by Billy Wong
Seeing the slow rise and fall of his chest, Rose shook her head. "Not quite. Won't be waking up for a while though, if ever." She walked over to the still form and ripped away his mask. "Since I beat him, I'll do the requisite bellowing, okay?"
Finn nodded, then realized with a start, "Hey Rose, there's a pick still stuck in your back. Should I pull it out for you?"
Rose felt its weight anew, and marveled, "It's still there?! Well, since it is, just leave it for now. There's bound to be a lot of blood."
Derrick had awakened, and looked at them worriedly. "What about Wilner? He got away."
She shrugged. "If Wilner wants to keep at us with the forces he has, fine. I think Kayland's armies can handle that. For now, we're going to use Joghra here as a hostage to stop the Sevrian assault. They're a people who value their leaders highly, and probably won't risk us killing him by refusing our demands."
"What if you'd killed him, instead of taking him alive?"
"We would've bluffed," Finn said, "and if that failed, hoped the Sevrians' morale was hurt enough that we could drive them away."
Derrick looked down at the motionless giant, his face half crushed, then at the broken mask in Rose's hand. "Just what did you use to do that?"
Despite the horrible pain she was still in, Rose grinned and flexed aching fingers. "My hand."
Her love draped an arm over her shoulders and bellowed, "Rose, you really are one of a kind!"
"No, no, it's my turn to do the bellowing," she admonished him. Dragging Joghra along with them, they went gruelingly up the wall and stood where the most people could see them. Rose raised the destroyed mask high over her head and tried to unleash a victorious bellow that could be heard by the fighting masses. But all that came out was a hoarse, weak yell. Rose gave a bashful smile. "Wow, that was embarrassing."
"Nobody heard it," Finn assured her.
She shot him an annoyed glance. "Exactly. Fine, Finn, you get to bellow."
He held her close, putting an arm around her waist, and grasped her upraised wrist as if raising her hand in triumph. Then he bellowed loud and long, and eventually there was peace again.
Chapter 7
"Pregnant?! You sure you aren't just messed up from getting one too many sharp objects put into your body?" Finn sounded dubious, and he might be right to be. He hadn't done that much in the bedroom recently, being busy most of the time and tired when he wasn't.
"That's not funny." Rose did have irregular periods, which she didn't doubt resulted from taking massive internal injuries time and time again. Things that would have killed normal people failed to kill her, but still left scars. She figured she had many scars inside as well as out, and had worried about not even being able to get pregnant before. But now... "I can't be positive, but it does seem like I'm showing signs of being with child."
"So when are you going to see a doctor?" Finn asked anxiously.
"Soon. I really should have gone already, but we're always so busy."
Derrick walked into the room. "Did you say something about the busyness? Yeah, it's terrible. I don't why I used to be so anxious to share this magic with the world. Now we have no time to do anything!"
"You dug your own grave, now go lie in it," Finn joked. "Anyway, Rose thinks she's pregnant all of a sudden. Because her stomach's bothering her."
The scholar gave her a questioning look. "Are you sure all the hits you took there aren't catching up to you? Or the amount of alcohol you put in there? Or the kind of food you eat?"
Finn must have thought about his own consumption habits as he replied, "Now that's not funny."
"Honestly, I could have a baby. It's been long enough since the invasion."
It'd been months since the armies of Sevria and Coblan met defeat in Gustrone. King Benedict's brother Lawrence had been crowned regent following the king's demise, as Benedict's sole surviving son was months old and quite unable to assume his throne. The new regent's first official act had been to name Rose and Finn Knight Protector and Mage Protector respectively of Kayland, honorary titles Rose cared little for, but Finn loved. Finn also hadn't been shy about using the fact they had saved Lawrence's life to leverage him into granting them extra funds. Wilner hadn't been seen in Kayland since fleeing from the couple, and his Sevrian accomplice still sat a hostage in the Gustrone prison, having awakened to find himself horribly scarred and blind in one eye.
