by Ali Parker
Letting go of her hair, I flipped us back over. Lanie landed on the mattress with a gasp, her hands falling on either side of her face. Dipping down, I seized her lips, sucking on them desperately with my own. Sweat combined with her natural taste to make a heady concoction. Lapping at the corners of her mouth, I let my hands drift down to find her nipples and gently pinched them both at the same time.
“Andrew,” Lanie gasped, driving her breasts up and against my hands. I gave them another delicate twist before swiveling my palms down her stomach.
Her legs fell open as I approached, her intoxicating scent drawing me in. Taking her thighs in my hands, I spread them as wide as they would go. Lanie’s fleshy, lower lips stretched open, welcoming me back.
Taking my time, I licked a line up her lips and to her mound. She tasted of the both of us—a combination I would never have guessed I would like, but that I now found I loved. As I flicked my tongue against her nub, she trembled.
Soft noises left Lanie’s mouth, interspersed with requests for me to keep going. I took my time, giving one unhurried lick and then another. She grabbed at the roots of my hair, holding me tightly.
Grasping her thighs so hard, my nails dug into her skin, I suckled faster. Lanie screamed through her release, the sound music that made burning desire fill me.
She tried to wiggle away, too sensitive for my touch, but I held her tight and licked her dry. Soon a second round of heated gasps filled the room, and she squirmed with need all over again.
Sitting up, I ran my hands up and down her legs, enjoying the curves of her thighs and calves. Committing them to memory. Lanie smiled sheepishly up at me, her cheeks flushed and chest still heaving.
Regrettably, I left the oasis between her legs and crawled across the mattress to get to the bed stand. My dick ached with a painful need, made all the worse by the ache in my heart. I just needed to be inside Lanie, to have her scent covering me and her lips against mine, and then everything would be all right. I would be able to deal with this awful world for a little bit longer.
I moved back on top of Lanie, using my forearms to keep my weight off her. My mouth was perfectly aligned with hers, and as she tilted her face back, I seized her lips.
My tongue pushed between her teeth, hungry and needy. She could fix me, I swear. If only I could kiss her deep enough, if only I could lose myself in the taste and feel of her.
Lanie looped her arms and legs around me, holding me close. I lowered my weight, hips pressing against hers. Harder we kissed, our teeth clanking together, and our tongues striking each other.
It was powerful and war-like as we sought to conquer each other. It was just what I needed.
Still kissing, I hooked my arms under Lanie’s thighs and pushed them gently toward her stomach. I edged forward, my dick finding her swollen opening. Lanie open-mouthed gasped against my lips in anticipation.
All the need, pain, frustration, and longing that had filled me for days seemed to sweep through me as I plunged into her. With one swift move, I’d buried myself to the hilt. Lanie cried out, but she grasped me even harder, her nails stinging my back.
Kissing heartily, I rocked back and forth. My head spun with the pleasure and the taste and feel of the woman beneath me—the woman who had done so much for me. How did I show Lanie what she meant to me?
There was no way there was the answer. She’d probably never know how much I loved her.
Yet maybe, that one night, I could give her a hint using my touch.
Dropping one of her legs, I slipped my fingers under the back of her neck. I yearned to touch every part of her at the same time, but I’d have to settle for what I had.
Her muscles were tightening around my length, her legs shaking. I seized her bottom lip between my teeth, tugging it gently as she came on my dick. Tremors shook her body, the vibrations sending me to another level.
With a cry, I exploded, pumping hard into Lanie one last time. All stamina depleted, I dropped back onto one forearm and rested my face in the crook of her neck. I still had her one leg in my arm, and she brought her hands higher, twisting fingers through my hair.
For a long time, we stayed as we were, breathing harshly. With every inhale, I tasted Lanie. I never wanted to leave that position, but eventually, my muscles ached too much.
Licking sweat from my lip, I slowly rolled off Lanie and landed on my back. Next to me, she raked her fingers through her hair, making the damp strands stand straight up.
“You couldn’t have sweated that much,” I commented, nodding at her hair. “That must be from me.”
“Yeah.” She grinned. “Probably.”
At the sight of her smile, my heart soared, but a second later and it was plummeting. I didn’t deserve this woman. I’d probably always known that.
“Hey.” Pushing my arm under Lanie, I brought her into my chest. She snuggled up close, hands curled against my abs and hair tickling the bottom of my jaw. With my free hand, I tossed a blanket over the both of us.
Lanie sighed in contentment, and my insides nearly melted.
“Do you need anything?” she asked.
“Huh?” I ran my hand up and down her arm.
“Can I get you anything?”
I was glad she couldn’t see my wistful smile. “You don’t have to take care of me, Lanie.”
She sat up, breaking from my arms, the blanket falling around her waist. “What are you talking about? I want to take care of you.”
“I know,” I quickly said, “I know. Just …” I reached for her, words failing me.
“Just what?” Her eyes narrowed the slightest bit, but not in a hateful way. She was searching my face, trying her hardest to understand me.
“Just come lay back down. Okay?” I pleaded.
