by J. L. Mac
I grab a piece of paper and jot down the information to the adoption agency and to a clinic that performs abortions. I’ll make my decision tomorrow. Hopefully.
I close the browser and lean back in my seat. I’m so tired.
I’m nearly to my car when I see Damon’s BMW come whizzing into the parking lot. He comes screeching to a halt and jumps out before the car is even completely at rest.
His eyes are wild and his breathing labored. “What have you done?” Damon demands, sounding panicked.
Is he monitoring my browser somehow? Is there a tracking device in my car? How in the world would he have any idea where I was otherwise? I’ve never seen him this way. I’m not sure what to say. I look to the clinic then back to him, feeling at a loss for words. I’m instantly ashamed that he’s seen me here and must now know what I’ve been considering as an option for myself and our baby.
“I—” Finding words prove to be more difficult than I’m used to.
“Oh my God. Fuck!” he shouts. “Josephine, you had no right!” The way he’s yelling is making me flinch. I look around to see if anyone is watching this embarrassing display. “That is our baby. It’s our decision. Not yours!” he snaps, causing me to bristle.
“What do you care? How did you find me? Go back to whatever slut you’re seeing today and leave me alone. It’s my body and therefore, my decision,” I grate with my finger pointed accusingly at him like a loaded gun.
“Brian told me you were talking about doing this.” He motions his hand towards the clinic. “How could you?” He looks defeated. All anger has evaporated and the man before me is beside himself. He looks close to tears.
“Of course Brian told you! His mouth is as leaky as a goddamn sieve. I haven’t done anything. I just wanted more information, okay?” I admit weakly. I’ll choke Brian when I see him. He is the biggest loudmouth I’ve ever met.
Damon’s chest rises as he takes a deep breath—of relief? He steps closer to me and pulls me by the arms to the passenger side of his car.
“What are you doing?” I yell.
“We have to talk.” Damon looks around as if making sure no one has seen us and it only pisses me off even more.
“Worried Carrie may see us talking?” The bitterness in my voice speaks volumes.
Damon doesn’t respond. He just shuts my door and takes determined strides around the front of the car to his side. He slides in and turns the key, bringing the car to life. He takes off into traffic, driving who knows where.
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere we can talk,” he says without even looking at me.
“Um, sure, Damon. I don’t mind going with you,” I mock his forwardness.
Fifteen minutes later, Damon puts the car in park in front of the house that should have been my home too. It hurts even being here. The first time he took me to see this place was when he proposed. I’d never been happier in my life.
Damon jumps out and skirts the car to let me out. His big hand reaches out toward me. I take it, my hand in his feeling like home. It spawns pure anguish deep in my gut. It hurts so damn much. Being away from him hurts but being so close to him, touching him, is agonizing.
As soon as I’m back to my feet, he releases my hand. I die a little on the inside the moment it’s gone. Again. I follow him into the house, where he leads me to the living room and motions for me to sit down.
I settle into the couch and look at him expectantly.
“Listen to me,” he orders in a calm voice. “No matter what, don’t ever think that I don’t want our child. No matter what’s going on between you and I, that is my child,” he points at my stomach making me feel like I’m under some high voltage spotlight, “and you can’t just make decisions with regards to him or her without me.” Damon shakes his head disapprovingly. “That isn’t right, Josephine.”
“I just thought—you acted like you didn’t want to have anything to do with me or the baby. You left when you knew I had just taken a test, for God’s sake! And when I saw you at Ga Tan with Carrie—”
“I wasn’t with Carrie. She was there with a client. I was there meeting with Mike. She saw me, came over, and asked where you were. I told her we broke up—”
“No. You broke up with me. There was no we to that,” I remind him.
Damon rubs the bridge of his perfect nose with his fingers. He’s frustrated. “Anyway, I explained that we were no longer together and she helped herself to a seat at our table until I told her to leave.”
“You told her to leave?”
