Yet do they have a sweeter and a quieter Living, than any we see. I saw few Persons diseas’d or distemper’d, or even crippled. The King’s Evil, Agues, Plagues and Small Pox, are all but gone. Not one of a Man’s Children die before they come of age, if you can believe me; and yet his House is never crowded, for they have found means, that their Women shall not Conceive, but when they will. This seem’d to me an Atheistical Invention, and one like to Ruin the People; yet they regard it as nothing, save only the Papists and a few others. Every Man and Woman can read, tho’ the use the Generality make oft, is only to Wager by Letter, which they call Pulls, and in Assemblys, which they call Bingow, and to read the Notices, that are every where planted, like Texts, but prophane ones, to tell ‘em where they may go, and what Business is in hand. They have great Safety, in the Streets and in the Fields, so that Thefts and Violence to the meanest Person are the cause of News in the Gourants; but they slaughter one another with their Cars for that they rowl by so fast, and altho’ they are safe from Invasion, by their Neighbour Nations in Europe, yet they are ever under the Sword of Damocles from a Destruction, out of the other End of the Earth, by these same Air-Craft, or from a kind of Artillery, that can shoot many Thousands of Leagues, and lay wast half a Countrey, where it’s Shot comes to ground, or so they wou’d have me believe.
They have a sovran Queen, yet is the Power of the Crown so diminish’d, that they have rather a Common-Wealth, then a Monarchy. They have a Parliament, with what they call the Torys, I know not why, for they are nothing for a Papist Succession, but for Wealth; and against ‘em no Excluding Whiggs, but a Party, that wou’d have all the business of the Kingdom (or Queendom) in the hands of them that govern. One third of what a Man earns, goes in Taxes, such as England never heard the like of in my Time. Every Man however lowly, and, what is worse, every Woman, has a power of Vote for who they shall have in Parliament, yet the Members do little, but Vote in Parliament again the way their Leaders tell ‘em. But Money is King of half England, for the great Merchants and Heads of Business Houses can do pretty much what they will. The King of the other half, is the Labourer, for if he like not his Lot, he engages his Guild to command all the Men to lay down their Tools and depart, it may be ‘till months are gone by, untill he has it his own way; his Guild will give ‘em Moneys to provide for ‘em. In the mean time the Customers suffer, from both Sides: the one sending Prices up; and the other taking labour away, so that nothing is done.
But for all this they live fine enough. They are grown so nice, that they make great outcry, at the least Dirt or Violence. In their Punishments they have no Burnings, no Quarterings, no Whippings, Pilloryings, or Brandings, and they put up no Heads of Ill-doers. Their Hangings are but few, and are perform’d in secret; and there are those in the Government that wou’d bring in a Bill, to put a stop even to that, so that the worst Felon, shou’d escape with nothing worse, then a long Imprisonment. Tho’ they are in fear, of what will come of it, and trouble them selves much about Ill-doers in the Land, I never saw a Brawl, or a Rabble, or the least Insult offer’d to any Body, the whole time I was there, nor any Man taken in Drink, beyond a little Exaltation. Altho’ my Cloathes were so strange to them, yet I verily believe, I cou’d have walk’d abroad in ‘em, without meeting any untoward entertainment in the Streets. They are so many, those who wou’d get a Place, at a Playhouse, or in one of their Busses, must wait in a Throng; but in stead of Jostling, they stand orderly in a long Line, without the need of enforcement. I saw not one Man begging, and but few that seem’d poor, or wasted by Sickness.
Yet in truth they are a Staid, and Phlegmatick Folk, that will not easily laugh, or weep, or fly in a passion, and whether it be from their being so press’d together, or from the Sootyness of the Air, or from their great Hurrying to and from work, their Faces shew much Uncontent and Sowerness, and they regard little their Neighbours. All their Love, is reserv’d to those at Home, or their Mercy, to those far off; they receive many Pleas, for Money and Goods, that they may send, for ailing Persons, that they never knew, and for Creatures in Africa and the Indies, whom they never will see. Every Saturday little Children stand in the Streets, to give little Flags an Inch across, made of Paper, in return for Coyns, for such a Charity. As for their Hatred, ‘tis altogether disarm’d, for none may carry a Sword, or Knife, a Pistol, or a Musquet, under Penalty, tho’ indeed there be Ruffians here and there, that do so in secret, but only that they may committ a Robbery impunedly upon a Bank, or a great Store of Goods, and so gain thousands of Pounds in a moment. (As for my Hanger, ‘twere only an Ornament to them.) So is there no Point of Honour with them, but what may be settled by Law and so line the Lawyers pockets, if the matter be grave enough.
