by L A Cotton
To lean on him in my hour of need.
But I couldn’t.
Because if I did, I knew Dennis Hayes would take everything I had left.
I TURNED MY FACE INTO the stream of light, comforted by its warmth. The softness of the coverlet. And then like a wave crashing over me, I remembered.
Aunt Ruby falling to the floor.
Blue and red flashing lights.
The cloying smell of the hospital.
Dennis.
God, Dennis.
Like a knight in shining armor, he appeared when I needed someone—anyone—to help. It was cruel, really, that he was the last person I wanted to see standing there, yet the only person who came.
My eyes flicked to the alarm clock on my nightstand. 7:30 a.m. Lilly would be awake any second. And then I’d have to find a way to pull myself together and get through the next few days. With a heavy sigh, I threw back the cover and slid my feet into my fluffy slippers. Usually, their soft velvety lining comforted me, but this morning, they provided nothing more than extra irritation. I needed to call the hospital. Then call Amanda to see if she could cover my shifts at Bellezas, and then I needed to figure out what the hell I was going to do without Aunt Ruby.
She’d been my rock for the past ten months. When everything turned to shit, and I’d fled Daly City, she’d welcomed me with open arms and zero questions ... and now, she was lying in a sterile bed with tubes and wires coming out of every part of her body, and no one could tell me when or if she would wake up.
A rush of tears burned my throat, but Lilly’s coos through the baby monitor forced them back down in a painful swallow. I went to her room and scooped her out of her crib. “Hey, my pretty girl, did you sleep well?”
She stared up at me with her wide, forgiving eyes and gummy smile, and something in me settled. Last night, my world fell apart for the third time in my life, but I’d get through it. I had to. For the girl in my arms.
I carried her into the kitchen and moved her to my hip while I prepared her milk one-handed. It was amazing how you adapted to having a baby permanently attached to you.
“Let’s get you fed and then we can go check on Aunt Ruby, okay?” I smiled at her as I moved us to the couch. For her stressful arrival into the world, Lilly was a chilled baby. My whole world. When the nurse laid her in my arms for the first time, everything shifted, and the jagged tear in my heart knitted together crudely. Six pounds and two ounces of curly dark hair, tiny toes, and long fingers, Lilly was my salvation. Everything I did was for her, and her alone.
She poked her tongue out, refusing the bottle, and I sat her up to burp her. “There, there,” I soothed as she fussed in my arms. After only six months, she already had a strong mind, and I knew I’d have my hands full in a few years’ time.
Once she was safely in her playpen, I grabbed my phone off the counter and found my friend’s number, relieved when she picked up on the second ring. “Amanda, it’s Cassie.”
“What’s the matter? What happened?” The concern in her voice lifted my lips in a slight smile. While she didn’t know my whole story since I arrived in Redmont and started working at Bellezas, she knew enough. And she had been nothing but a good friend to me.
The only person I’d let get close besides Aunt Ruby.
“It’s my aunt,” I said. “She got rushed to the hospital last night. She’s not doing so well.” I gulped back the tears.
“Jesus, Cassie, why didn’t you call me last night? Are you okay? Is Lilly okay?”
“We’re fine. I—” I hesitated, unsure of whether to tell her about Dennis. “Our neighbor helped out.”
“Okay, good, that’s good. Tell me what you need. Obviously, you don’t have to worry about the bar. I’ll figure something out.”
“Thank you, I don’t know how long I’ll need off. I’m her only family.” Tears gathered in my eyes, and I blinked them away.
“Of course. Take as much time as you need. I’ll speak to Luis.”
“Thanks. The doctors couldn’t tell me much last night, but I’m heading over there soon.”
“Do you need me to take Lilly? My shift starts at twelve, but I could—”
“No, no, you’ve already done enough. I’ll figure it out.” Hopefully, the hospital wouldn’t mind I had her with me.
“Take care of yourself, you hear me? And if you need anything, you only need to ask.”
“I know, and thank you. For everything.”
