by Felix Brooks
Waseem seconded that. They’d spent most of the previous night studying after dinner and only had time for a quick hand job before Waseem went back to his room. He had wanted to spend the night, but they couldn’t risk it during the week. On the weekends, when Waseem could wait to emerge mid-morning, it wouldn’t look as suspicious. But if he was there every weekend…Well, they’d have to figure it out.
As they walked back to the table, Glenda was talking animatedly with Seth. Although he kept up his end of the conversation, Seth squirmed a little. Waseem had never been quite sure of Seth’s orientation. He dated girls sometimes, but that didn’t mean anything. He also came to all the events at the LGBT center with Jake. Maybe he was an ally, or maybe there was more to it.
Not that it was any of Waseem’s business. Seth just seemed kind of uncomfortable with Glenda. Which was a shame, because she was a sweet girl, and pretty, too.
Finding the right person was hard work.
It was too soon for him to hope that Brent was The One. But Brent gave him a hope he hadn’t had before. Garon had been a dumb mistake that made Waseem realize he needed to be more careful with his heart. Brent, at least, he could trust.
After lunch, some of the group left for their one o’clock classes. But Waseem and Brent headed to the TV lounge downstairs with Jake and Seth. The four commandeered a table near a picture window where they could study. The TV droned, but the place was mostly empty at this time of day.
Looking at Waseem and Brent, Seth said, “How long have you two been a couple?”
Brent paled. “Uh…”
Shit. Waseem couldn’t believe they’d only been doing this a few days, and already they’d fucked up somehow.
Seth’s eyes widened. “Oh, shit, I’m sorry.”
Jake chuckled. “We forgot to factor Seth into the equation.”
Seth looked between them, face flushed. Waseem put the poor guy out of his misery. “We’re supposed to be on the down low. Brent’s parents are—”
“Assholes,” Brent said.
Waseem wanted to touch his back, to comfort him in some way. But obviously, they needed to dial it down.
“What gave us away?” Waseem asked.
Seth shrugged. “Not really sure. I kind of figured it out when you went to get your drink refills. You stood kind of close, and you looked at each other like…I don’t know, like you had this intense focus.”
Panic filled Brent’s voice. “We’ve got to do better. Seriously, my parents can’t find out.”
Waseem hated what he was about to say. “Maybe we shouldn’t go out together unless Paige is with us.”
“Paige is acting as Brent’s fake girlfriend,” Jake explained to Seth.
“I could use a fake girlfriend,” Seth replied. “I made out with Glenda one time, and now she wants us to be a couple. I like her and all, but I’m not into her that way.”
Jake squinted at him. “How about a fake boyfriend instead?”
“What?” Seth looked at him like he’d just grown a horn out of his head. “No.”
“I’m serious,” Jake said. “If Waseem had a fake boyfriend, it would throw people off the scent. They wouldn’t be expecting that.”
Waseem wanted to protest, but it wasn’t a completely terrible idea. If it meant he and Brent could go out together with fewer worries, maybe it was worth a try?
“It might help,” Brent said. He looked so nervous, Waseem wanted to wrap his arms around him. But he couldn’t do that. Because people sucked.
Seth glared at Jake. “Will you explain this to my grandma?”
“If you want me to.”
Seth looked at Waseem, then at Brent, then at Waseem again. “Okay, why not. But no kissing.”
Waseem shook his head. He couldn’t believe things had gone this far. “We’re really doing this?”
“My parents can’t find out.” Brent’s voice was taut.
“For you, then,” Waseem said. “Only for you.”
***
“This is a terrible idea.” Paige deposited a box of decorations from Jake’s room onto Waseem’s bed. She, Brent, and Seth were gathering there so they could leave together for the Valentine’s Day party at the LGBT center.
“Look, we’re not lying, exactly,” Waseem said. “It’s a sleight of hand. You and Seth will create some distance between Brent and me, that’s all. People will draw their own conclusions.”
Seth scowled, a look of annoyed confusion crossing his face. “Why is it worse for Waseem and me to be a fake couple than you and Brent?”
