by Lydia Dare
changes
. You don't feel the same. You don't feel like you're in control of yourself, not your thoughts nor your body. You feel different on many levels, and that has to be frightening."
For the first time in their conversation, Oliver looked vulnerable, like a child.
Simon breathed a sigh of relief. "What you're experiencing is
normal.
Well, normal for us. Me, my brothers, your father, you, and handful of others
out there."
Oliver frowned but didn't say a word.
"There are ways you can control these feelings, these urges you don't understand. I brought you here to help you, to train you."
"Train me?"
Simon nodded. "You can live a normal life, for the most part. A few days out of the month will be completely out of your control, but I can help you learn how to live with the rest of them."
"You make me sound like a monster."
How many times had Simon thought the very thing? "Not a monster, just different."
"But you said it was normal, and now you say it's different."
"Normal for
us,
Oliver. Other people aren't like us, and they can't understand the changes and turmoil. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you sooner. I should have been."
Oliver's expressions danced between relief and anxiety. "Aunt Lily said—"
"Your aunt doesn't know. It needs to stay that way." It was easier to focus on what should be done with Lily when she wasn't in the room, he realized. "In a few days, I'll send her back to Essex, but you'll stay here."
"No!" Oliver shot out of his seat. "If she goes, I do, too."
"You're not the one making decisions, my boy," Simon said calmly, hoping that when the time came, he could let Lily go. It was best for her, regardless of what he wanted for himself. "Your father left me as your guardian because he trusted my judgment. You'll have to do the same."
"I don't want to stay without Aunt Lily."
Neither did Simon.
Eleven
Lily found herself seated between Oliver and Simon at dinner. Her nephew was unusually quiet, and Lily was anxious to talk with him privately. Simon was also quiet, and Lily couldn't keep herself from wanting to see him privately as well. They needed to sort out what was going on between them.
Simon seemed to be clutching her to himself at the same time he was pushing her away. He was a dichotomy. Though she also was having a difficult time coming to terms with her own feelings.
Lily wasn't sure what had come over her in the last few days. Until now, she'd never considered the possibility that she'd find a man she could care for. There hadn't been a point in wishing for something that wasn't likely to happen. However, circumstances had brought her to Simon's door, and Lily had never felt so confused. Her heart seemed to beat only for him, but she wanted much more than he seemed willing to give.
She sent a sideways glance toward Simon, only to find him staring back at her with an intensity that stole her breath. He felt it, too, whatever this was, and she couldn't understand why he wanted to send her away.
Across the table, Will stabbed a carrot on his plate with a frown. "Irritating chit," he grumbled.
Lily furrowed her brow. "I do hope you're not speaking about me, Will."
He looked up from his plate. "Oh, I didn't realize that was aloud. Apologies, Lily."
"What has you so upset?"
"I'm not upset," he snapped.
Simon touched her hand, sending a jolt of awareness through her. "My brother and Miss Hawthorne love to annoy one another. They've been doing so for years. Quite successfully, I might add."
Lily had noticed that. "Why?" she asked innocently.
"Indeed?" Simon quirked a grin at his brother. "William, do tell."
"I'd rather not." Then his icy blue eyes flashed to Lily. "But watch yourself over there tomorrow. She's crafty and—"
Lily giggled. "I hardly think she wants anything from me."
"Where are you going?" Oliver demanded beside her, making Lily jump.
Simon squeezed her hand. "Don't bark at your aunt, boy."
"What do you care? You're the one sending her away."
Lily sucked in a surprised breath. Oliver was getting more belligerent as the days went by. Her sweet nephew would never have said such a thing a few months ago. She slid her hand from Simon's and turned in her chair to focus on Oliver. "I'm only visiting a neighbor's home tomorrow. I'm not leaving."
"But
he
said—" Oliver began, glaring over her shoulder at Simon.
"Nothing's been determined," she assured him. "My place has always been with you, Oliver. I have no intention of leaving you."
"Lily," Simon growled, though he was drowned out by Will's laughter.
"Good for you, Lily. Stand your ground."
Anger rolled off Simon, and Lily turned her head to see him glaring daggers at his brother. "Mind your own affairs."
***
Lily looked at the trunk of clothes lying in the middle of her chamber. Thank heavens, Oliver brought nearly her entire wardrobe with him. She'd been wearing the same two gowns for days and was anxious for a change.
She washed, slid into her yellow cotton nightrail, and closed her eyes. It felt so nice to have the soft material against her skin.
There was a light knock at the door, and Lily slid her arms through the sleeves of her matching robe. She tied the sash around her waist and called brightly, "Come."
