Stricken Desire

by S. K. Logsdon

  I stand, mosey into the house, drop my empty mug in the sink and head straight to the best bathroom in the entire world. Okay, it might not be the best but its close. My mom had the bath gutted when I was eight and knocked out a closet next to it to make room for a bigger bath. Now my parents Victorian has a glass walled steam shower, claw foot tub, slate tiled flooring and creamy buttermilk walls. It’s seriously interior design magazine quality.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I’m in my wonderful suburban alone diving to my doctor’s appointment with Dr. Shells at one. I turn up the radio. The only stations my beautiful truck picks up is the local country stations. I’m not sure if it’s a funny joke or that its antenna just sucks. I leave my windows hang open. I got to finally wear something Non rock and roll today. Thanks to being back in hickville U.S.A. It’s okay to wear a floral knee length A-line dress to the docs. I even opted out of heels and went for white flip-flops. Bettysville is too small to house any doctors offices except a small at home vet right outside of town. So I’m driving ten miles to Wayfort where my doctor’s office is located next to the only hospital within a forty mile radius. Wayfort is the hub of all the surrounding country towns. It’s a city of about thirty five thousand. Has the only Walmart around and a small mall. It’s the best you’ll get unless you want to drive two hours to Fort Wayne.

  I pull up outside, leave my widows down and my doors unlocked. Something I wouldn’t ever do in a larger city. But here it’s doesn’t matter. No one is going to steal your stuff.

  “Hey Emily.” Mary, the receptionist waves with a smile when I come in. I don’t sign in. They know me by name because my mom happens to work next door for Dr. Botkins and Dr. Larson both pediatricians. Dr. Botkins was my doc when I was a kid and Dr. Ted Larson is what we all like to call Dr. Hot pants. He’s thirty five and sexy as hell and he’s single. My mom tried to set me up on a blind date with him once but I backed out last minute. I didn’t think it would be right to go on a date with a pediatrician considering my body can’t have babies and it would be like rubbing it in both of our faces. I explained it to my mom as gently as possible and she understood and even apologized for being so inconsiderate. Like I always say I have the best mom on the planet.

  “Come on back Emily.” Nurse Linda a full figured brunette in her forties says with a big over-the-top friendly smile. I’ve known Linda since I was sixteen when I first starting coming to the gyno. Even though I wasn’t sexually active yet my mom wanted to introduce to the world of womanly functions and with my periods being irregular since I first started she thought it might be best to get checked out. That was when I first found out I have endometriosis and a tilted uterus.

  I follow Linda back to one of the five exam rooms. Todays the day I get to be naked. I go inside after I get weighed which I never watch. I don’t care to know how much I weigh. I am small and freaking out about ten pounds gained or lost will just make me worry more. My mouth is suddenly dry. I need some water.

  I go into the exam room and sit down on the table. Linda takes my vitals and here comes the wonderful part.

  “When was your last menstrual period?”

  “Eight months ago.”

  “When was the last time you had intercourse?”

  “Two weeks ago”

  “How many sexual partners have you have in the last month?”

  “One.”

  “How many partners in the past year?”

  “One”

  “How many in your lifetime?”

  “Two.”

  “Are you on any kind of birth control?”

  “No. I don’t have sex much and I can’t get pregnant.”

  It’s like a running ticker tape. Question after question. She fires one off and fire right back. It’s kind of embarrassing in some cases but I’ve only ever been with two people I guess that’s something to be proud of at twenty four. The last question finally comes after ten more.

  “Do you have any questions or concerns for the doctor?”

  “Yes.”

  She looks at me like I need to move forward and tell her what I need to discuss.

  “I will discuss it with him once he arrives.” I say sweetly.

  “Ok.” She stands up and carries the laptop in her hand that she was just entering my answers into.

  “Please take all your clothes including you underwear off and put the gown on and drape yourself with the sheet and the doctor will be with you shortly.”

  I nod and she leaves.

