Never Enough
Page 7
I didn’t know it at the time but I met my best friend that day and she hadn’t even known how much the gesture had meant to me. She’d asked me how I’d hurt my arm and instead of lying to her I’d said I didn’t want to talk about it. But over the coming weeks I’d told her little bits about my home life and she was really sad for me, but I’d made her pinkie promise she wouldn’t tell anyone. Aubree had kept the promise and instead of telling anyone, she was always coming up with genius ways to get me out of the house and away from my mum instead.
Looking beside me I see Ryan’s sleeping form. We’d stayed up and talked until late last night, laughing at silly memories we both had. I’d learnt more about his work in construction, like how he did it because he enjoyed using his hands and liked to make something that was solid and permanent. Go figure. His favourite colour was black, his favourite food was spaghetti and his favourite animal was a dog. He told me more about his childhood and all the fun things he and Jason got up to. I’d given him a hard time about causing havoc for his poor Gran but he’d laughed it off telling me how his Gramps would just smooth it over for them.
I’d shared some stories about Bree and I, about holidays I spent with her and her family. We’d talked about photography and my favourite arts teacher at school. Of course he’d asked the basics too; favourite colour, blue and favourite food, cake. When he’d noticed me yawning he’d grabbed my hand and dragged me behind him and back to his room; nudging me down on to his bed. I’d tried to get up and tell him I’d walk home, but he’d just told me to go to sleep before climbing in next to me. Him still in jeans and me now back in my own clothes. I’d snuggled in to his blankets and I’m sure it hadn’t even taken 5 minutes before I was out.
But now I needed to move, I wanted to get up and back to my apartment. Change in to my running gear and hit the pavements. Shuffling out of his bed about as subtly as a baby rhino. Thankfully he didn’t move an inch. Tip toeing to his door I quietly open it and step out closing it just as quietly. Slowly stepping down the hall and out in to the lounge so I could grab my things and make my exit. But I stifle a scream as I see Jase sitting at the bench working on his laptop, I peek towards the clock on the stereo it reads 6:00am. Damn, this guy.
He looks over and grins at me but I just glare back. Shifting over to the coffee table I grab my phone and keys. I go to walk past him and towards the door but he reaches out and grabs my arm. The same one I’d just dreamt about being broken; I flinch and he quickly let’s go. Swivelling around on the chair he looks me over “His going to be pissed if he wakes up and you’re not here.” I hadn’t even thought about that, “It’s not like that” I stutter out. I just needed to go; I needed to run. “If it was anyone else he’d be pissed if they were still here, but not you” is all I get in return. I look over at Jase, about to ask him what he means by that. Instead, I spot the post-its next to him. Leaning over him, I grab a pen. Scribble out a note and rip it off the pad. I walk in to the kitchen and stick it bang in the centre of their fridge. Turning back around I don’t meet Jase’s eyes, just give a little wave and walk out of the apartment.
Chapter Thirteen
EDEN
I hadn’t heard from Ryan much over the weekend, I did get a text Saturday night asking me how my run was. I’d replied telling him it was good. Because what was I really going to say, run was shit I couldn’t get out of my own head even though I ran most of the morning and now I’m sitting at home nursing sore feet. Bree had come home briefly and asked me to go out for dinner and then out for drinks and dancing with her and the guys but I’d declined, telling her I had work and assignments to do. She didn’t call my bluff and I was grateful for it.
But now it was Monday and I was sitting in class with Jase, fielding questions left and right. “So wait you didn’t sleep together?” this is about the third time his asked for clarification. “Nope.” I was working on an essay that I needed to finish so it could be handed in before the end of class. “And you spilt beer on your clothes?” I nod “Yep.” I hear him mumble under his breathe but I don’t acknowledge it. “And then you slept over… in his bed?” nodding again “Huh” I’m not sure he meant to say it out loud so I continue working, a few minutes later he speaks again. “And then you had a bad dream?”
