by Ali Parker
"You're scared. It's normal, typical and okay. Just move past it. Identify the fear and get past it. Love requires you to step out all the time, Matt. Even our love between us as new family members. Love and trust working hand in hand, but it's worth it in the end. Even if we have a fallout and things don't go as planned." She stood up and I put my full focus back on her. "We always have this moment, right? And that's so worth it to me."
"Maybe you're right." I moved toward her and offered her a quick hug before grabbing my stuff and walking to the house. "All right... I'll show it to her."
"Good. She's going to love it," she called after me as I walked into the house and made a beeline for the front door.
Martha was cooking something in the kitchen, and I almost stopped to ask for a to-go box, but I was watching my weight and from the smell of things... it wasn't weight-loss friendly.
"You leaving?" Martha leaned out of the kitchen as I turned and glanced over my shoulder from the front door.
"Yep. I'm supposed to be at Dad's office in an hour. I'm just going to head up there early."
"You want a to-go plate?" She smiled.
"What is that delicious smell? Tell me it's completely fat free."
"Pst. Not even close, boy." She stepped into the hall and wagged her finger at me. "What do you care about calories? You look great."
"Are you hitting on me, Martha?" I turned around and shook my ass a little.
"Not even close." She turned and disappeared back into the kitchen. "Food or no food?"
"No food, woman. Shit... I'm trying to watch my girlish figure here. Jeez." I opened the door and walked to my old beat up truck. It would be time to get something new soon. Maybe in Seattle. Almost as if I lived two different lives.
One where I was scared shitless of Erica Hall crushing my heart and the other where I dominated her completely.
Both seemed all too familiar.
***
"Dad?" I knocked on my father's door and leaned into his office.
He glanced up from his computer, the look on his face causing my asshole to clench. He was pissed about something.
"Get in here and close the door behind you." He glanced back down at his computer.
I walked in and glanced down at my t-shirt and jeans. Maybe dressing up would have been a better option, but it was too late now.
"What's got you upset? Something I did?" I dropped down in the seat in front of his desk, working hard to act like I was oblivious to the ass-chewing headed my way.
"Yes." He let out a long sigh and leaned back in his seat. "We're going into your brother's office in fifteen minutes for the call with Erica, who's missing..."
"Missing?" I sat up, my back rod-stiff, my heart almost stopping in my chest. "What do you mean-"
"As in she left the office a little while ago and hasn't come back. She's never been one to not leave a note with her secretary, Joan. She's upset and your brother says that it's your fault."
"Aww... fuck." I stood up and walked toward the window before turning to face him. "Do we really have to do this-"
"Yeah. We do. She's the best advertising agent I know, and she finally belongs to McKenzie and Bryant. Do you know how hard Damon and I worked to get her here? No, of course you don't, Matt." He stood up, his face shading pink. "I need you to fix this. Now. If you don't do it on the call today, you're flying your ass up there and making this right."
"Dad. This isn't something I can just fix. She's in love with me from what I gather."
"No shit, Sherlock."
"And I'm not rushing into anything."
"Two years is rushing? Not hardly." He picked up a few files. "If you don't fix this, then you'll be taking her spot as my new advertising director and working ninety plus hours a week." He walked to the door as bile rose up in my throat.
How the hell did Erica manage working in an office for that many hours a week? It sounded like a prison of sorts.
"Fine. I'll fly up there, but we're not doing this over the phone. It's personal. It's between me and her."
My dad opened the door and moved back. "No, you just made it between all of us. Fix it or your ass is mine."
I groaned and walked into the hall, wanting to throw a ten-year-old fit, and seriously considering it... why not act like a child?
I was being treated like one.
Chapter 22
Erica
I had to breathe. Just breathe.
My job, my life, everything was built around my career at M&B. I loved working for Kent and Damon, and both of them had been beyond good to me. To be the director of anything at twenty-eight was huge. I'd worked my ass off to get it, but they'd been more than generous in bestowing the title, the salary and the freedom that went with being in charge.
I refused to let something as stupid as another failed, almost-happened relationship mess that up. Matt wasn't suffering from the sound of things. Why should I be?
"Because I love him." I glanced up from staring at my hands and let my eyes move around the small park where I sat on a lone bench. The weather had turned cold, and damn if I'd forgotten my coat when I ran out of the office like a scalded child.
Damon wanted to talk about all the reasons why I shouldn't be upset with Matt, why we were so good together, but he was bias. His little brother had a shot at love, a sustaining, serious, abiding love, and he was fucking it up.
A week and nothing from him. Not a call, a text. Nothing. We'd spent the weekend exploring each other physically and emotionally. Was he pissed by the professional note I left him that morning before heading to the office?
What else was I supposed to do? We had one more night together and he slept on the couch, forgoing the comfort of my bed, the warmth of my body. His actions screamed so loud that even if he might have said something, I wasn't sure I would hear it.
Maybe it was for the better. From the look of things, fate was going to kick me in the crotch a few more times. Matt was seriously considering coming to Seattle to stay half the week and then live the rest of the time in Dallas, around his family. He'd be working on my team for twenty hours a week, most likely as part of our advertising and art think-tank. It was the perfect set up for him.