“Aren’t you straight?” Paige asked him.
“Aren’t you gay?”
“Yeah, but half the people on campus already think Brent and I are a couple. We’ve got history.”
“Waseem and I have history.”
“No, you don’t. You’re both friends with Jake. That’s it.”
Waseem didn’t like to admit it, but that fact worried him. If he and Seth were supposed to look like boyfriends, he ought to get to know the guy better. But Seth was pretty closed-lipped. He was happy to talk about his work, but when it came to anything personal? He shut down.
“Paige, with all due respect,” Waseem said, “I think you’re being argumentative.”
“Maybe she does have a thing for Brent,” Seth suggested.
She stared at the ceiling and shook her head. “This is what I get for being the voice of reason.”
They drove across campus with the boxes of supplies in Waseem’s trunk. Paige was in charge of decorating and seemed to enjoy the fact that everyone had to do what she said. She wasn’t bossy by nature, but Waseem suspected she was annoyed that no one was taking her good advice.
And it was good advice. Paige wasn’t wrong. Deception came with risks. Waseem wasn’t willing to lie, but if people made a bad assumption? He was okay with that, under the circumstances. Protecting Brent from bigotry was worth it.
Once the party got underway, they filled up plates with appetizers and found a table together. For the centerpiece, red, pink, and purple balloons were tied around a clear glass vase filled with multicolored candy hearts. Paige had turned something commonplace into something festive and elegant.
Seth asked Waseem, “How’s the job hunt going?”
“I’ve sent out a couple dozen resumes. Waiting to hear back.”
“What subject are you planning to teach?” Paige asked.
“Whatever they need. I’ve got a good general background. I’d prefer history, but usually the greatest need is in the sciences.”
“The way science was taught in my high school,” Paige said, “it was boring as hell. Just facts. Nothing about the thrill of discovery, or how science helps people. That’s one reason girls don’t go into STEM fields at the same rate as boys—teachers focus too much on objectivity. I’ve gained a new appreciation for science in college, but it was too late for me.”
“Also, you’re a born artist,” Brent said.
“That, too. But really, the work Seth is doing? Analyzing data from the Cassini mission? Most people don’t even know we’ve had a satellite orbiting Saturn all these years.”
“And now the mission’s almost over,” Seth said glumly. “I was born at the wrong time.”
“Something better will come along,” Brent suggested.
Seth stared. “What could be better than exploring Saturn’s rings, or searching for life in the geysers of Enceladus?”
“Ooh!” Paige said. “Maybe that’s what my class project should be. A sculpture of Saturn and the rings.”
“How are you going to sculpt rings around a sphere?” Brent asked.
“No idea, but I’ll figure it out.”
Waseem admired her confidence. From what he knew of her, if she put an effort into something, she was inventive enough to come up with a solution. But none of this was getting Waseem closer to his goal of getting to know Seth better.
“Seth, how did you get interested in astronomy?” he asked.
Seth
bit his lip and stared at the tabletop. “After my parents died, I asked my grandparents if I could have a telescope so I could look up and see them in Heaven.”
The bottom fell out of Waseem’s stomach. Paige sucked in a breath, then moved her chair over and hugged Seth.
He returned her embrace. “It’s okay. It’s been a long time.” Once she pulled back, Seth continued, “My grandfather was Native American. He taught me the tribal myths about the constellations. Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with the stars. The more I get to know them, the more there is to love.”
Now Waseem could see why Jake and Seth were such good friends. The guy was quiet, but there was more depth to him than he let on. After this little glimpse, Waseem regretted he hadn’t made more of an effort to know Seth over the years.
Maybe this could be fun, the four of them hanging out. At least for a while. But it was a Valentine’s Day celebration, and Waseem couldn’t wait to get Brent alone. He had some serious plans for the evening.
Chapter 12
Brent thought the party at the LGBT center would never end. He had to play it cool, even in that safe space, where other couples didn’t have to hide their affection. He couldn’t take any chances. After the way Emmett had been hounded by the press and targeted by a hate group, Brent didn’t trust anyone.
