Tristan going to be kicked off the show?”

  Tony just raised an eyebrow at me and said, “Take care, Elly.”

  Book #5 of The Rock Star Romance Series comes out December 20th

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