That their ways are so soft and peaceable, comes perhaps from the being so well supply’d. They have Light, or Heat to cook with, or to keep their Chambers warm withall, at the meer touch upon a Button; tho’ for these they must pay, when the Reckoning is brought to ‘em. In the very Heat of Summer, they keep their Meat sweet, in a Chest, which is ever so cold that Frost and Rime encrust the inside parts of it; and this comes, as their Light and much of their Heat, from this same Electricity. If they wou’d have discourse with a Friend, or wou’d buy or sell any thing, without a Journey, they have an Engine that they call a Found, or a Tellie-found, in their Houses, where they can both speak, and hear, any other Person that they chuse, by the turning a Dial with Numbers writ upon it. And this too is from Electricity. They may listen to Musick on their Raydeow Boxes, or see Plays in their Tellie Windows, any week, more then you cou’d meet with in London in a season in our Time. They have all manner of Things, both for work, and sport, and Meats too, that I can scarce describe to you. In their Shops I saw a vast number, both of sorts of things, and of different fashions of the same, and of single examples of each fashion. Some of these, are so Costly, that only the richest can buy ‘em; but many may be purchas’d by any but the poorest. With all this High-living, every Man is thus like a great Prince; and tho’ he have not Servants (for few of ‘em will serve another) Electricity is his Servant. Yet are they no more content, then a great Prince might be, or less, for they know no better, then to conceive this soft Life is their Birthright, and that if they live not as well as, or better then their Neighbour, the State is to blame.
For that they buy and sell at such a rate, and keep them selves so mighty well supply’d with all manner of Engines, and Stuffs, the different Houses, that supply ‘em, are in great rivalry one with another. From this comes a great Shew that they make every where, with Words and Pictures, with bright Colours, like those of some Painter at Court, but in thousands of Copys for all to see, in their Journals and on huge Placards, that stand by the Roads, especially in the Towns. This they call meerly, Advertisement, as who shou’d call a Shout, a Murmur.
This brings me to their Words. Tho’ they have many Words, that I never heard or saw before, I was quite as much in a quandary at learning their Tongue, by reason of Words that I knew well, but that they us’d otherwise then with us. Many, as I found in the end, had sunk (where Advertisement had flown up). So when they say, Terrible, they mean Great; when they say, Fabulous, they mean Goodly. Enthusiasm, is a meer Zeal, or pleasure in doing. But other Words, are much twisted in their Sence. Sex, which with us is the being Male, or Female, with them is the Coupling of Man and Woman. Romance is no Fantasticall Tale, but an Affair of the Heart; and so too with Romantick. A Buss, which with us (in that meaning) is a kind of Sea-vessel, with them is a Publick Carriage, as I have said. To Want, is not to lack, but to have a wish for some thing. One who is Nice, do’s not turn his Nose up, he is not Delicat, but meerly pleasing to the speaker. One who is Sensible, is not keenly perceiving of some thing, but a Man of good sence. They interlace their sentences with absolute Cant, that with us is heard from Cut-purses and Ruffians, but with them is perfectly gentle. On the other hand, they abound in long learned expressions, that their very Children use, and wrap their Notions up in Bundl
es, as to confound the listener. As for their manner of Uttering, ‘tis altogether odd, as I have shewn it, but not without a smack of the low speech of a Cockney from London. After a time my Ears grew accustom’d to it, so that I heard, what was meant.
