Next to Me

by AnnaLisa Grant

  “You…know Jace?” I say, stumbling through my words.

  “When you deal in antiquities you have to know Jace. So…which coin did you give McKay? The real one or the copy you had made today?” My father reaches into his tuxedo jacket and pulls out his own gun. “I really don’t want to use this, but I will if I have to.”

  “You son of bitch. Do you have any idea the damage you’ve done to this woman? First, not only do you make her think you’re dead, but you make her spend her days thinking she left you to die. Then you set her up with Dellinger. You told him the Ambassador had the Nickel and you made him believe that only your set of skills was going to get you in to get it. Of course he’d search for Jenna. You made it clear she was the only one who could do what you did.” Landon takes a step forward and my father cocks his gun.

  “Don’t,” my father instructs. He has this look in his eye that, even when I knew he was working for Dellinger all those years ago, I never saw. “I won’t hesitate to shoot you, Landon.”

  “Were you ever the man Mom thought you were?” I ask him. “Or was your entire life together a lie?”

  Dad sighs and his eyes now look sad. I fight to feel anything for him because, in essence, the man standing in front of me is not my father. This man…is a stranger.

  “I meant it when I said I tried. I don’t know if you’ll ever know how I tried to create a way out, but…for now…you need to know that I love you, Veronica. And I loved your mother more than words could ever describe. One day you’ll understand that being married means you make compromises. There are some things you exchange for other because you want the healthiest relationship possible. Sometimes, though…sometimes, even though you try really hard to make those exchanges, you discover that you weren’t made that way. That, as hard as you try, you can’t change. Good, bad, or ugly, you’re born to be who you are. You don’t like it, but sometimes who you are hurts people, so you hide yourself away and pretend to be someone you’re not. I hid so much, especially when your mother was sick, but my life with your mother was never a lie. I was who she needed me to be when she needed that guy.

  “I know that your life is better without me. You’re right to pretend I’m dead, because, inside…I am. So, I’m just going to take the Nickel and disappear. I have a buyer for it that will pay me ten times what McKay did or what Dellinger would. It’ll set me up so I can completely drop off the face of the earth.”

  “You know if you take the Nickel and disappear Dellinger is going to make me work for him. He’ll force my hand. He’s already forced me to be here by threatening the people I love most in this world. He knows I have all your skills and he’s going to send me after every other item for his collection while he searches for you and that damn coin. But…you don’t care.” Tears are stinging my eyes and I feel a dark sadness fill me in the pits of my soul. It’s the same feeling I had when I would cry myself to sleep at night thinking that my father was dead. Mourning. That’s what it is. I’m mourning the death of my father all over again.

  “Just…just give me the Nickel, Landon. I really don’t want to hurt you, but I’ll do it if I have to.” My father has literally shaken his head to rid himself of the emotions welling up inside him. He knows what he’s doing is breaking me, but he still stands there pointing his gun at Landon. “Maybe you need a little incentive,” he says as he turns the gun to me.

  “Stop…ok…ok,” Landon says. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the small, black velvet pouch carrying the real 1913 V Nickel.

  “He’s not going to hurt me, Landon. Don’t give it to him,” I say.

  “I can’t take that chance,” he says. Before I can stop him, he’s tossing the pouch to my father who catches it in his free hand. “McKay’s coin is fake.”

  “I’m sorry it had to end this way, Veronica. Despite what you may be

  feeling right now, I do love you.” My father stares at me for a moment. “Even though it was only for a short while, I did love looking into your mother’s eyes.”

  Stunned, I watch my father pass through the secret passage doorway and out of my life forever. I’m silent. I have nothing to say. I have no idea how to tell Dellinger that I don’t have the coin, and it won’t make a difference for me to tell him the truth about my father scamming me for it. The best I can hope for is convincing Dellinger to hold off on calling me into his indebted service until Demi’s baby is born.

