I dropped my eyes. I couldn’t argue with that. But I didn’t mean it to be noticeable. The tiniest of smiles began to creep out. Itwas a lot of fun. And it didn’t seem to be hurting anyone. Unless—
“What if he has a girlfriend?” I asked, rearranging myself against the log so we faced each other.
“He doesn’t. Remember what he said this morning? He was glad he didn’t have a girlfriend to keep him up talking all night? It’s just harmless flirting, Syd. It’s a fun self-esteem builder, that’s all.”
I snorted, and cocked my head at her. “And if it backfires, are you going to pick up the pieces?”
“Yes, but it won’t.” She leaned closer and grinned. “Trust me.”
Emily and I had our heads together, whispering and giggling, occasionally sneaking a peek at Matt. A moment later, she tapped her finger on my arm and grinned.
Matt turned toward us and caught us watching him. He looked over his shoulder, then back at us, then over the other shoulder before looking at us again. Of course we laughed. Exactly what he wanted, I could tell. He grinned.
Okay, that was cute.
He excused himself and wandered around the fire to where we sat.
Okay, that was scary.
“Hi,” said Emily. I looked at her and giggled softly. In one word she had managed to say, “Hello tall, dark, and handsome stranger. Come talk to us, your adoring fans.”
“Hi there, fisher ladies,” he said. He nodded and smiled at Em, then looked at me in my jeans and sweatshirt. He hunkered down beside me. “Warm enough?”
I grinned saucily at him. (Or at least tried. I’m not sure what a “saucy” grin looks like, but it sounds sexy in a cuter way than pure sexy — which isn’t me.) “For now,” I said.
Oh my gosh, I did it! Even I recognized that as flirting.
“Let me know if you get cold,” he said, never taking his eyes off me. “I’ll give you the shirt off my back — ’cause I’m that kind of guy.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.
“Very Good Samaritan of you, kind sir. But how many shirts can you give away? Because you’ve already given me two.”
He laughed. It made me feel like maybe I was cute and funny. I remembered his T-shirt from this morning. “So, what does ‘Runs With Scissors’ mean?”
“It’s my Indian name.”
I paused for an instant, then laughed. No,he was the cute and funny one.
The three of us chatted and laughed and ate s’mores. I could tell that Matt noticed me flirting. And it looked like he was enjoying it. Em was right — I was feeling much better.
After a while, Emily got to her feet. “I think I’m going to hit the hay so I can get up early and catch some fish before we go home tomorrow.” She yawned a very ladylike (i.e., fake) yawn. “G’night, you two.”
I looked around, suddenly noticing that the three of us were the only ones left around the fire. “Oh! Well—”
“Hey,” Em said quickly, “would you mind giving me five minutes of privacy? I need to write a letter.”
I looked at her funny. A letter?
“Oh, what am I saying?” She laughed down at Matt and me, still sitting against the log. “It’ll take me more than five minutes to write a letter. Would you mind giving me a half hour?”
I chickened out. Couldn’t do it. “I promise not to look,” I said, getting up and dusting myself off.
Emily didn’t give up easily. “I don’t want to keep you up with the light on and all.”
“Don’t worry. I can sleep through anything.” A big lie, and she knew it. “Thanks for the s’mores, Matt. See you in the morning.”
Before she could say anything more than “good night,” I grabbed her hand and hightailed it for the safety of our room.
Fun self-esteem building would have to wait for another day.
THE next morning, I slept in while the others took one last shot at fresh fish before we left for home. Having reconciled myself to the fact that it’s nature I enjoy, not fishing, I sat on the porch swing most of the morning, thinking. I’d wanted an escape from my life so I could figure things out. I got the escape, but still had no idea what to do when I returned home.
I thought about Matt. Did the fact that I was so attracted to him mean my heart was healing? Or did it mean I was a complete basket case, a loser who couldn’t go a day without a man in her life? I couldn’t figure it out. I’d lost all perspective on my life.
I leaned my head back against the porch swing and rocked. The birds sang choruses all around me. I heard a squirrel chatter. Occasionally the leaves rustled in the breeze. I took a deep breath and let it out.
Maybe now was the time to simplydecide to feel better. The words of my junior high gym teacher echoed in my head: “Fake it till you make it.” Could I do that? Could I hold onto this peace that I felt right now?
