by Mark Anthony
Nicole asked, “Well is there something wrong between us, something that would make you think about cheating?”
Being a master of deception, I managed to twist my words around, but even I didn’t expect to smoothly get out of this one.
“No, no, baby. I’m not talking about myself having thought about cheating on you. I was trying to say that I’ve really been thinking about whether or not you’ve cheated on me.”
Nicole looked at me with a serious expression. I remained silent, and I guess my silence caused Nicole to feel a little uncomfortable. Then she laughed and asked, “Lance, what’s going on?”
As I blew air out of my cheeks, I replied, “Okay, baby, I’ll just put it out there.”
“Yes, please just put it out there so I’ll know what you’re talking about,” Nikki begged.
Backing myself out of an almost fatal situation, I explained, “Well, baby, today me and Steve got into this big yelling match. I screamed on him ’cause I noticed that he looks at you a little too close, like he be wanting to do you or something.”
When I was done speaking Nicole burst out into tear-jerking laughter. She could barely get the words out of her mouth as she said, “Lance, you thought that? Ha, ha, ha, ha.” Again she began laughing. She laughed so much until she caused me to start laughing.
Then finally, after wiping her tears away, my wife said, “Lance, you got me laughing so hard that you’re causing my makeup to smear.” She laughed again as she said, “I can’t believe that y’all are best friends, and y’all got into a shouting match over me. Baby, listen to me. I’m flattered that you still get jealous over me, but come on now. Steve? Baby, I would never cheat on you, especially not with your best friend, a best friend who happens to be a dog at that. Lance, you should know me better than that.”
Yeah, I began to feel extra stupid about how I had acted toward Steve, but there was no time to dwell on that. We were practically right around the corner from the concert, and it was already eight-thirty. I had to park in one of those expensive-as-hell parking garages that are found all over New York City. But it was either pay through the roof and park in a garage or have no peace of mind at all and risk getting your car towed by parking on the street.
Fortunately for us, we were able to park the car and make it to our seats before the show started. Nicole and I were both excited like little kids. There was a buzz of anticipation that filled the air in Radio City Music Hall. Being a man, I had to hold back some of my excitement because I didn’t want to seem soft like a sissy, but I was thoroughly enjoying the atmosphere of the concert. It was a mature crowd, and everyone was dressed up. Sadly enough, I couldn’t help but think how my mistress Toni would have greatly enjoyed an evening like this if she were with me.
It was nearing 8:45 when the people running the show informed us that it would be starting in about ten minutes and that everyone should take their seats. I used the ten minutes to hug and kiss on Nicole. I also sweet-talked her and whispered sweet nothings into her ear. Nicole was very giggly and happy. The whole time reminded me of how it was years ago when we first met.
The ten minutes flew by. Before long the curtain on the staged parted and the diva, Ms. Toni Braxton, came strutting out onto the stage with her dancers while singing her hit song “You’re Making Me High.” The crowd went crazy. The first thing I began thinking about was how good Toni Braxton was looking. She is sexy as hell as it is, yet she had the nerve to have on a dress with a split that was about up to her hip bone. Every time she walked, all you could see was thighs for days. In my head I was like, Yeah, kid. Of course I was singing and cheering like the rest of the crowd, but I definitely was cheering her body more so than her voice. One thing that I hated was the fact that she’d let herself lose so much weight. I mean she is still the bomb as “Bony Toni,” but she was all that when she had weight on her.
The concert was on point. Kenny G ripped it down as did Toni Braxton. Nicole and I had a bomb time the whole night. Again, the night was scarred by me not only lusting over Toni Braxton, but I was going crazy over all of the other women who were in attendance at the concert. During intermission, my wife and I were on line at the bar in the lobby waiting to order drinks, and that’s when I saw some women who were more than capable of winning the Miss America pageant. There was this white woman, who I mean had it going on. Unfortunately, she was with somebody, or otherwise I might have tried to flirt with her.
That night, after having seen bad white women and even fly Asian chicks, it proved the theory that is held by most dogs: There is no such thing as the baddest woman, and every time you think that you’ve seen the baddest female, you’ll manage to see someone who can knock her out the box. I don’t know about knocking my mistress Toni out of the box, but that night at the concert, I definitely saw one or two women who would have given her a run for her money.
On the ride back to Queens with Nicole, I made sure not to spark any more dumb conversation. I really didn’t have to worry about that because Nicole, who was out of her seat belt and all over me, definitely had my mind preoccupied. Very uncharacteristically my wife had unzipped my pants and was playing with my goods as we drove. A couple of times she almost caused me to crash, but I managed to keep my composure. Just the thought of having sex in any unconventional location with Nicole had always been a running fantasy of mine, and what better time to fulfill it than now?
In the worst way I wanted to pull over on the side of the highway and do her right there, but I was scared she might view me as a super freak, so I put my desires aside and waited until we were in the privacy of our own home.
SEVENTEEN
Over the next few days, I set aside time so I could read the Bible. I have a very good knowledge of what the scriptures are all about, but I had been reading so I could try to understand how I should deal with my adultery affliction. No, I was not just reading the Bible as a spiritual front for my wife. Rather, I was trying to search the scriptures to see what on earth was wrong with me.
