by L A Cotton
“You need professional help, Cassie. You need a safe space to deal with what you went through. It’ll be a good thing, sweetheart. It’ll help you find yourself again.”
“Did she put you up to this?” My voice barely sounded my own. But she’d caught me off guard.
“What?” Realization dawned in her crinkled eyes, and she gasped. “Gosh, no. I-I would never do that, you know that. I just worry about you and want you to start living again. I come only from a place of love and concern for you, Cassie.”
Relief sank into me but did little to subside the rivulets of tears. And while I wanted to deny her words, I couldn’t. Because my aunt was right. I was hiding. I kept telling myself I was doing right by Lilly, but was I?
I wanted my daughter to grow up with dreams and hopes and the knowledge she could be anything she wanted to be. She already lacked a male role model, so I had to be her mother and her father all rolled into one. One day soon, she would look at me for guidance, for understanding how the world worked. So while I kept telling myself this was all a stopgap, a place to catch my breath and heal, I had to take a good hard look at myself.
Was I healing?
Had I made any steps to take my life back?
I’d told Dennis the truth, bared my soul to him, and then thrown myself at him like a crazed woman. Used him to forget, to lose myself.
To numb the constant pain in my chest.
“Cassie?”
The understanding in my aunt’s eyes was almost too much to bear, but she was right. I needed to face things head-on. To force myself to acknowledge and accept and come to terms with my past.
“I’ll do it,” I said, remembering how it had felt to come clean to Dennis. Something had shifted inside me. It was barely there, but it was there.
I’d felt it. And if I clung to it, maybe it would keep me afloat.
“I’ll talk to someone.”
She enveloped me in her arms, her relief cocooning me like a warm blanket. The very thought of sitting opposite a stranger reliving everything Lyndon did to me was terrifying ... but what was the alternative? Exist but never live? I wanted to be the old Cassie again. The girl who had the world at her feet. The girl who went after things and didn’t take no for an answer.
The girl who knew who she was.
But as I took comfort in my aunt’s safe embrace, a horrible realization washed over me. The girl I wanted to be again was the girl I was before Dennis Hayes barged into my life and turned my world upside down.
And if I wanted to find her again ... could I do it with him back in my life?
AUNT RUBY WORKED QUICKLY. After agreeing to talk to someone, she arranged an appointment with a counselor, and that was how I found myself seated opposite Lucy Johnson. She had a patient smile, the kind that told me this whole thing was on my terms. Which was good, considering we’d spent the past ten minutes sitting in deafening silence.
“Take your time, Cassie,” she said again in that calm, understanding tone.
“I-I don’t really know where to start,” I said, finally plucking up the courage to say something.
“Start wherever you want.”
“He was supposed to be my knight in shining armor.” I curled my fingers around the edge of the chair, focusing on the swirly pattern in the carpet. “Lyndon Bennett. God, how he had me fooled.”
I swallowed hard; his name was sandpaper against my throat.
“How did you meet him?”
I lifted my gaze to the counselor’s and smiled weakly. It was her job to listen; I knew that. And I should have been using my fifty minutes to offload—to cleanse my soul with words—but I couldn’t help but wonder how many women had sat in this very chair. How many of them had recounted stories of being so brokenhearted and dejected they never saw the signs until it was too late?
“Cassie?”
I blinked at her and murmured, “Sorry.”
“It’s okay; take your time.” She gave me a reassuring smile, and I tried again. Tried to tell her how he’d caught me at a bad time. That I hadn’t even been looking to get involved with anyone. But he wouldn’t take no for an answer, and not in an alpha-asshole way but in a stand-up-guy kind of way. Counselor Lucy listened as the words just spewed out. When I finally took a breath, she said, “How did that feel?”
“It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.” But then, we hadn’t gotten to the really bad stuff. The stuff after I realized Lyndon Bennett was not a stand-up guy.
He was the devil in sheep’s clothing.
“Our time is coming to an end for today, but you’ve made good progress. Would you like to schedule some time to talk again next week?”
