by Desiree Holt
“Yes. Everyone will be a long time getting over this.”
Marissa rubbed her forehead. “It makes me sick to know how many people were partnered with Maes and made money on the blood of others. If I’d had a little more time, I know I would have uncovered all of that.”
“Yes, I believe you would have. In any event, it’s someone else’s mess now. Forget about it and get some rest.”
Her car was in the driveway, and Avery handed her the keys.
“I know you’re perfectly capable of driving yourself back and forth,” she said. “Still, call when you want to go back to the hospital. Less hassle for you.”
Marissa was silent for a long moment, figuring out how to phrase what she had to say. “Avery, I’m not going back to the hospital. At least for now.”
Very little ever got a reaction from Avery but her eyebrows rose almost to her hairline. “You’re not? I can’t imagine why. It’s obvious there’s something good going on between you and Justin. Why would you turn your back on him?”
“I’m not.” She nibbled on her thumbnail. “Well, not exactly.”
“Well, then, what, exactly?”
She hadn’t meant to dump it all on Avery, but the minute she opened her mouth, there it was, like an unstoppable waterfall. Everything. Their feelings for each other. His commitment to Vigilance. The possibility that his career would be a stumbling block to a relationship. For him, not her.
Avery was silent for a long time.
“It’s really not up to me to convince either of you one way or another. I’ll just say two things. One. I’ve seen many relationships like this work very well as long as both parties have a strong commitment. I see it in Vigilance. And two, don’t make decisions for Justin. Go back to the hospital. Talk to him. Figure out if what you have is real.”
“I’m just being sensible,” she insisted. “I don’t want him to feel any sense of obligation. Putting any pressure on him while he’s just at the beginning of the healing process is a bad idea. I thought I’d wait until he was a lot more recovered.”
Avery shook her head. “This might be the very thing that helps him heal faster. Will you at least think about it?”
“Yes. I’ll think.” She opened the car door. “I promise.”
“That’s good enough for me. At least for the moment.”
Marissa closed the door, climbed the steps to her little porch, and walked into her house. She was so weary she could hardly move. The air was musty and stale, so she opened some windows to let in the fresh breeze. She had little in the house to eat, but food was the last thing on her mind at the moment. She was more tired than she could ever remember being.
She stumbled into her bedroom threw off her clothes, and climbed into bed. And prayed for sleep.
* * * *
“What do you mean wants to give me time? Time for what?” Justin was sure his blood pressure had just kicked up twenty notches. “She has to come back.”
Avery chuckled. “She doesn’t have to do anything.”
“Yes, she does.”
He waved the hand with the IV in it, wondering how long they were going to keep pumping him full of antibiotics this way. He’d insisted they stop the intravenous pain meds. The level of pain had receded, and he had a high threshold anyway. Now he wanted off this stupid IV setup. Why couldn’t they just give him a couple of pills? This morning he’d complained so much about it the nurse threatened to bring back the catheter if he didn’t quit his bitching. He knew he was acting like an idiot, but he didn’t care.
Now Marissa had disappeared, and he wanted her back. He had no idea why she’d taken off the way she had, before they even had a chance to talk.
Avery chuckled. “She’s only been gone three hours, Justin.”
“Feels like three days. Did she say why she left? I know you drove her home because she didn’t have her car here. She must have said something to you.” When Avery didn’t answer, he added, “Well? Give it up, Avery.”
“I have no idea how I got into the role of relationship counselor and I’m getting out of it is fast as I can. Okay. Here it is. I don’t know what happened between the two of you at Princessa Key, and I don’t want any details. I do know that I saw something growing between you guys before that.” She paused.
“Well?” Justin prompted. “Don’t stop there.”
“She’s aware things escalate during danger. People say and do things that change when the danger is passed, and she doesn’t want you to feel any obligation to make a commitment to her.”
His eyes widened. “What the fuck? Jesus, Avery. I said things to her I’ve never said to another woman. Nothing’s changed about that. At least for me. I figured we’d have a chance to move this thing forward once the danger was past. I didn’t think some fucking asshole was going to rearrange my face and try to slice up my organs.”
“I believe she’s worried about compromising your career. That you’ll make sacrifices to—” She stopped because Justin was shaking his head.
“Have I wondered if I had any right to ask her to share my life with me? Damn straight. Anyone in my position has those misgivings. You know that.” He rubbed his hand over his still discolored face. “I never thought I’d meet anyone I felt that way about. But shit. From the minute I met her we had this invisible connection.”
“Wow!” Avery grinned. “Look at you, being all touchy feely.”
“Yeah, right.” He’d managed to push down the edges of the physical pain. That was something he’d done way too many times. But not this emotional pain, which was so foreign to him.
“Others make it work. We can, too. That’s all the stuff I wanted to talk to her about. And Marissa has a greater understanding of my job, which should make it easier.”
“Or harder,” Avery pointed out. She cocked her head and studied his face. “I have to say, Justin, you surprise me.”