Rose still wondered what Wilner and Fiona were up to nowadays, but there was nothing to be done about it, as she had a job to do right here in the much expanded center for magical study, which they had finally named The Center for Magical Study. She sighed. A lot of jobs, actually. Why couldn't they hire some help already?! A resolution formed in her mind.
"Okay Finn, if I'm actually pregnant, we are hiring support staff to help this center. I know you want to save funds for 'emergencies' and possible big projects, but right now we only have researchers and the three of us. That doesn't really work."
"Also, all that unused money lying in the basement is just begging to get stolen," Derrick added.
"Basement?" Finn asked.
"People were complaining about rats in the basement dining hall, so I had its location switched with the treasury's. Dragging all that money downstairs sure was a pain in the rear."
"Why wasn't I informed about this? That sounds like a major change... Rose, aren't you the cook? Did you know about this?"
She scowled. "I just put instructions on the wall, and let everybody cook their own food now. I'm too busy playing greeter and nurse"—she rolled her eyes—"to actually cook." Under her breath, she muttered, "The fact neither of us knew the money was moved says a lot."
"That we have brain damage?" Finn said. "Also, you make them cook food in your style and wonder why you're overworked as nurse?"
"Well if Derrick could clean properly, there would be less people slipping and hurting themselves."
"I can't clean fast enough." Derrick shook his head. "With so many people here now, the first room gets dirty again before I finish the last. Three people just can't run this place. There's more than three full time non-research jobs in here, and we still have to participate in the research on top of that."
"My point exactly."
Finn raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. "All right, fine, you two win. Time to start advertising our openings—so which of us will be in charge of that?"
They looked at each other. All of them had terribly oversized workloads already. "I might be pregnant," Rose reminded the others.
"I've been doing the best with the magic," Finn added.
Derrick sighed. "Fine, what do I have to lose? Only more sleep..."
#
For the next three days Derrick slept hardly at all, his last free hours spent holding interviews. Finally, most of the support positions were filled by actual workers, and the trio enjoyed much relief—even Finn, who grudgingly admitted the new way was better. Rose saw a doctor, and found she was indeed with child. The joyous news cheered her, but it didn't last for long as Finn grew steadily more aloof. Why would he avoid her when they should be closer than ever? Eventually, she approached him about something strange she'd noticed.
"Finn, your skin tone's been looking kind of unhealthy as of late."
"It's nothing. I feel stronger than ever."
"Maybe so, but it's still weird. Is it an effect of using the man-dragon's magic?"
Finn waved dismissively. "I told you, it's nothing. Don't worry so much, for the sake of our baby."
"Sure, Finn." Rose couldn't hide the concern in her eyes despite her words. "I'll trust you, you're the magic man after all."
"All right. I love you, Rose." He left her with a kiss before returning to his study. But it didn't carry the same emotion his kisses had in the past.
She hit the books hard that very night, looking for anything about changing skin colors. What she found disturbed her. The only mention of such a phenomenon referred to it as a step towards the transformatio
n of an archmage into a dragon. Fear of losing her Finn crept into Rose's heart, and she slept uneasily.
The next day, Rose hesitantly confronted him, unable to leave her fears unspoken. "Finn, I read that a change in skin color is one of the first steps in the transformation from mage to dragon. Tell me that's not what is happening to you!"
"That's what you're afraid of? Stop scaring yourself, Rose. Did you read the other stuff about becoming a dragon? It takes the most skilled mages many decades to become powerful enough, to gain the necessary connection to the roots of magic, to initiate such a transformation. To be able to draw the primal energies of the world into oneself and shape them into a new body—most mages never reach that level. There's no way I could already have that kind of magical prowess."
Her heart calmed somewhat, though she could scarcely comprehend much of what her love had said. "So in simple terms, you've nowhere near the amount of experience needed to become a dragon."