  I strip quickly. It’s freezing in this office. My nipples are instantly hard and sore. I sling on the blue and white gown opening to the front like always. Prop my cold naked butt onto the paper that’s lining the table and drape the white sheet over my legs for warmth.

  Thank god my doc is old enough to be a dinosaur or I would feel so wrong being this naked. Okay, he’s not that old but he’s not a spring chicken. He’s handsome and rather built for a doctor. He has a full head of salt and pepper hair and his eyes are icy blue. He always smells so good like cigars and peppermint and there is no doubt that he was sexy in his youth and now he’s just handsome. To me at least. I am sure his girlfriend or wife or whatever would say he’s sexy but I’m sure he’s about fifty five and that’s way too old for me to comment on in that department.

  A knock

  “Can I come in?” I hear Dr. Shell say and he slowly opens the door.

  He smiles at me and puts out his hand for me to shake. “Emily it feels like it’s been forever. How are you?” He’s so charismatic.

  “I’m good doc and yourself?”

  “Good. Good.” He offers another warming smile. “So what brings you in today?” he stands next to the instruments laid out for my annual.

  “I came to get my annual I am little behind and I’m sure you’ll need to do a STD work up.” I say confidently. Even though I am anything but.

  “Oh? Have you been having unprotected sex?” his eyebrow rises surprised.

  “Yes, stupidly I did about two and half weeks ago well it’s closer to three weeks now but I did and only that one time.”

  He doesn’t need to know it was four times that night. That’s too much information. But it was once. Just one full night.

  “Ok, I’ll do the whole workup. I should get the blood results back in a week and the other’s I can do in office and let you know before you leave.”

  “Sound great.” I smile.

  He does the typical run down like every year. Checks my breasts for lumps, feels around my abdomen which is always tender thanks to my endo. But he’s always gentle. Does my vitals again. Then I put my heels up in stirrups and the uncomfortable part begins. He shines a light at my crotch and inserts that uncomfortable and cold instrument to check me. I get scraped and prodded. Once he’s done I get up he leaves the nurse comes in draws three vials of blood and hands me a cup to pee in. I go into the bath and pee and I come back and now I am sitting again in the room fully dressed. Awaiting my results.

  Twenty minutes pass and another knock at the door. This time he doesn’t hesitate and he just walks in.

  “Well Emily. Have you been experiencing any kind of problems lately?” he asks looking over my few results.

  “Not really why? What’s wrong?” I frown.

  His face is serious but it’s not worried. He’s not giving anything away.

  “Do you itch or burn when you pee?” he asks.

  “Oh god no.” I shake my head and cover my mouth with my hand. “Is that what I am supposed to be feeling? Something is wrong isn’t it?”

  “So no symptoms, nothing out of the ordinary at all?”

  “I feel a little crampy, my breasts are tender, I’m thirsty and I could probably eat a cow the past two days. But it might be PMS. Even though I don’t have regular cycles I do have PMS occasionally and god knows that lately I’ve been going through a lot of stress but no burning or itching.”

  He leans over and hands me a booklet. ‘Your pregnancy.’ I look at him and
back at the purple booklet.

  “Is this a joke or something?” I am so not laughing.

  “No. But you are pregnant.” He says with a straight face.

  “WHAT!” I screech. “I’ve been told for years I can’t have babies and now I get pregnant after a one-night stand. Are you shitting me?”

  I’m warm and I am so angry. This cannot be happening to me! I can’t be pregnant. I’ve been told for the past eight years I have a less than ten percent chance of conceiving normally and with the way my condition has progressed my doc has went to say that I have even less than five percent because of my irregular periods and tilted uterus. This is ridiculous! They must have switched the tests.

  “I know, we seriously thought that you couldn’t that’s what makes this so rare.”

  I shake my head back and forth trying to clear my very fucked overly stuffed head.

  “You’re sure I am pregnant? You didn’t switch my urine with someone else’s?”