I realized that in the case of adultery that I had many Biblical companions who had been plagued with the same affliction. I was shocked when I read the story of how King David had committed adultery with Bathsheba. King David not only was pulled down by his own lustful desires, but his desires for Bathsheba led him to lie and cover up what he’d done. He also went as far as having Bathsheba’s husband murdered.
As I studied King David’s ordeal, I saw many similarities in comparison to mine. See, the scriptures refer to King David as a man after God’s own heart, yet he was still afflicted by the same thing I was going through. I justified in my mind that if someone as righteous as King David had been creeping around with women, then I must not have been as bad as I thought I was.
When Sunday rolled around, I found it very ironic that the pastor’s sermon was about the exact same account of King David and Bathsheba. I could hear that voice inside of me telling me God was trying to say something to me. No, I’m not superstitious, but sometimes I think things happen for a reason. I definitely felt it was no accident that the pastor’s sermon was about adultery. People always say the best sermons are the ones that seem as if they are being spoken directly to you and specifically for you to hear.
There were certain things I had failed to read when I studied King David and Bathsheba. The pastor mentioned those things in his sermon, and the words he spoke made me look at the account of King David and Bathsheba in a totally different light. The pastor pointed out to the congregation just how angry God became with King David after he’d committed adultery. The pastor also showed how sorry King David was when he realized the extent of his sin. He read the scriptures that conveyed King David weeping bitterly in his repentance. The pastor also mentioned that although King David continued to be tempted with adultery, he didn’t continue engaging in it. Rather, King David’s regret was made evident by the righteous things that he chose to do after he’d committed adultery and from that point forward. He managed to put adultery behi
nd him, and he led God’s people, the Israelites, like no other king had ever done.
When service was over, I realized with even more intensity that I could relate to the dirt that King David had done, but in no way, shape, or form did I fear God like King David had, nor was I as repenting as King David had been.
Sunday night was quickly approaching, and faced with the choices of doing right or continuing with evil, I didn’t know which way to turn. I found myself in that gloomy state of mind that I am usually in just before I get depressed. There was no way in hell I was gonna let myself get depressed. I knew I had to confront my demons head on and start correcting the nonsense.
Toni had already consented to the idea of me spending my nights with her. That present Sunday night was supposed to be the first of many I would start spending with her. Reflecting on what I had learned from the Word of God and remembering the piercing words that Steve had spoken to me, in my mind I was like “forget Toni.” Enough damage had been done. I convinced myself that there was no way I was gonna be at Toni’s house Sunday night or any other night for that matter. Scarlet had basically removed herself from the picture, so now was a perfect time to just make a clean break from Toni, and I could be done with all of the drama, lies, and cheating.
Yeah, although I’d promised Toni I would start spending more time with her, I would just have to let her know that I would now be reneging on the spending the nights thing. I convinced myself to not worry about the fact that Toni might think I’d just gamed her for a piece of butt. I had to really get angry with myself for feeling that I owed something to Toni. After all, she was a responsible adult, and she should have known the consequences before she opened her legs for me. I laughed to myself as I thought, Word up. I don’t owe that hoe anything.
My gloomy mood was starting to subside, and I prepared to eat dinner with my family. Being that my schedule had never really changed, I knew that it would be very easy to tell Nicole that I’d come to my senses and decided not to work the graveyard shift. I knew I could gas Nicole by saying to her how I realized that being home with her was more important than spending time by myself. I thought I could really get in good with Nicole if I also mentioned that I realized that it was important for LL to see me and that the graveyard shift would hamper that father-and-son time.
Right before we started to eat, I made sure to turn off my pager. I also turned off my cellular phone. Therefore, Toni wouldn’t be able to get in contact with me at all. Finally, I was beginning to realize that the only way to be rid of Toni was going to be for me to go cold turkey and have no kind of contact with her whatsoever.
During dinner that evening, my wife reminded me of the conversation we’d had on our way to the concert the other night. She tied it into the sermon we’d heard earlier in the day. She told me how she felt that it just didn’t make sense to cheat, because just like with King David, cheating only leads to lying and a whole host of other sins.
Our conversation was flowing very smoothly. I was agreeing with my wife, and I was letting her know what particular points I had managed to pick up from the sermon. As we ate, I wondered if I would ever tell Nicole about Toni. I knew that I would want her to know one day, but I had no idea how I would tell her.
The food Nicole cooked was definitely hitting the spot, and I was in such a good mood because I finally felt, even if just on a small scale, a sense of freedom from my distorted sexual desires. I was just about to drop the surprise on Nicole and let her know that I had decided against the graveyard shift when the phone rang.
Sounding upset, I said, “Man! Can’t we ever have a peaceful moment without the phone ringing?”
Nicole shot back, “Don’t answer it. Just let the answering machine pick it up. If we keep answering the phone at all times of the day and night people will think that it’s okay to call here whenever they want.”
The answering machine usually picked up after the fourth ring, and our phone was already on its fifth ring.
“Man, the answering machine ain’t even on,” I said, sounding disgusted.