"Yes."
She hugged him. "Thank goodness. I couldn't imagine trying to raise our children without you by my side. I already know I'm no good with kids, and I'm scared to death I'll do wrong in teaching them. I need you so much, if I didn't have you, I don't think I could be a mother alone."
Finn ran a huge hand through her hair and said softly, "I'm sure even if by some chance you did lose me, your great heart could handle any situation you had to face. But as we love each other so, why don't we finally marry, and become more than mere lovers?"
"We're already married in spirit," Rose said, chin held high with pride.
"I know, but let's make it official nonetheless. It'll be a good celebration of our love, if nothing else. We'll be better off at tax time, too!"
Rose laughed. "So are you officially proposing to me? Where's my ring?" She flashed an expectant grin.
"It was a spur of the moment kind of thing, so I don't exactly have a ring ready. But I'll go get one now if you want."
She quickly shook her head. "No, rings can wait. Ask me the question, I'm dying to answer!"
"Rose, will you marry me?" Finn asked—and then, knelt before the woman he loved.
She paused and pretended to think about it. Then, she looked blissfully into his eyes and breathed, "Of course." Her giant love grabbed her and threw her over a shoulder, like an ogre taking a hapless maiden, and began to walk. "What are you doing?" she asked, giggling.
"It's bed time!" Finn yelled while he carried her into their lair, and there she found again the passion she'd feared lost so short a time ago.
#
The months rolled by and Rose's fears slowly abated as no other changes came over her love, though she still found him too busy for her liking. They held their wedding, a small, intimate affair they shared only with close friends and family since they felt no need to be in the public eye any more than they'd already been. Rose enjoyed the ceremony more than she would've imagined in her youth, the confirmation of their love the best gift of them all. They both kept their last names, and agreed their children would use both. Then, she knew bliss like she hadn't since first realizing her love with Finn when her twins were born, one boy and one girl.
The birth came somewhat early, and Rose suspected damage to her womb received in battle was responsible. To her and Finn's relief, their children—though small—did not suffer much for it, and quickly revealed themselves as loud, healthy babies. They named their son Jacob, for a friend Rose had been forced to kill in years past, and their daughter Amber. For a short while, she thought her life better and happier than any other in the world. The newlyweds shared in the ecstacy of their earthly paradise, and longed to enjoy their joyous contentment forever. She did get armor commissioned to fit her new size, though she hoped she could lose the weight she'd gained before she had to use it. But it would not be nearly long enough before paradise was threatened.
"I'm a horrible mother," Rose lamented one day, "who can't even tell what her kids want. All I get them to do, when I try to comfort them, is cry more. It's like I wasn't built with proper maternal instincts. On top of that, even though I love my children, I can't get over missing my old way of life. I know they hurt like hell when they happened, but still I look back fondly now at my fights with the strongest enemies I battled. When I recall the faces of great foes like Joghra and Wilner, along with everything else I feel nostalgia—doesn't that say something about how messed up I am?"
"It's not really the thrill I miss the most, I think, though I do miss that too. It's the grander purpose I felt—the ability to reshape the world for the better. Now, I don't feel that sense of significance. I know it sounds like I'm belittling the importance of motherhood, and that isn't what I'm trying to do at all. I love being a mother. I love the idea of teaching young minds how to live. And I love knowing that someday, my children will grow up and make their own contribution to the world. But that's for the long term. For the present, I can't get over how much I won't be doing, that I could."
The hapless Derrick blinked at her. "Why are you telling me all this? Wouldn't Finn be more the guy to discuss these issues with?"
Rose shook her head. "I don't want to burden him with my problems, when he's already so busy. I also don't know if he'd understand, because he seems to have the maternal instincts I lack in addition to his paternal ones. He's so good with them, he can easily soothe whatever troubles their little hearts—when he's there that is, which he often isn't. Even though he surely makes the better parent, he lets me do all the parenting, because he's too busy with his magic. And even though I'm far from a weak woman, I'm a little afraid to talk to him about it because, well, I am the woman and there are certain expectations.
