Penny blushed. “Thanks. Let’s just say that I’ve witnessed situations like this before and there are always hard feelings. If we can help Julianne avoid any of that and make her day perfect for her, then it’s all worth it.”
“You’ve dealt with difficult mother-daughter relationships?” Hailey queried, realizing how little she knew about Penny’s personal life.
“I am the youngest of seven daughters,” Penny said with a small smile. “Believe me when I say I’ve witnessed a lot. All of my sisters are married and none of their weddings were easy.”
“Seven daughters! Oh, my! Your poor father!” Hailey said with a light laugh. “He was completely outnumbered!”
“I have two brothers, but yeah. He was definitely outnumbered. And if you listen to him now, he’s broke from paying for all those weddings,” Penny said and Hailey noticed there wasn’t a lot of amusement in her tone.
“Were all the weddings close together?”
Nodding, Penny explained, “They were all about a year-and-a-half to two-years apart. My parents didn’t pay for everything, but still…weddings aren’t cheap.”
“Don’t I know it! And what about you? Are you planning on getting married any time soon?”
Penny looked down at her hands as she shook her head. “No…I’m not even dating anyone. Dad keeps saying how I’ll be his favorite if I decide to elope when the time comes.” She looked up at Hailey. “And I don’t think he’s kidding.”
That made Hailey’s heart hurt a little. “I’m sure when the time comes he’ll change his mind.”
But Penny just shrugged. “Maybe,” she said quietly. “But it’s nothing to worry about right now. I’m single and I’m perfectly happy helping other people plan their weddings.”
“And you’re doing a great job,” Hailey said reassuringly. Then she looked at her phone and noted the time. “Come on, let’s go and see if Becca needs any help with the refreshments. The Burkes are due to arrive in a little while.”
And as they walked out of the office, Hailey let Penny lead the way to Becca’s little café and felt like she just may have found the next generation for Enchanted Bridal.
****
An hour later, Melinda Burke was modeling her first gown.
“It’s fabulous, isn’t it?” she asked excitedly as she studied her reflection. “I mean it’s just perfect! I probably shouldn’t have had that scone, but they’re my favorite and one can’t hurt too much, right? Oh, I’m so happy!”
Julianne and Harper exchanged looks and weak smiles. Julianne had to admit that the gown looked great on her mother, but…
“Now don’t stop there, Mrs. Burke,” Penny said as she stepped forward. “While this dress does look stunning on you, we have quite a few others for you to try on. It’s important that you make an informed decision and have a few options to choose from.”
“Oh…well,” Melinda said, but Julianne could tell that her mother wasn’t completely convinced.
“I think it’s a great idea, Mom. This dress is very nice but for all you know, there could be something else out there that looks even better!”
It took a few more minutes and a lot of dialogue from Hailey, Penny and Angie, but eventually Melinda went back to the dressing room to try on another gown. When she was finally out of earshot, Julianne picked up her drink and turned to Harper. “God bless those girls. I know I wouldn’t want to be back there with her right now.”
“Me either,” Harper agreed. “I don’t know why she’s so fixated on that damn dress. It’s nice and all, but…”
“Well, she fell in love with it years ago and never wore it. Hell, I don’t think she even tried it on back then. All she had was a picture in a magazine.”
“Yup. And yet it meant so much to her that she’s been holding on to it all this time. Great.”
“That does seem to be a thing with her,” Julianne murmured. They sat in silence for a minute and then she wanted to kick herself for what she was about to ask. “So how did your date with Brady go?”
Harper took a sip of her own drink and smiled the smile of a very happy woman. “It was amazing – they all were.”
“All? I thought you just went to dinner on Tuesday? You didn’t mention going out with him again.” Damn, could she sound any more defensive?
Harper gave her a funny look. “Well…we did. And you said you were busy this week with helping Gavin’s folks with the remodel.” She paused and got more comfortable. “We went and grabbed a couple of burgers Tuesday night and we had a great time. He’s really sweet and funny and I was pleasantly surprised by the whole thing.”
“Why? I mean, Brady always seemed like a great guy. Why would you think otherwise?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. It was my own personal mental block, but I’m happy to say that he’s proved me wrong.”
“Oh…well…good. Good for you,” Julianne said stiffly.
A loud sigh came out of Harper as she put her champagne glass down. “Okay, out with it. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You are such a lousy liar,” she said wearily. “Something is clearly bothering you about this whole situation, so can you spare us both the drama and just tell me what it is?”
How could she explain something that she barely understood herself?
Things with Gavin were great – they’d always been great. He was attentive and complimented her all the time, but they were in love and that’s what he was supposed to do! And right now at this point in her life, was it so wrong to want someone else to think she was beautiful without her having to go out and actually ask them if she was?
The whole thing gave her a headache.
Self-confidence was never as much of an issue as it seemed to be lately. This wedding really was making her crazy.
“Jules? Come on. Out with it,” Harper prompted.
