Gradually he felt her body begin to warm. Her eyes fluttered and he held his breath, hoping that she would open them and look at him. Her eyes did not open, but he felt her pressing close to him as though her body knew she needed his warmth. His body was responding to the nearness of hers and he found he could do little about this except give thanks that she was not awake to feel his hardness, which was not well contained by his nightshirt. He took some deep breaths and tried to regain some control of his body’s animal-like response. He was not successful. And when Miriam eventually opened her eyes and looked directly at him, his whole body reacted in a manner that left him in no doubt that he was totally aroused by her. Firmly he pushed these feelings and reactions aside—he would need to explore them at a later date.
“How are you feeling?” he asked gently.
He saw the confusion on her face.
“What has happened? Why am I here?” Miriam tried to pull away from him.
Vincent relaxed his grip so as not to frighten her. “I heard a noise from your bedroom and when I looked to make sure you were all right I found you lying on the floor. You were cold and seemed lifeless, and for a short time, I feared I had lost you.”
“I…I don’t know what happened,” Miriam began haltingly. “I could not sleep and got up to sit by the fire to read more of my book. I…I know I fell asleep in the chair because when I awoke, the candle had burned out and the fire was low. I felt very cold so decided to go to my bed. Th-that is the last I remember.”
“It seems you must have fallen. You appear to have bumped your head.” Vincent took her hand and gently placed it on the red area on her forehead, which had now developed into a lump.
“Ouch! That hurts. Was I unconscious long?”
“No, I came through almost immediately after hearing a thud, and I have been sitting with you trying to get you warm for perhaps ten minutes. As your body warmed up you seemed to recover consciousness.” He did not know exactly how long he had been holding her. He knew it was longer than the ten minutes he told her, but he did not want to cause her any more worry.
Miriam, who for a moment had forgotten that she was in his lap, now blushed hotly.
“Please let me down. I am sure I will be fine now to go back to my room,” she said.
Vincent put her on her feet, but soon realized that she was very weak, and despite her protestations, she would not be able to make it back to her bedroom without his assistance.
“Lean against me,” Vincent offered. “I will help you through to your room and then call your maid. You have had a severe bump on the head and must be watched over.” He remained worried about her and was undecided whether to send for the doctor now or wait until morning.
Once Miriam was settled in her bed, Vincent saw that she still looked very pale and the swelling on her forehead was getting worse. He went over to the washstand and soaked a towel in the now cold water, then took it to her to hold as a compress on the lump.
Miriam smiled at him as she took the wet towel but could not stifle an “ouch!” as she placed it on her forehead. She could see concern on his face.
“I have had many falls in my lifetime due to my silly weak legs, and so far have always recovered,” Miriam tried to reassure him. “I hope I did not alarm you too much. I am sure that other than a sore head, I will be as right as nine-pence in the morning.”
Vincent was not convinced but admired her bravery.
“I will have someone fetch your maid and she can sit and watch over you tonight. I worry that you may slip back into unconsciousness.”
“Please do not bother Susan. It is late and not so many hours of the night are left until morning. I am convinced I will be fine.”
Vincent was not convinced. “If you will not let me call for your maid, I will be obliged to sit by you and make sure all is well until I send for a doctor in the morning,” he said.
If Vincent thought this threat would persuade her to send for her maid, he was mistaken.
“You are fussing over me,” Miriam declared, although she was touched by his concern. “I intend to go directly to sleep, so there would be no point sitting with me. I will not provide any company and you will be tired and ill-tempered in the morning from lack of sleep. Go back to your own room. I promise I will call you if I feel unwell.”
Vincent felt he had no choice but to comply. He did not want Miriam to think he did not respect her wishes, but he was uneasy as he returned to his bedroom.
After lying in bed for what seemed a very long time, Vincent realized that there was no chance of sleep for him. He simply was not sure if he had done the right thing, leaving her on her own. What if she lapsed back into unconsciousness? What if she tried getting up and fell again? What if she were found dead in the morning? Finally he decided that, to save his own sanity, he would go through and firmly tell her that she must send for her maid. He was her husband, after all. He would not call her maid without her consent because she had been so against this course of action, and he did not want to lose her trust.
Feeling better at having reached a decision, Vincent got out of bed. He put on his robe and, using the light from the fire, made his way to the connecting door. He opened the door very quietly and slowly made his way over to the bed. He looked down at Miriam. She appeared to be sleeping peacefully and her breathing was normal. He did not want to wake her and so decided that, as he could not sleep, he would sit and keep a vigil beside her until the morning. He would return to his own room when he heard her maid coming or saw her begin to stir.
His first thought was to move the chair from by the fire and place it right beside the bed. From there he would be able to see Miriam’s face and keep an eye on her breathing. However, when he went to move the chair, he found that it was heavy. Too heavy to lift. He tried dragging it, but the noise it made against the floor made him stop immediately for fear of waking her.
