Never Enough

by Sarah Clay

  Unfortunately dancing only lasted a couple of years until mum discovered what I was up to; she’d found a poster in my school bag for the local production we were starring in, Bree and I were headlining for our age group and it was a big deal. She’d been so angry with me that night; screaming at me for hours before she sent me to my bedroom. I’d woken up a few hours later to her leaning over my bed, a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and her other hitting me. She was screaming at me that if she couldn’t achieve her goals I wasn’t going to be achieving any either. That night she’d broken three ribs and covered me in bruises. I never went back to classes again after that. I’d missed the show and wasted everyone’s time and money.

  Bree stood up from my dresser throwing said droppable panties and a backless push up bra in my direction. “Please Dee” she fake whines at me, knowing full well she’s already won. Parties may not be my thing but I’d do anything for her and I missed dancing. I sigh and rise up from my spot on my hard mattress. Cheering with triumph as she springs out of my room, off to pick out her own outfit.

  We spend the next hour or so getting ready, we’re supposed to be in Autumn right now but its definitely still warm weather and today was a beautiful day so the heats hung around tonight. Bree’s dressed in a tight black dress that stops a few centimetres to early, she’s got on strappy silver heels and her hair is up. She’s added a few curls that are hanging loose and paired the outfit with a silver clutch and big silver hoops through her ears, stating ‘The bigger the hoop, the bigger the ho.”

  I’m dressed in one of her dresses, a short red one that stops mid-thigh and is pretty tight across my chest and stomach. I really could have gone without the bra but I’m not chancing a nip slip tonight. The dress dips low in the front but that’s not what’s making me uncomfortable, there is barely anything left of it to cover my back. “Would you stop it, you look stunning and it’s just a little skin.” Turning to check out my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I cringe. “A little skin, Bree you can almost see my entire spine, I’m just going to wear something of mine.” Moving towards the door, I’m stopped when she grabs my wrist and spins me back to face her.

  “Eden Grace Miller, you are beautiful and have an amazing body you are wearing that dress.” The way she says it doesn’t leave much room for argument, but I do anyway. “I can’t pull off your wardrobe, I don’t look like…” she waits for me to finish speaking, but I don’t; so she prompts me “like who?” I just throw my hands up and down in her direction and she shakes her head at me in disappointment. “Anne really did a number on you. She’s fucked your head up Dee, but I would never lie to you...” I look down to my feet and study the black heels I’ve got looped around my ankles. Bree refused to call my mum anything other than her given name. I hate talking about my mum. For as long as I can remember I’ve never been good enough for her. I feel the familiar pain in my chest even thinking about it and raise my hand to push down on my sternum to relieve it.

  Bree grabs my hands and waits for me to meet her eyes “She’s a sad, broken, jealous bitch Dee. I will make it my mission in life to show you just how amazing you really are. But tonight just trust me.” She releases me. “You’ll definitely have Ryan’s attention.” I can’t stop the glare that I throw at her. “I don’t want his attention, he’s a complete man whore.” She laughs and pulls me back towards the mirror. She’d found out the gossip on him during the week, apparently he didn’t go to school just like Bree, instead he worked in construction. He was big on the party scene and was never seen with the same chick on his arm. “He might be, but think about all that experience.” She practically drools and I laugh “Yeah experience dialling the clinic to get his next check-up and STD panel maybe.”

  Of course Ryan was good looking, I admitted this to her the day of our run in. At the time I had no idea who he was, but his cockiness overshadowed everything else. When he sat next to me in Dukes and I saw him for the second time I realised I didn’t really give him enough credit, he was an easy 11/10 in that department. Where Ryan was overly cocky and seemed to enjoy the attention, there was something else about him. He also had this whole ‘I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about me’ thing going on. Jason on the other hand was a lot more laid back and not at all intimidating. I think Ryan had tried flirting with me a few times but I couldn’t figure out if he was or it was just teasing. In the short time we were sitting together he had two different girls come up to our table trying to pick him up.