“Yes. I had to go make sure that Andy wasn’t bedding you in my penthouse. Or bedding you at all for that matter.” He mutters the last part mostly to himself, making me wonder if he’s just being territorial or if there’s any part of him that still thinks of me as his. Stifling that smoldering ember of hope is the only logical thing for me to do. Hope has a way of ripping me apart. I won’t indulge in it ever again.
“Andy won’t be bedding me at all. Ever. I told him about the baby.”
“Who else have you told?”
“No one really. Just him. Brian has blabbed his mouth, though. Noni and Lindsay know too.”
“Oh,” he says, looking uncomfortable at the mention of Noni’s name.
“Have you talked to her?” I ask, careful not to overstep my bounds.
“Yeah,” he admits, looking so regretful that I can’t help but feel sorry for him.
We may not be together and I may be hurt, but it doesn’t change how much I love him. It doesn’t automatically shut off my desire to see him happy. It doesn’t change the fact that I hate what his father did to all of us.
“I talked to her this morning,” I say and make a mental note to stop being so selfish and ask Noni about her talk with Damon and offer her a shoulder if she needs it.
He nods, looking down at his feet. “Good.”
This conversation has turned stale quickly. I’m not in charge, though, so I don’t know what the hell to say.
“Jo, promise me that you’re being careful and taking care of yourself and our baby.” Damon steps closer to me and puts his hand on my arm. His touch is just as I have always known it to be, warm and gentle but firm.
I shrug. “I should probably get to the doctor soon, but other than that I’m doing what I guess is the right thing.” Damon’s hand falls away and I instantly ache for his touch again.
“I’ll have Brian make you an appointment with a good doctor,” he assures me. “I’ll pay for it, of course.”
“Right. Okay. Guess I should get back to my car.” I have to get out of here. My first instinct is to be pissed about the whole paying for my medical bills thing, but I know that’s just Damon and I’m just too overwhelmed to be angry right now. I’m tired and I have to pee again. Oh yes, and I’m pregnant. My mood doesn’t change the affect he has on me, though. It never has. Sitting so close to him is like dangling a pint in front of a recovering alcoholic.
Damon is my drug and I miss him, miss the high that he gives me; being so close to the weakness that I love so much is dangerous. He causes withdrawal symptoms too intense to manage. His scent invades my senses, creeping into my veins, leaving me craving more. I think somewhere in my broken heart is a part of me that hopes that he’ll scoop me up like his damsel in distress and beg for me to come home but the practical part of my brain tells me that it’s best not to hope so high. I have to stay away as much as I can if I have any chance of healing. I can’t cross my fingers and toes that we’ll talk this through somehow. Damon isn’t much of a talker anyway, especially where his past and his family is concerned. Everything he has ever done in this entire relationship has been in his way in his time. There’s no changing that. It’s who he is. It’s how Damon Cole is wired and I can’t let girlish fantasies take over.
I rap on the door three times and wait for Noni to answer. I’ve only been over a couple of times since she started renting Captain’s house. It’s still difficult for me to see her stuff in t
here instead of his, his life pushed aside almost like he didn’t exist, even though Noni has been nothing but courteous about his things still being in the house. It’s just another reminder that Noni has a heart of gold and that Captain is gone.
I wait at the door with no response from her. What the hell, Noni? I fish my cell phone from my back pocket and check to see if I missed a text or phone call from her, but nothing. She told me to come by to discuss some things about the house so here I am. Knowing her, she’s likely in the kitchen making fresh coffee and a spread of cookies for me like I’m some special guest or something. That’s Noni. Always serving others.
Without giving it much thought, I turn the knob and open the unlocked front door.
“Noni! I’m here!” I call out as I begin making my way towards the living room. I hear a muffled moan followed by heavy, nasal panting coming from the living room and it brings every painful memory of Captain’s death racing to the forefront of my mind. “Noni!” I shout as I round the corner into the living room that haunts my dreams, now more so than ever.