Oliver poked his head inside the room, frowning when he saw how she was dressed. "I didn't know you were ready for bed, Aunt Lily. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
She shook her head, walking toward him. "Don't go. I want to know how your conversation with His Grace went."
Oliver opened the door wider and stepped inside. "I don't want to stay here. I want to go back to Maberley Hall with you."
Lily crossed the floor to him and took his hand in hers. "I won't leave without you, Oliver."
"Why does he want you to go? If I have to stay, why can't you stay, too?"
Good questions, ones she would find answers to. Lily led him to a pair of chintz chairs near her window. "Don't worry yourself, dear. I'm certain I can make His Grace see reason." Simon couldn't
really
want her to leave, not with the way he looked at her, the way he touched her.
"I won't stay if he makes you leave," Oliver vowed.
A loud knock sounded on the door, which made Lily nearly jump out of her skin. She patted Oliver's hand and then quickly crossed the room to the door. She pulled it open to find Simon standing on the other side, his grey eyes dark as he took in her state of dishabille.
"You shouldn't have Oliver in here with you."
Lily blinked at him. "I beg your pardon."
"It's too dangerous," he said quietly, before pushing the door wider. "Maberley, it's time for you to retire to your own room."
Oliver frowned. "I'm just talking to my aunt."
"And you can continue your conversation on the morrow. It's late." He inclined his head toward the door, a subtle hint of authority.
But, of course, Oliver balked. Oliver balked if
she
asked him to do something. Of course he would balk if someone else spoke to him with a tone of authority, especially someone with whom he was unfamiliar.
"I'm no longer in leading strings, Blackmoor. I'll decide when I'm ready to go to bed. Right now, I'm speaking with my aunt."
Lily was unable to choke back her gasp. What a disrespectful tone to take with the duke! She covered her mouth and watched Oliver return to his seat in the chintz chair.
Lily raised her finger, planning to scold him, but Simon pushed her hand back down to her side. That made her want to scold Simon as well.
"Oliver, I think you need to apologize to His Grace," she said. Despite the glower her comment received from Simon, she continued, "You may not know him well, but the man is your guar
dian."
"That doesn't give him the right to order me about," Oliver sniffed.
Simon interrupted his show of obstinacy. "In fact, it gives me the right to do anything I want with you."
Tension nearly crackled in the air as Simon stepped toward Oliver, who merely lifted his nose a few inches and turned his face away from the duke in a supreme show of feigned indifference. Lily knew the boy was anything but indifferent. But it would take much more to win Oliver's confidence.
Unfortunately, Simon didn't appear interested in gaining her nephew's confidence, not in the slightest. The situation reminded Lily of when she was a child and had offered to help the cook by going to the henhouse to collect eggs. Invariably, two of the roosters would begin to fight, each battling for supremacy.
That's what the duke and her nephew looked like as Simon crossed the room. But Lily knew Oliver would be the one to get hurt. She stepped between them.
"Move, Lily," Simon said.
"Not if you're going to hurt him, Simon." Lily held up one finger, much the way she would if she were scolding Oliver. Realizing how ineffectual the gesture was when he smirked at her stance, she lowered her hand to her side.
"I won't hurt him, Lily. Not if he listens and does as I tell him." He looked around her at Oliver and bellowed, "Now!"
When Oliver didn't move, Simon took another step toward him.
William called from the doorway, "Are you all involved in a game of charades? I can hear your bellow all the way from downstairs." He glanced around the room. "Why is everyone in Lily's room when she's in her nightrail?" Will glanced down at her bare feet and smiled wickedly. "What beautiful toes you have, Lily." He attempted a casual tone, Lily could tell, as he tried to break the tension in the room. It had little effect on Simon, and Oliver took even less notice.
Despite his casual manner of speaking, William was suddenly on guard as well. He circled around Simon, coming to stand close to her. She watched as he met eyes with Simon, almost as if a silent communication passed between them. Within seconds, his arms were around her, and he took her to the side, cradled in his hold. At the same time, Simon advanced toward Oliver, and the rest was a blur.
It seemed like only moments later that the room was empty, except for William who reluctantly loosened his hold on her.
"I'll let you go, Lily, but only if you promise to let them be. Simon needs to teach him something, and this is the time to do it."
Twelve
Simon had known that the time would come for him to assert himself as the leader of the pack. But he knew quite well how disastrous the situation could be if anyone else was caught in the middle of the altercation when it happened.
He was incredibly relieved when Will walked through the door. He knew Will would remove Lily from the line of danger while he took the pup to hand.
