by Vicki Delany
“Thanks for the baking,” Joanne said.
When my sister came into the kitchen, I was sitting at the table watching Lily polish off her muffin.
“Do you want me to call the doctor?”
“No. Really, I’m fine. I tripped over something and fell, that’s all. In fact, I’m quite pleased it didn’t bring a headache on.” That, at least, was the truth. “Does your mother-in-law regularly pop around uninvited in the middle of the day?”
Joanne sighed. “Lily, go upstairs and change. The horses need a brushing and Dad tells me you didn’t do a very good job of cleaning the stalls yesterday.”
“Yes, I did,” Lily replied, heading out the door. “Black Beauty just poops a lot.”
Joanne laughed, but then a cloud settled over her face. “Marlene? She doesn’t often drop by like that. She needs an excuse. She can be imaginative about excuses.”
“Are you sure Connor’s cut wasn’t too bad?”
“No. I mean, yes. I’m sure. When are you supposed to go back and see her again?”
“See who?”
“The doctor.”
I shrugged. “When I think I need to.” I hadn’t been to see Doctor Mansour for a couple of weeks. There didn’t seem to be much point, and I did think I was getting better.
“You may not have a headache right now, but you need to take it easy for a while. I’ll take care of dinner.”
“Sure.”
Lily ran back into the kitchen, dressed in old jeans and a black T-shirt.
“I’ll help you with the horses,” I said.
“That wasn’t what I meant by taking it easy,” Joanne said.
“Great!” Lily said.
The family owned two horses, Black Beauty who was, well, black, and Tigger, a younger and smaller gray one. They were in the paddock next to the barn, tails constantly moving, muscles twitching. As soon as they saw us approaching, both animals meandered slowly over to the fence and waited. Beauty tossed her head, and Tigger scratched his hip against the wood.
“Here,” Lily said, “you can feed them.” She handed me a couple of carrots. Tigger moved suddenly and his big teeth lunged for them. I jumped back, and Lily smiled. “He’s always hungry. Beauty has much better manners, don’t you, old girl?” She held a carrot out and the black horse closed its lips over it while Tigger tried to get in on the action. I offered Tigger my carrots and he swung his head around and grabbed the offering as if it were the last carrot on earth. As soon as he’d finished, before I could even enjoy a pat, he wandered away to search for something more interesting.
“You’re welcome,” I shouted after him.
Beauty remained with Lily. She reached up to stroke the horse’s soft nose and ran her thin, long-fingered hands across the powerful neck. Beauty stretched her head out and nuzzled Lily’s arm. The girl laughed, and the horse gave a whinny like a puff of air on the summer’s breeze, leaned forward, and lowered her head. Lily whispered and cooed and stroked. Beauty stamped her front feet but she did not move. The girl laid her forehead against the horse’s long nose. And they stood there, together, not speaking but communicating.
I had never seen anything so beautiful.
***
We were sitting down to dinner, pasta with shrimp and fresh peas, and Charlie was telling the family about how he’d almost scored a goal at soccer today when we heard a knock on the front door.
Jake and Joanne exchanged looks, and he got up to answer.
He was back in a moment, leading Grant Harrison.
Joanne rose to her feet, “Grant, is something the matter?”
“Probably not. Sorry to bother you at dinner. I’m looking for Hila. I was hoping she might be here.”
“No,” Joanne said. “She’s never been in our home. Although she’s always welcome. Hannah?”
“Sorry, Grant. I haven’t seen her.”
“What time did you finish your walk?” he asked me.
“We didn’t go for a walk today.”
His eyes opened in surprise. “I’m sorry. I thought you went with her every day.”
“Not every day.”
“What did you do this afternoon, then?” Joanne asked. “Before you had that fall?”
“Nothing in particular,” I said, very quickly. I stood up. “Are you saying Hila’s missing?”
“Maude and I lunched with friends in town, and then we did some shopping. Hila wasn’t home when we got back. We assumed you and she had gone for your regular walk. Her hiking shoes are gone. It wasn’t long ago when Maude realized it was getting late. She worries, you know. We thought Hila might have come here for tea. I’m sure it’s nothing. No doubt she lost track of the time. Sorry to bother you.”
I glanced at the clock on the stove. Six-thirty. Hila and I were always back from our walks before four.
“I’ll help you look,” Jake said.
“I don’t know where to look. She doesn’t have any friends. Other than you, Hannah. She never goes anywhere, and there isn’t anyplace she can go. Certainly not on foot.”
“Is Buddy with her?” Lily asked.
Grant shook his head. “No. The dog’s at home.”
“I’m sure she’s simply taken a wrong path,” Joanne said. “It’s easy enough to get lost in the woods, isn’t it? Does she have a cell phone?”
Grant shook his head. “Didn’t seem any point in getting her one. As I said, she has no one to call.”
“Jake’ll check our property,” Joanne said. “She might have…” my sister looked at me “…tripped and fallen. I’ll phone the houses on the road, ask if anyone’s seen her.”
“I’d appreciate that,” Grant said. “We don’t know the neighbors.” He pulled a slip of paper out of his pocket. “Here’s our number.”