  I let Landon hold my hand as we walk back through the house and to the front of the estate where there seem to be two dozen drivers waiting to take their passengers on a return ride to wherever they came from. We situate ourselves in the back seat and I even allow myself to rest my head on Landon’s shoulder.

  “We need to talk, Jenna,” he begins.

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “No.”

  That is all I have to say. Now that this is over, and the beginning of my end is drawing closer, I won’t be able to emotionally handle being with Landon for much longer. I can’t drag things out after we get back to Chicago and am certain of what I must do. It will involve lies and deceit, and most of all, the breaking of Landon’s hopelessly devoted heart.

  Landon tries several more times to talk with me about what happened tonight, but I shut him down every time. There’s nothing to talk about. There’s no need to rehash or decompress or strategize.

  I lie in bed next to him, unable to fall asleep, wondering if he’s asleep or

  if he’s given in to my silence. My future has been decided. Without the last V Nickel to bargain with, Dellinger is sure to send me on the same mission he did my father. He’ll hunt and track down whoever my father sells the coin to and I’ll spend the next undetermined number of years trying to steal back what I once held in my hand. Along the way, Dellinger will use me to add to his collection things that were at one time just out of his grasp.

  The only way for me to avoid this certain future is to disappear. To get as far away from Mercy and Spring, and Demi and Jack and their sweet baby as I can, and to somehow get away from the one person who was able to find me. To say goodbye and not return until Henry Dellinger is dead.

  Insomnia has convinced me of my only logical step at this point. I get dressed and pack my things as silently as possible. Landon is definitely asleep because he would never let me pack up and leave like this. The front desk supplies me with a sheet of hotel stationary and an envelope when I reach them 30 minutes later. I begin writing a letter to Landon, sure it’s the only way to get out everything I need to say. If I tried to talk with him, he’d only interrupt and convince me that I had other options when the reality is that I don’t.

  Dear Landon,

  By the time you read this it’ll be morning and I will have been gone for hours. I’m most likely wandering the Paris airport waiting to get on the next flight home.

  The first thing you need to know is that I am hopelessly in love with you, and that is why we can’t be together. With the last V Nickel out of my hands, Dellinger will track down the person my father is selling it to, and use me to get it back. I can’t live that way, so I have to disappear. If I stay, he’ll continue to threaten everyone I love, adding you to those already on that list. I love you too much to put you in that kind of danger.

  So…please…do not come back to Chicago. And don’t come looking for me. Spend your time and energy looking for your mom. You need her more than you need me.

  I’m sorry for leaving this way. If I knew of any other way to keep Dellinger at bay and keep you and everyone else safe, I would do it. It has to be this way.

  I love you.

  Jenna

  I ask the front desk to deliver the letter by sliding it under the door in an hour. It’s three in the morning, so by the time Landon wakes and finds the letter, I’ll be long gone. I may even be sitting on a plane.

  The concierge calls a cab for me and I’m at the airport by 4:00 am. The next flight to JFK leaves at 7:00 am. I breathe a sad sigh of relief knowing that t
here’s no way Landon will make it to the airport in time to try and stop me. Although I anticipate the texts and emails I’ll have waiting for me once I’m back in the States and my cell service resumes.

  I stop for coffee and a pastry at one of the airport food stands and sit. I have a while before my flight so I take my time drinking my coffee and eating my croissant, thinking back to the day Landon and I decided was our actual first date. I remember how nervous I was when I saw him sitting at the café tables outside the coffee shop downstairs from my apartment.

  Why would you get a croissant today, Jenna? I scold myself. Are you a glutton for punishment?

  I shake my head and force myself to move on to more practical thoughts, like where I’m going to go and how I’m going to get there. Maybe I can contact Oz. He’ll understand me needing to vanish again and can maybe connect me with the guy who created my Jenna Rockwell identity. I have plenty of money, so I can pay him whatever it costs. I used part of the money Oz gave me for school, but I haven’t touched the rest of it at all. It’s

  been sitting in an investment account for six years and has done pretty well.

