by C. M. Stone
“You’re very feminine, very nurturing, very sweet. Why do you have a problem embracing your strengths?”
“I’m not…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “Being a woman doesn’t mean I have to be a pediatrician.”
“McGaffey is probably the best trauma surgeon in this hospital, and she’s a woman.” He took a sip off his juice, wishing it was something harder. “When I suggested pediatrics to you, it really was just because I thought you’d be good at it. Nothing more to it than that.” Though now he found himself wishing she’d switch to it for entirely different reasons.
“Do you know how often male doctors are telling female med students and residents that they should do ‘girly’ medicine? Maybe you didn’t mean anything by it, but there’s a context to it all, Jackson.” She stood up to throw away her salad bowl and bottle.
He followed behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist before she could turn around. She relaxed back into him, her generously curved body fitting as if there was nowhere else she was ever meant to be. Need for her gnawed at him now that he was finally touching her again. He brushed the side of her neck with a kiss.
“I guess I didn’t think about that. I’m sorry.” He nuzzled into her hair and inhaled her scent deeply. How could she work grueling hours in a hospital day and night and yet still smell so sweet? “You follow your heart and don’t worry about whatever stupid thing I say. If this is what you want, then go for it. If you want it, you could eventually take McGaffey’s spot as the best here.”
He expected her to react warmly to the compliment, not stiffen in his arms as if he’d just said something horrible. “Jackson.” Her voice was tight around his name, maybe even holding back tears.
He released her, remembering why she wouldn’t ever take McGaffey’s spot. It’d be someone else she’d be measuring up to in Chicago. “Right. I forgot.”
She parted her lips like she was going to answer him, then stepped forward to catch him in a kiss. To his surprise, she clung to him with breathless passion, as if it were the last time they’d ever kiss at all. If a picture could speak a thousand words, then the soft strokes of lips on lips could speak volumes. He ached to lose himself in her and let common sense fall away, but not even her soft body against him could make him forget that meeting with Singh.
Outside in the hall, voices grew louder as they came closer.
“Do you know where Morales went?”
“I think a friend brought her food and she was going to eat and nap in an on-call room. Do you need her?”
The voices continued on, growing quieter again, but the reminder was enough.
Jackson jerked back from the kiss, then ran his fingers through his hair to smooth it back into place.
“I need to go.”
“Are you sure? I’ve got more time to—”
He shook his head and grabbed the doorknob. “Good night.” He shut the door behind him again while his self-preservation was stronger than the hurt look in Darla’s eyes.
Chapter Eighteen
As tiring as working overnight was, the time off afterwards to catch up on her sleep had almost been worth it. All that time lazing in bed would have been even better if Darla could have shared some of it with Jackson, but he was working for most of it and never responded to her calls later in the day.
The lack of word from him bugged her, especially after the way he’d run off from the on-call room. With her United States Medical Licensing Examination Step Three looming and her mother due to arrive the next day, she did her best not to dwell on it.
She was just finishing up some of her administrative hours at the hospital when Maggie stopped and pointed a finger dramatically at her. “Okay, give me pseudo-gout associations.”
Darla grinned. With their Step Three exam looming, they’d been bouncing their flashcards off of one another every chance they got. Except never while eating, by mutual agreement. “Hemochromatosis, hyperparathyroidism, acromegaly, and hypothyroidism. Now give me five causes of microcytic anemia.”
Maggie pursed her lips and was quiet for a moment before answering. “Iron deficiency, lead poisoning, anemia of chronic disease, thalassemia, and sideroblastic anemia.”
“You got it.”
“Woo! So did you.” Maggie high-fived her. “Medical licenses, here we come.”
“It’s still pretty weird to think that we’re almost there. We’ll still have years on our specialties, but…” Jackson walked towards her. Darla smiled, hoping whatever had bothered him before was done.
The look on his face when he saw her was difficult to read. His eyes lingered too long for simple polite interest, then tried to avoid her entirely as if he weren’t aware she was there. Before she could think about it enough to worry, Darla stepped away from the desk and Maggie.
“I’ll see you later,” she called over her shoulder, then closed the distance between herself and Jackson. “I need to talk to you.”
His eyes remained locked straight ahead. “I’m really busy right now. Can it wait?”
It had already waited too long as far as Darla was concerned. She looked around, spotting the supply closet she had hidden in during her panic attack the first day she worked with him. She closed her fingers around his arm and dragged him toward the door, expecting some sort of resistance from him. Instead, despite his verbal protests and refusal to look at her, he went with her so easily it might as well have been his suggestion.
She shut the door behind them, then leaned against it to block his escape. “Why are you avoiding me?”
Finally, his eyes met hers. The muscles in his jaw were visibly tense. “I had to lie and say we weren’t seeing each other. Then the chief threatened to fire me over that scene with Mevlyn the other day.”
Fired? That sounded drastic. Guilt twisted her stomach into knots, and she wondered just how much of the situation rested squarely on her shoulders. “If you called me when you went home, we wouldn’t have had to talk about this in the hospital.”
