by Felix Brooks
“And I don’t appreciate your interrogation. I’m an adult—legally responsible for my own actions. You and Dad treat me like I’m twelve years old.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with you today, but obviously, you’re not capable of a respectful conversation. So we’ll talk another time.” And with that, she ended the call.
It was utterly pointless. He wasn’t sure what his parents felt for him, but it clearly wasn’t love. This was manipulation. If he wanted their attention, he had to do what they said.
Well, maybe he didn’t want their attention. He wanted them to be someone else. The kind of parents who gave love freely, who were interested in the well-being of their children, and not merely in how their children reflected on themselves.
If he could put up with it for one more year, then he could do whatever he wanted. Sometimes, even a year felt like too much. But as long as he had Waseem with him, he would be okay.
But would he have Waseem with him? Waseem might end up anywhere in the state, or even in the neighboring states. Brent couldn’t take that.
He thought about what Seth had said earlier in the day. That if he needed anything, he should ask. Maybe it was time for Brent to start asking for what he wanted. Start thinking about himself for change. Because frankly, he couldn’t go on like this. He couldn’t keep being what everyone else wanted him to be. He needed to live his life for himself.
He didn’t mind sacrificing for his education or for football. That was his future. But in his personal life, he couldn’t keep sacrificing his needs for someone else’s. He didn’t think he could survive it. He was so close to the edge, hiding who he was. He wasn’t the sort of person who could navigate that.
He needed an end date. The day after the scouting trials next year was a good one. On that day, he would come out to his parents. If they never wanted to see him again, so be it.
Lightness filled him. Just making a concrete decision removed a huge burden from him. The future seemed more manageable.
But now, as much as he didn’t want to, he’d have to talk to Waseem. He hoped they wouldn’t break up over it. He didn’t think they would. And if they did, it meant the relationship wouldn’t have been strong enough to survive anyway. If Waseem loved him, truly loved him, he would do this. Brent at least had to try.
Chapter 15
The following afternoon, the frat held a party in Emmett’s honor. It wasn’t open to the entire campus, but they did invite Emmett’s teammates and friends. Waseem and Brent arrived with Seth and Paige tagging along.
Waseem was jubilant. Emmett had performed brilliantly at the trials. He’d even given an interview where he thanked Waseem for helping to get him into condition. That would be a boost for Waseem in his job hunt.
It was one more milestone, one more reminder that graduation was coming soon. And with it, goodbyes. So many friends left behind. They’d promise to stay in touch, but would they? And for how long?
Emmett greeted Waseem with a giant hug. “I couldn’t have done it without you, man.” He kissed Waseem’s cheek.
Tears prickled at Waseem’s eyes. That was the most affection Emmett had ever shown him. He knew the guy loved him, but it was nice to be reminded of it.
People crowded around them, and Waseem withdrew. Waseem could get a piece of Emmett anytime. Now was the fans’ chance.
Even Jake held back. He just smiled and watched Emmett from across the room, looking utterly content.
He’d been accepted to Berkeley, and had committed to going there regardless of where Emmett ended up. Their program offered unique opportunities that would establish Jake’s career trajectory. He couldn’t give that up to follow Emmett to wherever he got drafted or traded. They had a hard road ahead of them, but on this day, Jake was happy.
Waseem, Brent, Paige, and Seth gathered around a table in the bar downstairs. “I remember the first time I met Emmett,” Waseem said, “at football camp freshman year. He was a cocky bastard. No surprise—he hasn’t changed. But beneath that attitude, he was genuinely kind, helping the less seasoned players. And that’s what shone through for me.”
“When I met Emmett,” Brent said, “he was already becoming a legend. But he made a point of getting to know me, even though I was green. He did that with everyone. Made them feel like they belonged.”
“And what about me?” Waseem asked Brent. “Do you remember meeting me?”