She glared at her sister. “I really don’t want to talk about this.” And just as she saw her sister start to talk, Penny came running from the dressing room and past them. “Uh-oh…”
“That can’t be a good sign,” Harper agreed. “You think Mom’s giving them a fight over the other dresses?”
“Why else would Penny be running away?”
“Can I ask you something?”
It was clear from the look on her face that Harper knew she was changing the subject.
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Do you think it’s crazy that this wedding planning is annoying me this much?”
Harper’s first response was to laugh. “Um…no. I don’t think it’s crazy at all. You’re a bit of a control freak and I know it has to be killing you that you have to listen to so many other opinions.”
While it would have been easy to get annoyed or offended by that statement, it was right on point. “Okay, but…most brides can handle it. They may get upset every once in a while, but this is really becoming an issue for me.”
“What are you trying to say, Jules? That it’s all getting to be too much? That you don’t want to get married? Because take it from me, you don’t want to do that. Mom will never let you live it down. She loves Gavin. She hated all the guys I broke up with and yet she still brings them up. I can’t even imagine what she’d do with a broken engagement to the perfect man.”
Julianne let the perfect man comment go for the moment.
“I’m not saying I want to break up with Gavin,” she said quietly, fearful their mother might hear some of this conversation. “I just…it’s making me feel…weird.”
“Yeah, I don’t know what that means,” Harper stated. “I already know you have rage and that’s why you started the boxing thing. What else is there?”
Where did she even begin?
“You know what? It’s nothing. I couldn’t put it into words even if I tried and…”
Penny came running by again – this time with a gown flying behind her – and ran into the dressing room.
“That poor girl,
” Harper said. “I bet she drew the short straw on that one.”
“No doubt.” They grew silent again. “Harps?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you ever just wish people saw what was best about you?”
“Um…”
“Like that they’d see more than a pretty face or a good body and maybe…like you for it?”
“What are you talking about? Did someone say something to upset you or something?”
Julianne sighed. “Ugh…I’m not saying this right.”
“Honestly, I don’t know what you’re saying,” Harper murmured and reached for her mimosa again. “Use your words, Jules. Don’t try to make it pretty and flowery. Just say what’s on your mind.”
“Is it wrong to want people – men – to find you attractive?” she blurted out.
Harper’s eyes went wide. “Oh…um…I…I don’t think it’s wrong, per se…I mean it would be wrong if you were walking around in your underwear to get attention. Or standing on a street corner trying to lure men to you. But in general, I don’t think it’s wrong. It’s the reasoning behind why it’s important to you that can determine whether it’s right or wrong.”
“Now I’m not following you,” Juliane said and picked up a strawberry.
“Okay, no matter what anyone says, we all want to look good,” Harper reasoned. “We get dressed and we look at ourselves in the mirror and we want to look nice – whether it’s for work or to go out with friends or just to run errands. No one is really okay with going out looking like a slob.”
“I think that is kind of debatable, but go on…”
“It’s part ego, part peer pressure,” Harper went on. “But the bottom line is that it feels good when we put an effort into our appearance and others notice it.”
“O-kay…”
“But, if you’re doing it to catch someone’s attention – someone of the opposite sex who is not your…say…fiancé…then you need to ask yourself why? Why are you doing it? Is the relationship in trouble? Is there a deeper hidden issue here?”
“Okay, let me clarify something here – I’m not going out of my way to get anyone’s attention,” Julianne started and was proud of herself for not sounding defensive this time. “However, is it wrong that I was disappointed when I found out someone who I thought was interested in me, wasn’t?”
“Oh, God,” Harper said with a quiet laugh. “Jules, that’s totally normal. Again, it’s ego or vanity or whatever, but we all have it. But you, my dear sister, have to know that you are smoking hot and most men’s tongues fall out of their mouths when they look at you. So if one guy in like…a million…doesn’t find you attractive, then so what? What’s the big deal?”
That was the million-dollar question.
“I think…I think because so much of my life is out of control right now – out of my control – that it just hit me harder than it should have,” Julianne said honestly. “Everyone’s second-guessing my every decision and I’m not used to that. So maybe…maybe I was just a little more sensitive about the situation than I should have been.”
Harper leaned over and hugged her. “You know you’re a beautiful woman. And all this wedding stuff is temporary. In the end, you’re getting married to a great guy who loves you and practically worships the ground you walk on. It’s perfect! And you’re going to be this amazing bride and everyone’s going to look at you and be envious so really…you need to relax. It’s all going to be okay. I promise.”
They shifted positions until Julianne rested her head on Harper’s shoulder. “You really think so?”
“I do. I really do. You’re going to have the best wedding and a wonderful marriage and no one can take that away from you.”
“But I’m telling you this isn’t the dress I want!” Melinda cried out from the dressing room.
Both sisters started to laugh. “Well…maybe one person can,” Harper said and all Julianne could do was sigh.