“Yeah, I know, but what we’re doing is making me question my judgment with you. I can’t help you learn if I’m second-guessing myself every step of the way because of what’s happening here.”
“And what’s happening?”
He brought his hand up to cup her cheek instead of answering and her eyes closed of their own volition as she leaned into his touch. It wasn’t fair at all that he had this kind of power over her. His other hand went to the small of her back to draw her closer and she felt the warmth of his lips and breath just inches from her ear.
“Complete and utter loss of control. When you’re around, all I can think about is you.” He kissed in the little hollow where her ear and jaw met, making her shiver. “You’re my kryptonite.”
Already she could feel her frustration evaporating, replaced with the heat spreading through her veins at his touch. She turned her face toward him, her lips barely glancing over his before she murmured. “See, you do have a little bit of geek in you.”
He laughed and kissed her bottom lip before giving it a small tug that made her hiss. “You’re a bad influence on me.”
“I’m not sorry.” Hadn’t getting under his skin been her goal all along? All right, true, she hadn’t planned on doing it by hopping into bed with him, but pushing him to live a little certainly felt like an accomplishment. “You needed to get that stick out of your ass.”
He pressed closer to her until she was trapped between his body and the door, a fate she couldn’t possibly complain about. The heat of his growing arousal was hot against her hip, weakening her knees until she was sure it was only his body keeping her upright.
“We really can’t keep doing this. It’ll cause problems.”
She licked her lips and rolled forward to work herself against him, rewarded with a strangled groan low in his throat. Her lips stroked over his again, her tongue just barely teasing at his bottom lip to catch a taste of him. “Who’re you trying to convince?”
Her name was almost a gr
owl on his breath before he crushed his mouth to hers. All the passion and feeling he kept bottled up inside of him nearly overwhelmed her as he unleashed it in the kiss, plundering her mouth as if his life depended on it. It was easy to be swept away with it, too easy. Her body was buzzing with need, but there was more to it than just need for his body.
She broke the kiss first, turning her head slightly to the side. He took it as an invitation to trail his lips down the side of her neck, drawing whimpers from her. Maybe for once her anxiety was working in her favor, as it kept nagging at her to think straight.
“You can’t ignore me.” The words were barely more than a whisper when she first got them out. She cleared her throat, then tried again. “I’m not some mistake you can feel bad about and avoid. I’m a person. You want me, you deal with me. Even the complicated bits.”
He pulled back from her, green eyes now dark with hunger. Several tense heartbeats passed before he nodded. “No more avoiding you.”
“Thank you.” She slid a hand up the back of his neck to bury in his dark brown hair, then pulled him in to kiss again. Her other hand went to the front of his slacks, stroking his arousal through the cloth.
He groaned and broke the kiss, his lips trailing across her cheek. “What are you doing?”
“We have some unfinished business from the on-call room.”
“The on-call room had beds.”
Her hand went still, doubt tugging at her. Maybe it was too much, but he made her feel fearless. “So that’s a no?”
“It’s just risky. I don’t even have a condom with me.”
She nodded, then offered tentatively, “I have an IUD?”
His answer was a feral growl. She bit her lip to fight back a delighted laugh at successfully tempting him, which became a quiet, stifled moan when he spun her against the door and then worked a hand down the front of her scrubs. His other hand made short work of their clothes, getting them just enough out of the way so she could feel his hot, naked flesh on hers.
“I don’t know how such a smart woman can turn me so stupid,” he breathed against her ear.
She reached back to bury her hand in his hair as she leaned into him, nuzzling his cheek. “That’s what smart women are best at.”
With a roll of his hips he entered her, making her body ache pleasantly as it stretched around him. The suddenness and risk of the situation added an urgency to every little touch that put her instantly on edge. He thrust slowly at first, giving her a moment to adjust, then began driving into her at a pace that left her breathlessly gasping.
Pinned to the door by his weight and the passion of his movements, she could barely rock to meet him. It left her acutely focused on him and the sensation of each stroke dragging along her inner walls. She wanted to wrap herself up in the warm feel of his arms around her and the earthy scent of his skin, to hold the memory of it with her. There was no future. Only this.
As his thrusts grew shorter, his hand slid down her body. He worked his middle finger over her clit in time with his thrusts, drawing her body tighter with need until she reached the breaking point. Unable to make a sound, she hissed inward through clenched teeth, shivering and rolling between him and the door. He buried his face in the side of her neck a moment later, muffling his groans.
She rested her forehead against the panel, panting. There was something so satisfying about misbehaving with him. “I can’t believe we just did that.” Darla tugged her clothes back into place and turned around to watch Jackson doing the same. A soft, giddy laugh escaped her at the absurdity of the situation.
“That was really going above and beyond ignoring Singh’s warning.” Despite the words, Jackson only looked pleased with himself. He leaned in to kiss her again, his arms sliding around her. “You make me want to break all the rules, Darla. When we’re together…it’s the only thing that matters.”