  My flight is called and I gather my carry on and sling my purse across my body as I make my way through the food court to my nearby gate. I’ve got about 700 Euros left but have no desire to go to a US bank and have it exchanged. It’s Dellinger’s money and I don’t want any more of it.

  I notice a young woman who appears to be traveling with three small children all by herself. I saw her come into the food court earlier and there hasn’t been anyone else with them. She bought them some breakfast, but it looks like they’re all sharing one muffin and two bottles of orange juice. I don’t know if she’s just thrifty or if she scrimped and saved for whatever flight they’re about to take, but I decide that she would find this money more helpful than I would.

  When I approach, I hear here speaking French to the children, who all respond to her in French as well. I pull the folded Euro bills from my purse and extend my hand to the woman. She looks up at me, confused by what I’m doing. I gesture the bills to her again and she slowly reaches up and takes them from my hand. Smiling at her and her beautiful children, I walk toward my gate. A few moments later, when I’m approaching my gate which is next to the food court, I hear the woman calling after me.

  “M’dame! M’dame!” she shouts. She must have counted the bills and realized how much money I just gave her. Before I turn behind the wall that separates the boarding area and the food court, I look and see her huddled with her children. She shows them the money and seems to be laughing and crying at the same time.

  It’s good to know that Dellinger’s money was good for something other than buying a pretty dress and some kick ass shoes.

  The flight to JFK is four hours longer than the flight to Paris. It’s interesting how, even though the plane is flying 500 miles an hour, how the rotation of the earth can still add so much time.

  It’s 2:00 am when the cab from the airport drops me off at my apartment.

  I’ve only been gone three days, but it seems like so much longer. I unlock the door and slide my body into the apartment as quietly as possible. Leaving my suitcase next to the couch, I pull a chair out and find the camera Dellinger had placed to show me how close he could get to me. I do the same in my room and the kitchen. I’ll have to get to Spring’s room later. He would have just replaced them if I had taken them out before I went to Paris. I figure he needed to know that I believed him when he threatened my friends, and I was far too concerned with how I was going to pull this off anyway. I’ll have to find a way to get the one out of Mercy’s apartment somehow. Once I leave town and cut everyone off, he won’t be able to use my friends as leverage against me and won’t have any reason to monitor them.

  I go straight to my room and change into a t-shirt and sleep shorts before climbing into bed. I may have just spent three nights at the Shangri La Hotel in Paris, but there is nothing like your own bed. I tried to sleep on the plane, but I just couldn’t turn my mind off. Now that I’m in my own bed, I’m hoping sleep comes quickly. Dellinger is going to contact me any day now and I need a clear mind.

  “Jenna?” Spring lightly knocks on the door and opens it. “I thought I heard you come in. How was Paris?”

  I don’t answer. I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to leave my friends, my family…strategizing for when and where. But, seeing Spring standing here in my room, I realize how excruciatingly painful it’s going to be.

  The tears come and come quickly without warning. I’ve broken down, sobbing and unable to form any words. I cried for weeks after I left my father in DC, but this is actually going to be so much harder.

  “Oh, Jenna!” Spring rushes to me and lies on the bed, curling up next to me and letting me soak her t-shirt with my tears. “It’s ok. It’s going to be ok,” she says. She doesn’t ask me what happened, or even where Landon is. She may be making her own conclusions about what happened in Paris, but she’s not offering them now. And, knowing Spring, she won’t.

  Spring lies there with me until I’ve cried all I can cry and I finally fall asleep.

  And then I sleep.

  And sleep.

  And sleep.

  It’s 9:00 pm when I finally wake. There are voices in the living room. Good voices. Voices of people I love.

  “Hey guys,” I say quietly as I emerge from the hall.

  “Oh, my God! You’re alive!” Mercy jumps up from the couch and runs to me, throwing her arms and pint size body around me while Demi, Jack, Spring, and Jerry look on.