  He nods “I’m sure and I will roll in the ultrasound machine now and we can see the baby if you want to make sure everything looks good. You can’t be far along but we can see something.” He says.

  “I’m only three weeks I had sex three weeks ago and that was the last and only time. You can see a baby at three weeks?”

  “Yes and it’s not three weeks it’s classified as five because that’s why the egg must have dropped and set you into your fertility cycle. Even without bleeding you can drop eggs.”

  “Well that’s nice to know. Gee thanks doc. Yeah go get the damn probe and let’s do this thing.”

  My life has turned from bad to worse in the matter of minutes.

  “Okay but you will need to take off your underwear. You can keep on the dress but I will have to an internal ultrasound.”

  He ducks out.

  I slump back against the back of the table lift my hips slide off my blue panties and toss them on the floor. I could care less about them right about now. Less than five minutes pass and in comes my doctor. Along with Linda the nurse. Maybe he’s scared of me. I am quite intimidating when I fly off the handle and I am on the cusp. I can feel it. Too much stress in too short of time.

  Linda opens the stirrups again and I put my heels into the holders.

  Linda comes around and stands closest to the wall and offers her hand. “I know this can be scary to do alone. I just heard and thought you might need some support.”

  What a sweet woman!

  “Thanks” I grin solemnly and take her hand.

  “Okay Emily I am going to insert this.” He shows me this long white probe. “I will insert it a little bit in and it will help me see the baby. You will see the baby on this screen.” He points to the monitor. “Linda or I will explain what you see when you do. It won’t look like much. This far along and we might not even have a heartbeat yet. But I just want to make sure this isn’t an ectopic pregnancy because with your condition it’s common.”

  That’s why I like my doc he explains everything and his voice is always gentle and sweet.

  “I’ll be okay doc just do it. I need to see if this is happening to me.”

  He inserts the probe with a condom over it and some jelly for lubrication. At least it’s warm. He tilts it up and moves it until I can see my uterus on the screen. It’s in 2D so it looks like a bunch of white matter to me with two black holes and two little circle things inside those black holes. I’ve never watched inside my body before it’s kind of cool. Not much to see though.

  He looks up at me and presses the button the machine a few times. Then he glances at Linda and has yet to say a word.

  “Is something wrong with the baby?” I ask. Staring at the screen I have no idea what I am looking at to be honest. I’m not a doctor and the baby isn’t big enough to have arms and legs yet.

  Linda holds one of my hands with both of hers and squeezes then nods to the doc, something is up.

  “Emily see that?” he points to one black hole with a little circle thingy in it.

  “Yeah.”

  “Do you see that?” he points to the opposite one.

  I nod and look between my doc and my nurse to tell me what the fuck is going on here. Do I have a tumor or something?

  “Sweetie” Linda chimes in. “Those are your Babies.”

  I stare at the screen and look back at her confused.

  “Babies? As in plural? Not just one?”

  “Yes, Emily you are pregnant with twins and you’re just like we thought at just about five weeks. And if you look close enough to the screen you can see a little flickering. That’s their hearts beating. In a few weeks we’ll be able to pick them up on Doppler and you’ll be able to hear them.” My doctor says calmly.

  I think I am going to be sick. Not just one baby but I am having two! Two little Johnathan Strikers. Babies with a man I am never going to be with. My life is shit in a fucking handbag.

  “Emily are you okay? You don’t look so good.” Linda says and rubs her hand along the side of my face. The doctor removes the probe.

  “I… I… I think I might get sick.” I cover my mouth I can feel it coming.

  My doctor acts fast and snatches up and closest thing, a trash can and I sit up legs still in stirrups and throw up heaving my entire breakfast and my coffee into the trash bin. I sit up when I finally finish and Linda has a wetted paper towel for me to wipe my mouth with. I take it and clean myself up.

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s completely understandable you’re in shock. I would be too if I was in your shoes. Thinking my whole life I probably won’t be able to have a baby and now ending up being pregnant with two.” Linda says with a soft reassuring smile.