Knowing that he could not remain standing for the rest of the night, and against his better judgement, he decided to seat himself on the edge of the bed at the opposite side to where she lay. He sat down very slowly so as not to jolt the mattress and then very slowly swung his legs up onto the bed until he was seated upright on top of the covers with his back resting on the pillows.
As he watched her even breathing, he started to try to make sense of the way his body had reacted when he had held her in his lap. He remembered that this was not the first time this had happened. He had responded in a similar way when his body had first come in contact with hers as he helped her with the stairs at the theatre. He had felt the same again when he lifted her into the carriage after their wedding. And then again when he had carried her up to the bedroom on the first night they arrived. He’d pretended he did this for the benefit of the servants—and told himself at the time it was because she had looked so tired—but if he was being honest with himself, it was because he enjoyed having her in his arms.
When Vincent had first met Miriam, he had thought his feelings for her were merely protective, and although he still felt fiercely protective of her, he now knew there was more to his feelings. For whatever reason he found himself more physically attracted to her than any woman he had ever met.
The more he thought about this, the more worried he became. Even as he looked down at her sleeping peacefully next to him, he could feel his body’s state of arousal and the chill in the room was doing little to help him master it. They had agreed that theirs would be a marriage of convenience and that he would never force any physical attentions on her. He meant to keep that promise, but now he realized that he would be a very frustrated, unhappy man if she never allowed the physical part of marriage. Initially he didn’t think it mattered. Now he knew he was wrong.
As he lay on the bed he made up his mind to return to London at the earliest opportunity, once he was sure that she was fully recovered. He needed some space and perhaps the company of other women to gauge his reaction to Miriam. He might even indulge in the company of the sort of woman wh
ose profession in life was to meet a man’s sexual needs.
Vincent now began to make plans. Before he left for London he would introduce Miriam to Jeremy Stiles, his estate manager, and let him show Miriam around the estate and introduce her to the tenants. Jeremy knew the running of the estate better than he did. Jeremy’s father, now elderly, had been the estate manager before he retired, and Jeremy had grown up on the Maudley Estate.
His mother could instruct Miriam in the running of the house, and of course, there was the Christmas Ball to arrange. Miriam and his mother would be busy and Miriam’s friend Lucy was to visit.
Vincent was now quite convinced that the best thing for him to do was to make a speedy return to London and leave Miriam in the capable hands of others. Of course, he would have to return for the ball and stay for Christmas, but by then he would have his feelings under tight control.
Having determined his course of action, Vincent sat on the bed, leaning against the bedhead, and looked at Miriam, taking in every detail of her face so he would remember it when he left. He allowed his feelings to wash over him in the knowledge that soon he would have removed himself from the situation.
Soon he began to feel tired and felt no harm would come if he closed his eyes for a couple of minutes. Inevitably he fell asleep. He was startled into wakefulness by an ear-piercing scream. Miriam’s maid had entered the room and, on seeing Miriam’s bruised and swollen face, had screamed. Miriam looked at Vincent in what he thought was either shock or horror. Miriam’s maid turned on him.
“How could you do this to my lady? Look at her face, you brute,” Susan yelled.
Shocked, Vincent leaped off the bed and fled back to his own bedchamber. He dressed immediately and went downstairs. How could anyone think that I would harm Miriam? She would put her maid straight, he was sure, but he was also only too aware of how rumours and gossip could spread amongst the servants.
He went to the stable and asked for his horse to be saddled; despite the cold morning he needed some fresh air and some time to gather his thoughts. How stupid he had been dropping off to sleep. What on earth will Miriam think of me now?
Vincent need not have worried. Once she had got over the shock of being wakened by Susan’s screams and finding Vincent seated on her bed, Miriam put all the pieces of the jigsaw together. She knew that Vincent had been concerned about her after her fall and was very touched that he had come into her room to watch over her. She fully remembered that she had injured her head in a fall and quickly told Susan this. But as she looked at her maid’s face, she saw disbelief.
“Susan, I assure you that Vincent did not lay a finger on me. I fell and banged my head. You of all people should not be surprised. You have been with me long enough to know how frequently I fall.”
“He ran back to his room quick enough. To me that says guilt,” Susan retorted stubbornly. “And why would you fall if you were in bed?”
“I fell when going from the chair to the bed,” Miriam patiently explained. “Vincent heard me fall and checked that I was not hurt. He must have been so worried that he came back to my room to keep an eye on me.”
Miriam was not going to tell her maid how Vincent had held her on his lap. She was still hugging to herself the feelings she had experienced when she’d come round and found herself there. She had enjoyed being on his lap. The heat radiating from his body had a more warming effect than the fire. She had known, in fact, where she was some time before she fully opened her eyes, but had felt so warm and protected she had pretended still to be unconscious so she could enjoy the delicious feelings for a little longer. And she’d been only too aware of his aroused state.