It must have been the pathetic tone of my voice that made her listen. Resuming her spot against my chest, she reached an arm across and gently stroked my shoulder. A sharp pain struck me right in the gut.
“I’m so tired,” Lanie yawned.
I kissed the top of her head. “Go to sleep,” I whispered.
She yawned again, and then her breaths became longer and shallower. I listened as she drifted off to sleep.
“Good night, Lanie,” I whispered, though I knew she couldn’t hear me.
Tomorrow would be a day I didn’t want to face. I had to do it, though. I had to think of the people I cared for the most—Raven, Lanie. There was no time for being selfish.
And, come what would, at least Lanie and I had gotten to share this one last night together.
Chapter 53
Lanie
I rolled over in bed, looking for Andrew’s warmth.
But it wasn’t there.
Groggy, I sat up and blinked. The light was dim, but there was enough of it coming through the curtains that I could see I was alone in the bedroom.
“Andrew?” I called.
When he didn’t answer, I climbed out of bed. The chilled air hit my bare skin instantly. Looking around, I saw my sweater from the night before. Tugging it on, I padded out into the hallway and to the top of the stairs.
There, his voice wafted up from somewhere in the living room or kitchen. The words were muffled, so I couldn’t tell what he was saying. Judging from the lack of anyone else responding, he was on the phone.
At least his tone of voice didn’t sound particularly angry or sad.
A memory from the night before came back to me, and I smiled to myself. For sure, my favorite place to be in the whole world was Andrew’s arms. I hoped that the night we’d had made his soul feel at least a tad bit lighter. If not, then perhaps seeing Raven would help.
And who knew? She could even wake up that day.
Slipping back into the bedroom, I tossed my sweater with the other clothes and proceeded to take a shower. As I lathered and rinsed, conflicting thoughts and emotions arose.
Andrew had been so intense and giving in bed the night before. It had made me think—briefly—that he was doing better.
But then I remembered the drinks he’d had at dinner. Surely that wasn’t normal.
And what about the talk on the couch? I couldn’t ever remember him being so open.
I gnawed on my lip as I turned off the shower and reached for a towel. My poor guy was going through one of the roughest times of his life. I couldn’t wait to get downstairs and hold him, to show him that I was here for him no matter what.
I dressed in my clothes from the day before, the act of putting on underwear twice making me wonder about leaving a few things at Andrew’s house. Would he be all right with that? Would Raven, once she woke up, be weirded out by it?
She wouldn’t have to know. And it wasn’t like I was making a play to move in. It would just be nice to have some fresh underwear to put on after a shower.
Downstairs was quiet, and I slowed my walk, listening for Andrew as I crossed the hallway. I found him in the kitchen, dressed in a sweater and jeans and typing on his phone.
“Hey,” I said.
He looked up, and though he smiled, the expression was devoid of joy. Strained.
I felt it right away. Something was wrong.
“Is everything okay?” I cleared my throat. God. I couldn’t even go on.
“Everything is fine.” Andrew pocketed his phone and sighed heavily. “I haven’t heard from the hospital, so you know, no news is good news.”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
Stepping forward, I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my face into his sweater. Andrew squeezed me tightly, so tightly, it started to hurt. Just before I said something about it, he let me go and stepped back.
“Speaking of the hospital, I need to be getting over there.”
“Right.” There was something barren about his eyes, and it made my stomach knot. Folding my arms across my chest, I tried to ignore the feeling. “Do you want me to come with?”
“Uh.” He licked his lips and looked away. “It’s for the best if I go by myself.”
“Oh. Okay.” I tried not to let my disappointment show. For some reason, Andrew still didn’t want me at the hospital. It made sense before, but now I couldn’t stop myself from feeling like him keeping me out of Raven’s room was personal.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked. “That made you not want me to visit Raven?”
Andrew’s eyes widened. “No. Not at all.” He took my hand, held it for a few seconds, and then dropped it. Pushing his hair back, he exhaled.
“Andrew,” I slowly said. “What’s up? You look like a caged animal.”
“Let’s sit down,” he said in a hoarse voice, avoiding my eyes.
“I’m fine.” My response came out as cutting, but I didn’t want to sit. Whatever was going on, I wanted to hear about it right away.
“Okay.” He nodded, folding his arms. “This week apart has given me a lot of time to think.”
“Uh-huh.” My heart pounded, climbing its way up my throat.
“Lanie.” Abruptly, his demeanor changed. His eyes softened, and he ducked his face to look straight at me. “You’ve been great through all of this.”
But you’ve shut me out.
I said nothing. I’d given him too much lip already. I needed to be supporting Andrew, not starting fights.
“The way you helped Raven, the way you helped me …” He trailed off as he shook his head. “I don’t know how I’ll ever really show you what you mean to me.”
Last Saturday came back to me. Cuddled up in bed at the resort, I’d told Andrew I loved him. He’d asked me to repeat myself, so I assumed he hadn’t heard my confession.
Now, it was strange that he was saying he’d never know how to show me how much he cared. All it took was three simple words. People said them to each other all the time.
And yet, here he was being vague and speaking in near-riddles.
