“Paige did an amazing job with the decorations,” Callie said. “The black-and-white theme is so cool. She told me what to do and I just followed her directions.” She turned to Jacob. “Do you like it?”
Jacob nodded. “Yeah, you guys did a great job.” He looked away and tipped his head at Troy and the other guys who were on the couch stuffing their faces. “I’m gonna go talk to them for a sec,” he said to Callie.
“Okay,” she said.
Jacob walked away and Callie turned to me. “Omigod, this is going to the best party ever. You’ve got a zillion presents and everyone’s here just for you.”
“Except Eric,” I said. “But he should be here any second. Let’s get some sparkling cider while we wait for him.”
We grabbed two champagne flutes and I lifted the cider out of the silver ice bucket.
“Allow me.”
I turned to find Eric standing behind Callie and me.
“Hey!” I said, wrapping my arms around him.
“Happy birthday, Sasha,” he said in my ear.
He took the cider from me and poured glasses for Callie and me before filling a glass for himself.
“Let’s toast,” Callie said. “To my best friend on her thirteenth birthday. I hope you have the wonderful night that you deserve!”
“Cheers!” Eric said. We raised our glasses and clinked them together. I looked at them and finally felt completely secure—this was going to be the best party ever.
Jacob headed toward us and my heart started beating faster.
“Um, let’s go try Paige’s food,” I said to Callie. I grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the snack table, almost causing her to spill her drink.
Callie and I walked over to the table with a black tablecloth that sparkled with silver glitter. Paige had made a variety of sandwiches cut into tiny triangles, a cheese plate, and fruit salad.
While Callie and I put food on our plates, I kept one eye on everyone else. Jas had moved to get a glass of cider, Eric and Jacob were at opposite ends of the room, Paige was floating from group to group playing hostess, and Callie was with me. Phew!
Callie and I sat on the couch and indulged in Paige’s food.
“She could drop out of school today and go full time on The Food Network for Kids,” Callie said.
“I know,” I said. “She could. These cucumber sandwiches are amazing.”
Callie finished her food and started to stand. I shoved the rest of my fruit salad in my mouth, starting to jump up after her.
“Saaasha!” Nicole, my friend from the stable, said as she stepped up to me. “Happy birthday!”
“Thanks,” I said. I started to weave around her to follow Callie in case she went to talk to Eric, but Nicole reached out to hug me.
“I’m so glad school started early this year so we could do this,” she said. She pushed a blond curl from her face. “Isn’t it great to be back?”
But I barely heard her. I watched Callie go over to Andy and Ben, laughing at something they said. “It’s great,” I echoed. “So good to be back.”
“I haven’t seen you once at the stable,” Nicole said, playing with the star pendant that dangled around her neck. “Wish probably misses Charm. We should trail ride together soon.”
“Mmm hmm.”
Jasmine left the cider table and headed for Eric. Jas had nothing on me, but I didn’t want her alone with Eric.
“Gotta go!” I said, darting around Nicole. “Talk to you later.”
I hurried across the floor, appearing at Eric’s side just as Jasmine stopped in front of him. And, omigod, was I sweating?
“Where did you come from?” Jasmine asked, staring at me. “Did you seriously just run over here to get between me and your boyfriend?”
Jas looked stunning in a black minidress with silver kitten heels. Her dark wavy hair was loose and her makeup job rivaled Paige’s.
I slid my arm around Eric’s waist. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I did. But can we not? It’s my party and if you’re not here to have fun, then you should feel free to leave.”
Jas rolled her eyes. “Like I’m really going to stay? Puhlease. I just came to see if anyone would actually show up. After cake, I’m out of here.”
Jas took a step back and turned around just as Heather walked into the room. She carried a purple gift bag in one hand and a black purse in the other.
“So, Heather really can make people nervous without doing or saying anything,” Eric whispered in my ear. “Amazing.”
“I know.” We laughed and I let go of him. “I’ve got to go say hi. But come find me in five minutes if I don’t come back, ’kay?”