The sight before me is straight from a horror flick and I freeze in place just a step inside the room. Noni struggles against the duct tape that holds her captive in one of Captain’s dining chairs. My mouth pops open as my eyes bulge and water. Noni jerks in place and cries out from behind the cloth gag stuffed into her mouth. Before my brain can register a response, I feel brute force unleashed on my frame. From somewhere behind me or maybe it’s beside me, I’m attacked. It seems like hands and arms are coming from everywhere tugging and pulling at me. A thick hand goes to my mouth and successfully silences my screams. I struggle to wrench myself free from my attacker but another set of hands muscle my arms into submission behind my back. The distinct sound of duct tape being ripped from the roll fills the air around me. My heart feels like it may burst free from my chest. Someone leans in close to my ear and, despite my futile struggle, I feel his breath assault my skin with every syllable he speaks.
“Don’t fight me,” he warns.
My blood runs subzero cold when I realize that he’s here. It’s him and it’s the first time since the accident that I feel completely vulnerable to the monster that wrecked my world. I’m at his mercy and so is my baby.
The tape is wrapped tight, making my fingers feel plump with blood and slightly numb. A piece of cloth that tastes chalky with dust is crammed into my mouth despite how hard I clench my jaw shut. It’s pried open and in the disgusting cloth goes. I look around frantically but I can’t see whoever is behind me. I know Edward is here, but paralyzing shock crashes over me when I’m whirled around and dragged to a chair beside Noni.
Howard. Andy. Andy was the one stealing checks from Grams’ room at the retirement home—that’s the reason he was always the one to fix shit for her and why he was so cozy with both of us. This is the only reason he pursued me. That son of a bitch.
Seeing Howard mixed up in all of this is surprising, though. He’s the Head of Security at the penthouse and one of Damon’s inner circle. He trusted him. I trusted him.
“Worthless piece of shit!” I grind out from behind the cloth in my mouth.
Edward motions Howard to his side and he heels like a well-trained bird dog. “Strap her down,” Edward orders and I watch Howard crouch beside me with nylon rope in hand.
“I’m sorry, Miss Josephine, I don’t have a choice. I need the money,” Howard apologizes, looking like a cowering animal.
“Fuck you!” I growl, sure that even with a gag in my mouth, my words ring clear. I lunge at him; Howard flinches and falls back on his ass. It’s a small victory.
A powerful blow explodes against my cheek so hard that I see fluorescent shades of yellow, green, and pink. My vision is splotchy for a long moment before it begins to clear. My head feels heavy and lolls to one side. Warmth trickles down my cheek coming from what I assume must be a gash. I hear Noni’s subdued cries beside me and try my best not to cry. Fucking hormones and pain.
The distinct, metallic taste of blood floods my mouth. A reflexive inspection with my tongue finds all my teeth still in place but my upper molars have sliced a fair-sized cut on the inside of my cheek. A heartbeat grows to epic proportion on the left side of my face, bringing swelling and more blood with it. I have no choice but to swallow the blood in my mouth down or choke on it, so I focus on swallowing and trying not to vomit as it seeps out. My skin begins to feel tight as the swelling causes my flesh to expand.
In the time that it takes for me to gather cognitive thought, Howard has secured my legs to the chair and Handy Andy has proven just how handy he is by binding my arms to the back of the chair. I turn my head to see that I mirror Noni exactly. Bound, gagged, and bleeding. We look like a matching pair except for one thing—Noni has a look of complete fear on her sweet face and I’m pissed.
I’m fighting mad and I want nothing more than to take a bat to these worthless motherfuckers in no particular order! The instinct to fight that I cultivated within myself when I was a kid rears its brazen head and I go with it. I’ll kill all of them if I get the chance. I’ll slice them from nuts to neck with the dullest knife I can find. Like a woman possessed, I eye each of them individually, unafraid of the physical abuse that I’m sure they’re happy to dole out. I’ll take it. I’ll take it all because anger is what will see me through this the same way it saw me through all these years without Maman and Papa. Anger will drive me forward. Anger will save me and maybe Noni too. I may end up in some shallow grave in the desert soon but, dammit, I’ll fight every second until I can’t fight any longer.
