“Save big on cherry-almond scented toilet paper at the Bath and Bedroom specialty store.” Michael remembered when that was on sale at the Bath and Bedroom specialty store in North Atrophy. “Don’t forget that next week is national father daughter appreciation day so get your card at the Holiday Store.”
Michael in his delirium was thinking about the holiday approaching. There was a holiday coming up and family was important. Sarah always worried that he didn’t have enough family to buy presents for. Since his mother had died a few years ago and now there was only his brother. Whenever the thought of his mother came to his mind, it felt like a dull pain buried long ago. The only thing that his brother had done for him recently was to provide the excuse to take the trip. Though at this point, this trip has only reinforced the notion that there is nothing out there.
He was just sitting in the food court watching the doldrums of the late shifts catering to the few odd shoppers when he saw an unattractive middle aged woman in a grey uniform sighing as she dumped some sawdust on a pile of vomit.
“Hey there. I feel your pain,” said Michael walking up to the worker.
“Calm down their pal. I don’t want you to get excited and spew something out on the floor. I’m running low on sawdust,” said the woman.
“I run into that all the time. It’s really bad when there’s a new deep fried sandwich on the menu,” said Michael.
“Do we do the same job?”
“ Yes, I work at the Mall in North Atrophy. My name is Michael.”
“I’m Darline. What brings you to our vomit ridden food court?”
“I’m traveling.”
“Where are you going?”
“ I’m not really sure,” said Michael.
“What are you going there for?”
“I’m trying to find something.”
“What did you lose?” Asked Darline.
“I’m not really sure.”
“Well Michael, you seem like a crazy person to me. I’ve never heard of North Atrophy and I don’t really care that you’re crazy, just don’t poop on the floor please,” said Darline walking away.
“Wait I need to talk to you. Don’t you hate dick storeowners? I hate my job and I think that you do too. I just waste time until I go home and at home, I just waste time until I go back to work again. I hate it and I just want to talk to you. I’m probably the most interesting thing that will happen to you tonight so just come and talk to me. Besides, I’ve worked the graveyard shift and I know there is nothing going on. Take a risk, what could happen?”
Darline was sitting across from Michael at a table in the food court a little intrigued by the way Michael had put it. He might be a crazy person but he was right about one thing, she really had nothing better to do. “So what would you like to know about me?” She asked.
“Well I’m not sure. I’m a ways from home and I just want to see if you’re any different from me since we do the same job. I want to see if life is different here or anywhere else.”
“Listen sweetie, you seem like a nice guy so I want to put this in a way that you will understand it. This thing that you’re going through… I’ve been through something similar. Lot’s of people have, I suspect. You’re just going to have to go through it until you don’t want to anymore. I’m not the smartest lady in the world but I know that.”
“How do you know? Have you ever been out of the country? Have you ever been really far from this town?” Asked Michael.
“Sweetie, I’m from so far away from here you can’t imagine it. I got here the same way that you got here. I’d been going from town to town for as long as I could take it. This place seemed just as good as any so I ended up here. I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news because I know this is something that you are going to have to go through on your own but that’s the answer. Out there is just more of the same.”
Michael was speechless and heartbroken for a bit. After some silence he felt he still needed to make the most of his chance encounter with this woman. “How do you know that it’s not just this country? It’s a big world and there could be all kinds of places where it’s not like this. Have you ever been out of the country?”
Darline sat for a moment in silence seeming to ponder something very important. “I’m going to tell you about an uncle of mine that I remember from when I was a little girl. I know that it’s hard to imagine now, but I was once a little girl. I don’t know if you have any uncles but most people I know do. And I don’t know what your experiences are but it seems that every family has the strange uncle that nobody understands. Everyone believed that my uncle Eric was crazy. My mother would just say the he wasn’t right. When I was a little girl I didn’t care what adults thought about Eric. I loved him and I loved his stories. He went looking for something new, something different than the Malls and the strip Malls. People get that itch as you know. What you might not know is that it comes at a price. Uncle Eric spent the better part of seven years traveling in and out of the country looking for something. He told me of his great sense of detachment from the rest of the world. He was so isolated because he had nothing to talk to anyone about. Most of us talk about television shows and movie stars or what’s on sale or work problems. That’s our world but Eric gave up on that world. He was alone.
At first, he wasn’t gone for good. I loved it when he would come back to visit the family. He used to tell me that the silence just sank in on him. I wanted to be like my crazy uncle Eric. I wanted to go somewhere that was so different from where I was so much that it hurt. It took years and years and I spent so long saving up money for my trip. I didn’t know where it was gong to take me. It made my family so upset because they saw what had happened to uncle Eric. I didn’t care though. When I was a teenager, I bought a car and I went all the way to the other side of the country and everywhere in between. Sweetie, the world that you see around you is the world, that’s why we make movies and TV shows. Sometimes though, people get convinced that it used to be like how it is in the movies. Sometimes people can’t accept what’s really here and they want to find something they saw in a movie.