“I know you care,” I told him. I wanted to reach for his hand, but his arms were still folded tightly.
“You’ve opened me up again.” His voice cracked, and he swallowed.
“You’ve changed me too,” I softly said, taking a small step forward.
Andrew’s shoulders loosened, and he dropped his arms, gaze sweeping across my face. His lips parted, and he looked as if he might reach for me, but he didn’t.
“This coma has shown me how stretched thin I am,” he quietly said. “Even with your help, I haven’t been giving Raven enough attention.”
“Yes, you have,” I quickly answered.
“Then why did I not know she was seeing Jason?” he volleyed back.
I shrank back, guilt filling me. “I knew,” I whispered.
The shame made my skin hot, made me unable to look at Andrew. I stared at the floor for a long time, waiting for him to scold me. When he didn’t say anything, I slowly looked back up at him. Instead of an angry expression, he wore a look of sadness.
“I decided not to tell you because I didn’t think he was this much of a danger to her,” I explained. “Raven told me about their relationship in confidence, Andrew. At school. She came to me as a counselor—”
“I’m not mad,” he cut in, sounding so sad. “I understand.”
“You don’t wish I’d told you?”
“I understand why you didn’t,” he just repeated.
I pulled on the sleeves of my sweater, feeling more uncomfortable. He was acting so stoic. Any reaction—even fury—would be better than what he’d presented me with.
Andrew sighed and closed his eyes. “Lanie.”
I waited.
When his eyes opened, there was a hardness there. My insides twisted to see it.
“Once Raven wakes up, she’s going to need everything from me. I can’t fuck up parenting anymore. I’ve realized that I don’t have the necessary time to give to two wonderful women. It has to be her.”
My head spun as I tried to make sense of the words. “Are you saying you don’t want to see me anymore?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I can’t.”
My jaw dropped. A complex of emotions rose in me. Anger. Disappointment. Awful, awful pain. It was like Andrew had curled his fingers around my heart and was squeezing it to death. How could he possibly think that getting rid of me was the right thing to do?
“Teenage girls keep secrets from their parents, Andrew,” I explained, working hard to keep the shake out of my voice. “Even if you spent half of every day with her, she would have hidden her boyfriend from you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do,” I snapped. “Teenagers are kind of my specialty.”
His brows pushed together, but again he looked more tired and sad than angry. “I have to try, Lanie. She’s already seventeen. I don’t have much time left to make things right before she goes to college.”
“So you’re going to get rid of me?”
“Don’t say it that way, Lanie. That’s not what’s happening.”
“Yes, it is.” My throat became thick and my eyes hot and wet. “Instead of working to find some kind of balance, you’re tossing me out of your life for good.”
“Raven—”
“I love her, too, Andrew. I know she’s not my daughter, but I care for her as well. I want to see her get better and thrive, and I would never do anything that would get in the way of that happening. So believe me when I say that I don’t think our relationship is hurting the one you have with her.”
Andrew hung his head, and another painful silence filled the room.
“I’m not tossing you out,” he quietly said. He raised his face, eyes soft. “I love you too much to string you along, to keep you tied to me and not give you what you need, so I’m setting you free, so you can find someone who will take care of you.”
There they were, the words I’d wanted to hear. I love you. I just hadn’t received them in the way I’d wanted to.
“You didn’t hear what I said, did you? Raven isn’t being hurt by us.”
Andrew didn’t respond. He picked u
p his jacket from the back of a kitchen chair and put it on while my insides went ice cold.
“You’re really shutting me out.”
His jaw fell. “I told you it’s not like that.”
“Except it is,” I snapped.
The tears that had been building in me finally won and two of them spilled from my eyes. I turned away, not wanting him to see me cry. Andrew could know he hurt me, fine—but I didn’t want him to understand how much he’d truly broken me. I’d gone years waiting to find someone like him, and the minute things became hard, he shut the door in my face. All the fairness I’d thought life contained had just disintegrated in an instant.
“It is,” I sadly repeated. Without another look at him, I rushed from the kitchen.
I yanked my coat and purse from the hook in the hallway with shaking hands. If Andrew was going to come after me, now would be the time.
At the front door, I paused, hand on the knob. The house was eerily silent, though I knew he was right there in the kitchen, probably waiting for me to leave.
A dry sob climbed its way out of my throat. Andrew wasn’t coming after me. This was the end. All of that sweetness he’d shown me the night before had been nothing more than his way of creating a grand finale.
Tears blurring my vision, I left the house, forcing myself to not glance back even once.
Chapter 54
Andrew
“Black coffee,” I told the barista behind the hospital’s coffee bar.
“Make that two,” a familiar voice chimed in from right behind me.
Turning around, I found Bob. Before I could fully register his sudden appearance, he clapped me on the shoulder. “I know you’re probably thinking I should have called.”
“I—”
“But I did.”
My shoulders slumped as my stomach fell. “Yeah. I haven’t been a very good friend, have I?”
“You don’t need to be right now.” Bob dropped a bill on the counter and took both of our coffees. “A coffee kiosk in the hospital. Swanky,” he said as he walked over to some seats at the edge of the main waiting room.