“Pretty nice house that old fucker left you, Josephine,” Edward taunts as he takes his seat across from Noni and me. He’s maybe three feet in front of us, conveniently within arm’s reach.
I jerk and pull against the ties that bind me, hoping at least one of those losers sucks at knot tying. Edward’s half lit and chuckles like the pig that he is.
“Fuck you!” I scream.
It’s clear that he’s heard my insult, because he jumps to his feet, draws back and hammers his balled fist into my face. It’s unclear where he’s hit me, because my entire head spins in pain. It’s excruciating. Pain reverberates throughout me. Blood gushes into my mouth and I quickly swallow it down. My nostrils flare as I try to catch my breath. It’s so hard to breathe like this. You don’t realize it until you’re forced into it.
Noni’s desperate cries get louder as I try to stifle down the pain that his assault has brought on. Hearing Noni’s cries caused by the man who has tormented her so much makes me wish for super-human strength. I want to rip free from this chair and get her out of here. I want to protect her from the monster standing in front of us. Her frightened cries only feed my desperation to get us out of this mess.
“Say it again, bitch! I dare you,” Edward grinds out just inches from my face.
The scent of booze, generally bad breath, and tobacco is enough to make anyone vomit. I groan and turn my head to avoid the stench. His bloodshot blue eyes are the darkest I’ve ever seen. Something evil dwells within this man and I’m sure it’s something that he comes by naturally. There’s no way that Grams had any hand in this. She couldn’t have raised such a monster.
“You know, Jo, you’d be surprised what I know about you,” he comments, poking me in the forehead with his dirty finger, his pronounced gut shaking heartily with his laughter. “Wanna know what I know?”
I begin to shake my head no but I think better of it as soon as the movement has my head hurting so much worse. Instead of responding, I look to Noni. I focus hard on her and pray for some brilliant escape plan to hit my foggy brain.
“I know who you are,” he whispers conspiratorially. “I know that you were dead broke before you got all cozy with my idiot son and senile mother and now you’re a spoiled little twat. You’ve turned my own mother against me!” He yells the last part, spittle flying into my face, the boom of his voice making my developing headache that much more painful. “And then
this,” he motions to Noni, “this is just wonderful. You can’t imagine my enthusiasm when I realized that you just so happened to track down this bitch.”
I watch Noni and see her cringe under his verbal assault. God, I wish he had left her alone. I didn’t mean to get her dragged into whatever mess this has turned out to be. I can’t imagine what in Edward’s fucked up head makes him think that I had anything to do with whatever misfortune he’s been met with. In actuality, I’m sure he’s just dug himself in too deep and sees no way out. He’s an irrational drunk with a serious skill for blaming other people for his screwed up life.
“I’ve told you a few things, so what do you have to tell me?” With one swift jerk, he’s pulled the gag from my mouth.
I lick my lips and moisten my mouth once the rag is gone. “What do you want to know?” I force out hoarsely.
“I need to know where the money is.”
“What money?”
“My mother’s money!”
“I-I don’t know. I don’t have anything to do with that.” My mind is racing so fast it’s difficult to keep things clear. I don’t know what money he’s talking about. The blood trickling from somewhere above my eyebrow has leaked into my eye and dried a bit. It makes blinking feel sticky. It’s a distraction. I don’t recall Damon or Grams telling me anything about the missing money or what was going to become of Grams’ remaining money. Damon said he was going to take care of it and I left it at that. It’s never any use trying to meddle in business matters where Damon is concerned. He doesn’t say much about business stuff and his take on the missing money was definitely all business.
“Don’t fuckin’ lie to me! I know you know!”
“Stop!” I scream. “Let me fucking think,” I say, trying to bide my time to figure out what the hell he’s talking about… Grams’ money, Grams’ money. Where is it? “The last I heard of it, Damon was handling Grams’ accounts after he found out that some money was going missing.”
Realization plows through my aching brain. Andy!