“Why’s that?”
“You’ve always been so self-controlled emotionally. So immersed in your missions. Even during your recreational off times, you were friendly and certainly had your share of women. But it’s like you never wanted any of them to get beneath the top layer.”
“You’re right,” he agreed. “But I enjoyed Marissa the times we were thrown together. Maybe because I sensed she kept so much of herself beneath the surface, too.”
“So what changed?”
He had to search his mind for the answer, since he hadn’t really stopped to figure it out.
“I think when she started taking the kickboxing lessons. There was something simmering beneath the surface, and it wasn’t just the physical attraction. When you sent me to Rosewood with her, I took a chance because I thought she felt the same way.”
Avery’s lips curved in a tiny grin. “And I’m guessing it worked.”
Heat surged through him as he remembered exactly how well it had worked. But he wasn’t about to give Avery any details.
“Yes. And that’s all you need to know.”
“Okay, here’s my take, for what it’s worth.” She leaned forward. “I think she’s worried you’ll be distracted thinking about her when you’re on a job, or weigh options differently in certain situations. She doesn’t want you to feel an obligation to her and—”
“An obligation?” he almost shouted the words.
“Cool it, or you’ll split your stitches.”
“This is my fault. I figured we’d have plenty of time to talk and move this thing between us forward after the Maes situation was resolved. And if that bastard hadn’t stuck me with his knife, we would have. But I—” He stopped. “Never mind. Saying this to you does me no good. I need to talk to her. You’re good at getting people to do things. How about getting her back to the hospital so we can talk?”
“I’ll try.”
Justin shook his head. “No trying, only doing. The soone
r the better.”
“All right. I guess my business can run without me for a couple more hours while I play matchmaker.”
At that Justin laughed, albeit a rusty sound. “Don’t give me that. You can run that business from a rowboat in the middle of the ocean with a cell phone.”
A wry smile played over her lips. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. All right, let me see what I can do.”
“I want results,” he called after her as she walked to the door.
She just shook her head and flapped a wave at him.
* * * *
Marissa was sitting out on her tiny patio with a cup of coffee, trying to figure out the rest of her life, and wondering how she was going to fill the hole in her heart, when her cell rang.
She looked at the screen. Avery. She was tempted to let it go to voice mail, but then she couldn’t be rude to the woman who had been nothing but nice to her.
“Morning,” she greeted her.
“I come without muffins,” Avery told her, “but if I need to bribe you ,we can always take a detour through town and pick them up.”
“Bribe me for what? Oh, wait. Where are my manners? How about a cup of coffee?”
“No, thanks. I’m coffee’d out for the moment.” Avery dropped into the other chair at the table. “I just came to chat a little.”
Marissa frowned. “But we already talked this morning when you brought me home. What else is there to say?”
“Apparently a lot, so I’m here on a mission, and I want you to listen to everything I say before you make a comment.”
She talked, and Marissa listened, more astonished at every sentence that came out of Avery’s mouth. When the other woman finished, she sat there, not quite knowing what to say.
“I guess I just figured it was the situation prompting everything that happened. That once things were back to normal, he’d just remember it as a nice interlude.” And how often had she thought that to herself?
Avery stared at her. “If that’s what you think, then you don’t know Justin Kelly very well. Look. I can’t force you short of taking you at gunpoint, but I think you owe it to both of you to get to the hospital as fast as you can and work this out. Happiness is too fragile to let it slip through your fingers, especially when it could just be a stupid misunderstanding on someone’s part.”
“You mean my part,” Marissa said.
“If the shoe fits and all that.” Avery rose and picked up her keys. “Now it’s up to you, kiddo. Make the right choice, for both of you.”
Marissa barely remembered the drive to the hospital, thankful for all the prominent signs along the interstate and in the city. Her brain was on autopilot. She’d been so determined to give Jason time to make sure how he felt. Time to analyze how a relationship between them would work, but she was out of practice in that area.
Don’t get your hopes up, she kept repeating to herself. Maybe he just wants to make sure we’re still friends.
The only empty spaces in the parking garage were on the top floor, and the elevator moving downward seemed to be stuck on a very slow pace. At last she was on his floor and hurrying down the corridor. Just before she reached his room she paused, gathering herself.
Holy shit, she thought. I didn’t even put on makeup or anything. Oh, well. I guess this is the chance to see if it’s the real me he wants.
Letting out a slow breath, she pushed on his partially open door and walked into the room.
If she’d had any misgivings at all, they disappeared the moment she saw Justin sitting up in bed. There was no mistaking his grin or the light in his eyes.
“Come here, woman,” he growled, albeit in a slightly subdued voice. “Right now. I want to touch you. If I get out of this bed, I’m liable to rip out all my stitches.”
“They’ve had you up for a short time for the past couple of days,” she reminded him.
“Yeah, but right now I might not be able to take it slow. Come on, Marissa. Come closer.” He paused. “Please.”
