cheesed off, v.
pissed off; British
There’s no reason to be cheesed off with me just because you caught me yanking my hard-on to your mom’s picture.
There’s no reason to get pissed off at me just because you caught me masturbating to your mom’s picture.
chili dog, n.
the act of a man defecating on a woman’s breasts then tit fucking her, with his penis as the hot dog, the crap as the chili, and the breasts as the buns; American
Pierre once lived next to a neighbor who was into chili dog and proud of it; Pierre subsequently moved as soon as he could.
chinless wonder, n.
snobby, rich man; British
Look at that Porsche . . . no doubt driven by some chinless wonder.
Look at that Porsche . . . no doubt driven by some rich snob.
choke the chicken, v.
to jerk off; American
Bill was choking the chicken when his mother came home, so he hid in the pantry to finish up. It was a long night.
You choke the chicken
before any big date, don’t you?
—There’s Something About Mary
circle jerk, n.
a group of men who stand in a circle and either jerk each other off or masturbate; American
Stephan dropped by a friend’s house with the understanding that there would be a circle jerk at his house, but when he got there, it was a baby shower instead. He should have kept his pants on.
the City, n.
Wall Street; British
My uncle is a hotshot banker in the City by day and an aspiring porn star by night. Same difference.
My uncle is a hotshot banker on Wall Street by day and an aspiring porn star by night. Same difference.
clever dick, n.
obnoxious know-it-all; British
When you interrupt my story with what happens at the end, you’re being a bloody clever dick.
When you interrupt my story with what happens at the end, you’re being a fucking obnoxious know-it-all.
DICK
The thirty-seventh president of the United States, Richard Millhouse Nixon, was such a clever dick that his nickname was Tricky Dick.
clit, n.
short for the clitoris; extremely sensitive area of a woman’s vagina that can be sexually stimulated; American
By the time, I found her clit, I was so drunk and exhausted I passed out right there.
DERIVATION: The clitoris goes by many names, but the clit word itself comes from the ancient Greek kleitoris, which translates as “the man with the key.” This surprisingly playful and perceptive derivation suggests that Greek women are happier than most.
WHO DISCOVERED THE CLIT?
Impossible as it may seem, men have been arguing over who discovered the clitoris for hundreds of years. The Italian physician Matteo Renaldo Columbo claimed his discovery of the “seat of a woman’s delight” in 1559; his rival anatomist Gabriele Fallopius (yes, that Fallopius) protested this assertion, insisting that it was indeed he who had discovered the clitoris. Some 100 years later, the Danish scientist Kaspar Bartolin debunked both men’s claims, pointing out references to the clit that dated back to the second century. Of course, every woman knows that if anyone discovered the clit, it was Eve in the Garden of Eden.
All of my piercings, sixteen places on my body, all of them done with a needle. Five in each ear, one through the nipple on my left breast, one through my right nostril, one through my left eyebrow, one in my lip, one in my clit . . .
one in my clit . . .
and I wear a stud in my tongue.
—Pulp Fiction
clot, n.
moron; British
The dickey-wearing Loren seemed sophisticated at first, but as soon as he opened his mouth, it was clear he was a clot.
The dickey-wearing Loren seemed sophisticated at first, but as soon as he opened his mouth, it was clear he was a moron.
cluster fuck, n.
chaos created by a group of incompetents; American
Every C-level management meeting is a cluster fuck.
DERIVATION: Also known as Charlie Foxtrot, a cluster fuck is a military term used to describe disastrous situations caused by too many inept commanding officers. The cluster refers to the oak-leaf shaped insignia worn by the brass.
Well then, stick to it
because you’re a walking cluster fuck as an infantry officer.
My men are hard chargers, Major! Lieutenant Ring and Gunny Highway took a handful of young fire pissers, exercised some personal initiative, and kicked ass!
—Heartbreak Ridge
cock block, v.
to block another person from having sex; American
Just when the chick I had been trying to score with all night was sliding her hand down my pants, Al walked into the bedroom and cock blocked me.
cock tease, n.
a woman who continually leads men to believe she will sleep with them but doesn’t; American
She told me how much she wanted to screw, but the cock tease left after dinner—and before dessert.
cocksucker, n.
derogatory term for a man who is inferior to oneself; a person who gives blowjobs; American
That cocksucker better get his SUV out of my spot before I key his car.
You can’t cut the throat of
every cocksucker whose character it would improve.
—Deadwood
codswallop, n.
baloney; British
Stop talking codswallop and blow me for fuck’s sake!
Stop talking baloney and blow me for fuck’s sake!
to come the raw prawn, v.
to act naïve; to bullshit; Australian
Don’t come the raw prawn with me, Enid; I know you borrowed my bike without asking.
