Stricken Desire

by S. K. Logsdon

  “Sure.” His face is even more confused than before. That makes two of us.

  I whip my hair in assholes direction and stalk towards the exit of the bar with attitude. Making damn sure I shake my ass just right. Stacy tails me.

  Chapter Nine

  I feel so much better dropping out of this dress and sliding out of those sexy red heels. They look so good on but they’re fairly new so I have a lot of working them in to do. Standing in my black bra and boy shorts. Stacy is laying across my bed width wise. Head propped up. I’m rubbing some expensive Josie Maran body butter all over my body head to toe like I do almost every night. It might cost me fifty bucks a month to slather myself in this stuff. But I swear by it. It’s silky smooth and has a small hint of citrus smell behind it. That pairs nicely with my Strawberries and Champagne perfume spray from Victoria Secret. Standing I prop my foot up on the side of the desk to get to my calves and feet.

  “So what was up with Johnathan?” Stacy finally asks me.

  I shrug. “Dunno.” His guess is as good as mine.

  “Were you seriously going to sleep with that Coby guy?” his voice almost sounds hurt.

  I shrug again. “Not sure. Since I’ve been here which hasn’t been very long I’ve found myself hornier than I’ve been in my entire life. Even with Chris. I don’t know if it’s me or the carefree atmosphere. I just feel like if I would give into my desires I wouldn’t be judged.” Switch legs.

  “Yeah. I get that. I know I can’t expect you to keep your legs closed for the rest of your life. I just never pictured you wanting to do it with some random guy that you’d probably never meet again.” His voice is slow, low and sweet and he’s staring at the ceiling. Ah, that’s my wonderful best friend laying on my bed. He’s so great!

  “I don’t actually. But I can’t do it with someone I am going to be around a lot unless I plan on being with them long-term. I can’t do the friends with benefits. Or I don’t think I can. A one-night stand just seems easier, is all. Better? Not really. I mean I thought the next time I have sex I might get lucky and spend the rest of my life with that special someone. I was kind of hoping I’d start feeling that way with Chris once I gave it up to him. You know? Get attached to him afterward but it didn’t work. Like we’ve said for years my DNA is broken.” Legs down, time for arms.

  “You’re DNA isn’t broken. I think of that as a joke. Look at me I fuck most things with a pussy and I still think I might find the one for me someday.” Sadness penetrates his voice again.

  “Blondes yes.” I crack with a giggle.

  “You know why I do that now and I will continue that way.”

  “Why don’t you try a redhead? Not me of course. I wish I could feel that way about you but it’s not possible” Slathering other arm.

  “I might do that. Now that you know what you know and I know how you feel. Maybe I can stop pining after you and move forward. I always thought redheads were hot. Found myself almost sleeping with a few from time to time. Guess now I can.”

  Oh that sadness in his voice is breaking my heart in two. And the guilt is nearly paralyzing. He is so sweet and great. Why can’t I just love him and want to be with him? He’s always been there for me before. But I guess you don’t choose who you fall in love with. Or that’s what people say anyhow. I have zero experience in that department.

  “I’m sorry Stace. You know I love you. Right?”

  “I know that. I love you too. I just wish things could be different that’s all.” He groans and tosses his forearm over his face. Gosh I hope he’s not about to cry. I can’t do crying. I always cry when someone else does. Even on movies. I am such a girl.

  There’s a series of knocks at the door. I pad my tiny size five feet over to the peephole, get on my tippy toes to see whose outside.

  “Open up short stack. I know you’re in there.”

  Fuck! Not Johnathan again. I am so tired of his emotional baggage bullshit.

  “No, speak, a no, English.” I mutter in the best Spanish voice I can through the door, holding back a laugh that’s nearing the surface.

  “Shut up woman and open the damn door and let me in. Or I will pound on the door all-night or use my spare key to your room and let myself in. If I have to. You decide. I’ll play this game however you want.” Jesus, his voice is saucy.

  This son of a bitch is seriously asking for a big ball busting kick. His nose only took a day to heal. I will sure as hell make sure his children’s, children’s, children feel this one!