“Okay.”
We booked a time, and she gave me instructions on how to settle the bill with Darlene in reception. When I was done, I slipped my scarf around my neck and headed outside, but instead of swinging right and heading home, I wandered over to the park opposite the building. Perching on an empty bench, I watched the world go by. The birds chirping high in the trees, the sound of laughter from the park in the distance. And I felt quietly proud of myself. I’d taken the first step to real healing.
My hand slipped into my pocket, and I fingered my cell phone. Aunt Ruby would be eager to hear how my appointment had gone, but when I pulled out my phone and scrolled to find her number, my finger paused on Dennis’s name. Every day, he still sent me one text message, and every day, I replied with some half-hearted reply. So why did the urge to call him suddenly burn through me?
Opening my inbox, I found his last text message sent this morning.
Dennis: How did your aunt’s appointment go?
I hadn’t replied yet. Usually, I would have kept it short and sweet, but I found myself typing.
Cassie: Okay. She said they were pleased with her latest test results. Can I tell you something?
It pinged right back, and my heart fluttered.
Dennis: Anything...
Cassie: I did a thing today. Something I should have done a while back. I saw someone ... a counselor.
Dennis: That’s really great, Cass. Talking to someone will help.
Talking to him had helped, but I couldn’t tell him that. It wasn’t fair. To him. To me. Dennis was an unquantifiable force in my life right now. It was safer—for everyone—if I kept him at arm’s length. But I couldn’t deny that it felt surprisingly reassuring to have him on the other end of the phone.
Cassie: Amanda said you’re working for Luis now?
Dennis: I’m filling in for a couple of months. Only three nights a week. I wanted to tell you.
Cassie: So why didn’t you?
Three little dots told me he was replying, but seconds ticked by and nothing appeared. Suddenly, this seemed like a bad idea. Why couldn’t I get my head on straight where Dennis was concerned? Maybe because you still feel something for him? Maybe because underneath all that family business crap, you know he’s a good guy? Maybe because you’re clinging to the past, too afraid to let go?
Finally, his reply appeared.
Dennis: I didn’t want to crowd you and honestly? I wasn’t sure how you’d react.
Cassie: I get that. But can you answer me one thing?
Dennis: Sure.
Cassie: Why’d you do it?
My fingers had a mind of their own, governed by my runaway heart, apparently.
Dennis: You know why.
I locked my screen and jammed my phone back into my pocket. I shouldn’t have texted him. It wasn’t fair to either of us. There was too much history, too many complications.
Dennis Hayes was my past.
And I needed to look toward the future.
22. Dennis
“She’s coming back tonight.” Amanda didn’t take her eyes off her stack of papers as I helped myself to a can of soda from the mini fridge. When I didn’t answer, her gaze slid to mine, and she heaved a sigh. “She didn’t tell you.”
It wasn’t a question.
And my silence spoke volu
mes.
Cassie hadn’t told me. But then to tell me would have meant we were speaking on a regular basis ... and we weren’t. After coming clean about taking the job at Bellezas, she’d pulled away again.
“The therapy is helping. She’s different. It’s still soon, but I can already see a change in her.”
Mashing my lips together, I nodded. What else was there to say?
“I should head back out.” I crushed the soda can in my hands and threw it in the trash can. But as I reached the door, Amanda’s hand shot out and snagged my wrist.
“Give her time. She needs to do this. She needs to deal with whatever ghosts haunt her.” She studied my expression. “And something tells me you know exactly what she’s dealing with. Jesus. The two of you are a collision waiting to happen.”
“Whatever, Amanda, I’m out.” I shirked her off and stormed out of there. I’d taken Hernandez up on his offer on a whim. It seemed like a solution to my problems at the time by giving me a genuine reason to be in Redmont regularly. But I’d been working here two weeks, and nothing had changed. Sure, I was storing every little piece of information I could find about how Hernandez ran things. Regular customers. Getting the lowdown on his guys and their shipment details. But it wasn’t my end goal.