It was something that I had to do but I know now that my folks were right. I didn’t go to college or take the high road at all and now I’m doing this. All I’m saying is just be careful not to take this to far. You don’t want to give up what you’ve got. There is nothing in any direction but what you’ve already known. I’m going to give you my number and the name of a motel not far down the road, don’t worry, it’s cheap. If you ever want to talk again in the future, I’d be happy to but I’ve got to get back to work now. The floors don’t clean themselves as you well know.”
Michael was apprehensive about getting out of bed in his un-noteworthy hotel room. He had hardly remembered the night after he parted ways with Darline. He was only sure that it ended in the cheap motel room that she mentioned with a case of beer that he purchased somewhere. He had missed a couple of calls from Sarah. He would have plenty of time to call her on his long trip back home. There was no point in going any further on this trip. A non-descript motel room was a perfect place to wake up having no direction to go in but backwards. Michael had to work the next day and there were many miles to retrace. There would be no scenic stops on the way back… there was nothing to see. One the way back though, he decided not to call Sarah as it was the last day of his vacation from his life and he would be right back into it soon enough. Maybe he would get in contact with Darline again. Maybe the feeling of unrest in him would go away after his journey. Maybe he could keep pretending that this was a world that he could accept… maybe, maybe, maybe.
Chapter 4
Michael woke up in the apartment that he always woke up in… except for that motel room. He had not roused Sarah from her sleep state and she was already well into her routine. He was happy to not have her there and at least a few moments of uninterrupted peace before the drudgery of the Mall consumed his being. After eating his bowl of frosted Corn Nuggets he looked aroun
d his apartment and felt that sense of dread weighing heavier and heavier. There was nothing but routine and there was nowhere to go. He was exhausted from the long drive and still hung over. That did little to hinder his instinct to get drunk until he was to numb to feel. He needed to do something to stop his thoughts. He decided to drink a beer before starting the workweek.
Driving down the main road in town that led to the Mall, Michael was overcome with a dreamy feeling of déjà vu. Beer helped take some of the dread of the impending week away. It was a rainy morning and most people were driving more cautiously than usual. Michael was lost in thought and slammed on his breaks as he approached a red light. It was time to focus and keep it together. It was time to get back into real life. He pulled into his standard parking spot, punched his standard time card and waited for the standard meeting at the beginning of the shift. He was having a hard time on focusing on anything but old ugly Darline and her tale. Her adventure led to nowhere. It was so unlike the tales from television. Television didn’t have stories that went so far from the starting point and ended up back where it began. That only existed in real life.
“It’s time to prepare for the weekend rush. I hope that all of you enjoyed your time off. We’re breaking off into groups and taking different corridors than usual. A little change is good every now and again. We’re trying to limit unsavory encounters with Mall security and store managers. I hope everyone understands,” said Thom looking right at Michael.
“Do you want to look like a Movie Star? Well now you can with the new line of diamond-studded sunglass cases at Sunglass Universe located in the southeastern wing. Winter’s coming and you don’t want your dog to be left out in the cold wearing one of last years sweaters. Why not have your K-9 in the latest in pet fashion? You can find custom made sweaters and much more at Pampered Paws located conveniently next to Sunglass Universe.” The perpetual déjà vu was setting in as Michael and Quinn meandered down the same familiar paths wearing the familiar uniform on a day like all the rest.
“I thought I was going to see you around this weekend but I guess you were off to your brother’s. I saw Sarah and she told me about it. Kind of sounds like bullshit. Where did you go?”
“Well, to be perfectly honest I went nowhere special. There’s really nowhere special to go.”
“Man, Sarah’s right, you get into these moods and you’re so morose. Listen to me; I think that I have a better perspective than you right now. Don’t fuck up something good just because your life didn’t turn out like a movie star’s. You don’t have to tell me where you went but my parents always told me that you should keep in mind what you have instead of what you don’t. Do you know how many people suffered and sacrificed so that you could have the life that you do?”
“I saw a movie once where they said free advice is worth what you pay for it. But I’ll still consider what you’re saying. How did Sarah seem? I haven’t seen her since I’ve been back.”
“She watched TV so she wasn’t lonely or anything. She’s worried about you and that security officer. You do know that they can have you terminated if they think you’re a terror risk.” As Quinn was talking, Michael was looking at the security officers positioned along the upper level of the Mall. “I had a cousin that got into the security services. I think he ended up working in a Mall on the other side of the country. Everyone in the family was so happy that he had achieved so much. He told us one what he learned at the academy about the history of the soldiers and the wars they fought in so we could live in a world without fear. These people deserve our respect. Can you imagine where we would be without them?” asked Quinn.
When the lunch hour came Michael was a little happy to see Sarah but also a little nervous because she would pry into his time off. His relationship with her sometimes felt like a second job. He spotted her walking to their usual table as he was retrieving his usual meal. The lights and barrage of television commercials seemed a little more jarring to him today than in the past.