The Nation that dwells in America, and they that dwell in Moscovy, they say are the Arbiters of the World, for they have that Artillery, that I wrote of before, in the greatest quantity. Besides this, from these two Nations, come the Inventions, of Machines that they have fired off toward the Moon, and the Planets Mars, and Venus, as if they had been Cannon Shot; which send back News of their Journeys, and (in some manner) Pictures, of what they meet; and so methinks, it is to take nigh on three hundred years, and an Enterprize from abroad, not from England, to fulfill these Flattring Verses of Mr Dryden,
Then we upon our Globes last verge shall go
And view the Ocean leaning on the Sky:
From thence our rowling Neighbours we shall know,
And on the Lunar world securely pry.
And besides, these two Nations, have sent Machines round the Earth, some hundreds of leagues above it, with Men in ‘em, and at last fetch’d ‘em down in their Machines safe and sound. And yet was my Machine unknown.
As for Moscow, they look upon it in their England, much as we look upon Rome; and as we look upon Papists, and Dissenters, so do they a kind of Levellers, that they call, Communists, that wou’d overthrow the State, if they cou’d, and yet are suffer’d to come and go every where without let or hindrance, save only that they may not get employment, where they can learn Secrets of State. For the meer Papists and Dissenters among them, they make no distinction against ‘em, and hardly know, what Religion a Man professes, or what they profess them selves.
They have in the Land another sort of Stranger. For they have many Indians, both from West and East, who are come to make their livelihood in England. Their Neighbours are afear’d, the great numbers of these shou’d take their Wages from ‘em, or bring new Plagues, or that their way of living shou’d be too Nasty, for the Publick Good; and some English Men (they say) have rais’d up Brawls against ‘em. But the generality of English Natives are so mealy-mouth’d, that they dare not speak these Fears alowd, lest they have a foul Name of Racialist clapp’d on ‘em, of which they are in mortal terror, from the thought of some Massacres perform’d a score of years before in Germany, and Oppressions committed thousands of leagues away in Africa and America.
For this they have some Colour, seeing that they are so much, as they call it, One World, that notions travell fast in their Time. But I think it partly but one case of a ready Superstition of Opinion among ‘em which comes, as I ghess, from their singular prospect, whereby all can read, and vote for Parliament, as if they were equal, while most regard neither the Word of Religion nor fair Argument, but are blown this way and that by the least Gale or Breath of Censure from their fellows. They have a vast Esteem for Sophistries; they are very easie in believing such things as they wou’d have to be so, and are not forward to entertain a solid Reasoning. He that can fasten a Good, or a Bad name, howso ever ill-conceiv’d, upon any thing that is done, or made, or worn, or said, is scarce question’d, but straight his word is taken up. So they are blown hither and thither, by the Writers in the Courants, and the Speakers in the Tellies, and the Devizers of the Advertisements, the Blind leading the Blind.
Another cause of their being so biddable and so quiet, is perhaps that from the Hurry of the Day, they have little stomach for Trouble, and little room, in which to think for them selves. For tho’ they live so well, yet they are also in a continual Coursing, and if their leisure is long, yet even there the World presses on ‘em from all sides. Between their Running after every Notion, and their perpetual Hast, you wou’d say, that Ants had been mated with Munkies, to breed ‘em.
All these matters, as I have said, I learnt not at once, but during many weeks. I spent my mornings in the back parts of the Shop. For my Dinner (always at the early hour of Noon) I went to a number of Eating Houses with my Host, or retum’d with him to his House. If we came home, I often stay’d there afterwards, and try’d some Husbandry in their Garden, or walk’d abroad untill I knew the Neighbourhood well. The Wife, who also controul’d the Chariot, sometimes kept it by her after Dinner, while the Husband return’d to his Shop in one of their Busses. If the day were bright, she wou’d then bring me out in this Car, and over the Countrey-side. I suffer’d a Surprize, when I saw our Range of Hills, not much chang’d, tho’ with single Houses here and there built over ‘em, and Poles of Metal to carry their Electricity over the Land. But every where was a Vapour or Smoak on the brightest of days. A Stream, where I am wont to fish, was become a Sluice between Walls of Stone, and black besides, in the midst of another Town, where is nothing today but a Farm (after which this Town was nam’d, as I found). The great part of the Land about is cover’d with their Houses, and where our Farm-tracks wind, are hard Roads, where-on their Chariots continually rush by and roar. Their Towns are for the most part built of red Bricks, but blacken’d by their Smoaks, of which a great amount comes from Factorys as wide as Villages and as populous as Towns, where they make their many Goods.