It would be so easy to just melt into him and forget the entire day, but reality was already worming its way into her head. Worry over how long she’d been gone and if anyone had noticed their departure to the closet together…
“I really do need to go.” She kissed his cheek. “I was hoping you’d come over later. I’ve got to pick my mom up from the airport tomorrow morning, but I’m still free tonight.”
He was wearing that frustratingly closed-off expression he used when he was trying to hide his feelings. “I can do that. We’re running out of time, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, I guess we are.”
He gave her a hard kiss, then walked out. Following right after him might be too obvious, so she leaned against the wall to wait. Chicago was sounding worse by the minute, but now it could be the best option to protect him.
Chapter Nineteen
An hour later, Darla still hadn’t shaken the feeling of unease. It had started out as fun with Jackson, making her feel good about herself and pulling him out of his self-imposed isolation. With her leaving, it had seemed safe, too. Maybe her feelings were at risk, but nothing else. Now she’d never felt stupider.
She took a deep breath through her nose and let it out slowly, but it did little to release the tension.
Maggie frowned and set down the flashcards on the table in the resident break room. “Are you okay? You’re breathing kinda funny.”
“Just a little upset. It’s nothing.”
Her friend looked her up and down with a skeptical eye. “That doesn’t look like nothing.”
Darla shook her head. “I just did something dumb. It’s no big deal.”
“I don’t care what stupid thing you did. Relax so you don’t have a panic attack, all right?”
“It’s not a panic attack.” She felt a little off, but knew panic attacks well enough to recognize one when it was starting. She started to check her pulse when her pager went off to summon her to the ambulance bay. “Gotta go.”
Each footfall on the run there tightened the tension in her chest until it ached, and her throat burned. She’d nearly made it to the bay when she had to stop and grab onto the wall, her vision swimming with black spots. There was no need to check her pulse now, as she could feel her heart hammering unsteadily.
Her gasping caught the attention of the staff waiting for the ambulance and several of them turned to look at her. Jackson was among them and the alarm on his face told her everything she needed to know about how bad she looked.
“Darla,” he started, stepping toward her.
The black spots spread across her vision until everything was blocked out and she felt her knees collapse under her.
…
Jackson dove forward to catch Darla before she hit her head on the hard floor, but Singh was there before him to catch her under the arms. All it left Jackson to do for the moment was stare in horror. What the hell had happened to her? She wasn’t the first resident he’d seen pass out, but that was more likely to happen in the OR than after running to meet an ambulance. Those residents didn’t normally have heart conditions, either.
“We need a gurney over here,” Singh called.
Outside, the ambulance was arriving. He helped get her onto the gurney and stepped back, knowing that he had other people to tend to but hating it all the while. “She has a mitral valve prolapse and takes a beta-blocker.”
Singh gave a short nod before speaking to a nurse. “Page cardio.”
As much as it killed him, he had to step out to meet the ambulance. It was a blessedly low-risk trauma case involving two teenagers and a nail gun, letting him get caught up in the rhythms of treatment with little chance of facing life and death decisions.
“I can understand how one of them got a nail through his hand, but I don’t get how they managed to nail themselves together after that,” his nurse commented when it was all over.
Jackson shook his head and reached up to pull the surgical cap off. “People can do amazingly stupid things. Page me when ortho is done with his hand.”
Running off to try to find out what had happened to Darla as soon as possib
le wouldn’t necessarily look good, but he couldn’t bring himself to care under the circumstances.
Singh found him first in the hall, annoyance clear on his face. “If you’re looking for Morales, she’s being sent home for the day.”
He released a heavy breath in relief. “So she’s okay?”
“You know I can’t discuss that with you.”
It was answer enough. If something had been at all questionable, they would have kept her for at least a few hours. Not just enough time for him to pull nails out of a couple of kids. Sending her home was the best possible outcome.
“I saw the look on your face when she fell,” Singh went on. “You want to be honest with me this time?”
Relief was swiftly replaced with a sinking sensation. Jackson pinched the bridge of his nose, remembering that little anxiety chant of Darla’s the day they’d met. I hate everyone and everything. Especially me. He could finally relate to it.
“We’ve been seeing each other.” Not having to lie again was at least some small consolation. “She’s planning on leaving at the end of her first year, though. I’m not going to have any long-term influence over her career.”
“That’s good for next year, DeMatteo, but that doesn’t change anything right now.”
“So don’t let me work with her again then. Hell, don’t let me ever work with residents.”
Singh shook his head. “No, that’s why the subordinate employee gets transferred. You’re more valuable. We want you sharing your skills and experience with everyone you can.”
At least that didn’t sound like he was being fired. Yet. He’d take what small victory he could get. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m not sure yet. We’ll discuss it tomorrow at our meeting.”
…
Jackson knocked at Darla’s apartment door with his free hand, which had a takeout bag hooked over his fingers. When she opened it, her eyes focused on the bottle and she raised a brow. “I don’t know if drinking is a good idea. Especially after the day I had.”