“Don’t forget to purchase your patriotic flags and festive adornments before this Thursdays’ celebration of nationalism day. You can always find the latest in hats, t-shirts and decorative socks to accentuate your personal style for every holiday at Holiday Happiness located on the second level of the northwest corroder.”
The announcement was nothing unusual but for some reason Michael noticed it more.
He needed to talk to someone about his transition and he knew that it was an ugly old woman who would give him what he needed, not Sarah. He was treading in dangerous waters and would have to come up with another lie to tell the unappealing love of his life. Sarah had been giving him disapproving looks whenever she could smell alcohol on his breath. She had been sensing him drifting further and further away. All the people in his life could sense it but no one really said anything. It was the change that was difficult to address but impossible to ignore even in the apathetic landscape. When he went to the food court, Michael went about his daily routine. He got into the same line that he always did. He ordered and received the same food that he always did. He walked to the table to talk to the woman whom he always talked to but really didn’t say anything to.
“Hey, you know what I was thinking about right now? Asked Michael. I never realized it before but we celebrate a day for a war every month. There have been so many wars and each one has it’s own themed hat and corresponding sweatshirt. That Holiday Happiness store makes a killing off of those wars.”
“I don’t know, I never thought about it. Why do you think about it?”
“Um…” was all Michael could get out.
“So how was your time with your brother? Is he feeling better?” Sarah asked plainly, not looking at him.
“Oh sure he’s feeling better now. I’m sorry that we couldn’t hang out but we’ll be together on our next weekend when we both have a day off together,” said Michael.
The tension between them was palpable but so far unacknowledged and Michael was certainly not going to go out of his way to bring a problem to light.
“I feel like the last few weeks have been unsettling. It will be nice to get back to the normal routine,” said Sarah.
“Did you ever wonder where everything comes from?” Asked Michael.
“Baby what do you mean by that?” Asked Sarah frustrated at this topic again.
“You know, like all the stuff in the Mall. Who makes all of the little plastic toys and who is stitching the clothes together. Have you thought about where the food comes from? I’ve never seen a farm or anything? Do you know what I mean?”
“Not really baby,” said Sarah. When you say things like this… where do these thoughts come from?”
“Well I’m right there with you about getting back to normal,” said Michael ignoring the question.”
“I’m happy that we’re on the same page,” said Sarah. She was happy that she didn’t have to ignore his answer.
“Don’t forget to purchase your custom neon trimmed picture frames for your holiday family portrait. Design your own at a discount price all this week at Frame and Fortune, located in the northeast corroder on the ground floor. An informed consumer is a happy consumer.
“I need to talk to you about this weekend.” said Michael.
“Baby, don’t tell me that your brother is sick. There is something going on here and you are not being honest with me.”
“You’re right there is something going on. I went to visit my brother over the weekend but it wasn’t because he was sick. I’m not well.”
“You seem just fine to me except that you’re becoming a drunk. What is that about? Baby, I’m worried about you. I saw this program last night after you passed out like a homeless person. It was profiling the derelicts that go crazy and start shooting up Malls. Thank God we have security officers. It made me worry because it seems like you have some of the same symptoms.”
“Listen it’s not that, but I am sick. I know that it’s time to move on to the next step for us but I�
�m scared,” Michael said, convinced that he lied to her.
“Baby what do you have to be scared about?”
“I’m scared that I can’t take care of you and I’m worried about the money we owe. I don’ think I can be a provider,” said Michael with tears in his eyes. Sarah grabbed his hand
“Baby, we’re going to get through this. If you need more time at your brother’s place figure it out then fine.” She let go of his hand and they continued their lunch in mostly awkward silence. She was keeping her thoughts from him just as much as he was from her. Michael knew it couldn’t go on like this forever. Life was hell until the weekend. All the while, the muzak played over the speakers.
The week went by as any and every week went. Routine dulls away the hours and there is always something to look forward to on television. Michael Christianson was beginning to live a lie. He pretended that he was satisfied with the mundane small talk between himself and his coworkers. He faked enthusiasm when he and Sarah had a sexual encounter. He was now becoming a different person when he was alone then when he was engaged with the world. It was a different time for him now. In addition to being drunk most of the time, his thoughts were consumed with wondering where things came from and how the world ended up the way that it did. When it came to his last day of work before the weekend he knew that he had to make another pilgrimage up north. It was his adopted mission.
He wasted no time after he got off of work. He cracked open a beer and began to pack up for the trip. It was dark when he set out and it would be light when he arrived. Traveling through the darkness with the aid of inebriation was certainly foolish but sometimes darkness was too overwhelming. Michael never thought of himself as a strong man and he was surely scared now. His life was no movie and he was no heroic leading man. Part of the reason for him to take the trip at all was because he might not be the only one who felt that his whole life was ruled by fear and placated by television. Darline, the fountain of new knowledge would probably not remember him. She and everyone else in the world might think him completely insane for driving through the night just to talk to someone. Michael laughed when he cracked open his next beer thinking about how little was really there for him to do this crazy adventure. It wasn’t much but it was something.
Mall Land Page 4