On fair Saturdays, or Sundays (for they went to no Church, which much troubled me) my Host and his Wife wou’d bring their Car further abroad, and on occasion to the Sea. There I had another Surprize, for there hundreds, yea thousands of Men, Women and Children sate upon the Beaches (and many with lowd Raydeows whose Clamour assail’d my Ears); and a few score even walk’d into the shallow Sea; but all cloath’d, tho’ in such small Garments, that hid scarce any thing, of bright Colours. My Hosts wou’d likewise Bathe (as they call’d it) in the Sea, and had with them these Garments, and one for me, but I wou’d not, and contented my self with watching. What they thought to enjoy by this stay, I cannot tell, unless it were the sight of so many bare Bodys, for there was nothing but Sand blown in your Face, and Wind too cold, Sun too hot, and a clamorous Multitude of Persons and Dogs.
Their Inns are places, where you may be very well enter-tain’d, at least for Food; for Drink, ‘tis only at certain hours that their Law allows it. Their Ale is thin and has little Smack, and their Wines want strength. They have much liking for a strong Spirit out of Scotland and Ireland, that I took for Uskebaugh, a harsh Drink fit for Bogg-bred Savages. They call’d it Wiskay. Two Fruits which I cou’d not well stomach, but of which they eat a vast deal, are a Red Juicy Fruit, but very sower, that they call, Tomautows (I suppose the Tomate from the America’s), and which they eat with Flesh, and the Shaddock, or Pomple-moose, which they call, Grape-Fruit, tho’ (for the many that know it not) it is like a great yellow sower Orange, and no Grape. But of other Fruits they get a Multitude, Apples, Pears, Bananas, Oranges, Peaches, Straw-berries, Rasp-berries, and many more from the ends of the Earth, in season and out of season, both fresh, and preserv’d, some in sweet Sirop in clos’d Jars of Metal, that they call, Cans. ‘Tis also so with many other Meats, Fish, Cheeses, Butter, Honey, Preserves and Marmalades, that come from the America’s, from many Lands in Europe, from Africa, from the Indies, and from the Anti-podaean Continent.
Besides their Food and Drink, I must tell you, many of the younger sort, and especially the Girls, have a foul custom, of smoaking Tobaco in little Rowl’d Peices of Paper, which they call, Sick-Rates, because in the end they Corrupt the Lungs of many, tho’ many years after. These Sick-Rates they smoak on the Top Tiers of the Busses, in the Eating-Houses, when they drink at home with Friends, and when they are at Work. In their Tellie Play-houses (of which more anon) the Air is full of their Smoak.
Altho’ the Towns were so crowded, that you cou’d scarce stand for the press, yet they told me, a great part of the People were from home at this time. (And by October, the press was ten times worse, altho’ I was by then somewhat accustom’d to it.) For every Man that is not a Pauper, takes his whole Family with him nigh once a year, for a week, or even for a fortnight, to rest from their Labo
urs. My Host and his Wife had taken their Excursion in May, and that but for a week. These Retreats they call Holidays, for they have but few of our Holidays, only at Christmas and Easter and by Whit Sunday, and for two or three days beside in the year. Some go to the Coasts (whence that great Throng I saw on the Sands), some to wild Countrey and horrid Mountains (to flee the Crowd), but many to other Lands, so that the humblest Merchant makes his Tour like the finest Nobleman’s Son, and not once in a Lifetime, but every year, tho’ for a meer two weeks. My Travells, that I thought some thing to be remember’d, were to them a trifling Excursion. But this comes from the great Ease of their Journeys, in Air-Craft or in their Cars, on Shipps that are sent thro’ the Water by a Furnace of Oyl in their Bellies, and in great Caravans or Trains of Coaches (but each Coach as long as a Barn) that are drawn along Rails of Metal by a Machine, that burns Oyl likewise, or goes by Electricity. The Hostelrys every where are so commodious and clean, that a Traveller wants nothing and may lie easie where ever he may pass in Europe, or (indeed) in some parts of Africa and America.
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