  “You can’t always have what you want John-a-than” I yell through the door.

  “Oh yes I can and I will. And do you want to be having this conversation through this door?”

  “No. I don’t want to have any sort of conversation with you at all. Quite frankly. And Stacy is in here and I am in my panties. So I will talk to you some other time.”

  I hear a loud growl echo in the hallway outside my door. This man has got to get his DNA checked. Mine has problems with men maybe his ass, is part wolf.

  “You will open the door. Naked, with panties on, a parka or whatever. We will be having this out tonight. Right now.” He states and his voice is very stern and deep. I would love it coming from any other person them him. Anyone else and I’d open it up naked and screw their brains out. But with him I’d love to get a frying pan and bash him over the head.

  “Just let him in.” Stacy mopes, his body propped on the side against the suites wall, his mouth is in a seriously heartbreaking frown.

  “I don’t want him in here.” I whisper.

  “I can still hear you talking in there.” Johnathan chimes in.

  “Yeah-yeah-yeah don’t get your panties in a bunch.” I snap.

  “I’m not wearing any panties, Red. I do boxers. Silk preferably.” He mocks with a laugh. Hardy-har-har-har dick wad! I so wish I could just kill him. He is the most infuriating person on the face of the earth.

  “Just let him in Em, he’s obviously not going to leave until you do. I’ll go back down to my room and if you need me just call or come down. You need to fix whatever this problem is between you two. It’s going to get worse before it gets better if you don’t take care of it. I want you to still work with me. I seriously need to go see my mom and I can’t live like this. The drama between you two is exhausting.” He runs his hand through his shaggy hair. Still gorgeous with a deep frown on his face.

  “See….Smart man. I knew I hired Stacy for a reason.” Dickhead says from behind the door. I shake my head. This is getting out of control. Stacy is right I need to nip this in the butt now. I just don’t know how. Mainly because I don’t know what the issue is to begin with.

  I yank the door open with force. I don’t even both to put on any clothes. He came to me. So I don’t give a shit what I wear, if he’s in my presence he’ll have to deal.

  “Fine.” I gesture for him to come in and Stacy pecks me gently on the cheek and exits peering down at the ground and doesn’t say another word. Poor best friend. I just want to hug him and hold him. But I know that’s just cruel at this point.

  “Can’t you put on a robe or a parka?” he comments, walking into the bedroom living room combo and sits on the corner of my bed his elbows resting on his knees. He’s changed into a pair of black workout sweat pants. No elastic around the ankles, slippers and a plain white wife-beater. Rocker delicious, is what I’d call it.

  “If you’re going to come into my hotel room at” I glance over at the alarm clock. “One fifty two in the morning I am going to wear whatever the hell I want and you’re going to deal with it. I didn’t ask you here Johnathan. I was busy putting on my nightly body butter when you knocked.” I go back to the desk and slide my fingers into the butter, rub it against my palms and start smoothing it on my stomach.

  “You…wea” his voice cracks and he coughs. ”wear body butter to bed?” he asks watching me.

  “Doesn’t it look like I do? I also wash off my makeup and cleanse my face. Do you want me to explain how I
how I pee and wipe too?” I snap.

  “Why don’t you like me?” his voice is soft and low. Very sexy. Well it would have been sexy if it came out of less of an assholes mouth.

  “You make me not like you. I never knew anything about you or much about the band when I got this job. I did it for Stacy and his mom, more than anything else. Although I don’t think his mom deserves shit from him. But that’s neither here nor there.” I move to the tops of my boobs.

  “Can you stop that… you’re distracting.” He grunts.

  “No, I can’t, don’t look if it’s a problem.”

  He jerks back with a ‘humph’ and throws his arms over his thick broad heavily tattooed chest. I put him on ignore.