  All while his arm was around me, well at least on the back of my chair. How desperate does that make me, trying to figure out if he was flirting with me while everyone else could see it for what it was. Friendly banter; It was cemented when he took the phone number the waitress had left behind and then followed that up by making a date with the very outgoing visitor that stopped by the table, all while sitting with me, us.

  I shake the thoughts off; I don’t need to be thinking about him. Even if he was interested, it would only invite more chaos in to my life and I can’t handle more chaos. I need stability and reassurance, none of which he could offer me based on what I’ve been able to put together. I finish setting my foundation and apply some bronzer to my cheeks and forehead. A light application of mascara and a little gloss and I’m good to go. Fluffing my hair out a little, I opt to leave my naturally wavy hair down to help cover up my back a little. But I make sure I have a hair tie with me just in case I need it. I grab my phone, keys and some cash and throw it in to the black clutch Bree left out for me beside hers and wait for her to finish up.

  As soon as we step through the front door to the townhouse we’re assaulted with so many bodies, Bree links hands with me and pulls me through the masses towards some tables with drinks and cups spread out over it. She plucks out two cups and confiscates the vodka. I laugh and know what she’s making straight away, she knows my rules one drink and I’m done. So she’s making it a good one. I look around for the Soda water, spotting some familiar bottles in a tub of ice on the floor a few metres away. Moving towards them, I bend over and try to find the right one. Just as my hand connects with it, I feel somebody else’s hand connect with my hip and step in close to me. I don’t move for a second, unsure if they think I’m someone else and haven’t realized they’re currently grinding on the wrong chick.

  When they don’t stop I stand up and try to turn but the hand on my hip holds me in place. “Damn baby, if that wasn’t the best view” is all I hear whispered into my ear. I turn my head and look over my shoulder, his average height with a slim figure, jet black hair and matching dark eyes that are only half open, lids drooping; I’m surprised he could see much out of them. His obviously high as a kite. His thin lips are turned up as he slides his other hand around me laying a hand on my stomach. I try to wiggle out of his grip but it’s no good his hands just tighten. I take a deep breath, I know from experience when someone’s this determined to keep you where you are that one wrong word will only escalate a situation, but before I can speak I’m cut off.

  “Daniels get your fucking hands off her.” I look up at the sound of his deep voice and straight in to his eyes, oh shit... Ryan’s glaring at me, I quickly look away. I have no idea what I’ve done to piss him off but if it helps get this guy’s paws off me I’ll take it. Daniels doesn’t move straight away, it’s like it takes him a few seconds to comprehend what was said and when he does he loosens his grip a fraction. “Lawson what can I do for you man? Don’t tell me she’s one of yours… I spotted her walking in she’s fair game.” It’s directed at Ryan but I’m offended that his talking about me like he gets to make the decision on my behalf. Ryan takes another step closer to us and it seems to kick in for this Daniels guy that Ryan’s not joking, he drops his hands and steps back.

  I spin around not wanting to give him the opportunity to grind up on me again. “Sorry man, didn’t realize” he says but his eyes haven’t left my body. When he lifts his eyes up to mine he drops half a smile “come find me when our boy here
’s finished with you.” I hear him laugh as he turns away, heading out towards what I assume is the backyard.

  Chapter Six

  RYAN

  I let out a deep breath, when the door had opened up and I saw who walked in I stopped talking mid-sentence, causing the guys to turn and look too. Aubree was dragging Eden through the groups of people standing around and making a bee line for the drinks table. They both looked fucking hot, but Eden’s tight little body in that dress was something else. I was taking my time roaming over her legs and arse but when she turned to walk towards the coolers set up along the wall and I saw her tits in that dress I had to take a sip of my beer.

  “Damn” was muttered beside me and I wasn’t sure who had said it, but damn was right. I wasn’t sure if she would show, but fuck was I glad she had. I wish I could have held on to that notion, but it only took a few minutes for me to notice Daniels slithering up to her. Kai Daniels was actually someone I hung around with lately but when I saw his hands on her I didn’t fucking care, friends or not. I took a step forward but Jase reached out, halting me. “What are you doing brother?” This was a weird concept for us both, I don’t normally give a fuck about any chick.

