Some goblins in the rear are following the orders of one of the red sashed goblins. They are throwing spears at the heroes. Leo is getting a few scrapes from them but Katie dodges hers because of course she does. And Gerald, well, he is wearing armor so the spears don’t really do much to him.
You need to focus on one! Focus on Leo!
“Focus on the warrior,” I say to one of the goblins with the red sash.
“Did you hear something?” Katie asks.
“It must be the wizard. She’s giving commands again,” Cassandra says.
“Yes highness,” the goblin says after a moment. He points to Leo. Now the goblins are racing against that overstuffed boy toy!
Wait. Wait, no. There’s a problem with one of the red sashed goblins. Katie threw that damned dagger at him and it nicked him so of course he’s charging her and bringing a couple of goblins with him. You have a red sash! That means you’re better than the others! Or it’s supposed to.
There is Gerald, fighting beside Cassandra. At least I shut her up. She’s not using fireballs or a lot in the way of heavy spells. She’s just casting small gouts of flame and little ice darts. And Gerald, well, he may not be easily hurt but he can’t easily hurt the goblins either. He’s swinging that mace, trying to connect and the goblin is trying to spear him in return, but they can’t seem to hurt one another. It’s like watching a pair of declawed kittens in a death match.
Leo swings at a red sashed goblin and is surprised when his blade doesn’t go through him like the warrior thought. Of course my goblin is bleeding but he’s still alive and that is what matters. Leo will have to waste more energy while the two red sashed goblins that are not injured hack and slash at the poor barbarian.
“Yeow!” Katie yells.
She spins around rubbing her butt. Did…did they stab her in her backside again? No! Stop! Vital spots. Vital! The ass is not a vit…
“Yeow!” Katie yells again. Quit stabbing her in the ass! Funny as it is to see her mouth in the shape of a ‘o’ and watch her leap into the air, that is not a vital location. See? She just killed two of the regular goblins surrounding her. If you had stabbed her in the abdomen or the neck you would still be alive. Idiots. And I don’t want to hear that a human’s rear is at eye height! Reach up damn it! You have spears!
A goblin screams in pain. Which one…oh, Leo killed one. And the injured one is still alive. Just, just great. Wonderful! So I have one half dead and one uninjured. So much for that defensive spell. Unless…let me see that spell. Protects against any normal blade but only minimally against any enchanted weapon. Well, why the fuck did Leo…
Oh. I see. Leo has a magical blade I bet. The spell doesn’t work as well against that, does it? I cast the wrong spell, didn’t I? Utterly fantastic! If I wasn’t under this pressure I would have cast the right spell! I blame my goblins. I wouldn’t be under this pressure if they hadn’t lost me both peasants!
Well, there is one goblin with a red sash left that isn’t injured. Let’s see, what I can cast on him. Strength enhancer? Yes please!
There you go goblin, who was simply lucky enough to avoid injury. Kill Leo!
Who is that coming through the door? Is it…it is! Reinforcements? How many red sashed goblins are joining this party? Hmm…none.
The new goblins split up; most are heading for Cassandra and Gerald who are closer to the door while only two run at Leo. And none are going for the rogue. It’s not like she isn’t going to stab you in the back or anything! I should have had them focus on the rogue. I did this in the last fight, didn’t I? I see all that naked meat and think, there is an easy and large target.
Leo heaves his claymore back and swings wide. He cleaves the two running up to him right away but pays for it as the strength enhanced goblin swings his own blade. Oh, that is a lot of blood. Leo screams in pain! How fantastic. He is turning around when the injured goblin stabs him in the side! Ha! Take that!
Leo screams in agony when the nasty sword is pulled from his side. He looks determine though. Come on! Finish Leo off!
What is that flash? Cassandra with a lightning bolt? No! The strength enhanced goblin is down! Fuck! That’s it! I’m tired of her nonsense!
“Kill that mage!” I order.
“Sounds like you pissed the wizard off,” Gerald says with a laugh.