“All right.”
When she was near enough that he could reach her, he grabbed one of her hands. “Marissa.”
Her name sounded like a caress the way he said it. And just that simple contact sent both chills and heat through her system, and her pulse thrummed a steady beat.
“I-I’m sorry I ran out while you were still sleeping. I just—”
He touched two fingers to her lips. “Ssh. Me first.” He caressed her knuckles with his thumb.
The need she was trying so hard to tamp down spiked. How had she thought she could walk away from him, even for a little while?
“I figured we had plenty of time to talk after the Maes situation was resolved. I always expected it would be taken care of soon, just not the way it happened.”
“But good riddance,” she interrupted.
“I agree. Only with the way things happened I didn’t have the chance to tell you how I feel.” He stroked his thumb over her hand, which he still held. “Those things I said at Rosewood? That wasn’t just the heat of the moment, or the edge of danger situation, or any of the other things that might be running through your mind.”
“I just wanted—”
Again, he touched her lips with the fingers of his free hand.
“Not finished. You don’t know me well enough. Yet. But I’m not a guy who throws words like that around. And I didn’t even get to say the most important ones.”
“Most important?” She quirked an eyebrow.
“I love you. And I want a relationship with you. A permanent one. Let’s go from there.”
“But I explained to Avery about—”
“Not your turn yet. Anyway. I’m not in the most stable business. If anyone knows that, it’s you. But I don’t take unnecessary risks. I’m not a danger junkie. Even when I went up to the restaurant at Rosewood, I knew Mike and the team were arriving any minute.”
“Please let me say something,” she broke in. “Before you go any further. I’m not worried about how you do your job. Three years undercover taught me that life is full of risk. That you have to grab what you can when you can.”
He looked bewildered. “Then what’s the problem?”
“I was afraid you’d think better of the things you said and decide your life was too risky to make me a part of it. Or that I’d be too much of a distraction.”
“Distraction? Really? Is that how you see the kind of discipline I have? I must be doing something wrong.”
God, this was just going sideways. She was doing it all wrong.
“That’s not what I mean.” She tried to find the right words, but her brain seemed to have a kink in it. “Yes, I’ve seen the kind of discipline you have. I just…the risks…I don’t want to affect how you do your job.”
“And if I said yes, I’m in a business filled with risks, what would you say?”
She studied him, looking for clues. Maybe he wanted to hear it from her first.
“What would I say? Okay. Here it is. Justin, it’s just like I said. Life is full of risks. You could get killed crossing the street. After everything I’ve been through, I can handle anything as long as I know you love me.”
“I love you.”
She stared at him, stunned. “Just like that?”
He nodded. “Just like that. Marissa, we have something very special going here. We agreed on that before all hell broke loose. I want a chance to make that grow. To plan a life together. Here. Or anywhere you’d like to go. With Maes out of the way, your options are unlimited, and I can live anywhere.”
She linked her fingers with his and watched him while she let it rattle around in her mind. But she already knew what her answer would be.
“I know we can go anywhere, but I want to stay in Arrowhead Bay. I love it there. The town, my gallery, the people. We have friends there. Would you
be good with that?”
“Whatever works for you works for me. As long as I know you love me, all is good.”
She smiled at him. “I love you.”
“Come here.” He let go of her hand and opened his arms.
“We have to be careful of your stitches,” she reminded him.
“My stitches are fine. Everything’s fine as long as I can hold you.”
Because the rails were now down in the bed she was able to get close enough to him that he could put his arms around her. She hugged him, being very careful of his wound. He tipped her face up with his fingers and placed a soft kiss on her lips. Heat surged through her and the last bit of tension left her body.
“Maybe.” He winked. “When I get out of here, I’m going to take you away someplace secluded, so we can concentrate on each other, make love, and talk about our future. How does that sound?”
“Sounds great to me. But please. No secluded Caribbean islands, okay?”
Justin burst out laughing. “That’s a deal.”
After that there was no more talking for a long time.
Meet the Author
Desiree Holt is the USA Today bestselling author of the Game On! and Vigilance series, as well as many other books and series in the romantic suspense, paranormal and erotic romance genres.
She has been featured on CBS Sunday Morning and in The Village Voice, The Daily Beast, USA Today, The (London) Daily Mail, The New Delhi Times, The Huffington Post and numerous other national and international publications. Readers can find her on Facebook and Twitter, and visit her at www.desireeholt.com as well as www.desiremeonly.com.
Hide And Seek
In case you missed it, keep reading for an excerpt from book one in the Vigilance series
Anything can happen when you let your guard down . . .
After receiving a violent threat on the heels of her father’s disappearance from the town of Arrowhead Bay, Devon Cole fears for her life—until Vigilance, a local private security agency, steps in to shield her from danger. Although she isn’t usually quick to surrender her freedom, she has no problem stripping her defenses for her new sexy bodyguard . . .