I freeze, stopping my pen mid-sentence. Peeking over at him trying to obtain how he would know that. “Your note said you’d gone for a run, with what I overheard at your apartment I just put two and two together” he says it slowly like he thinks I’m about to bolt. Looking back down at my paper I just nod again. Hearing him sigh beside me. “You can talk to me about it you know” I don’t acknowledge him. So he reaches out and stops me from writing again, I look over to his concerned face “You can talk to me Eden.” I know I can, I may not have known him for as long as I have Bree or Zeke, but in this case its definitely a quality over quantity type scenario. I’m pretty sure I could talk to Jase about anything, but I’m embarrassed and I guess I’m not ready to open up about it with him. I smile up at him and he pokes the dimple on my cheek causing us both to laugh.
After class Jase takes me out for a coffee and then back to his place so we could both study. He had a lot more to do then me because he was doing a double major. I had become pretty comfortable at their apartment, and was sprawled across their lounge watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air on Netflix when my stomach started to growl, it wasn’t quite dinner time but I figured I had just enough time to whip us up something easy so there would be food when Jase came up for air. I stand, wandering in to their kitchen; he didn’t even notice me move, totally engrossed in the book in his lap.
Shifting through their cupboards and fridge I take a mental stock take of what I could cook. I felt a bit uneasy about going through their stuff, but on different occasions I’d been told to help myself. I was hoping they wouldn’t mind. I don’t know how to cook much; but I had been eagerly learning since moving out of home and having my own money to spend on groceries. I noticed they had all the ingredients for a very basic spaghetti and thankfully, I knew how to make it. Grabbing out all the items I’d need along with some pots, a cutting board and a knife; I set to work.
Thirty minutes later I hear the stool shift at the kitchen island and look up to see Jase sitting down. I quickly finish up drying the last pot, before putting it away in its reserved place. Spinning around I spot him looking over the food, appraising it; Inhaling a deep breath. “Does it meet the smell test?” I joke. I’d dished up two plates of food and put the left overs in to a container for Ry not knowing what time he would be home. I had kind of hoped I’d see him while I was here after not hearing from him all weekend. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t expecting anything, just hoped.
Jase jumped up reaching for the cutlery, “smells awesome Edes, you didn’t need to do all this.” I feel myself blushing a little at the compliment but just shrug it off. I’m just about to take a seat besides the one Jase just vacated when I hear their apartment door open, but instead of one set of footsteps, I hear two and it makes me look up. Standing in the entry way is the always attractive Ryan Lawson, of course my eyes go to him first; but it’s hard not to look at the girl hanging off him. She’s stunning, long legs, big breasts, long dark hair and a tiny little waist. Ryan is looking between Jase and I when he notices the meal on the benchtop; his favourite.
I don’t know why it hurt to see him with her, he and I weren’t a couple. We weren’t anything, but it doesn’t stop the feelings that are coming to mind. I look back at her, hoping if I stare at her long enough I’ll be able to figure out what she has that I don’t, why she’s good enough and I’m not. I realise I’ve been staring a little too long when Jase’s cough brings me back to attention. I quickly spin, walking in to the lounge room and collecting my bag that I’d stuffed everything in to earlier. I spin back around and see no one has moved. “Hey guys” I finally acknowledge Ryan and his friend.
“I uh... I made dinner for you guys, sorry Ryan I didn’t know you were hav
ing company or I would have dished up a third plate” I shrug and try to force out a smile “There’s left overs in the container though so I’m sure you can figure that out” The girl smiles at that, stepping towards the kitchen, Ryan doesn’t move but Jase does. “Wait, Edes Stay” he throws a look at his brother and then back to me. “It’s okay, I should really get home, I’ve got a couple of things I need to finish on my assignment before class tomorrow.” It’s a lie, I know it and so does he. Ryan doesn’t and thankfully Jase just nods as he walks over and wraps me in a tight embrace. I smile at him and walk towards the door but before I make it that far, Ryan stops me; reaching out and grabbing my wrist. We’re side by side where we stand and I look over at him, he meets my eyes “You made my favourite” I’m not sure if it’s a question or a statement. Shrugging I shake out of his grip “You had all the ingredients” he frowns a little but I don’t hang around to hear what he has to say. I give him a little wave and walk out of their apartment.