  “I was only gone for three days,” I say.

  “It was a really long three days,” she says, as she hugs me fiercely.

  “Do you want to talk about what happened? We know you told her not to tell, but Spring told us about the proposal and Paris.” Mercy says.

  “No. And I don’t want anyone to say anything bad about Landon. I need you all to trust me when I say he didn’t do anything wrong, and that us not being together anymore was my decision. Ok?” I tell them.

  “What if he shows up here?” Jerry asks like the protective friend he is.

  “I doubt he’ll do that, but, if he does, I’ll deal with it,” I tell them. I walk to where Demi is standing and hug her, partly because I just need to hug her, and partly because I need to apologize to her for walking away when she needed me. I don’t know if she’s told Jack yet, and I don’t want my apology to be the catalyst to that conversation.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whisper to her. “I’m so sorry I left when you needed me the most.”

  “It’s ok, Jenna,” she whispers back. “I found out that I was stronger than I gave myself credit. I told him on my own.” I pull back and look at her face

  to gauge how well that conversation went.

  “We’re getting married,” she tells me with a huge smile.

  “Oh, Demi! That’s so wonderful” I hug her again before I wrap my arms around Jack’s neck. “You better be good to them!”

  “Don’t worry!” he laughs.

  “When? What’s the plan?” I ask. It feels good to get out of my own head and back into the lives of my friends, even if for just a little while.

  “Well…don’t freak, but…three weeks.” Demi covers her face with her hands and peaks out at me through her fingers.

  “Oh, my gosh! That’s so fast!”

  “I know, but I won’t be showing too much, and I didn’t want to have to get some maternity wedding dress, and I was definitely not going to have a baby on my hip either,” she says smiling.

  “Jerry’s going to let us have the wedding at Duke’s, so we also thought maybe bringing a baby to a bar wouldn’t be the best way to start parenthood,” Jack laughs.

  “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” I say to Jack. He’s never been one to focus on others before himself in the way you have to when you’re married or a parent. It’s one of the things that worried Demi the most when she found out she was pregnant.r />
  “Is anyone ever ready for marriage or parenthood?” he answers. “All I know is that when Demi said she could do this on her own if I didn’t want to be a part of her or the baby’s life, I suddenly couldn’t fathom not being a part of her life. In an instant I knew that I had something I would be crazy to let go.”

  “That…that is the rightest answer I have ever heard to any question…ever.” I smile, so happy that Jack and Demi are moving forward and tackling this new adventure together. And, while I’m so incredibly happy for them, it makes me sad to know that there’s no way Landon and I could face the treacherous road I’m about to travel, together.

  Chapter 17

  It’s midnight when I close the door behind my dearest friends who came to see me in my time of crisis. Staying home from work to nurse my broken heart, Spring called everyone sometime after lunch and they all came running, taking the rest of their day off work to be there for me whenever I woke up. It felt good to see their faces and feel their warmth. It took some convincing to get Jerry to agree not to kill Landon should he ever show up here, but it was nice knowing that he has my back.

  Mercy pulled me aside and asked what had happened in Paris. I just told her that when Landon and I got there, and I couldn’t go through with getting married, he was hurt and said that it was a mistake to be so spontaneous. That maybe now wasn’t the right time for us. I told her I agreed and we decided to go our separate ways.

  I couldn’t tell her the truth. I know that she would worry and want to try and fix things. She would be impetuous and try to out Dellinger in some way, and that would only mean more backlash from him. No, I had to stick with a story that connected to the cover Spring gave her. It’s for the best.

  When I wake the next morning, all I can think about is the dance studio. It’s been just over a week since that crazy crack head stabbed me. I won’t be able to do everything, but I really need to dance right now. And just being around Carina and Marco, watching them dance…it’s like therapy. So, I throw my hair into a ponytail, put my dance clothes on, and walk downstairs.