Eric nodded. “Make it two.”
Smiling to myself, I started over toward Heather. I was edgy after running around to watch everyone, but I was having fun and it seemed like everyone else was too. Someone turned up the music on the iPod speakers and Julia and Ben started dancing in the open space behind the couch.
“Thanks for coming,” I said to Heather. Her blond hair was straightened and pulled back in a half updo. She looked superglam in a strapless tube dress that almost matched my eye shadow.
She handed me the gift bag. “Happy birthday.” Her blue eyes studied my face. “Oh, Silver.” She let out an exaggerated sigh. “What’s going on? Did our BFF Jas do something that gives me an excuse to pour a drink on her and kick her out?”
I stared at her and my fake everything’s-great-and-awesome attitude fell for a second. How was it that after hanging out with so many people tonight, Heather was the first one to see something was wrong?
“I wish,” I said. “I’d love to give you a reason to toss Jas. But nothing’s wrong. Everything’s fine.”
“Fine?” Heather stepped closer and lowered her voice. “Everything ‘fine’ at your thirteenth birthday party?”
“Yes,” I squeaked. I couldn’t look her in the eyes. I was afraid that if I did, I’d spill all of my worries about tonight onto her. They would pour out and wouldn’t stop. The urge to confess to Heather was disturbing. She was the leader of the Trio! “I didn’t mean to say ‘fine.’ I meant that the party is fantastic. Go get a drink or something.”
Heather looked at me for another second. She obviously didn’t believe me.
“Okay,” she said. She leaned in toward my ear. “But only because it’s your birthday—if you need … help with something, find me.”
She walked away, leaving me clutching the gift bag and shaking my head. I put the present on the table with the rest of the gifts and walked past Paige. She’d migrated to the kitchen area of the common room and was talking to Ryan. She grinned at me as I walked by and I winked at her. She was getting more comfortable with him every time they got together.
“I think you were gone longer than two minutes,” Eric said, grabbing me from behind and wrapping his arms around me. I laughed and turned around, looking into his face. He quickly kissed me and took my hand. “C’mere.”
I followed him through the room and he pushed open the door, leading me out into the quiet hallway.
“Eric!” I said. “I can’t leave my own party. Everyone’s in there.”
Everyone was here for me and all I could do was try not to have a meltdown because of my lies. What if Jacob just decided to confess everything and tell them the truth? But I knew that was dumb the second I thought it—they were all exactly where they’d been when I’d left the room two seconds ago.
“You’re not leaving,” Eric said. “You’re ducking. For two minutes.” He reached into his back pocket and produced a tiny white box tied with a simple black ribbon. “I wanted to be the first one to give you a present on your birthday.”
“Eric.” I took the box from him and slid off the silky ribbon. I opened the lid of the box and inside was a silver charm for my bracelet. A heart. I touched the charm and looked up at him. “It’s perfect. This is the best gift anyone’s ever given me.”
I held out my wrist to Eric and let him fasten the charm n
ext to the horseshoe one he’d given me on our first date.
“Good,” he said. “Because you’re special to me.”
I leaned over to put the box on the hallway table, checking behind me for Livvie. But the hall was empty.
I stepped up to Eric until our faces were inches apart. I rested my arms on the tops of his shoulders.
“You having a good birthday so far?” Eric asked.
“The best,” I said.
He leaned closer and my eyes fluttered shut. Our lips had barely touched when I heard a door open behind us.
Jacob stood in the hallway, his hands shoved into his pockets. I took a step away from Eric and my face went pink.
“Sorry,” Jacob said after what felt like hours. He stared at the hallway floor. “Paige was looking for you—she wants to cut the cake.”
“Go ahead,” I said to Eric. “I’ll be right there. I need to run to the bathroom for a quick hair check before we have cake. Paige will be putting all of our pics on FaceSpace.”
“Okay,” Eric said, squeezing my hand. “See you inside.”
Eric didn’t even look at Jacob as he brushed past him. The door closed, leaving me with Jacob.
