In Pursuit of Miriam

by Helen A. Grant

  After taking Miss Cloves back to her seat following their third dance together, Vincent came across to her. Miriam could not help but let him know her feelings.

  “I don’t expect you not to dance, because I cannot, but do you think it is wise to stand up for so many dances with Miss Cloves, who is an unmarried lady?” she chided.

  “Miss Cloves and I are old friends and our guests are aware of this,” Vincent replied in annoyance. “It was not my intention to upset you.”

  Miriam did not feel it was her place to protest any further and so remained quiet. When Vincent got up abruptly and left her side, she wished she had never said anything about Miss Cloves. He had come over to sit with her and she had immediately driven him away. She felt that she could not do anything right anymore and struggled not to give way to tears.

  Vincent had not been gone from her long when he returned to her side. “You were right about it being inappropriate for me to stand up with Miss Cloves three times. Will you have the next dance with me so we can demonstrate to our guests our affection for each other?”

  Was that sarcasm that Miriam detected in his tone? And she was confused by this request because Vincent was well aware that she did not dance. She would have been more pleased with his offer had he not made it quite clear he was only asking her to put on a show for their guests.

  “Why do you ask me when you know I am unable to dance?”

  “Miriam, you have danced with me before and I intend that you do so again now. I have asked the orchestra to play a waltz. As before you have my word that I will not let you fall.” Vincent held out his hand to escort her onto the floor.

  Miriam did not want to dance with him, but she certainly did not want him to ask Miss Cloves, so she reluctantly took his hand and went with him. They reached the dance floor just as the first notes of the waltz were being played. She felt his arm go around her waist as they began the steps.

  Initially Miriam held herself stiffly in Vincent’s arms and neither of them made any attempt at conversation. Vincent was an excellent dancer. Miriam had forgotten how much his touch affected her—the heat that instantly suffused her body was not due to the warm temperature of the room. Gradually she relaxed as she listened to the music and concentrated on the dance steps. She was determined to dance to the end of the piece without her legs giving way beneath her, but as the music continued on and on, she felt her legs getting more and more tired.

  “I am sorry, Vincent,” she said at last, “but I really think I need to sit down now. My legs are tiring.”

  She knew that Vincent had heard her, but instead of taking her off the dance floor as she expected, he pulled her to him and held her closely as they continued to dance.

  “You know I will not let you fall,” he whispered in her ear. “We will finish this dance.” He had forgotten how good she felt in his arms and the anger he had been feeling towards her was temporarily forgotten.

  Miriam could feel his breath against her face as he spoke and longed to raise her mouth to his, but of course she did not. She enjoyed the feeling of his body next to hers as he held her so tightly there was no space between them. She relaxed against him, her mind empty of all but the pleasure of the moment.

  When the dance finished she smiled up at him, and for the first time since he had come back from London, he returned her smile. She knew that, as in Bath, the guests would comment on how close he had held her during the dance, but as she was now his wife, she knew their censor would not be as great. Her overriding regret was the knowledge that he had only asked her to dance to put on a show for their guests.

  Vincent assisted her back to her seat and moved on, explaining that he was engaged for the next dance. He did not come back to her that evening. Miriam felt a cold fear clutch her heart. She had known when they married that Vincent did not love her, but she had trusted him not to hurt her; yet since his return from London he had done just that. The way he was treating her was breaking her heart.

  Miriam was glad when the last guest had gone and she could take herself to bed. She had promised to get up early in the morning to see Lucy depart and so would only have three or four hours’ sleep.

  In the event she did not sleep at all. She lay awake trying yet again to make some sense of Vincent’s behaviour towards her. She had not enjoyed seeing him dancing with Miss Cloves. Perhaps he was now regretting he had asked her and not Miss Cloves to be his wife. Perhaps he had met someone in London or maybe he had taken a mistress. Or…had she inadvertently done something to displease him?

  At six in the morning, Miriam was dressed and she accompanied Lucy to the carriage that was to take her home.

