“I….” I clear my throat again and swallow hard. “James was assigned to me and well your new bodyguard isn’t around to escort you into the building.” Saliva is pooling into my mouth staring at the glorious cock between his long muscular legs. I swallow it down. “So I thought it only the right thing to do is wait for you to finish up here and he’ll escort us both into the Marriot.” I finish with a loud exhale.
His eyes are beaming at me when I look up. Yes, he caught me staring at his cock. It’s not hard to notice when someone’s eyes are as wide as mine. I haven’t seen many dicks in my life and his thus far has been the most beautiful. So sue me for looking!
“Do you like what you see?” he shoots me a wicked grin and wiggles his hips side to side, his giant manhood slaps from one leg to the other a few times.
I giggle. “What do you expect? You’re naked and your cock is beautiful. What can I say?” I blush fifty shades of red but it’s true. I’m not going to lie. What can he do to me anyhow? I’m already pregnant and he’s already broken my heart. What’s left?
I glace up at his face again. His eyes are wide. I think I shocked him with my honesty. He’s frozen.
“What?” I shrug.
“I can’t believe you just said that.” He adds and then he blushes, finishing up drying his hair with the towel.
“It’s true. What am I supposed to say when you catch me staring at it? Oh no it’s hideous put that monster away?” I scoff. “I think not.”
I eye it again and he’s yet to move to go back into the bedroom so we can leave. His cock is like staring right at me and I can see it twitching. Oh no! It’s getting hard. I can see it before my eyes. And still I can’t stop staring at it. I’m blushing constantly and my belly is doing major flips and I can feel my panties getting wet but I still can’t break my eyes from it.
A growl erupts the silence between us. I look up into his eyes and they are burning with lust. I am too smart to fall for that again. Although I don’t mind the view.
“I don’t want to say this because yes I like the way it looks. But I want to take a nap before the show tonight and eat something. So can you please get dressed so I can go to my room?”
“Why don’t you come to mine and I can give you something to eat.” He says seriously with a wink and wiggles his hard cock it hits his legs like a baseball bat with a loud slap.
I look down at my belly wanting to rub it. But I can’t make it that obvious. So I glance back into his beautiful lustful eyes. As much as I am craving this man and my pussy is screaming between my legs. I can’t do it. I couldn’t survive this again. Once was bad enough. I have to be strong emotionally for our children. That’s what matters now. Not feeding my aching core.
“Sorry Johnathan. You promised Stacy and I don’t want to have to tell him you broke your promise.” I spurt out between my pouty lips.
“Fuck Stacy. I want inside you now baby. I missed that sweet pussy around my cock.”
My heart is thudding hard in my chest. Is it five hundred degrees in here or what? I squeeze my legs together and my clit screams for attention. Nope you stupid bitch you’re not getting fed today!
I know how to break this sexy talk. Even as hot as it is. And god I want him bad! No I don’t. Fuck! This has to stop. His cock looks so juicy and it’s so ready for me. Stop it! Stop it now!
“I’m sure you didn’t miss my pussy around your cock when that blonde was sucking you off a few weeks ago.” I say. I’m not rude about it. It comes out smooth and refined if that’s possible. I know it’s a low blow but it’ll get him out of this bullshit mind-set and I can finally get to my hotel room and take a fucking nap and an ice-cold shower to cool down. My core is begging to be played with. But that bitch is going to have to get over it. No food for her today!
“How did you hear about that?” he snaps. His eyes click from lust to anger.
Good! Pissed off Johnathan is better than horny. I can deal with pissed off. It’s the horny one I can’t handle. It does funny things to me that I like way too much.
“I heard the boys talking before the break. Said she was giving it to ya real good. Must not have been needing my pussy then.” I say and again I am not bitchy. I am soft and calm and all together. I am so proud of myself!
“Yeah well… Oh fuck! I don’t care.”