Chapter Fourteen
RYAN
I’d just sent my guest packing, I wasn’t feeling it after walking in to the apartment and seeing Eden and my favourite dish on the bench. Sitting down next to Jase, I pull the plate closer breathing it in, it smells fucking good. I pick up the fork and start eating, but it doesn’t take Jase long to ruin the silence we’ve got going on. “She made Spaghetti” he notes. “Tastes like it” I throw back. The night Eden had ended up staying over we had spoken about our favourite things, I was surprised she took note. “She slept in your bed” he obviously already knows this, apparently he was up when she had left.
All I remember is going to sleep next to her and waking up without her, I wasn’t proud of my next actions. I hadn’t even stopped to think, just grabbed my lamp and threw it against the closest wall; watching it shatter all over the floor. A few seconds later Jase had walked in pushed a piece of paper in to my chest and turned around walking straight back out and closing the door behind him. I’d read the note ‘Didn’t want to wake you, gone for a run...’ I felt little relieve, but then remembered Jase saying something about her running after she’s had bad dreams. I’d wanted to call her but I’d stopped myself. Sure last night was fun in a messed up kind of way, I could talk to her about things with no judgement and she was kind of unreal. But I had nothing to offer her, nothing had changed since last night. I wasn’t about to change that and so I’d spent the day lounging around the apartment.
By the time night time came around, I still hadn’t heard from her, not that I was supposed to. But I wanted to know she was ok so I sent off a quick message asking her how her run was. I’d got back a one-word reply ‘good’ and that was that. I hadn’t seen her since falling asleep with her. And now hear we sit eating a meal she’d just cooked. “No one sleeps in your room, in your bed” Jason finally finishes, I shrug as I keep smashing back the pasta. “Your little friend looked very similar to a mutual friend of ours, a certain someone” he says raising his brows at me.
I know what his getting at. Yeah she had looked similar to Eden, but there was no comparison. Eden won hands down. Where this chick was hot, it was a made up hotness, she worked to look like that. Whereas Eden didn’t even have to try. Just the sight of her in my clothes, messy hair tied on top of her head and flushed face had my cock hardening. “Don’t know what you want me to say little brother” he laughs at that. 11 minutes might not be much, but it still warranted the little brother card every once in a while. “What are we 12-year-old girls, do you want to sit around analysing my life and braiding each other’s hair or do you want to finish our meal and watch me kick your arse at Pro Evolution?”
We’d been playing for about 2 hours when a knock comes at the door, neither of us move. “It’s open” we both shout out in unison. I hear the door open and click shut and then Aubree appears next to the couch. She’s looking around for something, what; I have no idea. Until Jase chimes in “She’s not here” Aubree breathes out a sigh of relief and plops down on the couch next to Jase. We keep playing for a little bit until I win the round. Jase mutters something about being distracted and then flicks it over to see what’s on TV. Looking over to Aubree, I notice her staring at me, she doesn’t look away just keeps staring.
Finally, it gets the best of me. “What Aubree?” This startles her a little, “What are you doing Ryan?” I’m confused by her question and she knows it. “What are you doing with Eden?” I roll my eyes. “I’m not doing anything with her” it’s the truth, while my head may be constantly replaying images of her naked and in my bed, I’m not actually doing anything with her. “Cut the crap, you want her or you don’t?” She cuts straight to the point. “Oh I want her alright” I wink but she doesn’t bite. “You want her long term or just for the night?” Sighing I decide to answer her as honestly as I can “I don’t want anyone long term and I’m not going to take her virginity for the night for her to wake up the next day and not understand that there isn’t going to be a next time, she deserves better” Aubree sighs “You’re right, she does deserve better.” She leans over and pecks my brother on the cheek before standing and walking to his room. “Wait Eden’s a virgin?” I hear my brother ask as I let out a long exhale.
Chapter Fifteen
RYAN
For the last couple of weeks everything had been pretty normal, well normal prior to Eden. She hadn’t been back to the apartment while I was there and I hadn’t run in to her while I was out. The guys had told me she had come to a couple of parties they had thrown, but never on the same nights I was there. I’d wanted to text her or call even, but I knew it was for the best. Even if I was curious as fuck what she was up to and who she was up to it with. Work had been hectic and I’d been working long days, I’d come home and Jase either had the boys over or Aubree, if he wasn’t home he was over at their apartment hanging out with the girls. I’d broke a couple of times asking Aubree how Eden was, she’d always give me as little as possible; normally just a simple, “She’s good.”