You’re damn right! Cassandra was supposed to be incapacitated. Bolts of lightning aren’t supposed to flying from her finger tips. She’s supposed to be in too much pain! And she’s smiling? Oh, are you happy little wizard? Did you manage to cast a spell and kill a goblin? Well I hope you can kill lots! When the warrens all come here they will bury you in pain up to your neck!
The injured goblin gets in one last scratch against Leo. I refused to give that injury any glory by calling it anything but a scratch. And then the goblin falls. Not to the warrior. Nope. Want to guess? Go ahead. Guess.
Did you guess the rogue that the goblins ignored? If you did, you’re right!
Fucking goblins. Don’t ignore the damned rogue! For…gods damn it!
Take a deep breath Vivian. Calm down.
I knew this would happen. Well, it isn’t going to take long for them to clean up. Yup, that goblin turned into paste. And there goes a head. Wow, even Gerald caved in the skull of a goblin. You know you’re routed when the priest gets in a kill like that. I lost! Again! I fucking hate losing!
I throw a shard of ice into another goblin near me.
“Stop losing!” I cry out.
“Yes highness,” a living goblin says.
And…that is that. Okay. It’s okay. They have a bit of ground to cover before they get to me. I’m eating away their resources, and by resources I mean blood and Gerald, their source of repairing the damage that I cause.
“Leo!” Gerald yells rushing over to the warrior’s side.
“Check the others first,” Leo says.
You are leaking like a sieve and you’re pulling that, go check on the others, crap? Please Gerald, do as the warrior wishes. Let him bleed out on the floor! One down, three to go!
“You first,” Katie says.
“Fine,” Leo says grudgingly. He loves proving how much pain he can take, doesn’t he? He’ll take any chance to show off that he’s the warrior, just muttering that every injury is a scratch or some shit.
Gerald casts his spell. It looks like it is taking its toll on him. He’s been healing them a lot, hasn’t he? If only you were all wearing plate. Well, if that was the case I might have moved myself to the warrens and defended from there.
How are the others? Katie has some scratches. Most are to that shiny leather covered ass of hers. I swear, I am going to spank the goblins if they don’t start targeting a vital location on her tanned body. Gerald has none on account of his armor. At least Cassandra should be injured.
Where are her scratches?
“Let me give you a hand,” Gerald says.
“No, I’m fine,” Cassandra says.
She is fine. I don’t get it. You are as clothed as I am before I put my dress on. Look at Leo! He’s wearing as much as you and he’s bleeding like a goat in a temple. How did your bra and towels protect you? I demand answers! So what did you suffer in that fight? Your hair is messed up a bit. So, all the goblins managed to do was mess up your long locks? Well, congratulations goblins. You gave the mage bed hair! Job well done!
Yes, I’m clapping sarcastically. And yes, the goblins are looking at me oddly.
“I’ll give you a little pick me up. Maybe it will help with your headache,” Gerald says.
I do not want her casting more fireballs with the ease she was when she set foot in my lair.
He touches her shoulder and she breathes in, extending those inflated tits of hers into Gerald’s face and he isn’t even looking at them. Isn’t he attracted to her, at least a little bit? Does his god have his balls decorating some hall? I’m not even attracted to women and I noticed them. Maybe Gerald is dead.
“I hope you feel
better,” Gerald says with a smile.
“Thanks,” Cassandra says.
Wow. Gerald is certainly the gentleman. Why, I bet he’s never…had…sex…before…
He is a priest Vivian. Aren’t they supposed to be celibate? I need to collect Gerald, and not just because he is the source of fixing all the holes I’m trying to put in the heroes. But how am I going to do that?
Splitting the Party
They are going to spend some quality time searching and I need to recoup my energy. All the spells I’ve been casting has taken a bit more out of me than I expected. I lean back against the altar and look around. A few goblins are here waiting for me to give them orders but I don’t have anything for them right now. Except to get goblins from the warrens!