“Hey, man.” Cael was there the second I entered the main bar. “I need to piss. Keep an eye on things, yeah?”
I gave him a tight nod and took up position against the far wall. With the best view of the entire floor, one of us stayed there most of the night unless things got hairy, and then we went wherever we were needed. But it was still early, and the crowd wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. When the Cassie walked in, though, I stood to attention. When she walked into the room, I noticed. My body wanted her. My heart yearned for her. And my soul ... well, my soul called to her. She didn’t fit in a place like this. Even with the permanent pain in her eyes, she stood out, an angel in the darkness.
Jesus. Amanda was right. I had no fucking clue what I was doing. All I saw was her. How the fuck was I supposed to do my job and keep one eye on Cassie?
“Thanks.” Cael reappeared, still zipping his fly. I raised my eyebrow at him, and he barked a gruff laugh. “You know, I like you, Hayes.”
“The feeling’s not mutual,” I said, only half-serious. The truth was, Cael was a decent guy. He ran security for the club and handled a lot of Hernandez’s back room deals. But he was tight-lipped, only feeding me information on a need-to-know basis. Fortunately, for me, some of the guys were easier to talk to, and I usually hung back at closing time and had one or two drinks with them.
“She’s back, so maybe now Luis will remove that giant stick from his ass.”
My spine straightened. “Who, Cassie?”
“Yeah, he’s had a boner for her since she started. I’ve tried to tell him she’s damaged goods. Seen that look in too many of the girls’ eyes. We always try to help them out, get them out of whatever shit situation they’re stuck in, but it never goes away.”
My hand balled into a tight fist, pressing into my thigh, and I managed a noncommittal grunt. Cael didn’t notice as he continued. “But even if she wasn’t damaged goods, she’s too fucking good for a place like this. I mean, look at her.” He let out a low whistle and then grunted, “The boss wants what he wants, though, and he’s got his sights set on that one.”
A group of rowdy guys walked in, giving me the perfect excuse to move before I rammed my fist into Cael’s throat just to shut him up. “I’m going to walk the floor,” I ground out.
“Yeah, good idea.”
I moved through the growing crowd, keeping my eyes peeled for anything out of place. Hernandez ran a tight ship. No dealing on the premises except when ordained by him in the back room. No getting handsy with the girls. And no treating the staff like dogs. I didn’t like the guy, but I couldn’t deny he was a good boss. He genuinely cared about each one of his employees. But I wasn’t here to make friends with the guy, and our fate was sealed when I realized he wanted Cassie.
Cassie had disappeared into the back, to check in with Amanda, no doubt. The need to go in there and see how she was burning through me, but I focused on the task at hand. Mario, the bartender, gave me a friendly nod as I passed the bar. The look I got from Dominique, however, was less friendly. She narrowed her gaze at me, tracking me as I moved around. Hunter and prey. It wasn’t a pretty place to be, but I shirked off the feeling and kept my eyes on the crowd, making a mental note to keep my wits about me. Because I had a feeling she could make life very difficult for us.
TWO HOURS INTO CASSIE’S shift and I didn’t even need to look to know where she was. She was ingrained in my soul, and like a moth to the flame, I was drawn to her. It was an easy night, and I’d watched her move from customer to customer, taking their orders and serving their drinks. She wore her hair pulled back off her face, but as the night wore on, more curls sprang free, and she had to keep tucking them behind her ear. The jeans and shirt combo she wore was nothing special, but on her, it was everything, and I wasn’t the only guy in the place watching. Waiting for a glimpse of smooth skin every time she reached up to fetch a bottle off the top shelf. The first time I’d seen a couple of guys eyeing her as if she was their next meal, I’d wanted to haul their asses out of the bar. But Cassie, as I was quickly realizing, could hold her own. She served their drinks with a courteous smile and sent them on their way. Unlike Dominique, who lapped up the attention by flicking her long hair off her shoulders, drawing their eager eyes to her fake tits.