Finally, Brent and Waseem got to Brent’s apartment. A rush of excitement flooded his body. He wanted to tackle Waseem and devour him.
They didn’t bother to turn on the light in the living room. By the glow of the streetlamps, they made their way to the bedroom. Waseem’s kisses eased his tension.
“I thought I’d never get you alone,” Brent said.
“You didn’t have fun at the party?”
“It was okay.” He ran his hands down Waseem’s back and cupped his ass. “Not as much fun as this.”
“Nothing is as much fun as this.” Waseem stroked Brent’s chest, then unbuttoned his shirt.
Brent was in no mood for a slow seduction. He stepped out of Waseem’s embrace to shuck off his clothes. Brent was ready for business.
Waseem half got the hint, undressing, but at a pace too leisurely for Brent’s taste. “At least I got to know Seth better. He’s usually pretty guarded.”
Brent slid between the covers. “Maybe he needs to get laid.”
“Has that helped with your problems?” Waseem teased as he crawled in beside him.
“It’s helped me figure out who I am. That’s huge.” The intimacy he shared with Waseem had redefined happiness for him. “Of course, it’s created other problems.”
Waseem’s face fell.
Brent rushed to say, “Not the sex itself—that’s been great. It’s just…I’ve been plotting out my life without my family in it, just in case.” His chest grew heavy.
“I’m sorry,” Waseem murmured.
“It’s okay. If things work out for us, then you’ll be my new family. But if not…” He didn’t like talking about this. He didn’t like imagining his life without Waseem in it. But he had to be realistic. They’d only been together a few weeks. They had a long way to go before they could plan a future together.
“I’ve been wondering if celibacy would be an option for me,” Brent said without enthusiasm. “I like sex with you because it’s you. But if we broke up…maybe my family would never have to know. Or if they found out, they’d probably take me back if I stopped dating men.”
Waseem shook his head. Anger flowed through his voice. “You would do that? Give up your identity for them?”
“Gay is only part of my identity. Demisexual is another. I can live without sex, Waseem. I’ve done it. It was fine.”
Waseem stared at the mattress. Finally, he said, “I keep forgetting sex means more to me than it does to you.”
Those words pierced Brent’s heart. “Sex between us doesn’t mean more to you. Just sex in general.”
Waseem squared his jaw. “I feel like I screwed up your life.”
Brent slid his finger under Waseem’s chin to draw his face upward. Their eyes met. “You didn’t,” Brent insisted. “I never knew what joy was until I kissed you. No matter what happens, I won’t regret that.”
“Still.” Waseem pulled back. “I feel like you’d be better off if I stepped gracefully out of your life.”
“No! I don’t want that.” Brent shimmied toward him, gliding his palm down Waseem’s thick, muscular arm. “I shouldn’t have said anything—now you’ve got the wrong idea. What we have is the most important thing in my life. I don’t want to lose it. I love you, Waseem.”
Waseem’s lips quirked into a smile. “You love me?”
Brent’s face heated. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
Waseem dragged him into a kiss. “You don’t know how happy that makes me. Ever since we got together, I’ve been afraid of losing you. Everything just seems right between us, like it’s too good to be true. I’m afraid it’s going to crash and burn.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Glad to hear it.” Waseem kissed down Brent’s chest and nuzzled at his stomach. “You smell so good. I want to taste you, babe. Will you let me?”
Brent caressed Waseem’s hair. The thought of Waseem’s mouth on him was so erotic, he couldn’t deny he wanted it. “I’m not sure if I can…” He broke off, ashamed, wishing he was normal and could do what Waseem wanted.
Waseem caressed him, looking up and asking gently, “Not sure you can what?”
“Reciprocate.” Brent forced the word out, a weight forming in his stomach. It was a shitty thing to say—like he didn’t want Waseem, like the guy was dirty to him. It wasn’t that at all.
The desire just wasn’t there. And if he did it because he felt honor-bound to, it would make him feel small and used. He didn’t want those kinds of feelings coming between him and Waseem. He wanted what they shared to be pure.