Apparently she’d been handpicked for a big project the paper was doing on Alcoholism and would be the only photographer for the project. She wasn’t going to accept it initially, which confused me but once she heard how well the job was paying she couldn’t turn it down. I was happy for her, I’d still yet to see much of her stuff. I had however gotten myself a subscription to The Sydney Herald and was stock piling the papers that included her photos. She was good, great even. I don’t know much about taking photos but she captures everything in hers, you really feel like you’re there in the moment.
Tonight when I’d hit Aubree up for more information about Eden she had rolled her eyes at me, but gave in pretty easily, something about “You Lawson boys and your pretty faces, it’s hard to say no to you” garnering a laugh from both Jase and I. She’d told me if Eden wasn’t working she was studying and if she wasn’t studying she was at University and if she wasn’t doing any of the above she’d been hanging out with Zeke, Aubree’s brother; and a few of his friends. Apparently he was back in town for a bit and had been hanging around the apartment a fair amount.
I scowl at that titbit and Aubree laughs at me, Jase just rolled his eyes. But when she told me Eden was running a lot more; all annoyance left me replaced with worry. I’d remembered Jase telling me about her feet and I assumed it was incorrect footwear. So when Jase went back to Aubree’s with her I’d asked him to take a look at what size shoe she wore. When I got a message an hour or so ago saying ‘7’ I’d immediately gone online and brought 3 pairs of Nikes all different styles but all in her favourite colour, blue. They we’re being delivered to her apartment in 3-5 working days.
I’d just stepped in to the apartment and already I could hear lots of laughing and conversation, kicking off my boots as I walk in to the lounge room. I notice Max on one recliner and Jason and Aubree cuddled up on another. Brad’s on the sofa; But my attention freezes on the body sitting under his arm, Eden. Not sure which I’m feeling more, happy to see her or pissed off Brad and
her are sitting so close together.
Brad’s arm is wrapped around her casually as she plays Call of Duty up on the PlayStation. “Take that Maxibon bits” she shouts as she takes him out with one shot. Everyone laughs including Max but I’m still glued to the spot surprised to see her here. I take another step in to the room, worried it might just be a figment of my imagination. “Hey man you’re home” Jase calls out, causing everyone to turn including Eden. I’m still staring at her and I notice Brad’s arm hasn’t moved. “Yep all done for the day, what are you kids up to?” I joke and Eden smiles but before anyone answers Max jumps up and hollers “Wow! That’s right Edie Bear, who wins, that’s right Maxy Boy” he drops the controller on the recliner and jumps around on the spot doing a little dance, I smile, shaking my head at his antics.
“That’s not fair, I wasn’t watching” Max laughs back at her, winking over at me “Oh don’t pout Eden” she picks up her bottom lip and laughs up at him “Alright I quit, B to the Rad, teach him how it’s done.” Max scoffs and takes back his seat while Aubree and Jason laugh at them. Finally, not a minute to soon, I watch Brad remove his arm from around her and take the controller. I step past them and sit on the only vacant seat, right beside Eden.
We watch them for a couple of minutes and when everyone is fully entranced by the display of nerdy masculinity going on, Eden nudges my shoulder. Peering over at her, my brows drawn in in question. She gives me one of her smiles, dimple displayed; and then looks down to her feet. “Thanks for the shoes Ry.” I smile down at them, they arrived and she’s wearing them. She’s here, it makes me ridiculously happy to see her again. I don’t read in to it thought, just enjoy it. “You didn’t have to do that” I look back up at her stunning face and shake my head “I don’t like why you run, but if you’re going to do it you at least need to have some decent footwear to do it in.” She drops her gaze from me and I’m worried I’ve gone and upset her, She’s only just come back and I don’t want her to take off. “You know, I’m a pretty good runner” I start “I could go with you sometime” She finally brings them beautiful eyes back to mine but she’s chewing on her bottom lip. “I kind of like to run alone, I’m trying to get out of my own head for a few hours and when I’m with someone it just doesn’t happen” I wonder for a second what she’s trying to run away from but she speaks again.