He turns with an attitude and struts into his bedroom slamming the door shut behind him. Ten minutes later he comes out fully dressed with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder.
I stand and walk to the steps without saying a word to him. He tails me out to greet James who hasn’t budged from his post outside the bus waiting for me with my luggage. And we both go into the hotel. James stands with us at the counter and retrieves our keys and room numbers. All three of us ride up the elevator to the top floor. All four rooms are next to one another in a line up.
I stop in front of my door and we are next door to each other. I bang instead of getting my key out of my purse and Stacy opens wearing a pair of boxers and nothing else. Johnathan gets an eyeful of my roomy and he looks none too happy.
“Hope you have a nice stay.” I say and take my luggage from James with a polite thank you and in I go into my room shutting the door behind me.
Chapter Nineteen
Stacy and I hang in our room all day. He’s been tripping over the package that arrived from Kyle this afternoon. It wasn’t just a letter it was a box full of them. Apparently Kyle had been sending Stacy letters for the past year trying to get a hold of him and they were all returned to sender because Stacy was too chicken shit to open and read them. He never told me that. So Kyle was mad enough he put them all into a box and sent them to his ex-wife’s address instead. Smart thinking on his part because now Stacy is forced to read the whole box full of unopened letters Kyle wrote to him. It kind of romantic if you think about it. How many people write letters anymore? With email and cell phones it’s becoming a dying art form.
“I can’t read them Em.” He whines flipping through the stack.
“Oh yes you can or I will and you will listen to what he has to say.”
“I was a complete dick you don’t understand they are probably mean. Like really mean. I was mean to him so why wouldn’t they be?” he is pacing the room his hands shaking full of letters. I never knew Kyle could get to him like this. Maybe Stacy has been dwelling in guilt for what he said to Kyle four years ago.
“For Christ sake Stace, twenty two letters can’t be all hateful. Maybe he’s rude but I doubt he’d put in that much effort to send you hate mail.” I say.
I want to reason with him and make him read the letters not me doing it for him. This is a step he needs to take. It’s for his own good and mine. I have to know. I know Kyle was kind of a douche when we were kids but this romance has me all jealous and excited at the same time. If I can’t have my own romance I am going to live viciously through Stacy if I have to. It’s even better in person than it is in my books.
“I dunno.” He pouts and drops down on the bed beside me and lays his head on my shoulder for support. I pat his head.
“Why is this bothering you so much? If you didn’t care for Kyle like you say you don’t then why would it matter how he feels or what he says?”
“I don’t know.” He pouts again and this is the gay part of Stacy out in full color. He’s like a damn woman maybe even worse. This wish washy shit is so feminine.
“Listen I think you do know. I think you feel guilty about possibly hurting the only man you’ve ever cared for romantically. I know you say that you don’t care for men that way and only WOMAN can do that for you. But if that was the truth then why would you feel this way about a bunch of letters? It doesn’t make any sense.”
He sighs “I wish you didn’t know me like you do sometimes. It’s easier talking to Johnathan about feelings he doesn’t understand and doesn’t care.”
“Then go talk to him about them. I am sure he’ll listen. He loves you in his own way and I’m sure he’d be a sho
ulder if you need it.”
He wraps his arms around my shoulders. “I don’t need him Em, I’m just saying it would be easier. I didn’t say I wanted that. I just thought if I held out long enough for you that you’d finally fall in love with me and we could be together.” He mopes.
“Do you honestly think I could make you happy? Think about it. I know you think I am beautiful but do you seriously see yourself being happy making love to me for the rest of your life? No more men. Just me and my pussy.” I ask softly. Maybe if I get him to see I’m not all that he’ll get off the Emily is so great kick, because seriously I’m not.
“Yes, I do. You make me happy everyday Em.” He kisses my forehead.