  “Yep that’s the understatement of the year.” I chuckle anxiously and toss the towel in the trash and sit up removing my heels from the stirrups.

  “Emily do you have any questions for us?” My doctor asks softly.

  “A few if that’s okay.”

  “Of course it is.” He says and I know he means it.

  “When are my babies due? Am I going to be okay with carrying them to term with this little body of mine and my condition? And what am I to stop doing immediately so I don’t harm them? I will read books and lots of them and take any pills you want. But I need to know those things right away.”

  He chuckles. “Ok slow down. You’re due March twenty-ninth but I am sure you will go a lot sooner than that. Twins almost always do. If you’re going to be able to use me as your doctor I will gladly help but if not I can work alongside another doctor to get you safely through this pregnancy but we don’t need to worry about that right now. As for carrying the twins. You should be fine. Your condition might mean you experience a little more pain and discomfort and you should be able to carry them like any other woman. Although your body could be a problem but there is no research to show that being shorter makes carrying babies harder. It’s a person to person basis. We will just keep a close eye on you. That’s all. You will start to show rather quickly though because of your size and the fact that you are carrying twins. So maternity clothes will be a must in the next ten weeks give or take. As long as you aren’t a drinker or do street drugs you’ll be fine heath wise. I know you don’t smoke so that’s not a factor. Don’t take any ibuprofen based products. Stick to acetaminophen only, like Tylenol. Your mom’s a nurse she can go over all this more with you. It’s not as hard as it sounds.” He smiles.

  “Ok.” I look down and cover my hand over my belly. Two babies are living inside of me right now. “Thanks doc and thanks Linda.” I smile or try to.

  “Take this script to the pharmacy and get it filled it’s just prenatal vitamins and if you need anything for nausea don’t hesitate to call and ask. “ He hands me a slip of paper and four sonogram pictures of my little back dots.

  I leave in shock, listen to some Toby Keith on the local radio station. Pick up my prenatal vitamins and read the booklet the doctor gave me while I wait. I pull up outside my parent’s house and
sit inside the truck for twenty minutes debating if I should go in or not.

  Chapter Fourteen

  For the rest of the day I lay in my bed. My mom is at work for half a day my dad is going to be home for dinner and I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling tracing Justin’s face with my eyes over and over. My baby’s pictures are in my hand. I can’t believe I am going to be a mom. A single mom. I never thought I’d be a mom. I can’t be sad about this. I am so scared. But I don’t regret it. Maybe this what was meant to be? I was meant to sleep with a male whore so I could get pregnant with twins? Two little rockers are living in my tummy. Poor kids I feel sorry for them already. I don’t have a musical bone in my body. Well at least their uncle Stacy does. That sounds so weird Uncle Stacy. But that’s what he’ll be the fun, loving, bisexual uncle. And my mom and dad will make fantastic grandparents.

  I have been laying here for probably three hours and I can’t stop wondering when I should tell them. Maybe I should wait. But if I do and they find out some other way like Linda blabbing to my mom at work. She’ll be so angry with me. So I don’t have a choice but to tell them all tonight at dinner. I guess that’s the smartest choice as any.

  “Em are you up there?” I hear my mom yell.

  “Yeah Mom I’m here.” I yell back.

  “Come downstairs dinners about ready and Stacy just got back.”

  Oh yeah! Stacy spent the whole day with his mom. Maybe I shouldn’t dump this news on him. I’ll just wait and see how he looks to decide. I collect my baby’s pictures, my booklet and tuck it back into my old purse and take it downstairs with me. I don’t have any pockets on this dress so the big reveal with have to happen with the help of my purse.

  I meet them all downstairs. My dad is now home.

  “Hey shorty. I’ve missed you.” He picks me up from his giant six four stature and bear hugs me. Oh, dad don’t hug any harder you might hurt the babies. That’s ridiculous sounding but I’m a mom now. I have a right to be protective.