“I’m going to take a leak,” I mouthed to Cael, making my way through the door to the bathrooms. Dominique rounded the corner and paused, a slow smirk tugging her plumped up lips.
“Hey, big guy, going somewhere?”
“Just to use the men’s room,” I said, giving her a wide berth. But she didn’t take the hint and closed the distance until she was right in front of me, forcing me back up against the wall.
“You know, I think you and I have some unfinished business.”
“Not going to happen.”
Her sultry expression slipped, and I saw a flash of anger underneath. Aware I didn’t want to piss her off further, I tried forcing a smile as I said, “I’m not here to date, Dominique. I just want to keep my head down and make some extra cash.”
“Who said anything about dating?” She pressed the lines of her body against me, smiling up at me in what I could only assume was an attempt to be seductive.
“You’re wasting your—”
“Domin—oh, there you are.”
“Problem?” The fake blonde craned her head around my shoulder, making no attempts to hide her irritation at being interrupted.
“We need you out front,” Cassie said, and my ears perked up, certain I’d caught an edge to her voice.
“Me and Dennis were just getting acquainted, isn’t that right?” she purred, and I stepped sideways, leveling her with a hard expression.
“Well, when you’re done acquainting yourselves, could you get out here? I need to pee.”
The blonde mumbled something under her breath and brushed past me. I looked behind me just in time to catch her throw Cassie the evil eye. Cassie sighed and started toward me, but she didn’t stop. She just kept going until she disappeared into the women’s bathroom.
When Cassie reappeared a couple of minutes later, I was right there, waiting in the shadows. I stepped forward, and she jumped back startled. “Jesus, Dennis, creeper much?”
“Sorry,” I said, raking a brisk hand over my head. “How are you?”
“It’s three deep out there, and Mario is in one of his moods. And in case you hadn’t noticed, Dominique is a complete bitch.”
Silence crackled between us. A couple of girls came out of the bathroom, and we had to step aside to give them room to pass, pushing us farther into the shadows.
“I, hmm.” I clutched the back of my neck. “I’m not sure what to do with that.”
Cassie frowned at me and t
hen burst into laughter. “I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry. It’s just so busy, and I’m a little rusty. I’m fine.” She met my eyes and forced her lips into an unconvincing smile. “I’m fine, I promise.”
I nodded because what else could I do? I was so far out of my league here.
“And you?” she said. “The new job is working out for you?” Something was in her words, some unspoken meaning I didn’t quite understand. But I clung to it all the same, trying to figure out what she could possibly mean while hoping she meant what I thought she did.
“It’s a work in progress.” I held her gaze.
We’d moved closer. I realized the second Cassie noticed. She lurched back, clearly unsettled by our proximity. My gaze dropped to her mouth, soft full lips—lips I could remember kissing as if it was only yesterday—and she swallowed hard. As I leaned down, inching closer, time seemed to stop. If I could only remind how good we’d been...
“I should go,” she whispered, her breath fanning my face, chocolate eyes transfixed on mine. “I should definitely leave now.”
“You’re probably right.” I gulped, my mouth dry.
“Cass—”
We both staggered back, whatever spell we’d been under undone at the sound of Amanda’s voice. “We need you out front, like yesterday.” Her eyes burned into the side of my head, and I didn’t need to see her expression to know she was sending me a warning.
We’d almost been caught.
Fuck.
I didn’t know what happened. One minute, the air was icy, thick with ghosts that haunted us, and then Cassie laughed, and everything thawed. Pulling us closer. Like magnets finding their way home.
“I’m coming,” Cassie said.
Her eyes flashed to mine, and then she was gone, but Amanda lingered behind, disappointment radiating from her. She let out an exasperated breath, gave me a slight shake of her head, and then left. And I got it, I did. If it hadn’t been her, everything would be playing out very differently right about now. It could have been Mario or Dominique or Cael. Or worse, Hernandez himself.