  “I shall miss your company, Lucy. Have a safe journey home and give my regards to your family. Wish them a merry Christmas from me.” Miriam attempted a brave smile. She would sorely miss Lucy’s company.

  “I hope that you, too, have a good Christmas and that Vincent starts to treat you a little better than he has been doing. I will worry about you. Promise me if things get too difficult you will come to us at Blackwood Hall.” Lucy gave Miriam a big hug.

  “I am sure I will manage. I think I was expecting too much of Vincent in our marriage arrangement, and I must make the best of the position I find myself in. I’m told he will return to London early in the new year.”

  Miriam stood waving Lucy off until the carriage was out of sight. She did not feel like going back to bed, because she knew she would be unable to sleep. People in the house were not yet stirring, and so she made a decision to put on her breeches and take Princess for a ride in the barn. She hoped the activity would cheer her up.

  Having changed quickly and thrown on her long cloak, she made her way to the stables. She surprised the sleepy groom, who instantly did her bidding, saddled Princess and helped her to mount. She walked the horse into the large barn, where they began to circle the perimeter. She leaned forward to stroke Princess’s neck and began to tell the horse some of her troubles.

  Miriam realized that, in contrast to what she had said to Lucy, she did not accept the relationship she appeared to now have with her husband, but she did not know what to do about it. She had agreed to the marriage and felt obligated to keep her side of the bargain until Vincent said otherwise and asked for an annulment. Then she had another thought. Was he treating her coldly so that she would ask to leave? She really did not know.

  Tears, which she had held back for so long, were now streaming down her face and she could no longer see clearly enough to guide the horse. Princess came to a halt and Miriam flung her arms around the horse’s neck and gave way to uncontrolled weeping.

  Vincent had not slept well, either. He was aware that at the ball he had not shown Miriam the attention that he, as her husband, should have shown. When he did go to sit with her, she had gently rebuked him for dancing with Miss Cloves. This had annoyed him, even though he knew that Miriam had been right.

  When he insisted that she waltz with him, he had done so as a way to punish her, but as soon as he held her in his arms, he knew that she still had the power to affect him as no other woman ever had. He had very much enjoyed his dances with Miss Cloves, who was a witty and attractive woman, but she did not make his pulse quicken the way Miriam did.

  He had thought he had rationalized his feelings for Miriam while he was in London, and on his return to Yorkshire had behaved coldly towards her intentionally so he could keep his distance from her. Her behaviour with his brother and the guests had given him the perfect excuse for it. He had found it hard to keep this up, because he would have liked to enjoy her company as much as it appeared others in the household did. He had soon been ready to apologize and change his attitude, but after seeing her and Charles secretly meeting every morning, he changed his mind. What were they up to?

  As he lay awake in bed, he heard the door of the adjoining room close. He looked at his watch—it was only six-thirty. Where could Miriam be going? He rose and went to look out of the window. Eventually he saw her emer
ge from the castle and begin to make her way across the courtyard. He had expected to see his brother with her, but she was alone. Perhaps she was to meet Charles elsewhere this morning.

  Anger coursed through him. If she was having an illicit liaison with his brother, he would kill them both. He dressed quickly and went to find them, his temper raging. He crossed the courtyard, heading in the direction he’d seen her moving, certain he would soon catch her up. To his surprise and consternation, he did not find her and was heading back to the house when he saw Jeremy Stiles.

  He hailed him and asked, “Have you seen my wife this morning?”

  “Come with me to the stables and I’ll see if any of the grooms have seen her,” Jeremy suggested.

  Vincent followed him, even though he believed the stables were probably the last place Miriam and his brother would be. Jeremy went inside and had a word with a groom before coming out and suggesting that Vincent might find Miriam in the large barn.

  “What’s going on here?” demanded Vincent. “Why does the groom know my wife’s whereabouts and why on earth would she be in the barn on a cold winter morning?”