We said goodbye, and I dialed the hospital next. As I suspected, nothing had changed. My aunt was stable, but she still wasn’t awake. The doctors would provide me with more information once I arrived at the hospital.
It took almost an hour to get the two of us ready. I was doing one final check to make sure I’d packed everything Lilly might need before the cab arrived when the doorbell rang.
“Dennis?” My lips parted in a quiet gasp. He was the last person I expected to see standing on my doorstep. And the last person I wanted to deal with. “What are you doing here?” I said a little more irritated than I intended.
“I—” he stuttered. “Are you going somewhere?” His gaze flicked to the bag slung over my shoulder.
“We’re just about to head to the hospital.” I grabbed Lilly’s hand, focusing on her. This—him—it was too much for my heart to take.
“Oh, is someone driving you there?”
“No, we’re just waiting for the cab.”
“I’ll take you,” he said without a second thought, and my head snapped up to his.
“Dennis, I don’t think that is a good idea.” I sucked in a sharp breath. The intensity in his eyes was almost too much.
“I just want to help.” He paused a beat, the offer lingering in the space between us. “Let me help, Cass.”
My head screamed at me to say no. To nip this in the bud before it became a complication I didn’t have the time or the energy for. But my heart—my traitorous, hopeful heart—had the words, “Okay, if you’re sure?” spewing out of my mouth before I could stop them.
A hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and my heart skipped a beat, making me instantly regret my decision to accept his offer. This was bad; this was very bad. Because as I watched him slip past me and retrieve Lilly’s car seat from the kitchen and then proceed to belt it into his truck, I knew his out-of-the-blue arrival was already complicating things. While my head remembered the heartache and the ugly tears I’d cried over him, my heart was foolish. My heart only remembered the way he made me feel. Stolen kisses in the shadows. Desperate touches in the cover of darkness. How safe I felt wrapped in his arms. Cherished. Protected.
Loved.
God, he’d only been back in my life mere moments, and I was already a mess. Placing him on some pedestal he didn’t deserve. Because the truth of the matter was, Dennis Hayes had broken me in ways I should have never allowed. He had reeled me in and made me want a future he was never prepared to give me. He was a liar and a thief of hearts. And he’d stolen a piece of me the day he let me go.
A piece I’d never found.
And I couldn’t afford to let my defenses down again. Not with him.
Least of all him.
“Do you want me to take her?” Dennis stared down at me with a strange look in his eyes, and I snapped out of my reverie.
“Hmm, sure, I’ll check to make sure I have everything.” I handed Lilly to him and hurried back into the house. I needed a second to think. To catch my breath.
My life was finally in a better place. The first couple of months after Lilly’s birth were hard. Aunt Ruby helped when she could, but she couldn’t rid me of my demons. Of the ghosts that followed me to Redmont. As the weeks passed, and I embraced motherhood, I started to gradually let go of some of my fears. I knew I still had a long way to go, but for the first time in a long time, I saw hope of a brighter future.
And now he was here. Making me remember. Dredging up old feelings. And I didn’t know what to do with that.
“Cass?” his vo
ice—god, that voice—filled the air, and I wanted to run to him. To throw myself at him and ask him to make it all better. To tell me that everything would be okay.
I wanted to let myself believe that maybe this was a sign. I wasn’t a religious person by any means, but Aunt Ruby had enough faith for the both of us. And I knew she’d have something to say about Dennis’s timely arrival. But there wasn’t only me to think about now. There was Lilly. And she didn’t deserve to bear the mistakes of my past.
“Cassie?”
“Coming,” I shouted, drying my eyes with my sleeve. “I’m coming.”
Inhaling a long breath, I steeled myself for what lay ahead.
One day at a time.
I would just have to take things one day at a time.
THE RIDE TO THE HOSPITAL was awkward. Dennis tried to make light conversation, but the truth was, I didn’t want to talk. A million thoughts ran through my head. What-ifs and worst-case scenarios. Aunt Ruby was my family now. She was all I had. If she didn’t make it through this ...
“Hey, are you okay?”