“I remember watching you. You’d hang out in the coach’s office while the rest of us showered, so we didn’t feel uncomfortable knowing you were gay. And I’d hear laughter coming from the coach’s office, even though the coach never laughed any other time. I knew then you were special.”
“I remember you had this quiet determination,” Waseem said. “While the other guys bragged about their abilities, you performed. Nothing ever fazed you. You just did your job. And I never heard you complain.”
“That’s Brent.” Paige patted his back. “The most reliable man I know.”
Waseem stared off into space. “I used to think you were this laid-back guy —”
Paige laughed. “Oh, no. Brent is just super organized, so he doesn’t have to worry about things. Everything is laid out like dominoes. He pushes the first one over, and everything else falls into place.”
“It’s the only way I can do it,” Brent said. “If I don’t prepare, nothing happens the way it’s supposed to. If I’m disciplined, it’s out of necessity. I don’t understand how people can function any other way.”
They went back upstairs for the toast. Everyone gathered around Emmett. When the champagne cork was popped, Waseem was tempted to have one little sip, to participate in this grand celebration. Waseem couldn’t take credit for Emmett’s success, but it had been a team effort, and Waseem had been part of that team.
But mostly, he was thrilled for his friend. If it weren’t for his orientation, Emmett would almost be guaranteed a position as a second round draft pick. Because he was bisexual, he might get knocked down to the third or fourth round, which could cost him millions.
Still, it was almost certain at this point that he would be drafted. Then, he’d be judged by his performance on the field. Waseem had no doubt that Emmett would shine.
And wherever their lives took them, Waseem would always know he’d played a part, however small, in Emmett’s success.
He hoped one day he could say the same for Brent.
***
After the party, Waseem and Brent headed back to Brent’s apartment to study. They fired up their computers and sat on either side of the couch. But it wasn’t long before Brent got up and paced.
Waseem set down his computer and walked over. “You okay?”
Brent shook his head. “I’ve been thinking—a lot. I know you’re not responsible for my orientation. But the fact is, I’m risking a lot to be with you. I feel like maybe that means I have the right to ask for something in return. Not like a demand, but more like a favor. Because you love me enough to make a sacrifice for me.”
Waseem took his hands. “Babe, you’ve got the right to ask me anything. If something’s bothering you, I want to know about it.”
“I want you to stay here next year. On the coast. I know you said you’d think about it, but that isn’t enough for me. I need a commitment. Sometimes I feel like I’m going out of my mind. Wondering if I’m risking my whole future for nothing. If I’m going to lose you, then why am I taking this huge risk?”
Waseem hated to see Brent hurting like this. “You’re not going to lose me.”
“You don’t know that. If we’re living apart next year, we’ll have one day a week together during the football season. If that. You’ve dated a lot of guys, Waseem. How can you be so sure you can commit to me while we’re apart?”
Waseem pressed his lips together, anger pooling in his gut. “I never loved those guys. I love you. That’s the difference.”
Brent’s jaw worked. “I don’t want to argue over this. I don’t want to explain it
. You already understand the situation. Either you love me enough to make the sacrifice, or you don’t.”
Brent’s words knocked the air out of Waseem’s lungs. Brent had never made a single demand, and he’d been open to everything Waseem had asked of him. How could Waseem refuse?
He gnawed his cheek, filled with doubts. To turn down what might be the opportunity of a lifetime over Brent’s insecurity…
But that wasn’t fair. Brent wasn’t insecure. He was hurting, and Waseem didn’t want him to hurt.
“It’s only one year, Waseem. Won’t you have a better chance to get a job as a high school coach if you’re married to a pro football player? And if I don’t get drafted, then I’ll get a job in finance in Charlotte or Raleigh, and then you can find a coaching job there. One year, Waseem. That’s all. Then we can plan our future together.”