Susan gave her a look that implied that she still did not believe Miriam’s version of events, but knew better than to argue with her mistress. Miriam realized that if others in the house saw her injuries, they might well jump to the wrong conclusion, too. To prevent this, she told Susan that she would remain in her room all day and instructed her to bring all meals to her. Miriam also realized, without regret, that her injury had given her a good excuse to avoid the countess for a day or two.
Other than a slight headache, Miriam found that she actually did not feel too bad. Because Vincent had thought to put a cold compress on her forehead, the swelling had gone down considerably, although she knew that she would have a nasty bruise for a few days.
Miriam spent the morning quietly. She ate a good breakfast and settled in front of the little desk in her room to write some letters. First she would write to Lucy and ask how soon she would be able to come for a visit.
After lunch Susan came to her and said that Vincent had asked if she was well enough to see him.
“Of course I am, Susan. Tell him he can come at any time.”
“Shall I stay with you, my lady?” Obviously Susan still was not convinced about him.
Miriam laughed at this. “I do not think I need a chaperone anymore, now I’m a married woman.”
Not long after Susan made her reluctant retreat, Vincent knocked on the door to Miriam’s room. She bade him to come in, which he did, but unsure of his welcome, he did not approach Miriam until she smiled at him.
“I would have come downstairs to thank you for caring for me so well last night,” she said warmly, “but thought I had better wait in my room until my head looked a little better.”
“You are feeling well, then? I was so worried about you,” Vincent said, relieved at Miriam’s understanding of the previous night’s events. “I could not sleep for wondering if you were harmed after your fall, so I came through to your room just to sit with you for a while until I was sure you were sleeping, not unconscious,” he explained. “I never meant to fall asleep. I’m so sorry.”
Vincent sounded so much like a little boy trying to escape getting into trouble that Miriam could not help but feel pleased that he had been so worried about her. Although theirs was to be a very peculiar marriage, surely this showed that he must care about her to some degree.
“As I told you, I am used to falling,” she said truthfully. “For as long as we remain married, you must get used to it, too. I cannot promise that it will not happen again.”
“I don’t mind how often you fall as long as you do not sustain any harm. I am, however, concerned in case others may, or already have, put a different interpretation on your injuries.”
Miriam knew that Vincent was referring to her maid’s response. “Susan was shocked. I have explained the situation to her, but although she did not contradict me, I am not altogether sure that she accepted my explanation.”
“I can assure you that I would never knowingly hurt you in any way and certainly not in the manner your maid was implying,” Vincent told her earnestly. “Nor would I come to your bed without your permission.”
Miriam felt her spirits sink as she murmured a thank-you. His words only reinforced the platonic nature of their marriage—that he’d never consider being physically intimate with her. She was foolish to expect any more from him than friendship and protection, and she must be satisfied with this. His arousal last night must have been just a natural male reaction to the closeness of a female.
Vincent then outlined his plans. “I think I will leave for London tomorrow, rather than wait until the end of the week. I find I have pressing business. I have asked Jeremy Stiles, my estate manager, to show you around in my absence, and my mother has promised to introduce you to the housekeeping arrangements here as soon as you feel well enough.”
Miriam’s spirits sank even lower. It was plain that he could not wait to take his leave. He must be finding it hard to cope with a wife like her; she knew that she had already caused him more anxiety than he could have predicted when he persuaded her to marry him. She resolved that she would keep up her part of the bargain and not let him see how upset she was at his imminent departure.
“I know you are keen to get back to London and indeed it was for this end that you married me,” she stated bravely, fixing a smile on her face. “I
will be well occupied here learning about the estate and the household. I have written to Lucy asking if she can come to visit me. Is that all right with you?”
“Please invite Lucy to stay for as long as she wishes. I know you enjoy her company. I will return in time for the Christmas Ball, which we hold every year in the week before Christmas. You can help my mother with the planning for it.” Vincent hesitated as if he were going to say more, but then turned towards the door. He knew deep down that he was being cowardly by leaving so soon, and that his mother was unlikely to embrace Miriam’s help with the Christmas Ball. “Buy yourself a new gown and anything else you need while I am away,” he added as he left, desperately trying to salve his conscience.
The following morning Miriam once again stayed in her room for breakfast. Then Susan came to tell her that Vincent was asking if she would join him and the estate manager in his office. Miriam agreed to this although she was still very conscious of the bruising on her face.
As she entered the room the two men stood up.
Vincent made the introductions, then said to Miriam, “I have told Jeremy that you will be dealing with any matters arising in my absence, and he has agreed to show you around the estate and apprise you its workings.”
“It will be my pleasure, my lady,” said Jeremy, smiling at her. “If you will permit, I will also take the opportunity to introduce you to my father, Jeremy Stiles, Senior, who was the estate manager before I took over from him. He would be delighted to meet you, and his knowledge of the estate far surpasses mine.”
In Pursuit of Miriam Page 12