I met Dennis’s concerned gaze, sniffling back the fresh wave of tears.
“What if she doesn’t—”
“Hey, she’s in the best place. They know what they’re doing. Have faith, Cass.” His voice softened.
“She’d love this, you know? You sweeping in like this to help me and Lilly.”
His brows knitted together as he moved his focus back to the road. “She knows about me?”
“Yes. No.” I pulled at the hem of my sweater. “She knows some stuff.”
Silence settled between us. Thick. Suffocating. It was like being stuck in some weird alternate reality.
“I didn’t know.” Dennis broke the tension. “I didn’t know you’d be there, at the bar. I had no idea.”
And just like that, I was pulled back into this painful existence. Because this wasn’t some fairy tale where Dennis rode in on his horse to save me. It was a coincidence. Cruel happenstance. Four years had gone by. Did I really think he was still thinking about me? Looking for me? Waiting for the day our paths would cross again?
I might have been foolish in the past, but I wasn’t an idiot. Life didn’t work that way, and I knew that better than most. He probably felt obligated to help. After all, he did owe me that much.
Changing the subject, I asked, “Do you still live in Stonewood? With your dad?”
His hands tightened on the wheel, the blood draining from his knuckles. “I have my own place now, but yeah, I’m still there. Cassie, I—”
“Let’s not, Dennis. You don’t owe me anything. I appreciate this, I do, but this, seeing you again, it’s too much. I’m finally in a good place, and I need to focus on my aunt and Lilly.”
He pulled the truck into a parking spot and cut the engine. Raking a hand through his hair, he turned to me slowly. His eyes seemed to say a thousand things, but when he opened his mouth to speak, I cut him off. “We’d better go.” I scrambled out of the truck and went around to get Lilly. Dennis followed us into the hospital and didn’t speak again. And when the doctor came to greet us, he took the car seat from me and said he would wait.
But it wasn’t what he said that stayed with me as I trailed behind the doctor to my aunt’s room. It was the look in his eyes.
Because I’d seen that look before.
Right before he stole my heart.
10. Dennis
Cassie was gone for almost an hour. Lilly sat happily in my arms, playing with her stuffed toy. We’d attracted some attention—the lonely guy with the cute baby—but I shirked off the curious stares from dreamy-eyed nurses. I only cared about one girl, and she was shutting me out. And I didn’t blame her.
My cell phone vibrated, and I dug it out of my pocket.
Ana: How is she?
Dennis: She’s in with the doctor and her aunt. She’s running, Ana. I don’t know what from, but I’m going to find out.
Ana: Be careful, Dennis. She’s hurting. Don’t push her if she’s not ready.
Shit. She was right. Now wasn’t the time for questions. Cass had bigger things to deal with. But how was I supposed to help her if she refused to let me in? Before I could reply, it vibrated again.
Ana: And you, are you okay?
I tipped my head back against the wall, bouncing Lilly on my knee.
Dennis: This isn’t about me.
It was about the broken girl I’d found in Bellezas, and the mini version of her fussing in my arms.
Ana: I don’t want to see either of you get hurt, not again. Be careful, Dennis.
Dennis: I will.
Ana: If you need me, I’m here. Always.
Dennis: Thanks
I pocketed my cell phone, turning my attention back to the wiggling bundle on my lap. “Your mom won’t be long.” She reached for me, grabbing at my face. Her pudgy little fingers squeezed and pinched, and I poked my tongue out at her, blowing raspberries in the air between us.
“I see the two of you are becoming fast friends.” Cassie peered down at us, her eyes red and swollen. She lifted Lilly from me, and I stood, rubbing the back of my neck.
“Your aunt?”
“Not here. Can we grab a coffee?”
“Sure, lead the way.”
We found the hospital cafeteria, and Cassie got us a table while I got in line. I watched the two of them. Lilly pressed her face to her mother’s as Cassie peppered her with kisses. It was hard not to smile at the sight, but a part of me—the part that loved Cassie—couldn’t help but wonder who the father was and where he was.