Don’t bullshit me, Enid; I know you borrowed my bike without asking.
condom, n.
a contraceptive device made of latex worn on the penis; American
If you’re out of condoms on Ladies Night, you’re fucked (or not).
DERIVATION: Odds are the term condom comes from the Latin word for container: condos. But some insist that one enterprising seventeenth century Dr. Condom devised the sheath out of sheep gut to help His Royal Highness Charles II from spreading his, uh, seed throughout the land (Charles II had fathered at least fourteen illegitimate children at that time).
A condom is the glass slipper for our generation.
You slip one on when you meet a stranger.
You dance all night,and then throw it away.
—Fight Club
coochie, n.
vagina; American
That biddy was practically shoving her coochie in Ben’s face, but he was completely oblivious and ended up going home alone.
COOCHIE
The 2 Live Crew song “Pop That Coochie” is typical of the kind of music that came to be known as “booty rap” due to the graphic sexual nature of the lyrics. (Not to mention the title!)
cool your Joan Jetts, interj.
a phrase used by men to emasculate each other, implying femininity; American
So I told Michael, “Whoa there, missy, cool your Joan Jetts.”
Girls have got balls.
They’re just a little higher up that’s all.
—Joan Jett, rock star
cougar, n.
an older woman (sometimes a MILF), over 35, on the prowl for sex with younger men; American
This cougar was hitting on Rich outside of a club, but started talking about her kid, so he booked it out of there.
Sexiest Celluloid Cougars
1. Anne Bancroft as Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate
2. Jennifer Coolidge as Stifler’s Mom in American Pie
3. Ruth Gordon as Maude in Harold and Maude
4. Jane Seymour as Kitty Cat Cleary in Wedding Crashers
5. Jennifer O’Neill as Dorothy in Summer of ‘42
cow, n.
/>
a bitch; unattractive woman; British
His sister is a real cow, but, you know, I’d still slam it.
His sister is a real bitch, but, you know, I’d still hit it.
cracker, n.
derogatory term for a white person; American
That cracker on the Lakers can’t play basketball to save his life.
The white cracker who wrote
the National Anthem knew what he was doing. He set the word free to a note so high nobody could reach it.
That was deliberate.
—Angels in America
cracking, adj.
best; stunning; British
I went home with a cracking girl last night and she ended up being a dirty slut.
I went home with a stunning girl last night and she ended up being a dirty slut.
cream, v.
to ejaculate; American
I creamed on her face after sex then went to sleep while she cleaned up. I never saw her again.
cream pie, n.
a vagina or asshole with sperm dripping from it; American
We did it without a condom, and she had the messiest cream pie ever afterward.
crop dusting, v.
farting and walking simultaneously; American
When I’m waiting in line and there are annoying people behind me, I end up crop dusting them with the hope that it will shut them up.
cubicle, n.
a stall; British
The corner pub has a nice loo with three cubicles if you need to take a shit.
The corner bar has a nice bathroom with three stalls if you need to take a shit.
Take a shit in a cubicle in America—and you’ll get your ass fired.
cum, v.
to climax; a variation of “come” considered a more obscene spelling; American
Harold always yells “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” when having sex; he says it helps him cum.
cumshot, n.
ejaculation, usually on a woman’s face, but can be on other body parts; American
She still had some of my cumshot in her hair when we went out to dinner—it was a There’s Something About Mary moment.
cunnilingus, n.
the sexual act of giving oral pleasure to a woman’s clit; American
Carole never performs fellatio on her man unless he performs cunnilingus on her first—it’s a tit for twat thing.
DERIVATION: This Latin mouthful of a word comes from the happy marriage of the word cunnus (meaning vulva) and linguere (meaning to lick).
cunt, n.
cunt, a derogatory term for a woman; American
That cunt broke up with Ted by text message, and a second later she accidentally sent him a message meant for the guy who she had also been seeing.
SHOCKER
Considered by many to be one of the most offensive word in use in America, cunt was once described by feminist Germaine Greer as “one of the few remaining words in the English language with a genuine power to shock.”
You’re not a bad person.
You’re a terrific person.
You’re my favorite person.
But every once in a while, you can be a real cunt.
you can be a real cunt.
—Kill Bill: Volume 2
D
damn, v., n.
to curse, to condemn; a curse; American
When the priest says, “damn it all to hell,” he really means it.
DERIVATION: This word comes to us from the Latin damnare, meaning to inflict loss upon.
Frankly my dear,
I don’t give a damn.
—Gone With the Wind
dangly bits, n.
private parts (male); British
Trust me when my neighbour walks around his flat naked, you do not want to see his dangly bits.