Anger flooded Waseem’s system. He had two prospects lined up, jobs that would be good for him. To give that up for his boyfriend when he was so close…
Yet Brent wasn’t wrong. The guy had entered this relationship knowing he’d have to stay closeted. Knowing there were risks if he was discovered. And he hadn’t even hesitated. Not really. He’d chosen Waseem, and now he was suffering for it. Waseem could see how the guy was struggling. How could he deny him this?
“What you’re asking, it’s completely reasonable. But the Raleigh job… It’s exactly what I’m looking for. If I give that up, and then you end up working in Raleigh, how am I going to feel about that?”
“Like you did the right thing, because you love me. And that’s what matters most.”
Waseem bit his lip. He and Brent had been dating for six weeks. He’d dated Garon longer. Brent might be talking about marriage, but they were still getting to know each other.
On the other hand, Waseem understood. Brent had never gotten the unconditional love he should have from his parents. They had never proven they were willing to make significant sacrifices for him. Brent needed this from Waseem because he’d never had it from anyone else. But could Waseem be that guy? Could Waseem make up for everything else that had been missing from Brent’s life?
“I want to do this for you,” Waseem said. “I need time. I can’t make a decision that could affect the rest of my life, right here and now, because you ask me to. And it’s not because I don’t think you have the right to ask, or because I don’t love you enough to say yes. It’s because this is big. I need to be sure I can live with this.”
Brent nodded. “I’m sorry.” Tears glistened in his eyes, and the next moment, he broke down.
Waseem encompassed him in his arms. “I’m so sorry, babe. So sorry that you haven’t had the love you’ve needed. I’ll do everything I can, but I’m not sure I’m equipped for this. Maybe you should talk to a counselor.”
Brent pulled back. “I’m not crazy.”
“I know you’re not. But you’re struggling through something hard, and I don’t have the right training. Maybe we could go to a counselor together.”
“No! I can’t let anyone else find out about my orientation. Too many people know already. It’s getting out of hand, Waseem. I see Emmett so close to getting his dream, and I want that dream, too. But it depends on my parents not being dicks. I’m hanging by a thread here.”
Waseem approached again and laid his hands on Brent’s shoulders. “I won’t abandon you after graduation. I’ll make sure you’re okay. Right now, I need to figure out in my head what that means for me. If it means turning down a job, then I will do that.”
Brent looked at him intently, then nodded.
“This is something we need to discuss together,” Waseem continued, “and agree on together. You’re in a bad place right now. I don’t think we should commit to anything before we have to. I understand that this feels urgent to you—but we’ve got time.”
Waseem stroked Brent’s cheek. “In your mind, the solution is for me to take a teaching job on the coast. Maybe that’s not the only possible solution. If we keep thinking about it, we might come up with something else. I promise you, I will take care of you. I will give you what you need. You can rely on that.”
“I need you to be with me.”
Waseem kissed him. “I know.”
Brent pulled him close, his hand at the back of Waseem’s neck, deepening the kiss. Relief washed over Waseem. He’d dated a few drama queens in his time, and Brent was so freaking reasonable. He listened to Waseem and took time to understand.
They would get through this. Somehow, they would find a way.
They made their way to the bedroom. Waseem undressed him, taking time to caress every inch. “You’re magnificent,” Waseem said. “I will never get enough of this body. Or enough of your sweet soul.”
They got into bed. Waseem took Brent into his mouth, caressing the seam between his balls. Brent writhed, so needy, so expressive. How could anyone have been so unkind to him that he was in this desperate state? Waseem wanted to show that he was worthy of love, that he was worthy of selflessness. And as Brent’s cum shot down Waseem’s throat, Waseem knew what he had to do.
He kissed his way up Brent’s body and lay beside him. “I’ll do it. I’ll stay on the coast. It’s really the only solution.”
“I don’t want you to feel pressured.”
“And I don’t want you to feel despair. The future you described… It’s a good plan. It’s sensible. And maybe sometimes I resist sensible things. But I can’t stretch time and space so we can be together while you’re here and I’m a two-hour drive away—three hours in traffic. So here we are. Doing the sensible thing, because that’s what will make both of us happy.”