But I have already sent how many down there? What good is sending more? I look over at the newly dead goblin that is being dragged away. I should stop doing that until I get more goblins up here.
I should have put a chair in this room. There are no chairs here. Maybe a throne…
“Highness,” a goblin says, rushing into the room.
I sigh.
“Yes?” I ask. He better be here telling me that he has recaptured that peasant woman.
“I’ve come from the warrens,” he says.
The warrens? Oh, at last! He’s not saying anything. Why aren’t you speaking?
“And?”
They better be coming.
“The goblins…they are on their way,” the goblin says.
What? Really? Great! I can stop watching the goblins as they assault the heroes in small, bite sized, groups.
“Good. Have the goblins from the warrens roll over the heroes but I need the priest alive,” I say. This little heroic raid is finally at an end. “In fact, take them all alive.”
There is ransom money to be made. And…what if I can get King Randolf to pay for them. Oh, he wouldn’t like that. Of course he can’t refuse me either. What would his people think if he let a group of heroes to wallow in my loving are?
I’ll need some way to keep Cassandra from casting magic. There is a book on magical imprisonment…which is in my library. I’ll just tackle that situation when I get there. I could threaten to kill Leo or Katie if she makes a move. I wonder how much I can get for the heroes…
“I will tell them once they get up here,” the goblin says.
Leave that for later Vivian. You have a sigil to cast! That peasant woman won’t…wait. Hold on a second. It sounds suspiciously like the goblins aren’t coming up from the warrens immediately.
“The goblins are coming,” I say.
“Yes,” the goblin responds to me.
“Today.”
“Umm…what day is today?”
“What does it matter what day is today?”
“Is today a long day?”
You have no fucking idea.
“It is a short day. There are only a few hours left.”
“Then, not today,” the goblin says.
“When can I expect the goblins from the warrens to get up here?” I ask.
“Tomorrow? Maybe?”
“You clearly don’t understand this arrangement. You see, I am your queen…”
“Yes.”
“And as your queen, I tell you what to do.”
“Yes.”
“And I want the goblins, resting in the warrens, to come up here.”
“No.”
“I think you are confusing yes and no again.”
“They are I the deep deep.”
“The deep deep?”
“The darkest of the deep.”
“So, they aren’t in the warrens?”
“They are in…they are in the warrens?”
“Why are you asking me?”
“Because you’re smart!”
By the gods I’m going to strangle this one and wear his floppy ears as loafers.
“Let me get this straight. The goblins are in the warrens?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“But they are also in the deep deep.”
“Yes.”
“Are…did you expand your domain again?”
“Yes.”
“And when were you going to tell me? Your queen?”
The goblin is thinking.
“Highness!” He finally says.
“Yes?”
“We are expanding the warrens!” he shouts with glee.
Oh, I want to strangle the goblin so much…
“I need the goblins up here now. There are four heroes here. They are plowing through the goblins up here the way you apparently plow through caverns. I need to stop them. I need the goblins in the warrens up here.”
“Some are still in the old warrens. You want me to get them first?”
“Yes! I’ll take whatever goblins are available at this point. Go. Get all the goblins that you can find and send them up here.”
“Unless they are fighting in the deep deep.”
“Fighting…what the hell is in the deep deep?”
“Stuff.”
Oh for…
“Go to the warrens. Tell the goblins to come here. You can finish the expansion in the deep deep later. Got it?”
“Yes highness,” the goblin says before he runs off.
At least I now know why the goblins have been trickling in. Okay Vivian, you’re going to have to shoulder the burden on this one. Conserve your strength. Use the goblins to your advantage. And stop killing them yourself.
I wish the goblins hunting down that peasant woman would get back here. Once I get Gerald I’ll have finished the Sigil of Altazan!
Time to see what the heroes are up to. I’m sure they must be done pilfering another one of my rooms by now.