  “So anyways…You’re the man who jumped down my throat the first time we met. So it’s all stemmed from that. It seems like a woman on your bus was going to kill you. I don’t think it mattered if I look like this” I motion my hand up and down my body. “Or if I was some hot leggy blonde that Stacy would probably end up marrying in two weeks. You’d still have a problem. I know your rep of being an asshole to women. I knew that from the get go. Just figured I’d be cool and hang as one of the guys and you’d not treat me like you do other women.”

  “How is it I treat other women?” He asks surprised.

  “Badly.” I blurt. I re-dip my fingers and move to my neck.

  “What woman that I have been with have you spoken with?”

  “None.”

  He belts out an arrogant laugh. I snap a stare at him.

  “What’s so funny? Chuckles.”

  “You think I’m such a misogynistic pig. But not one woman I have slept with have you ever spoken with.”

  “Well. No. But I am sure it wouldn’t be that hard. Considering I am sure that your numbers have hit. Well let’s think….” I tap my finger on my chin “You’ve been famous for four years. Semi famous for two before that I’m sure. Plus the fact that you’re sexy and probably just about thirty leaves you at…at… Hold on.” I put out my finger to have him wait a sec.

  So four in high school, plus say ten out if he didn’t have girlfriends for long, which I’m sure he hasn’t because he has the romance capacity of a toad. Then one a week for a year the first two years of the band so that brings him to one hundred and twenty two. Plus four years of being famous so that would mean one maybe two more women a week minimally. So that’ll take him up to I’d guess right around three hundred and twenty. Give or take thirty, to take into account for his extras or double or triple timers, and maybe the occasional short-term relationship.

  “Three hundred and twenty sex partners. So yeah that’s plenty of woman I could seek out. That I am sure would agree with me.”

  “You think I’ve slept with that many women?” he sounds surprised.

  “Mathematically? Yes. It seems accurate of an assessment.” I nod a couple times biting my lower lip. I lean against the far side of the room against the wall. It’s chilly on my back but I welcome it, my temperature since he’s walked into my room has skyrocketed.

  “I don’t think it’s that many.” His face scrunches up and his arms relax. He looks deep in thought.

  “Do you know how many?”

  “No… But that seems like a lot.” He face looks pained. Like maybe I am right and he’s just realizing it.

  “Maybe, but it’s probably true. Do you even remember any of their names?”

  “Why? Do you want to seriously seek them out? Because I don’t know many of them at all. Maybe ten I can remember.”

  I scoff. Eyes wide. “Ten?” I nearly choke on the word.

  “Yeah… listen I don’t want to talk about this with you. It doesn’t’ matter I’m not that man anymore.”

  “Since when?” I roll my eyes. He is so full of shit.

  “Since you came onto the bus.”

  I laugh and grab onto my stomach. Oh god that is so hilarious. Tears are pouring down my face. I can’t help it. This is so damn funny. I bet he talks to all his difficult lays this way. I am so not a sucker. Does he think I’m a gullible retard or what? Please…..Don’t insult my intelligence.

  “Yeah and I’m Princess Diana.” I laugh and wipe my tears from my eyes.

  “No you’re not and it’s true. I vow to you tonight that I won’t have sex with anyone else ever again. I won’t. I promise.” His deep and dark voice is awakening something primal. My core screaming his name. My palms are suddenly sticky. This cannot be happening. I shake my head to rid the cloudiness.

  “If you think saying all this is going to get you into my pants? It’s not. It may work for some women but you don’t like me and I don’t like you. Plain and simple. You can deal. I can deal.” God this is so weird. What kind of conversation is this?

  “No your right I don’t LIKE you. I love you.” He stands up and takes a step towards me. I press harder against the wall. Oh please don’t come any closer. I don’t want this. And shit maybe I should have thrown on a parka. This is not a good idea. Hot rocker who is trying desperately to get into my pants. I thought Coby was slick. But Johnathan is in a whole other league.

  I gulp hard. He takes another step. Oh no!

  “How many woman have you said that to? Is this your MO?” I sputter out between trembling lips.

  “I’ve never loved anyone in my whole life.” He purrs. Oh know not that purring again. He’s a cat then he’s a dog and both sound so hot.