“Are you sure you can be happy?”
“I’d be completely miserable, being away from you like that. I was trying to shoehorn you into my life, into my plans, rather than building my life around you. It’s time to put you first. And I’m glad to do that. Because the fact is, you’re already the most important thing in my life.”
Brent beamed at him.
“I love you,” Waseem continued, “and I love how you’re already talking about marriage, even though it’s way too soon. Because I want to think about marriage, too. I can see it, Brent. I can see us spending the rest of our lives together.”
“Good.” Brent squeezed Waseem’s iron-hard cock, and Waseem hissed with pleasure. Brent kissed down Waseem’s body and sucked him, showing how much his skills had advanced since that first time. Brent was a fast learner who took pride in his accomplishments, and Waseem was now reaping the benefits of that quality.
Waseem relaxed, hands threaded through Brent’s hair. Now was not the time for worries. Now was the time to enjoy this beautiful moment, and the beautiful man who was giving it to him.
Chapter 16
As March turned into April, dogwoods bloomed on the quad, blossoms floating on the breeze. Brent’s life settled into a new pattern, one that he could rely on to get him through his studies and manage his relationship with Waseem. They’d worked out how to be together without raising suspicion. No one else had questioned his orientation to his face, and he hadn’t heard any rumors, either.
Since the scouting trials, Brent and his buddies were still working out every day, but with less urgency. Emmett wasn’t as much of a dick. In fact, he laughed a lot. Brent got to see a side of him he didn’t show very often. Happy Emmett. Relaxed Emmett. Brent didn’t even know that guy existed. But now he came out to play on a regular basis.
It helped to see that a guy as intense and driven as Emmett also understood how to have a good time. Because Brent needed to do more of that. Waseem was teaching him to be more spontaneous, to worry less. If they were having fun and not hurting anyone, what difference did it make what other people thought?
Oddly, that new sense of freedom had improved Brent’s relationship with his parents. He still couldn’t be honest with them, but he wasn’t as angry. He could see the absurdity in the situation. He even felt sorry for them. They couldn’t possibly be happ
y with so many strictures in their lives.
He met regularly with a peer counselor at the LGBT center. She was helping him work through his emotions, and he didn’t feel strangled by them anymore. When they came, he dealt with them, instead of carrying around so much dread inside. His strong support network of friends buoyed him even if he couldn’t rely on his family.
Toward the end of April, tense Emmett returned, much to the annoyance of Brent and everyone else. The draft was coming up, and Emmett was never still. He’d be sitting at dinner tapping his foot or drumming his hands on the table, driving Jake crazy. But the two were as much in love as ever. They grounded each other, and it was a beautiful thing to see.
Brent and Waseem were growing closer, too. They hardly ever argued, which seemed weird to him, because his parents were always bickering over some little thing. Waseem was so adaptable, they never bickered. They discussed issues calmly. When Brent worried about things that could go wrong, Waseem envisioned ways to work around them. It gave Brent a confidence he’d never known before.
The day of the draft, Emmett’s friends, frat brothers, and teammates gathered at the frat house to watch the event on the big screen. Emmett was in Philadelphia with his family, but Jake had decided to stay in North Carolina to avoid being a distraction. As far as Brent could tell, Jake didn’t seem to mind. He wanted the focus to be on Emmett and the other athletes, not on Emmett’s orientation.
The beer flowed freely, and Brent noticed Waseem keeping an eye on Demonté, who was underage. Waseem helped Demonté stay disciplined, offering the personalized guidance he needed. That impressed Brent. It was the kind of guidance he wished he’d received growing up.
The crowd was pretty rowdy until the first announcer came up to the mic. Then, things quieted down. First round picks had been held the night before, so tension was high right from the beginning.
Jake sat on his hands, tapping his feet. Each time a name was called, he held his breath. Brent almost felt sorry for the guy. His future was being decided, and he had no say.