"Besides, you're closer to being a girl, than he is." Seeing Derrick's frown, she added, "I didn't mean that in a bad way."
He nodded. "I don't think it's wrong for you to want a life outside of being a mother, though it amazes me you'd still want to fight after all you've suffered. I mean, many men would disagree, but most men work in addition to being fathers and I don't see why a mother shouldn't be able to do the same. Though it raises the question, who will take care of the kids? Especially if their mother is away for weeks or months at a time, like you'd be if you returned to your old lifestyle."
"I know. We could hire a babysitter, but I don't know that Finn would consider it an acceptable option. He's all but given up his own desire for battle for the sake of this center and its mission, when I'd always thought he never could, maybe even more than I. So I'm afraid he'd look poorly at my stubborn inability to accept my changing role."
"I think he'd understand. You've always managed to work things out before."
She frowned, and her shoulders slumped. "But that's the thing, he's different now. I feel he still loves me, but he shows it so much less than before. It used to be that even in the midst of dreadful battles, he'd take the time to cheer my flagging spirit. Now he barely talks to me, having only time for study. I'm sorry to say, though it's truly a selfish thought, I sometimes regret the fateful journey that brought magic back into the world. Though I know the good it could someday bring."
"Have you ever discussed his newfound distance with him? If you never talk about it, how will he ever know something is wrong?"
"I know, I know. I'm just scared." She laughed bitterly. "Yes, me, scared of mere spoken words. It's hard to face the anger of the man you love. Better sometimes to bear what ails you, than risk greater troubles."
"Easier, maybe, but not better. It's only likely to get worse if you ignore it. Even I've found him overly aloof in recent times. I tried to convince him to spend less time with his books, but he hasn't listened. It's a little unsettling I'd be the one saying this, when I was always pushing for him to learn more and more before. Go talk to him, you're probably the only one he'll listen to."
Rose reluctantly nodded. "I suppose I should talk to him. Fine, I couldn't bear keeping this unease inside much longer."
The concerned scholar touched her arm. "Want me to b
e there with you?"
A little cheer finally returned to Rose, and she smiled as she said half-jokingly, "No, I'm a strong girl. I could always kick his butt if he's inconsiderate. Thank you anyway." She turned to leave, then added, "Could you take care of my kids, when I'm away?"
Derrick recoiled with surprise. That must have taken him off guard, since he didn't have any experience babysitting. But she would be more comfortable leaving her kids in the care of a friend than a hired stranger. "Sure, Rose," he said, "but only when I don't feel like coming with you!"
"That sounds about right. I really appreciate your help. Well, I'm off to see Finn now. Wish me luck!" With renewed hope for her future, she went to find her love.
#
She found him in his study like she expected, intently looking over a thick spellbook with his skin looking greener than ever. This was what he did all night, she thought with a chill. "Finn, I need to talk to you," she said as she sat by his side.
"Sure, make it quick."
"No, I won't make it quick," she snapped, "because that's exactly the problem. You're too obsessed with your damn work to give me the time of day, and I'm sick of it."
He looked surprised at her angry eyes. "Rose, I never knew. I've been acting the same way for over a year, since before we saved Gustrone, and you seemed happy."
Rose lowered her gaze in shame; she'd been too weak to tell him of her distress, and let him believe nothing he did hurt her. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but you were so intent on learning your magic, I didn't want to risk upsetting you by trying to pull you away. But it's become too much to bear, now that we have kids and I'm forced to do all their raising myself, even though I'm not cut out to!"
"You're their mother," he said plainly. "Of course you're the one who'll raise them."
"I can't do it alone! I'm a terrible mother! I just... can't connect with them, their young minds. I'm no good with children, you know that. Remember, you always had to deal with the kids we saved in our travels!"