  Jeremy then explained to him how Charles had persuaded Miriam to take up riding again.

  “I told them you would not be happy with the idea, but I can assure you that she always remains in the barn out of public sight.”

  “Is Charles with her now?” Vincent was suddenly concerned about Miriam’s safety.

  “This morning, it seems, she decided to ride on her own,” Jeremy said. “The groom felt he had no choice but to meet her request and saddle the horse.” His face reflected that he was not happy with this. “She rides Princess, who is a beautifully behaved animal. I have seen that Miriam is an accomplished rider, so I’m sure she will be quite safe.”

  Safe or not, Vincent did not like the idea of Miriam’s being out riding alone, and strode to the barn. He was relieved that the meetings between Charles and Miriam, although secretive, were innocent, and his anger dissipated. He also understood why neither had mentioned the meetings to him—they thought that if he knew of her riding astride, he would put a stop to it. At the moment her riding astride a horse concerned him less than her safety.

  When he reached the barn, he entered quietly so as not to alarm her. Princess was standing at the far side of the barn and he could see Miriam leaning forward in the saddle with her arms around the horse’s neck. As he stood quietly watching, he saw that she was weeping, her whole body wracked with sobs.

  Devastated by her obvious distress, he headed towards her—careful not to disturb Princess—and asked, “Miriam, what’s wrong?”

  Miriam did not look up and the weeping did not stop. Between sobs, she uttered almost incoherently, “Ch-Charles, I am so upset. I th-think I have severely displeased Vincent in some way and do not know what to do. I…I fear he wishes he had never married me!”

  Because she had not looked up once since he entered, Vincent realized that she had mistaken him for his brother. He felt absolutely wretched that he had caused her this level of misery. He, who had promised to protect her, had ended up being the person who was causing her so much pain. Perhaps it was too late to put things right, but he was determined to try.

  “Miriam, ’tis Vincent. Come, I will help you to dismount,” he said quietly so as not to alarm her.

  Her tearstained face jerked around and then she buried it in her hands as if to hide herself from him.

  Vincent reached up and gently pulled her from the horse. He held her close to him, and she hid her face in his chest and cried and cried as though she would never stop. Eventually, however, her sobs began to subside, most likely just from sheer exhaustion. He wondered if he would ever forgive himself for having upset her so much. “Ssh, ssh,” he murmured, stroking her hair in an effort to sooth her.

  In time he felt her breathing return to normal. “Come, let us sit down over there on the bales of hay. I think we need to talk.”

  Miriam gave a slight nod of her head, so he knew she had heard him, but she still did not raise her face to look at him. He passed her his handkerchief, which she used to wipe her face, then assisted her to a bale of hay by one wall of the barn. He sat down next to her and wondered how to begin to mend the damage he had done. He put his arm around her shoulders, and as she did not pull away, he was encouraged to continue.

  “Miriam, will you ever forgive me for upsetting you so? I do not know if I will ever forgive myself. I promised I would protect you and I have let you down. In my defence, I can only say that when I returned to Maudley, it seemed that you did not need me. You were managing well and were clearly having a good time with Robert, Lucy and my brother. I admit to being somewhat put out by this and that was why, initially, I was being distant with you. Then, when I then saw you and Charles sneaking off together early in the morning—yes, I saw you from my window—I became suspicious of what you were doing and, I suppose, a little jealous. Jeremy has now told me that Charles brought you here to ride….” He was too overwhelmed by guilt to continue for a moment, then he said, “If you can forgive me, I would very much like for us to still be friends.” Vincent waited in agony for Miriam to reply.

  “Oh, Vincent, I thought I had done something terribly wrong! If you have met someone else and want the marriage annulled, I will understand, but I cannot bear you treating me so coldly. I would very much like us to stay friends.” Miriam looked down at her hands trembling on her lap.