  But there was something about her. Before I could answer him I noticed Daniels hand wrap around her and tighten, she looked panicked and that’s all it took. I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and stormed forward. I couldn’t even stop the growl that come out. Eden looked up at me but immediately looked away. She still didn’t seem comfortable about the situation so I wasn’t about to leave her to handle it. As soon as Daniels met my eyes I could tell he was fucked up, eyes half mist and his reaction was slower than normal. I scowled over at him and took a step closer, he finally kicked in to gear and let her go stepping away. Eden quickly rounded shrinking in to herself a little. “Come find me when our boy here’s finished with you” he throws out as he walks away. I sigh, great, fucking fantastic.

  Moving in front of Eden, I wait for her to yell or make a dig at me but she surprises me. Raising her face to me, I’m hit with them fucking grey eyes, their glistening in the light; covered only momentarily by her long lashes as she blinks away the panic that I’d seen just minutes ago. “Thank you Ryan” she pushes out. Aubree rushes in and throws a cup in to Eden’s hand. “Holy fuckballs. Screw the soda, drink that.” I laugh over at Aubree and she winks at me turning her full attention back to Eden as she chugs the drink back in one go and then screws her face up in disgust. She’s sticking out her tongue trying to get it to come back out. “Holy shit Bree what was that? I thought It was vodka.” She’s still breathing hard, disgusted by the taste.

  Tilting my head over to Jase, he starts to filter over to us. “Oh god no, after that little showdown I just grabbed whatever was in sight.” Jase joins us at the tail end of Aubree’s admission and laughs “Edes, quite the entrance” he says while throwing his arm over her shoulders, she just rolls her eyes at him. “Yeah, who would of thought bending down to grab a drink was an open invitation.” We all laugh, but I’m still standing here slightly annoyed that Jase is touching her and she’s so comfortable with it. “Want another drink?” I ask casually looking straight at her now. “Oh no thank you, I’ll stick to water from now on.” Aubree just nods at her friend

  “Don’t let Daniels stop you from having fun, he won’t bother you again” I try assuring her. He wouldn’t even want to breathe in her direction in front of me at this point. “Oh I know, but I’m not a big drinker any way.” I catch myself nodding. She might not need another drink but if I’m going to make it through this night; I’m going to need many more. I turn and walk off to grab a beer and sit back over with Brad and Max who have been watching the whole thing with one eye while keeping their other on the girls wrapped around them; Beth, Betty ... they were B somethings.

  We’d been sitting here a couple of hours and have easily thrown back a few beers, Max is laughing at something Brad is saying, but I’m distracted by Eden talking to a group of people on the other side of the room. Jase has been introducing her and Aubree to a bunch of them and I can see all the females are sizing them both up while every fucking male’s eyes are appreciating the view. “Looks like she’s got a few of the guys interested.” Brad throws out “You going to go piss a ring around her so they know she’s yours or what?” both of them laugh as I take a slow drink from my warm beer. “Don’t know what you’re talking about man.” I know what his talking about, I’ve barely taken my eyes off of her since she got here and it’s not my normal MO at all.

  “Yeah right, she’s fucking hot man so if you’re not going to get in there, looks like I’ll get a shot.” My eyes instantly cut to his and he breaks in to a smile. Sighing out loud as I run my hand through my hair. Yeah right, so maybe I’m interested. But only for the night. I don’t offer more than that, I never will. Max and Brad start in on a conversation about how I’m only interested because she rejected me and I think their partially right, so the quicker I get her under me the quicker I can move on. I turn back to find her but she’s not where she was standing last, I sit up straighter trying to find her. “Oh fuck” Max chokes out, I look over at him, but his not looking at me.