“Okay... I know that. You make me happy everyday too Stace. But the main question is do I make you feel passion? When you see me do you feel like you have to be inside of me to feel whole? Do I turn you on every time we are around each other? Do you find yourself wanting to fuck me all the time? Does your heart blossom every time you hold me and you feel like if you let me go you’ll break into a million pieces?”
“No not all that stuff.” He shrugs, his face is so sad it hurts to look at. My poor best friend is going through some serious coming to issues. The more I think about it. I realize that I think Stacy is more gay than Bi. I think he uses woman for sexual release and friendship but I don’t think the passion lies with our gender. I think he feels the passion and the lust full throttle with men and Kyle especially. That’s why he’s so confused. I would be too if I was in his position.
“What stuff then?” I ask gently coaxing him into the direction he needs to head into.
“I get horny around you sometimes. But I don’t feel like I need to fuck you all the time or anything like that. I don’t have that need. The only need I have with you is love. I need to love you and show you how much you mean to me. But it’s not about the fucking. It’s about the caring and the support and the meaningful friendship we have. I couldn’t live without you ever. I mean that. I would probably wither away and die. I know that’s stupid I am dependent on your love but I am. But it is true you are gorgeous and I would love to screw your brains out. You just won’t let me.” He smiles.
“See that’s what I thought. Okay so when you think about say Kyle how do you feel?”
We are so moving in the right direction. He doesn’t know it yet. But I do. I am feeling a lot better about this not trying to be with Stacy romantically. Our lives were never meant to be that way.
“I feel guilty for hurting him. He wasn’t an experiment ever. He was the best male experience I’ve ever had.” He says
“Okay… aside from the guilt. Do you feel passion? When you were still together, how did you feel? Did you just want to talk and be friends and need his love? What did you need or want from him?
“You sure you want to know?”
“Yes.”
“Honestly? I wanted to fuck him all the time. I wanted to be balls deep in him or him in me. But mainly I wanted to do him. To claim him. I know this might be too much. But you asked. I loved sucking his cock. I mean really loved it. I hate doing it to other men. But he was so good at sucking mine too. He was like a woman in some ways he was gentle and knew exactly what I needed all the time. Other men aren’t the same. I love fucking men but it doesn’t feel right. Kyle was the only male I felt right bottoming for. He was tender and always made sure I was well lubed and I kind of felt special. Shit. I know that sounds retarded. I’m chicking out talking about this. But it’s true. You’re the only person I would EVER tell this too.” He says.
“Well I am glad you told me. And two more questions and I’ll stop pestering you and we can get ready and leave. We’ll come back and read the letter tomorrow before the show. I gotta feed these babies before we leave tonight.” I pat my tummy.
“Okay sounds good.” He grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers together. Oh I love my best friend. My very gay best friend. He’s gayer than he knows. But that’s okay I still love him with all my heart.
“When you were not with Kyle did you think about him? And if he was to date another person how would that make you feel? Oh, shit one more. Sorry. When you two were alone in bed how’d you feel with him? What did you do?”
“Okay Em. I think that’s like four more.” He laughs. “But if wasn’t with him I’d be thinking about having sexy time with him. Unless I was with you and I didn’t think about him much at all. Dating another person? I dunno. I guess I don’t like the thought of him dating another but he was my first. So I don’t think my feelings on the matter should be different. I mean how many people who lose their virginity want their first love to be with someone else?” he shrugs.
“You just called him your first love.”
“I did?” he asks and looks deep in thought.
“Yeah I guess he was in a way. And when we were alone in bed? We cuddled and talked a lot. We were best friends like you and I except I fucked him almost every day. How’d I feel? Shit you really are making me chick out today. I guess there’s no better person to do it with.” He squeezes my hand that he’s holding. “I felt loved by him. I still do in a way. I liked being with him. That’s why it hurt to leave him to move to L.A but what choice did I have? I wasn’t going to move and try to have some sort of long-distance thing and I wasn’t looking for a commitment. We tried to be friends via the phone and internet and when I went back to visit my mom we’d always catch up. Which always ended up me fucking him like ten times and I’d sucking him off and then we’d part ways.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“What’s what you thought?” he asks confused.