It sucked balls for me. At least it did now. He left a week ago without a word. Nothing hurt worse than rejection, but not mattering enough to even be rejected? Just simply ignored?
It was too much. Not even I could move past that... could I?
A red ball bounced at my feet, popping me in the shins and rolling off.
"Sorry, miss!" A little boy no more than five jogged past me and waved.
"No problem. You got it?" I got up and glanced around, looking for the boy's mom. I found her running toward us with a grimace on her face.
"Danny. Slow down. What have I told you about running off?"
He paused and turned, giving her the cutest look I might have ever witnessed. "I'm sorry, mommy."
She knelt and wrapped him in a hug as I moved back to my bench and dropped back down. My heart ached for what she had. Real love. After Tanner walked away from our ten-year relationship during my senior year, I'd given up on wanting a husband or a family, but something about being close to thirty changed all of that. Or maybe Matt changed it. I wasn't sure what shifted, but without a doubt, the shift occurred.
"Thank you." The mom waved at me and toted the little boy back across the park, kicking the red ball as she continued to lecture him.
"No problem." I gave myself a few more minutes to take in the beauty around me before getting up. My bruised pride would have to be comforted later that night with a hot bath and a good bottle of wine.
If only that really worked...
***
I walked back into the office and Joan stood up, my secretary looking a little worried.
"There you are. Are you okay?" She moved around her desk and clasped her hands together as if she were trying to keep herself from reaching out to me.
"Yeah. I just needed some air. A
re we all set to go on the five thirty call with the Bryants?"
"Yes, ma'am." The older woman nodded and pursed her lips. "I was scared you'd walked out for good. You looked so upset when you left."
"I wasn't sure if I was coming back, but then I realized I was being childish. I love my job." I shrugged and walked toward my office, letting the conversation die. There was no way I was letting anyone into my personal life at the office. It never worked out to be a good thing.
After closing the door, I sat down at the small circular table in the middle of my office and pressed the button to turn the video conferencing on. A screen moved down from the center of the ceiling and stopped a few feet in front of me. I leaned back and waited for the call I was sure to get.
Seeing Matt was going to suck royally, but I'd simply focus on Damon or Kent and keep my feelings to myself. Besides, they probably all three knew how I felt. I had been less than subtle with Damon on our call an hour before.
The loud buzz of the phone caused me to jump though I'd been expecting it. Somehow I'd slipped back into my thoughts, letting them go where they always did - right to Matt.
"Erica?" Damon leaned back in his chair and let out a sigh. "I thought maybe... well, never mind. This a good time?"
I lifted my arm and glanced down at my watch. "It's five thirty on the dot. It's perfect."
"Hi, Erica." Matt lifted his hand, his expression tight and filled with tension. It was more than obvious that someone had berated him moments before.
"Hi, Matthew. How are you?" I forced a professional smile and tried to still my beating heart. Seeing him on the screen was almost as bad as seeing him in person. My wine and hot tub night was quickly turning into a full bottle of whiskey. He looked so damn good, his dark blond hair disheveled, his blue eyes filled with sorrow, as if he cared about me.
If he did, he would have called without being forced.
"He's good. I guess." Kent shook his head and turned his dark gaze back toward me. "I know you're busy, so we won't take any more of your time."
"It's good. I wrapped up things this morning, so I have some free time. Let's discuss the arrangement we're working toward and see where we can fit Matt in, hm?" I pulled a folder toward me and opened it, the words on the page jumbling up before me. "I think you guys were talking about twenty hours a week, right?"
I glanced up as Damon nodded. Matt was reclined backward, his arms across his chest, his frown well-defined.
"That's right. Were you thinking of putting him in the think-tank group you have?" Damon glanced over at Matt and looked back toward me, rolling his eyes so that only I could see.
"Um, yeah." I looked back down at the papers and shuffled them around. "He'll be working with Lewis in graphics. Should be a lot of fun. Unless you're still unsure?"
"Are we creating a new position?" Kent butted in.
"No. Celia is leaving on maternity leave next week, so Matt could have her position for three months and decide if this is the place for him." I shrugged and swallowed the hot ball of regret in my throat. I should have never slept with him. What was I thinking? I'd never been the type of woman to sleep around. My heart was too involved in love-making.
"I'm right here," Matt barked and leaned toward the camera, his expression softening a little. "You can talk to me, Erica."
"Okay." I leaned back in my chair as my sorrow turned into anger. I stared at him for what felt like forever. It was obvious that the other two men in the room were getting uncomfortable, but they'd decided to tuck Matt between them and call me. They were stuck, and both deserved the discomfort. "I have a three-month position in graphics that's twenty hours a week. It's an artsy group that I think you'll like a lot, but I need to know if you plan on filling it, or if not, I'll find someone else."
He nodded as his eyes moved subtly, as if he were studying me. "You're so beautiful. Did you know that?"
Everything disappeared but him. I nodded. "I've heard it before, but it's irrelevant. I'm looking for an employee. Nothing more."
"Matt. Not now, dude." Damon's voice brought me from my reverie. "Erica, he'll be up there on Wednesday. We're talking three months as a testing period, right, and when are you wanting him to start?"