Nine
Natalie rolled over, looked at the bedside clock and quietly sighed.
Two a.m.
A lone tear rolled down her cheek as she thought about the current state of her marriage, her life.
For some reason, she thought that after their night of angry sex, things would get better with Jayce – that he’d realize how he needed to help more around the house and not take her for granted. She brought the topic up often enough in the last two weeks and instead of him listening to her, they had sex.
Wild, angry sex.
It was almost as if he came home every night and did things specifically to piss her off so they could fight and then…do it.
It was no longer sexy.
It was no longer fun.
It was sad and empty and…humiliating.
Who was this man she was married to? Where did her sweet, mild-mannered husband go? Was this something he had always enjoyed and just…kept it hidden away? Thought she wouldn’t enjoy it? Or worse – was he doing stuff like this with someone else? She’d never had any reason to believe Jayce was unfaithful to her, but she also didn’t think it was possible for him to morph into this kind of man after just one fight.
Although…hadn’t she morphed into the kind of woman who liked it after just one fight?
All she wanted to do was talk to him – just talk! – and he somehow managed to turn everything into a fight. They barely had one civil conversation in weeks and it didn’t matter how much she begged and pleaded and cried, her own body betrayed her and she would cave to him with little more than a look or a touch.
This wasn’t who she wanted to be and it certainly wasn’t the kind of marriage she wanted.
And it was killing her.
She glanced toward her closet and thought of the bags she packed and hid in there earlier. She promised herself that if things didn’t change tonight, she was leaving. And sure enough, after dinner, she had asked Jayce about going to her parents’ house this weekend for her father’s birthday and he argued about how weekends were his time to be home and relax and how he hated how she made plans for them without talking to him first.
And here they were.
The thought of leaving her bed, her home, and her husband was terrifying, and it meant the end of the dream she’d convinced herself she was living. If she had the guts to talk to anyone about this, they’d tell her to seek marriage counseling before simply giving up. But she was too embarrassed to talk to anyone. There was no way she was going to be able to talk to her mother about this – even at twenty-six she didn’t want to have any kind of sex talk with her. Julianne was dealing with her own issues and planning her wedding. There was no way Natalie wanted to be the one to shatter the illusion of how hard and disappointing marriage could be.
And that’s when she realized she didn’t have any close friends. For all of her talk about her amazing bridal party and their once-a-month brunches, she didn’t feel close enough to any of them to share this struggle.
Or maybe she was just so embarrassed and humiliated that she didn’t want anyone to know.
She’d be lying if she didn’t say it was more because of option number two.
Sitting up, she couldn’t stand it any longer. There was no way she could lie in the same bed with Jayce and pretend everything was all right. She just couldn’t. Quietly, she rose and went to her dresser and pulled out a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt and slipped them on. Then she went into the bathroom and stared at her own reflection.
She didn’t even recognize herself anymore.
There were shadows under her eyes and Natalie thought she looked much older than she had mere weeks ago. She forced herself to look away and began gathering her toiletries. She turned the light out and went to slip that last bag into her suitcase.
Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness and she stared at Jayce as he slept. Her heart ached and it felt like a part of her was dying. He was her first true love. Her white knight. Her Prince Charming. And a part of her knew he always would be.
But ri
ght now, she didn’t want to love only part of him and didn’t want to be loved by only a part of him. She wanted it all. She wanted the fairy tale that she was promised.
She wanted her old life back – the one where they talked to each other and listened. The one where they laughed instead of fought.
The one where he showed her tenderness rather than anger.
There were women out there who really dealt with another form of anger and Natalie knew she was fortunate that her husband never raised a hand to her physically. But it was only a matter of time before the verbal sparring went from a sick form of foreplay to something more.
Something too dark to come back from.
It was time for her to go.
Jayce was a heavy sleeper, but she still moved as quietly as possible as she picked up her two small suitcases and walked out of their bedroom. When she got down the stairs, she found her purse and pulled out the letter she wrote for him, which would tell him how unhappy she was and why she was leaving. No doubt he’d pretend this was all brand-new information and call her to tell her she was overreacting.
That’s why her phone was shut off.
That’s why she wasn’t telling him where she was going.
And as she slipped out the front door and loaded her bags into her car, she knew he’d be too lazy to try to find her anyway.
There weren’t any cars on the road and for a while, she drove aimlessly. After all, where could she go at this hour where she wasn’t going to wake somebody up? She had no plan. For all of her packing and swearing that she needed to get away, she never came up with a destination. There were plenty of hotels in Raleigh and that would be the most logical place for her to go – plus, she wouldn’t be waking anyone up by checking in to one right now.
And, if she had to find a positive note, no one at any hotel knew her. She wouldn’t have to say that she just left her husband or that her marriage was over. Hell, the front desk clerk probably wouldn’t give a damn why she was checking in at three in the morning. That was definitely appealing.
The Bridal Squad Page 16