“We’ll call if we find anything,” Jake said, accepting the card.
He walked Grant Harrison to the door. He didn’t come back into the kitchen, but went through the office to the porch for his boots.
“Finish your dinner, kids,” Joanne said. “I have a few phone calls to make and then we’ll have dessert.”
“Is Hila okay?” Lily asked. “She should have taken Buddy with her. Buddy wouldn’t get lost.”
“I’m sure she’s perfectly fine. Mr. Harrison’s worrying about nothing. It’s such a nice evening, I bet Hila decided she’d like a lovely long walk, that’s all.”
I stayed at the kitchen table while the kids finished their dinner. Joanne made her phone calls and came back, giving me a quick shake of her head. She served up ice cream and tiny perfect strawberries and told Charlie and Lily they could take their dessert to watch TV for half an hour. She and I sat at the table, drinking tea. Jake was soon back, saying, “Not a sign of her, but I found that rooster of yours and brought him back. He’s lucky it was me found him and not a fox or a coyote.”
Chapter Fourteen
I didn’t sleep much that night. Omar was back, as strong as ever. I lay in the dark and listened to the sleeping house and hoped Hila had found her way home. Grant had not called again, but there was a distance to him and perhaps it wouldn’t have occurred to him that it would be polite to let us know she was safe.
When the first soft light touched the edges of the blinds, I rolled out of bed and made my way downstairs in my nightgown. I made tea and was hugging the mug between my hands when Jake came in. He was dressed, but his hair was tousled and he was rubbing sleep out of his eyes. He gave me a look and said, “No breakfast?”
“What?”
“You can’t even make the coffee? Never mind. I’ll get it started. We’ve got a busy day ahead of us. Tomorrow’s Saturday, market day, and we have a lot to do to get ready. You could help out now and again, you know, Hannah. Like make breakfast.”
Stung by the criticism, I
said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t sleep last night. I don’t like coffee when I’m not feeling well.”
“Some of us do.” He got out the frying pan and went to the fridge for eggs and bread. His movements were quick and sharp, and I could tell he was angry.
“Looks like it’s going to be a nice day,” I said, trying to sound friendly.
He grunted in reply and cracked eggs into a bowl.
Footsteps sounded upstairs and water rushed down the pipes.
It was Joanne’s turn to drive to camp, and she said she’d take Charlie this morning as well. She hustled the children outside as soon as they finished eating. I remained at the kitchen table with my now-cold cup of tea. The headache had settled into a dull throb and it would be gone soon. I glanced at the clock. Seven-thirty. Too early to phone the Harrisons for an update on Hila.
By the time I had my shower, dressed, and headed out to collect the eggs, Joanne’s car was back in the driveway. I heard voices in the greenhouse and headed over, thinking I might volunteer to pack the boxes for market.
“…my sister,” Joanne said as I approached.
I stopped walking.
“I know that,” Jake said, “But how long do you plan to look after her?”
“As long as she needs.”
“Needs. She’ll need looking after forever. She swans around in her nightgown doing nothing but lifting a cold compress to her forehead, and you and Lily treat her like she’s a Victorian maiden having the vapors.” He raised his voice to an imitation of a woman. “Can I get you your pills, Aunt Hannah? Here’s a cup of tea, Hannah. No, no, don’t get up, Hannah. I’ll get it for you.”
“You’re not being fair. She’s had a major brain injury. You heard what Mom said.”
“Yeah, your mom said she might never be able to work again. Christ, Joanne, does that mean she’ll be living here when the kids are in university?”
My mom thought I might never recover?
“Please, Jake. She can’t live on her own. She’s much better here than in Mom and Dad’s condo in the city. They don’t have the room for one thing.”
“They could make room if they wanted to.”
“The new doctor told her being in the country was good for her. Apparently people heal faster among nature.”
Jake snorted. “Send her to a nursing home where she can sit out in the garden all day with the other loonies.”
“You can’t be serious! She’s my sister. What do you want me to do? What can I do?”
“If you won’t send her to your parents, you can stop coddling her for one thing. And you can tell Lily to back off. What the hell do you think you’re teaching our daughter? If she’s weak and helpless everyone’ll make a fuss over her?”
I felt tears gathering behind my eyes. I thought I was a great role model for Lily.
I had been. Once.
“She’s hurt, Jake. People with her were killed, remember?”
“Yeah, and she’ll be milking that until the day she dies. I can’t afford to feed a useless mouth, Joanne.”
“She helps out.”
“Right, she collects the eggs. And heats up soup you canned. Anything else? Nope. She’s damned useless. Even Connor trips all over himself to help her with the lunch dishes. All she accomplishes is to give you more work. No, hear me out. She’s not trying to get better. She pops pills and sleeps all day. She’s been here two months, Joanne. Long enough. Send her back to your parents or find a place that will take her. She’s not my responsibility anymore.”
I’d heard enough. I crept around the corner of the greenhouse and cut across the yard to the chicken coop, trying to stay concealed behind a tractor and the WWOOFERS’ trailer. Tears streamed down my face. Omar laughed and echoed Jake. Damned useless.