The boy was stronger than he looked, and it took every bit of effort Simon had to drag Oliver from the room and into the hallway. As he stepped through the threshold, Simon closed Lily's door. The crash of the door slamming seemed loud, even to his ears.
He held the young earl's face against the wall, one hand bending his arm behind his back. The boy kicked and squirmed, refusing to give in, even in his current position.
Simon tightened his hold on Oliver's arm, pressing more forcefully but taking care not to hurt him. It took every bit of concentration he possessed not to simply knock the obnoxious little pup to the ground and stomp on him. But he imagined Lily would take exception to that.
He moved his face close to Oliver's and growled, "If you can control yourself, I will let you go." Oliver stopped squirming. While Simon had the boy pinned against the wall, it was time to tell him the rules. "You have more power in your fingertip than your Aunt Lily has in her entire body. If you fly into a rage when she's in the vicinity, there's a very good chance that you will hurt her, even if you don't mean to." He loosened his hold on Oliver's arm but didn't let him go.
"Do you understand what I'm saying?" Simon needed to know before he would fully release him.
Oliver nodded, a bit of contrition apparent in the way he held his body when Simon finally let him go.
"I know you don't understand what's happening to you and your body," Simon said as he led the way to Oliver's room. The boy followed slowly. "What you're experiencing is more than just the approach of manhood. It's the approach of manhood for
us
, for our kind. And it can be dangerous."
"I wouldn't hurt Aunt Lily," Oliver sniffed.
"You wouldn't
intend
to hurt your aunt, but you may do so without even realizing what you're doing." He opened the door to the boy's quarters and motioned for him to precede him into the room. "Do you
want
to know what's happening to you?"
The boy nodded.
"If you truly want to learn, William and I will take you out with us tomorrow night, when the moon is full in the sky. We will educate you about what's happening to you, and I'll be there to help you learn to control it. And embrace it. Because only by fully embracing it can you make it a part of you, rather than an enemy." Simon grew pensive as he regarded the boy. "Your father never learned to fully embrace it because he didn't have anyone to teach him how to be a man."
"But you'll teach me that?" Oliver surprised him when he asked.
The boy reminded him so much of Daniel. How things might have been different if someone had been able to guide his cousin. Simon swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. "As long as you promise to keep an open mind and behave yourself." He shot a pointed look at him. "No more shows of obstinacy." Then as an afterthought, "And you must promise not to tell your Aunt Lily."
Oliver seemed instantly accepting of the camaraderie that came with working together to keep something from his aunt, as Simon had expected him to be. He laughed and clasped the boy's shoulder. Despite the look on the youth's face, Simon could still sense a bit of rage boiling below the surface. He would leave him to it. After all, that beast lived in him as well. He understood it.
Simon looked Oliver in the eye and said, "Go to bed. And stay there."
Oliver nodded. Simon turned and left the room, closing the door behind him. As soon as he stepped into the hallway, he heard the sound of breaking glass. Probably the crystal vase that sat upon the armoire. Then another smash. That one was probably his mother's antique clock. Simon couldn't contain the chuckle that crept from his belly. He'd broken more than one frivolous item of décor in his younger days. And was still prone to it now. He would let the boy have his fit of pique and then discuss it on the morrow.
As for Lily, he wanted nothing more than to go to her, to explain, but as the moon was now high in the sky and nearly full, that would be the worst idea he'd ever had. He retreated to his study with a bottle of whisky instead.
It wasn't until he was very well into his cups that he heard movement above stairs.
***
Lily sat in her room and stewed, her bare feet fretfully tapping the carpet. She took out her knitting but wasn't able to concentrate. She crossed to the window and looked into the distance. The estate was a mass of dark shadows, the light of the nearly full moon illuminating everything in its path. Lily watched as a rabbit darted across the lawn, heading for its hidden burrow. But the animals of the night only held her attention for a moment.
What she wanted to do was to go and see Oliver, to be sure he was all right. William had stayed with her for no more than a few minutes before he encouraged her to get a good night's sleep and kissed her forehead, as if she were nothing but a child.
If one more man told her what to do, she would scream.
She
would be the one to throw the fit. And they would all be very sorry.
Who was she kidding? No one would care if she yelled loud enough to bring the house done. They would say
"It's for your own good, Lily. You wouldn't understand."
She understood much more t
han they credited her for. She understood that the men in this house, all three of them, were some of the most poorly behaved men she'd ever seen.
If they could be poorly behaved, so could she. She would check on her nephew whether they liked it or not. She needed to assure herself that Simon hadn't hurt Oliver when he'd dragged him from the room.
Lily cracked her door open and peered outside, her gaze darting left and right. She stepped out into the hallway once she'd assured herself that everyone else was abed.