Jacob and I stared at each other. He opened his mouth to say something, then his eyes landed on my wrist. Still peering at my bracelet, he stepped forward and took my hand.
“Jacob—” I started, but the look on his face stopped me.
Jacob raised my hand so the bracelet dangled in the air and his eyes locked on the heart charm. I wasn’t sure if it was pain, sadness, surprise, or all of those things that flashed on his face and made my heart twist.
“Did he just give that to you?” Jacob’s voice was barely audible.
“Yes.” My own voice was a whisper.
Jacob didn’t let go of my hand. “Did you want it?”
I started to say that of course I did. Eric was my boyfriend and I liked him so much. But nothing came out. I yanked my hand away from Jacob and hurried around him to go inside. I let the door slam behind me.
“There’s the birthday girl,” Paige said, rushing up to me. She took the hand that Jacob had just held and guided me toward the counter.
Nicole, Annabella, and Suichin stepped aside, waving their arms with flourish. On the counter was a three-tiered square cake. Each layer was shaped like a present with white wrapping paper and pink ribbons and bows.
“Paige,” I said, gasping. “Did you make that?”
“Yeah,” Paige said. “I wasn’t going to trust anyone else with my best friend’s birthday cake. Everything’s edible—bows and ribbons—all of it.”
I hugged her but couldn’t take my eyes off the cake. “It’s just beyond gorgeous. Omigod.”
Ryan pulled out his camera. “Let’s take a pic of us with the cake before we eat it so Paige has a photo.”
“I’d love that,” Paige said, smiling at Ryan.
Ryan put his camera on a high shelf and set it on a timer, and a red light started flashing. “Ten seconds for everyone to get in the shot,” he said.
We scrambled to pose around the cake. Paige and Callie threw their arms around me, Eric got behind me, and everyone else huddled together. We grinned and the flash went off.
Ryan grabbed his camera and checked the screen. “Perfect.”
Paige arranged thirteen pink candles on the cake and grabbed a lighter.
“I got Livvie’s permission,” she said quickly when she saw my eyes widen. “But you’re not allowed to touch the lighter. I promised her.”
I raised my hands in an I’m-backing-off gesture and grinned.
Ryan took a pic of her lighting all of the candles.
All of my friends huddled around me. Someone turned down the lights and everyone looked at me. I felt like I was swaying in the room. They were all here for me and I’d been lying to my best friend, keeping secrets from my other BFF, and hiding things from my boyfriend. I knew exactly why I was doing these things, but at that moment I felt like a loser.
“Happy birthday to you,” everyone began to sing.
Their faces started to blur in front of me. The candle lights flickered and danced on the walls. I found myself looking for someone’s face. But he wasn’t there.
Jacob.
Calm down, I told myself. What did I want from him? Jacob liked me and he’d just seen a heart charm from my boyfriend. He was probably hurt. My stomach ached. I didn’t want Jacob to be upset, but there was nothing I could do. The party was almost over. I’d figure out another way to deal with the lies after tonight and a way to talk to Jacob. I’d tell Paige everything, she wouldn’t transfer my boy drama onto Ryan, and I’d be able to stop worrying every five seconds.
“…toooo yoooooouu!” everyone finished the song and started clapping.
I squeezed my eyes shut and thought, I wish I knew how to fix everything. I blew out the candles.
“Yay!” Paige said. “Let’s eat cake!”
Eric helped Paige remove the candles and he grabbed a knife.
I leaned over to Paige’s ear. “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
“’Kay,” she said. “I’m giving you the biggest piece of cake. Then you can unwrap presents.”
“Awesome.” I smiled and walked out of the common room, away from the music and laughter.
26
I CAN’T STAY AWAY FROM YOU
I WALKED DOWN THE HALLWAY AND OPENED the door to my room. I left the door ajar and sat at the edge of my bed. The stress of worrying if someone was going to find out my real feelings—not to mention my lies—was more than I could handle. That’s why you decided to tell Paige tomorrow instead of waiting till fall break, I reminded myself. Confiding in her would make me feel less alone and maybe Paige would have an idea to help me fix everything.