  Vincent had not realized that she’d been thinking he wanted to end the marriage—was that what she wanted? The thought of losing her felt like a blow to the stomach, and so he made haste to reassure her. “I certainly have not met anyone else, and unless it is your wish to do so, I do not want to annul our marriage. If you give me a chance, I will prove to you that I am still very happy to have you as my wife.”

  He put a finger under her chin and tilted up her face until she was looking at him. Although her face was blotchy and red from crying, Vincent thought that she still looked beautiful. He slowly bent his head to hers and gently kissed her cheek. He felt her shiver in response. Worried that she may be getting cold, he asked her if she was ready to return to the house.

  “Can we stay here for a while? I don’t feel ready to face anyone just yet,” Miriam replied, wanting to prolong this time with him.

  Vincent held her closer, and unable to resist the temptation, he placed a kiss on her lips, still damp with tears. When her mouth opened beneath his, he gently ran his tongue over the inside of her lips, savouring the unique taste of her before she pulled her mouth away. She looked adorably confused, but she did not move away.

  Her innocent response to his kiss had sent a shaft of desire coursing through his body, and he now reined in his arousal so as not to alarm her. He did not press for further kisses but remained with his arm around her, and they sat in companionable silence until she told him she was ready to go.

  “Do you want to ride Princess back to the stables, or shall I walk her?”

  Miriam looked surprised. “Do you mean you would let me? You can see that I do not ride side-saddle.”

  “If you enjoy riding, I can see no harm in it. If you want, I will accompany you every morning while I am at home,” he offered.

  “I would like that,” she said softly. A ghost of a smile appeared on her face.

  Vincent’s guilt was lifted from his shoulders. It appeared he had been forgiven. Accompanying her to the barn for her morning ride was a small price to pay, and he knew that he would find the task no hardship.

  Vincent helped Miriam to remount Princess and then walked alongside and a bit behind them as they returned to the stables. He found it difficult to keep his eyes away from the appealing sight of her pert derriere clad in the close-fitting riding breeches.

  After leaving the stable lad to see to Princess, Vincent and Miriam returned to the castle hand in hand.

  On returning to the castle, Miriam went directly to her room to change. When she caught sight of he
r appearance in the mirror, she groaned. Her face was blotchy, her eyes puffy, and she looked far from feminine dressed in men’s breeches.

  Miriam had been shocked and embarrassed when she had first realized that it was Vincent and not Charles who had come into the barn that morning. Then, when Vincent was so patient and gentle with her, she found herself more than willing to forgive him for his recent behaviour towards her. This was Vincent as she had known him when she had agreed to marry him.

  When he had held her as they sat on the bale of hay, she had felt so safe and warm in his arms that she had been reluctant to leave the shelter of the barn. The kiss on her mouth had been unexpected. It had left her senses reeling and her body craving for more.

  Eventually, due to lack of sleep the previous night and the emotional exhaustion that follows a bout of tears, weariness overcame Miriam. She asked her maid to give her apologies for lunch, explaining that she needed a rest. She had not slept well since Vincent’s return, but now that they had resolved their problems, she knew she would sleep soundly.

  Miriam slept so soundly, in fact, that Susan had to shake her quite firmly to wake her up in time to dress for dinner.

  Dinner that evening was a relaxed, informal meal.

  “Charles,” Vincent began sternly, “I have uncovered the purpose of your early-morning trysts with my wife.” He had to fight to keep his face straight, and poor Charles could not tell if he was going to be in big trouble.

  He hastened to explain. “It was I who persuaded Miriam to have a go, so do not be blaming her. It was all my idea—you know how persuasive I can be.” Having witnessed how Vincent had treated Miriam, blaming her when he had caught them re-enacting Julius Caesar, Charles did not want her relationship with his brother damaged further.

  The countess looked from one brother to the other in confusion. She had no idea what they were talking about.

  Vincent chuckled, which diffused the tension. “For once, Charles, I will overlook your impetuous behaviour. Miriam has told me how much she has enjoyed being able to ride and that you always made sure she was safe.”