As I was rounding the corner of the trailer, a car pulled up. I ducked down.
It was Connor’s car, but he sat in the passenger seat. A man was driving. He had small dark eyes, short black hair, and a full beard. His eyes swept the farmyard as Connor got out. A bandage was wrapped around his left hand. The car backed up and turned into the road in a spray of gravel.
Joanne emerged from the greenhouse and walked toward Connor. Her footsteps were hard and her face set into angry lines. One didn’t need to be eavesdropping to know she’d had a fight with her husband.
“Morning, Joanne.” Connor lifted his hand. “All fixed up. I had an idea yesterday and want to talk to you about it.”
“You’re late,” she snapped.
Connor shrugged. “Sorry. My cousin’s car’s in the shop so he needs to use mine.”
“Liz is getting the produce bagged and labeled for tomorrow. Go and help her. And then I want you stringing the tomatoes. We’re way behind this year.”
“Yes, ma’am. Anything else, ma’am?”
“Mock me and you’re fired. Get it?” She was not joking.
Connor’s face fell. “Gee. Sorry.”
I waited until everyone had gone about their business before coming out of hiding. I slipped back into the house and went up to my room. Where I lay on my bed and had a good long cry.
I was sick. I was trying. I wanted to get better. I wanted to go back to work. I wanted my life back. I was not a candidate for the loony bin.
I wanted to smash my fist into Omar’s leering grin.
Rather than retreating, Omar regrouped his forces and crept forward. I gritted my teeth and determined that I was not going to give in.
I wasn’t.
I grabbed my pill bottle and twisted the top open. I shook one into my hand. Not many left.
Could I stay here? If Jake didn’t want me?
Joanne wanted me.
Did she? Or did she just feel she had to defend me to her husband?
I lay on my bed and cried some more.
I cried for Simon and for the child I would never know. I cried for my job and for all the lost women. I cried for Hila and her ruined face and dead family.
Hila.
How could I possibly have forgotten about Hila?
I rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom to splash water on my face. I peered at myself in the mirror. I looked, quite simply, as bad as I felt. Thick black clouds crowded the edges of my vision. I narrowed my eyes and tried to peer through a tunnel in the center as I made my way downstairs to get the piece of paper Grant had left with his phone number. I could hardly see by the time I got to the bottom.
The doorbell rang.
No one else, of course, was in the house to get it.
It was the police. An Ontario Provincial Police officer in dark blue uniform with a pale blue-gray stripe running down the pant leg. He was young, tall and lanky, and totally bald. His huge ears stuck out to the sides making it look as if he were preparing to take flight.
“Ms. Manning?” he said
“One of them. Is it about Hila?”
“Yes.”
“She isn’t…?”
“Ms. Popalzai has been reported missing. I understand Mr. Harrison came here yesterday looking for her.”
“That’s right. My brother-in-law searched the property and my sister phoned the neighbors. No sign of her.”
“Are they home? We’d like permission to do a full search of your property.”
“They’re out in the fields, I think. I can call them and ask them to come in.”
“Please,” he said. “I’m Constable Graves, by the way.”
“Hannah Manning.” I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. I called Joanne and told her what was happening. I thought it best to leave it to her to contact Jake.
I told the officer I’d meet him at the side door and went to put on my boots. A plain car pulled into the driveway and parked beside the farm shop. Two people got out. A woman, dressed i
n beige trousers, matching light-weight summer jacket, and black boots. The man wore a leather jacket over an open-necked shirt and chinos and dark sunglasses. The woman said something to Graves, but the man did not offer greetings. He studied the farm yard.
Jake arrived at a run. Joanne followed on her beat-up old bike. Liz was back at work after yesterday’s illness, and she and Connor came out of the greenhouse to see what was going on. They kept their distance.
The police officer introduced himself, and he and Jake shook hands. The woman stepped forward and also took Jake’s hand, but the man in plain clothes stood back. Jake’s eyes flicked toward him, but he said nothing.
I didn’t need to be introduced. I knew who, or rather what, he was.
“I’m Sergeant McNeil,” the woman said to Jake and Joanne. “We’d like your permission to search your property. Ms. Hila Popalzai has been reported missing, and Mr. Harrison tells us she regularly walks in the woods that run behind your farm.”
“That’s right.” Jake pointed at me. He did not look at my face. “Hannah there often went with her.”
“There are snowmobile paths all through these woods. A maze of them. I suppose someone could get lost.” I didn’t add that one could get lost all right, for about an hour. This wasn’t the wilderness. Roads, houses, and farms surrounded the small patches of woodland. Just keep walking and you’d come to a road before long. And a friendly local passing by would be more than happy to give you a lift.
Was Hila hurt, lying somewhere with a broken leg?
Had the friendly local turned out to be not so friendly?
“We have searchers out,” McNeil said. “A dog’s trying to find her path from the Harrison house. Unfortunately Mr. and Mrs. Harrison were all over the trails behind their house searching yesterday and the dog’s having trouble getting the scent.”
“I checked the farm last night,” Jake said. “Didn’t see any sign of her.”
“Nevertheless, I’d like to have a look around. May I go into your outbuildings?”