But I knew it wasn’t just up to Paige. I was going to have to think about my feelings for Eric and Jacob. I couldn’t deal with it now and I hadn’t been able to all summer, but I’d have to sooner or later.
I reached over to swipe the papaya Stila lip gloss that Callie had given me on my first date with Eric. I applied some gloss and when I looked up, Jacob was standing in the doorway.
“Jacob, if Livvie catches you in my room, she’s gonna freak. You need to go.”
Jacob shook his head. “I’ll go. But I want to talk to you first.”
He walked over and sat beside me on my bed. He stared at his hands for a long time before looking up at me. “I miss you, Sasha. I’ll tell you again that I made a huge mistake and I’m sorry. I wish you would have e-mailed me or something over the summer, but I get it why you didn’t. I ignored you for a long time after the Sweetheart Soirée.”
“Jacob—”
He stopped me with a raised hand. “I know you’re with another guy. I’m trying to respect that. But … I can’t stay away from you.”
“Do you realize what position you’ve put me in?” I asked. “I’ve had to keep this from Callie—it would kill her. I obviously couldn’t tell Eric. When you told me that you still liked me, it put a lot of pressure on me to keep that secret from everyone.”
Jacob lowered his head. “I know. I didn’t think about it before I said it. But I had to tell you. I couldn’t have spent all summer regretting that I didn’t.”
I rubbed my forehead with my hand. “I’m with Eric. He’s my boyfriend now. I like him, Jacob. A lot. And you’re with Callie. She’s so into you and I know you like her.”
Jacob’s green eyes settled on my face. “Admit that you still like me. Just tell me the truth. Please.”
Panic and guilt fluttered in my chest. We couldn’t be sitting in my room having this conversation.
“Jacob, no,” I said. “I can’t—”
Jacob leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I froze for a second, shocked, then put my hands on his chest and pushed him back.
Something moved in the doorway and I looked over.
Eric.
My hands were still on Jacob�
��s chest. I yanked them off and stood. “Eric,” I started. “I—”
The look on his face stopped me.
He didn’t look surprised. It was way worse than surprise—as if he’d expected it. Like he’d known it was coming all along.
“Why did I ever think it would happen any other way?” Eric’s voice was calm. “You were about to kiss him. Why stop now?”
He hadn’t seen the kiss! There was still a chance that I could explain this away somehow.
“Eric,” I said again. But he held up his hand and I saw the anger in his eyes.
He stared at me and his gaze almost made me sink back onto the bed.
“I knew this would happen,” Eric said. “I knew it, but I tried to convince myself that it was just me. That you really liked me. I can’t believe you, Sasha. I always knew you’d go back to him.”
Eric’s eyes shifted to Jacob. There was a quiet anger on his face. I knew not to say another word. Eric turned and walked away.
I couldn’t even breathe. I stood there, staring at the doorway wanting more than anything to run after him, but knowing it would only make things worse.
I turned to Jacob. “You ruined everything! My relationship with Eric is over.” I tried to keep from screaming at him.
“You were over a long time ago,” Jacob said. “You just won’t admit it.”
“So what do you want me to do?” My voice rose. “Admit that I’m confused about my feelings for you? Then what? You leave my best friend for me?”
Jacob got off the bed and stood in front of me. “Yes. We can have the chance we never got. I’ll find a way to break it off with Callie and we can start over.”
I put my head in my hands, then looked back up at him. “No. You can’t break up with her for me. She likes you so much. Our friendship would never recover if you did that.”
“I’d find a way that wouldn’t hurt her. And I’m not hearing you say you want to go back to Eric.”
I paused. He was right—I hadn’t said that.
“Because it’s not even a question,” I said. “I’ve hurt him enough. He’ll never take me back after this. If you care about me like you say you do, then you’ll stay with Callie and never tell her about this. Ever.”
Little White Lies Page 13