And if he had anything to do with the reason Cassie was in Redmont.
It was a strange place to be—comforted by the knowledge that Cassie had her beautiful daughter, and tormented with the reality that Lilly belonged to another man. That Cassie shared something so precious with someone who wasn’t me.
Fuck.
Even now, after all this time, I still looked at her and thought of her as mine. Because while I’d let her go, I never stopped loving her. Not for a single second. And in the past four years, not a day went by when I didn’t think of her. But I only ever imagined her happy and radiant with life.
I never imagined this.
“What can I get you?” The server smiled at me, and I ordered two coffees. After loading the tray with creamer and sugar, I returned to the table.
“Here you go. Does Lilly need anything?” I hadn’t thought to ask, but Cassie shook her head, retrieving a bottle from the diaper bag.
“I packed extras.”
“Do you want me to take her?”
Cassie smiled. She might as well have plowed her fist into my chest and squeezed my heart until I couldn’t breathe. “We’re good. It’s amazing how quickly you adapt to functioning one-handed. There isn’t much I can’t do with this one in my arms.”
“What did the doctor say?”
Lilly eagerly accepted the bottle, and Cassie shifted them both into a more comfortable position. “They’re still not sure what caused her fall, but they don’t think there’s any permanent damage. They said she should wake any time.”
“That’s great news, Cass. You must be so relieved.”
“Yeah.” She stared into the coffee mug. “I mean, it’s great. I don’t know what I’d do without her, but god, this sounds so selfish ...” Her voice trailed off.
“Hey, don’t do that. Don’t beat yourself up. Ruby helps out a lot? With Lilly?”
“Yeah, it’s just been the three of us. I have a friend, Amanda, who steps in on the rare occasion my aunt can’t watch Lilly, but she runs the bar, so she’s there a lot.”
“She works at Bellezas?” I stiffened at the tidbit of information. Cassie was connected to Hernandez’s business far more than I realized.
“Yeah, but more often than not, she’s in the back office.” Cassie lifted her coffee and took a long drink, heavy silence settling between us. When she placed the mug down, she hesitated before asking, “What were you
doing there, Dennis, at the bar?”
“Cass, come on, you know I can’t—”
“So it is because of Luis? You two are”—her voice lowered—“what? Business associates?”
I ignored the accusatory lilt in her voice. She had every right to be wary, but I couldn’t help feeling pissed. She was happy to work for a guy like Hernandez, but god forbid I had connections with him. “Something like that, yeah.”
“Did you tell him that you know who I am?”
My eyes narrowed, searching hers, as I scrubbed my jaw. “No. And he doesn’t need to know. It would only complicate things.”
“Because I’m a complication?” Her voice was accusatory.
“No, because he wants you.”
“Dennis, I don’t think ...” I raised an eyebrow, and she pressed her lips together.
“He’s bad news.”
“You think I don’t know that? I’m not interested in him. Not like that. But he has been good to me, giving me the job and letting me work around Lilly. I really need that job, Dennis.” Fierce determination flashed in her eyes, pinning me to the spot. And something passed between us.
“What happened, Cass? Why are you in a place like this?” I’d promised myself I wouldn’t ask, that I wouldn’t push, but I needed to know.
She went rigid, the color in her cheeks draining away. “It’s a long story.”
“I have time.”
“Dennis, please.” She dropped her head, blinking away the moisture in her eyes, and I sank into the plastic chair, feeling every bit of the bastard I was.
“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” I dragged a hand down my face. “It’s none of my business.”
Her head snapped up. “It’s not you, I promise. It’s just ... it’s something I’m still coming to terms with, and it’s not easy to talk about. And if I’m being completely honest, I’m still wrapping my head around the fact you’re here.” A flicker of a smile passed over her face. “You don’t know how many times I’ve thought of you over the past four years,” she whispered, rocking a half-asleep Lilly in her arms.
“Where you were. What you were doing. You broke my heart, Dennis. It took a long time for me to move on, to put that behind me. And now you’re here, and in some ways, it’s like you’ve never been gone, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that.”