"Yes on the three months, and Monday would be good." I glanced over at Kent. "I need to meet with you soon to discuss the final ads on the advisory project. I met Mitch this morning. We're going to dinner tonight, but I know you like to have a final review done by you. I assume I'm still walking you through those images?"
"Yes. Plan on coming down for the weekend maybe in a couple of weeks. Would that work?" He glanced over toward Damon.
I nodded. "Perfect. See you on Wednesday, Matt, or Monday when you come in." I nodded at the other two and clicked the button to end the call. Tears blurred my eyes, and I stood up, moving toward the windows in my office. I needed to feel the sunlight on my face.
Why in the hell had I mentioned Mitch? What an asinine thing to do.
A knock at the door saved me from my self-deprecating thoughts. "Come in."
Mandy opened the door and paused at the entrance. "I was looking for you about twenty minutes ago. Everything okay?"
I turned and stood up, letting out a soft snort. "I guess news travels fast. I just got upset over something that didn't go my way. Typical response from me, I guess."
"Oh, good. Nothing to do with the team or something that we turned in that wasn't up to your specifications?"
"What? No. Not at all." I wrapped my arms around me as a thought bubbled up. "I'm going to dinner with Mitch Roberson tonight. I'd really love for you and Lewis to join the two of us. You're my most senior ad agents, and you'll be working with Mitch alongside me. Can you check your calendar to see if that will work?"
"Oh." Her eyebrows raised. "Really? Yes. I would love to go."
"Great. See if Lewis is up for it too. Mitch will be by in a couple of hours to pick us up. Just stick around and I'll grab you when he gets here. That all right?"
"Absolutely." Her smile was radiant. "I'll go tell Lewis now."
"Great. Close the door behind you, please." I turned and walked back toward my desk.
There. I felt better already. Going to dinner with Mitch almost seemed too intimate. I was most likely overthinking it, but either way, I was uncomfortable. The new Director of Advisory was fifteen years my senior with streaks of grey in his dark hair and a body that left anyone with a pulse drooling. He was dangerous in more ways than one, and yet why was I protecting myself again?
As if Matt were going to grow up and become the man I saw peeking out of the edges of his persona last weekend? No way. Not in a million years. I loved him with every ounce of my soul, but for the first time in a long time... love didn't feel like nearly enough.
I spent the rest of the afternoon, working on a graphics project that wasn't mine to do. One of my new artists would have usually been given the opportunity to sketch the first draft of a new logo we were working on, but I needed somewhere to focus.
"Erica?"
I glanced up to find Lewis standing at the door. His smile was wide, and his dreadlocks a hot mess. He was perfect, and the best employee I had outside of Mandy.
"Come on in." I sat back as he walked toward the desk and pointed to my drawing.
"Wow. That's righteous. Can I see?" He extended his hand toward me.
"Yeah, sure." I handed it to him. "It's just a mockup of-"
"The new logo. I love it. It's brilliant." He studied it for a minute and handed it back. "And that's why you're the boss."
I chuckled. "Why is that?"
"Because, it's perfect. I can't even offer a suggestion."
"You're just kissing ass, but don't stop on my account. I love it."
He snorted. "Not at all. I'm an art-snob. We never kiss ass. It's against our culture."
My turn to smile. "Are you going to dinner with me and Mitch tonight?"
"Absolutely. He's downstairs. That's what I came to tell you."
&nb
sp; "Oh good." I stood up and grabbed my bag. "Let's go make the best of this."
"Are you expecting something less than pleasant?"
"No, but it's good to err on the side of caution, right?"
"Sure, if you're done living." He moved back and let me go through the doorway first. "You're not done with big risks for massive rewards are you?"
"I'm not sure anymore." I shrugged and walked toward Mandy, lost in my thoughts. Risk seemed like a fun word when I was younger, but after longing for a life I'd almost given up on years ago... it seemed more prudent to be cautious - safe.
Matthew Bryant was anything but safe.
Chapter 23
Matt
"Matt," Damon called after me as I walked down the hall, away from the conference room. I ignored him. "Matt. Come on, dude. Stop."
I jerked around as I reached the elevator and poked him in the chest. "Fuck you for that. What did you and Dad think would happen? Hm?"
"Look. I know you're-"
"You don't know anything. You have your life planned out in front of you, the woman you love beside you and everyone else to worship the ground you walk on. You don't know shit." I got in the elevator and watched him with the fury that burned deep inside of me. Of all people for my brother and my father to make me look like a weak child in front of, it had to be Erica Hall.
The one woman I'd consider hitting my knees for. As if she would have anything to do with me after leaving without a word, and now this...
"Fuck all of it. Why do I even bother?" I moved toward the door as it opened and barreled past a group of monkeys in suits. The scream beating against my teeth was held in by a smidgen of respect for my father. He'd built his legacy up for him and Damon to enjoy and now they were muscling me into it too. It was done in love, but damn if I wasn't hot by the way they went about it.
I jogged to my truck and got inside before I let out a string of curse words and pounded the steering wheel. The woman walking beside the truck jumped back and I smiled and lifted my hands in apology.