Oh. They are still looking through the adjacent room. This is just an old archery range. I’ve tried to teach goblins how to shoot bows but arrows are hard to come by. As such they just throw spears and javelins, which is fancy talk for pointy stick you throw, as far as they are concerned. I’m not joking. A lot of these weapons the goblins have would be useless if there were four Geralds invading my lair. Mmmm…dirty images entered my mind.
No. Focus. What are they doing?
The heroes are bending over, looking for any stray loot. It is so infuriating to have heroes mucking about like this in my home. I wish I could just expel them. Why did the goblins decide to expand their warrens now?
“I’m not finding anything but some loose coins,” Katie says.
“I haven’t even found that. Just some arrowheads that look really old,” Gerald says.
“Same,” Leo says.
“Let’s continue,” Cassandra says.
“The peasants aren’t getting any closer to being rescued,” Leo says.
“Do you think we should get reinforcements?” Gerald asks.
“No,” Katie says quickly. “We can handle this.”
Oh no you can’t. If my goblins were all up here you’d be pissing in those implausibly skintight leather pants of yours Katie.
“You just want more loot for yourself,” Gerald says.
“Yes?” Katie asks with a smile and a nod of her head. “It’s why we’re here.”
“And the peasants?” Leo asks.
“That too. Can’t we have both?” Katie asks.
“Not if we don’t get to the peasants before they are killed,” Leo says.
Too late for you. Should I taunt them? I could take credit for killing the peasant. If I tell them I’ll kill the other one unless they leave, will they leave?
No. I need to conserve my strength and focus on capturing Gerald.
“How much more healing can you muster?” Cassandra asks.
“I still have a bit in me but some of these encounters we’ve had…they’re tough goblins,” Gerald says.
“They are being aided by the Goblin Queen,” Leo says. “Without her these goblins would be nothing.”
I am actually in agreement with a hero. I am the only one propping up this entire r
ealm. I am the queen after all. Such are my burdens.
The heroes start walking out of the archery range and look around in the hall. They are deciding which way they should go. Go to the right! That is a dead end and will delay your arrival here.
“I say this way,” Katie says. She is pointing to where the commander’s old office is, to the right. Listen to your rogue.
“That looks like a dead end,” Gerald says.
“And we need to conserve our strength,” Cassandra says. “Not even my magic is bottomless.”
“How’s your head?” Gerald asks.
“Better, thanks,” Cassandra says.
Go to hell Cassandra!
“We can come back once we defeat the Goblin Queen and rescue the peasants,” Leo says.
“Fine,” Katie says. She doesn’t like leaving loot lying around. If I should corrupt anyone maybe it should be her. She is just a few bad decisions from being a villain like me. But she’d never betray her brother. I wonder if he is the only one actually keeping her on the heroic path. If I corrupt Gerald, would I get Katie as well?
“You really think that this is the Goblin Queen?” Gerald asks.
“I do,” Leo says. “A woman’s voice commanding goblins?”
“But she was over in the forests around Flemsburg I thought,” Katie says.
Flemsburg? Wow. That was my first home when I took control of my first band of goblins. That was years ago. It is so good to know that heroes don’t have good information on me.
“That was a long time ago. She could have moved her base,” Leo says.
“You think we stumbled upon her setting up a presence here in the Alpurian Mountains?” Katie asks.
“We would be lucky if that is true,” Leo says.
No, you are unlucky to run into me. I will not be a trophy for a group of heroes! You are the ones that are going to be paraded naked and defeated! Not me!
“What is that up ahead?” Cassandra asks.
They have turned the corner. Up ahead is a crude wall I had constructed by the goblins. Goblins are surprisingly good at building obstacles…
“Trap!” Katie yells.
And god awful at placing traps. I mean, what the hell is that? It is some crude device that throws little darts and they used a rope as the trigger. Not a string because strings are hard to see. No, they used a thick rope.
The Goblin Queen and the Sigil of Altazan (The League of Sinister Means Book 2) Page 7