  “Yeah whatever John-a… I mean dick wad. You don’t know what love is.” I say staring straight at the ground. I can’t look at him and I know it came out all jumbled and rocky. I know it sounds stupid but I can’t help it. I’m on edge. Good or bad? I don’t know but I’m there.

  “Yes I do. I knew when I saw you standing in the crowd at the concert.”

  I snap my head back “What!”

  Oh, holy mother of god. He’s standing two feet from me. So close I can feel the heat radiating from his skin.

  “Why do you think it took us so long to get back to the bus?”

  I shrug and I have to think hard. I have no idea. I thought it didn’t take that long. Maybe it did but I didn’t notice.

  “I dunno, to get pussy? Honestly, I didn’t think it took that long.”

  “The guys waited for me in the back and I sent James out to find you. I was pissed when I got back to the bus because you were gone. Then you pop around Stacy and who would have known you’re our new fucking manager. The same woman Stacy has been going on and on and on about for the past four damn years. The same damn woman he wants to marry and have babies with is the same woman I know I want to be with. One hell of a head fuck if you ask me.”

  “Whoa! Let’s back up a few steps. First off you can’t fall in love with someone when you first see them. Secondly Stacy doesn’t want my babies or to marry me and thirdly you realize how fucked up all this sounds and fourthly.” I swallow hard and look up into his beautiful matching green eyes. “You need to go sit back down you’re making me nervous.” I point to the bed.

  He grabs my hand and brings it to my lips. I inhale deeply. Oh, no not the lips. Please not those. They are so sexy and supple. Pressing his lips softly against the back of my hand. He inhales my scent. “Mmm you smell so good.”

  My body convulses at the contact and my belly does vigorous jumping jacks. My heart officially aches and I can’t breathe. I place my free hand over my heart and I’m seriously flushed. This is not good. Not good at all. I draw my hand back and my heart nearly shatters into a million tiny little painful pieces.

  “To your first thought yes you can fall in love that quickly. I didn’t believe it either. Not until I saw you standing in the front row, your hair up, wearing that hideous tweed suit top, sweat glistening your face. You looked so sexy and pure and real. Just like you always do.”

  Oh my god. He cannot seriously be saying this to me and mean it. He sounds like he believes it. Some part of me, the dirty part of me wants to believe it too. I can’t deny that he’s hot and I feel some
thing for him. It maybe sickness but maybe it’s just passion or something else I’ve never encountered before. I am charting in a whole different kind of waters. But the self-preservation side of me wants to think he’s full of it and just trying to sleep with me. But he could do that with just about any woman he wants. I am confused. Horny and confused. Not good. Not good at all.

  “Emily… Earth to Emily.” He’s waving his hands in front of my face. Oh shit. I zoned out.

  “Yeah… Sorry.”

  “What I was saying to the number two of your observation is that yes Stacy does feel that way. I’m close friends with the guy. Every time he’d talk to you on the phone he’d be going on and on and on about how he feels afterward. He sounded like a chick. But I listened because we’ve been buds for a longtime. Also that’s how you got the job. Yes, he wants to see his mom but I think it gave him a real reason to talk you into coming here. I was the one who agreed to hire you. REALLY glad I did now. But before I was just doing it for him because he’s been such a great manager.”

  “You hired me? I thought the record company did?” More confusion this night can’t get any weirder. I swear.

  “Do you not know anything about me? You didn’t read up on any of us did you?”

  I twiddle my thumbs together and exhale loudly. “Um… No?”

  “That’s what I figured. Most women know everything about me there is to know in the world’s view that is. But when you said I’m thirty and know nothing about the record company. I figured as much. “

  “Sorry.” I pout. He is right I know nothing about them. I didn’t care to find out. I know tabloid shit is usually only based a little on fact and the rest of made up. So I figured coming into this world I’d find out firsthand. Looking back now it would have been a little smarter to prep myself.

  He laughs and runs his large hand through his dark and sexy hair. “No it’s okay. And I’m not thirty I’m twenty eighty. The record company is mine. I own it so yes I guess it was me by means of the record company who hired you.”