  I follow his gaze and find what his looking at. On the dance floor. Aubree and Jason are dancing together, grinding together, any closer and they’d be putting on a show for the room. But that’s not what’s got my attention, just off to the side of them is Eden. Her back is to us and she’s thrown her hair up in a ponytail. She’s swaying softly to the music, but all I can see in the moment is her long lean, very bare, back. I swallow the last of my beer and stand. Discarding it in the bin beside me as I walk straight over to her and nudge some arsehole out of the way who’s trying to dance with her.

  She slowly raises her hands up above her again and sways her hips rougher. I can tell her eyes are closed and I take the time to watch her up close. I don’t last long before stepping in closer and putting my hands on her hips. I feel her freeze a little before I lean in to her whispering “Don’t stop Birdy” she realizes who it is, but she doesn’t respond straight away. Until slowly, so fucking slowly she starts to move again. Moving in closer, I follow along with her matching every move. Leaving one hand on her hip I let my other slip around her and splay across her stomach pulling her back flush up against my front. She keeps dancing, but there’s no way she doesn’t feel how turned on I am. Although she’s not acknowledging it.

  After a few songs I take matters in to my own hands. Spinning her around so she’s facing me. Her hands fly up to my biceps steadying herself. Mine are resting around her now, just against her lower back. Leaning down so our noses are so close their grazing. She’s stopped dancing now and I can feel her shallow breathes coming out against my skin. She’s looking at me intently. I notice the flush on her cheeks, before I see her eyes pinch together. The wheels are starting to turn. I think she’s going to stop this, stop me. Before I can even think about it I’ve pulled her that fraction closer and I’m lowering my lips to hers, she pulls back a little but not enough to make me let go.

  I lower my lips to hers again and slowly work my lips against hers, nipping and kissing. Enjoying the softness of them. The sweet taste of berries with a mix of the Alcohol she’d had earlier. Letting my tongue drift out and across her top lip urging her to open for me, I move my hands away from the skin on her lower back and up to her face. Angling her face up to me more so I can take more of her. Hesitantly, she opens her mouth to me and I lace my tongue with hers. The second I do she moans in to my mouth, leaning in. I grind in to her and deepen the kiss. Easing back a little I nip at her lips, softly bitting down on her bottom lip. I drop a hand away and reach around to her arse, gripping it tightly as I grind in to her.

  I can’t help the groan I let out. I’m about to take her hand and pull her off the dance floor and somewhere more private when she pulls away from me. I look down at her as we’re both catching our breath. I watch as her fingers come up to her mouth, I’m not even sur
e she realises she’s doing it. She rubs at her lips, that slowly turn in to a frown. Creases forming around her eyes. “What’s wrong?” she quickly drops her hand, shaking her head. “I can’t” it’s a whisper but I still hear her. I’m sure I should have a witty rebuttal but I don’t; so I just say what I’m thinking. “You can.” Winking down at her. I see the smile spread across her face and then that damn dimple appears. But she’s still shaking her head.

  I take her hand and pull her behind me, down towards the study that’s located on the first floor in the back corner. Opening the door, I look in to make sure it’s empty. Pulling her through the door and kicking it closed behind us as I lean up against it.

  Taking a few steps in, she’s looking around the room, taking it all in. “Why not?” I finally ask her. She doesn’t look at me just traces her finger tips over the dark executive desk positioned in the middle of the room. “I’m sorry. I’m just, I’m not interested” I scoff at that and she finally looks up scowling at me “I’m not. We’re from two very different worlds Ryan. Go find someone else. you’ve got plenty of options out there waiting.” I stand up straight and stalk the few steps between us. I notice her face morph from annoyance to worry, then fear, and I freeze. “I’m not going to hurt you Eden” I spit out, annoyed that she’d even think so.

  She straightens her spine with a fake confidence “What, I know. I’m Just… I’m not interested in being anyone’s one-night stand.” She’s not fooling me, not with her fake bravado. But maybe she’s really not interested. Girls like her are probably looking for the long term set up, with dates and romance and flowers. I roll my eyes at that; I’m interested but I’ll never be that guy. I’ll never give anyone the power to make me love them and then watch them turn around and walk out the door; not again.