Waseem kissed a trail across Brent’s belly. Brent trembled, feeling soft and vulnerable, but in a good way. With Waseem, there was no fear.
“Reciprocity isn’t important to me,” Waseem said. “I won’t love you less. This is something I want to do for myself, because I enjoy doing it, and I want to see you enjoy it.” Waseem ran his hands all along Brent’s thighs. “But I’m not trying to pressure you. It’s just a question. It’s okay to say no. It’s always okay for you to say no.”
Waseem nuzzled Brent’s belly again, then moved lower. Brent couldn’t believe the guy was doing this for him, burying his face in Brent’s crotch, practically begging to suck him. The gesture humbled Brent, like he didn’t deserve that kind of devotion.
He couldn’t deny that he wanted it, wanted his cock in Waseem’s hot mouth. He’d fantasized about it a few times, and it always made him come. His body was ready. His mind was trying to catch up.
Waseem kissed his thigh, then ran a hand over Brent’s balls. “Whatever you want, babe, one way or another. I’m your willing love slave. It’s okay to say no, or to say no now and decide you want it later.” Waseem ran his fingertips over Brent’s shaft. “Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.”
“Kiss me,” Brent moaned. “Kiss my dick.”
And Waseem did, a chaste kiss along the ridge of Brent’s cockhead that made him see stars. And Waseem kept kissing, along the shaft and around the head.
It was thrilling, but not nearly enough. “It’s okay to use your tongue,” Brent said, and Waseem did. Circled the cockhead and dipped into the slit. Brent thought he would come apart right then.
“More.” Brent bunched Waseem’s hair in his hands. “Suck the tip.”
Waseem looked up and grinned, then got down to it. He ran his lips over the cap and swirled his tongue around it. Brent thrust deeper, needing more. How could he ever have thought he didn’t want this? It was perfect, Waseem’s mouth impossibly soft, exerting delicious suction on him.
He thought he might lose his damned mind, need pulsing through him, not wanting to thrust too hard but struggling to keep control. Was
eem brought out the animal in him, made him lose control.
“Wait,” Brent cried, pulling away. “I can’t do this. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Waseem crawled up his body and kissed his neck. “You’re not hurting me. I love sucking you.”
“Please don’t.”
Waseem blinked few times, confusion in his eyes. “I won’t do anything you don’t want. You’re safe with me.”
Stupid. His first blow job, and it was amazing, yet he couldn’t go through with it.
Waseem pulled the covers around them. “Babe, you’re shivering.”
Brent snuggled up to Waseem. It felt better to be warm, but he still didn’t know what was going on in his brain.
Waseem wrapped his arms around him. “You okay?”
“I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.”
“It’s my fault. I’m taking things too fast—”
“It’s not you.” Dread rose inside him of all the things that could go wrong. “My parents are going to hate me, Waseem. They’re going to hate me.”
Strong but gentle arms held him close. “I’m sorry, babe. I wish I could take your pain away.”
“No, I’m sorry. I ruined our romantic evening.”
“Who says it’s ruined? I’m in your bed, with you in my arms. That’s exactly where I want to be.”
“I’m bad at sex.”
Waseem chuckled, then kissed his temple. “You’re not bad at it. You’re just learning. Everyone goes through shit like this. It’s the sex-negative culture we live in. If something feels good, it must be bad.”
“I’m scared.” Shame rushed through him, hot and black, like he was less of a man to admit it.
“It’s okay to be scared. But you’re not alone. I’ve got you.”
“I feel so guilty, letting my parents come between us, when I know how wrong-headed they are—”
“They’re your parents. Of course you’re affected by them. Don’t be afraid to talk to me about the stuff in your head. When you hurt, I hurt.”
“It’s so complicated.” Brent stared at the ceiling. “All my life, I’ve worked hard to be in control. But I can’t control this. I fell in love with you before I even realized it. And I wouldn’t change it—but being with you means I can’t stop the bad things from happening.”