“You loved him and you still love him. Not the love you have for me. Do I think you love me? Yes. But not that same kind of love you have for him. I think you’re confused about your feelings for woman and men. You think you will eventually feel what you felt with Kyle with a woman. I’m the closest thing to that. So you cling to me thinking it could be the passionate, I want to fuck you all the time kind of love. It’s not like that between us and you know it could never be. You have it with Kyle and I think you want it back but you’re afraid of commitment. But you’re almost thirty Stace. Not eighteen anymore. If he still feels the same way about you. Which I am sure he does. I think you should try to work it out somehow.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know.”
I know I’ve got him. Hook, line and sinker. He knows I’m right. Shit, I know I’m right.
“If I was to get naked in front of you right now would you get hard and want to fuck me?” I ask. This is my final test.
“No. Probably not. I’d want to caress your skin and hug you but not fuck you.”
“But if Kyle were standing in front you know his dark black hair hanging over his shoulders his thick body, his big cock heavy and hard between his legs What would you do? How would you feel?”
“I’d get hard… Shit just thinking about his body makes me hard. And I’d fuck him. I wouldn’t have to feel or think about it. I’d just do it and he’d let me.”
“See now you know.”
His eyes widen and I think the revelation finally hits him. He knows I am right. And it’s about damn time. Maybe he will finally man up and be with Kyle once and for all.
Chapter Twenty
After Stacy and I talked we went about our business to get ready to for our first concert back on the tour. We bathed. He threw on a black T and Jeans with his black boots. The way he dresses is like he’s already a part of Stricken minus the tattoos that is. I let him pick my outfit for the night. Which I think kind of made his day after all the hot and heavy we talked about before our showers.
Although I’m not excited to be standing here stage side in this get up. When we were back in Indiana and we did all that shopping. We happened to drop by a Hot Topic store. It’s a total ToysRus for rockers and emo peeps. Stacy wanted to pick up a few band T’s. But once we got inside he saw this ridiculous girls outfit on a manikin. He felt up
the floor model and pretended to hump her leg. I laughed so hard I cried. Needless to say I somewhere along those lines made a joke about how I was jealous the manikin was getting more attention than me. And he said something along the lines “Well if you’d wear this I’d hump your leg.” So somewhere in my laughing stupidity we bought the damn thing in my size along with the fishnet stockings and all. I promised I’d wear it two times in my life and after that it was going in the trash. So apparently tonight was the night to sport my new ensemble for the world. At least I fit in with the rockers now in my red plaid mini skirt that has two black buckles on the front and I have on those oh so fabulous fishnet tights and a black leather sweetheart corset with ruffles at the top and black close toe heels. I look sexy in a hooker kind of way.
Some band by the name of Dirty Harry or something like that just finished there set and now our roadies are fixing the stage for Stricken to play. I haven’t seen any of the guys today. After our talk we ordered room service while Stacy helped me get dolled up in this super slutty outfit. Secretly I’ve been hoping to see Johnathan cause after this morning I need to show him a little something sexy. I know that’s bad and uncalled-for but I could give a shit. As long as I don’t feed the hungry bitch between my legs. It’s all good.
“You know that outfit could be used for roll playing in the bedroom.” Stacy says naughtily, twirling one of my curls with his finger.
“You know your balls would probably be better left intact.” I sass and grab him where it counts. He jumps a little. But I’m not mean about it.
“You’re a little feisty tonight babe.” He smiles and kisses me cheek. I release his sac.
“All dolled up looking like a sexy schoolgirl. How could I not?” I tease with a little wiggle.
“You know when D sees you it might be a problem keeping his hands off your hot pregnant body.” Stacy says laughing and runs his finger down the middle of my corset to the top of my skirt.
Stricken Desire Page 18