Trust me, when my neighbor walks around his apartment naked, you do not want to see his dick.
declare war, v.
to have rough, angry sex with someone; American
I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me, so before I dumped her, I declared war on her until she had trouble walking.
debag someone, v.
to pants someone; British
My first day in the dorms, a group of hooligans debagged me.
My first day in the dorms, a group of bullies pulled my pants down.
deep throat, v.
in oral sex, when a man puts his entire penis down someone else’s throat; American
I saw a porn video where this girl deep throats an entire twelve-inch penis.
PORN CHIC
The 1972 movie Deep Throat was one of the first plot-driven porno films, giving rise to the term “porn chic.” This groundbreaking X-rated flick asked the burning story question: How far does a girl have to go to untangle her tingle?
destroy, v.
to have angry, dominative sex; American
He loved sex and also loved to be dominated; needless to say, I would destroy him on a nightly basis.
Minister: You may now kiss the bride.Peter: Kiss her?
I’m going to destroy her.
—Family Guy
dibs, n.
the act of claiming someone or something so nobody else can take it; American
Marcus called dibs on that chick at the bar, and none of us said a word because he was pointing at a billboard of the Miller girls.
dick, n.
penis; a jerk; American
Dick is a dick with a nine-inch dick.
Dick is a variation of the Old English moniker Richard, so commonplace a name that it came to mean “Everyman”— and every man has a penis.
dick around, v.
to do nothing of worth; to waste time; American
Murray shouldn’t dick around as much with video games, or his girlfriend will dump him and he’ll have to create a cyber girlfriend.
You wanna be in a band? Fine. Go ahead. Play every night. Play three times a night!
Don’t just dick around the same coffee house for five years.
—Reality Bites
dickwad, n.
jerk; American
Not every Dick is a dickwad, but every dickwad is a dick.
Chill out, dickwad.
—Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Dirty Sanchez, n.
an act where a man wipes his penis on a woman’s upper lip to create a mustache after anal sex; American
I love a woman with a mustache, so I gave her a Dirty Sanchez. She was not amused.
documentary, n.
a discreet signal to a friend that there is a sophisticated hot chick in ear range; sign to get a sophisticated girl’s attention; American
Did you see that documentary about that girl, I don’t remember her name, but she had handlebars and always wore a striped shirt.
dodgy, adj.
not to be trusted; sketchy; British
That Alec is right dodgy. He’s always hitting on underage girls.
Alec is really sketchy. He’s always hitting on jailbait.
dogging, v.
having sex in public; British
The long-married couple kept their sex life fresh by dogging in Central Park on their vacation in New York City. But no one even noticed.
The long-married couple kept their love life fresh by having sex in public in Central Park on their vacation in New York City. But no one even noticed.
doggy style, n.
sex from behind; American
She had such a nice ass I just had to bend her over and give it to her doggy style.
MOO
The ancient sex manual known as the Kama Sutra describes several positions that feature what we think of as doggy-style fucking. The most famous of these is called the Congress of the Cow.
donkey punch, v.
to punch someone in the back of the head during orgasm when having sex doggy style; American
The cocksucker tried to donkey punch me last night but I saw him move in the mirr
or and managed to duck.
doolally, adj.
crazy, eccentric; from doolally tap, meaning “camp fever”; British
That sexy, short girl I brought back to my flat was fucking doolally in bed.
That pocket nymph I brought back to my apartment was fucking crazy in bed.
WAITING
This expression comes from Deolali, India, where British forces were stationed during colonial times. Soldiers there suffered from a fever that induced delusions while waiting for their homebound ships.
doris, n.
girlfriend or wife; British
We can actually hang out tonight because my doris and her friends are watching Sex and the City for the millionth time.
We can actually go out and play pool tonight because my girlfriend and her friends are watching Sex and the City for the millionth time.
double clicking the mouse, v.
female masturbation; American
When I came home and saw my girlfriend double clicking the mouse while staring at herself in a mirror, I thought, “I really want to have sex with that narcissist.”
double fisting, n.
the act of fisting with both hands (putting both hands inside someone’s vagina or anus); American
He can’t walk a straight line because he’s obsessed with double fisting.
DERIVATION: Double fisting can also refer to carrying a glass of beer in each hand at the same time. That’s why your chances of double fisting your girlfriend double if she’s been double fisting beer the whole night.
douche bag, n.
a person who is an asshole and not redeemable or likeable in any capacity; American
That douche bag not only cut in front of us at the bar, but also didn’t tip the bartender.
Beth McIntire is from a whole ’nother planet, bro. I mean, she’s beautiful, she’s charming. As for you, I mean, I love you and all but let’s face it: you’re kind of a douche bag.
—Cloverfield
The Little Red Book of Very Dirty Words Page 3