“Just let it ring,” Nicole instructed.
The phone was approaching its tenth ring, and I was getting very annoyed. I told Nicole that I would answer it because it had to be important if someone would let the phone ring for that long. I pushed my chair from the kitchen table and proceeded to answer the phone, which was hanging on the kitchen wall. Although the phone had ticked me off, I didn’t want my anger to come across when I answered the call.
I commented to Nikki, “Watch them hang up as soon as I get to the phone.” Picking up, I politely said, “Hello.”
To my complete surprise, Toni was on the other end. Inside my head I was like, Ah, man. My heart raced but I played it cool as she spoke and said, “I didn’t think you were home ’cause the phone rang so many times.”
I replied, “Yeah, I was eating dinner.”
Toni apologized for interrupting my meal. I told her not to worry about it, then she proceeded to ask all kinds of personal questions, like why my cell phone and pager were off. I lied and simply told her that I didn’t know they were off. Toni was kind of annoying me. Here I was with my wife standing right beside me and practically breathing down my back, and Toni was running off at the mouth. I was hoping that she’d hurry up and get to the point of her call. Then it happened... Toni melted me with her words.
She seductively said, “Baby, when I couldn’t get in touch with you I got scared. I started thinking that you might be trying to avoid me or something.”
Talk like that was not what I needed, so I said, “Oh no. Nah, I’ll be there.”
Toni asked, “So you are still coming tonight, right?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“So what time are you coming? Lance, I miss you. It feels like I haven’t seen you in so long, and . . . I don’t know why I’m telling you this but, it’s like I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Trying hard to not get totally wrapped up into Toni words, I responded, “I’ll be there at eleven-thirty.”
Toni ended by saying, “Okay, just don’t disappoint me.”
I hung up the phone, and just like that, I had been roped back into my destructive cycle. I know that I’ve said and felt like this before, but this time I really and truly felt like a crack addict, and to me, Toni was that big bright vial of crack.
As I hung up the phone, my wife asked, “Honey, who was that?”
In my true dog form, I replied, “Oh, that was my supervisor. He was reminding me that I had to come in at twelve tonight.”
I could hear the disappointment in Nicole’s voice as she sucked her teeth and dejectedly said, “Oh yeah, I forgot you were starting that new shift tonight.”
Luckily Nicole let the issue rest. She did suggest that we put LL to bed and go make love before I left for work. Wanting to satisfy Nicole’s every need, I complied with her wish. Yeah, my wife and I made love that evening, and I made sure to put an asterisk next to that night’s sexual performance. The reason being, I almost cried while making love. See, Nicole literally burst out into tears as we were having sex, and I didn’t know what was wrong. As my wife rode on top of me, her tears trickled off my chest. The tears were flowing from Nicole’s eyes like a leaky faucet. With her voice cracking from emotion, Nicole told me that she’d just became overwhelmed with joy because she was feeling so close to me and in love with me at that moment. She also added that the tears were because, as she put it in her words, she “just loves me.”
Like I said, I, too, almost came to tears. I’m rotten to the core, but I did have some human feelings in my body. I wanted to cry because I knew that without a doubt I was still gonna listen to that demon inside of me, and in about an hour or so I knew that I would be cuddled up with Toni and possibly getting my freak on with her.
EIGHTEEN
When Toni greeted me at her door I could tell she was jubilant over my presence. Toni, who smelled fresher than a bed of roses, had on silk pajamas. She hugged
me and wouldn’t let me step into her apartment until I’d first kissed her. Although her mouth felt very refreshing, I just wasn’t into the kiss. I had been thinking about my wife’s tears of joy for the entire ride over to Toni’s crib. Sadly enough, Nicole’s tears weren’t enough to make me turn around and go back home.
Yeah, I was already at Toni’s, and I figured I might as well make the best of it. Toni could sense that something was wrong with me, I guess because I wasn’t acting as happy to see her as she was to see me. When she asked for the reason for my somber mood, I lied and told her that everything was A-OK. To myself I was like Come on, what does she think is bothering me? She knew that I was a married man. Couldn’t she just put two and two together and figure out what was troubling me?
One thing about Toni that I noticed as of late, was the fact that since our sexcapade, Toni hadn’t mentioned Nicole’s name or anything about me being married at all. I wondered if she’d just decided to block out the fact that I was married.
Toni was smelling good and looking good. She was also playing the role of an adulteress to a tee. As all kinds of thoughts were running through my head, Toni was busy sweet-talking me and making me feel like a king. Before I knew it, she had my shoes off, and she was feeding me grapes. Toni also took it upon herself, as she put it, to relieve me of the stress that I was feeling. Roles were drastically reversed compared to the last time I was at her place. Now it was I who’d become the recipient of the massage.
Toni was doing a very good job on my shoulders as she reminded me once again of how much she’d missed me. Then before I knew it she was on my lap and we were kissing. Again, roles were reversed as Toni began kissing my neck and my ears. I’m human, and to boot, I’m a man, so I was definitely getting turned on. Toni was operating smooth as hell. Like magic, she had my shirt off quicker than I could blink.