Surprised, I opened my eyes and stopped rocking for a moment. Hey, Idid feel at peace. It’s been so long, I didn’t even recognize it at first. A lazy grin spread over my face as I closed my eyes and started rocking again.
After a while, I went inside and grabbed a banana and a bag of Reese’s Pieces (nutritious, I know) and headed off into the surrounding woods. I wanted to savor the peace and quiet for as long as possible. When we returned to the city tonight, my life would be there waiting for me. Maybe I could come back with a new attitude and that would make the difference.
At least I won’t have to wonder about Matt. I have absolutely no interest in trying to see someone who lives so far away. Maybe the flirting this weekend really was a sign that I’m getting over my Heartbreak.
I stuffed my banana peel into the candy bag and put it in my pocket. The trees, the ferns, the birds, the woods — it all calmed me. (I know, calming ferns, weird. But I love ferns. They’re like living lace.) I smiled and sighed. It was a fragile peace, but I thought I could hang onto it.
Maybe when I got home I’d keep my eyes open for a guy with some of Matt’s characteristics. Funny, good-natured, part Tom Sawyer, part Hugh Jackman. Surely someone like that lives in Traverse City.
Maybe by the time you find him, said a Voice,you’ll be ready to do something about it.
Yeah, that’s a good plan. Take my time. Keep my eyes open. Relax and enjoy the good life I have. Then when I meet someone, I won’t have any baggage to deal with.
I made my way back to the lodge, arriving as the others were packing up their fishing gear. Matt stood by the porch, collecting the fishing poles. He smiled as I approached. Yeah, I’d like to meet a man with such a kind smile.
“Have a nice morning?”
I closed my eyes dreamily. “Wonderful,” I said. “I sat on the swing, then explored the woods. Eavesdropped on about a hundred conversations between the birds.”
He chuckled. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”
“I just wish I could stay longer and wander around some more.”
“I wish you could, too.” His smile warmed. He stopped working on the fishing poles and leaned forward. “You know, I—”
Before Matt could finish, Mikki brought him her pole and regaled me with stories of “the ones that got away.” As much as I was thrilled no one caught anything this morning — I hated to think about being in an enclosed space with several dead bodies for seven hours — I wanted to know what Matt was going to say. But he’d gone to put the fishing tackle away.
When everyone was packed up, we hauled our stuff to the van. Patty loaded everything in, often interrupted by Ted or Matt who had a better idea on how to make it all fit. The three of them were funny together, arguing and muttering like people who’ve known and loved each other for a long time. Half way through, it became obvious they were putting on a show for our amusement.
The men hugged and kissed Patty goodbye, and shook hands with the other women. Ted’s handshake and smile conveyed a warmth I’d sensed in Matt. It must be a family trait. I added that to my mental list of what to look for in a man.
Don’t make that list too long
, grumbled Sergeant Pride.
Gotta start somewhere, right?
When Matt shook my hand, I got that 9-volt-battery-on-your-tongue feeling again. That was definitely going on the list.
“I’m glad you enjoyed Abundance Creek,” he said. His dimple appeared as his smile widened. “Of course, you quite literally experienced the creek.” He squeezed my hand.
I laughed. “Thanks for saving me.”
He still had my hand in his, which was doing funny things to my insides. Heck, I was never going to see him again; I’d let him hold my hand as long as he wanted. His hands were rough and calloused, and his thumb traced little circles on my skin. When I got home, I was going to have to have tests done for nerve damage. ’Cause every nerve ending in my arm was firing.
Can we take him home with us, asked Lovesick with a sigh.
I tried to think of something to say before I embarrassed myself. After all, there were ten other people standing around talking. Someone was going to notice Matt and I staring at each other wordlessly.
“Thanks for the lessons,” I said.
“If you wanted,” Matt paused, cleared his throat, continued, “we could exchange phone numbers.”
A thousand Voices created a cacophony of sound in my head, much like the sound of rushing wind. The sound people say they hear just before they pass out.
Logic prevailed — as it does so infrequently in my life, pretty much only when I’m working. “That sounds great. If you ever want to buy a house,” I dug through my purse looking for my cards, “give me a call.” I found a card and handed it over.
I couldn’t read his expression. “Right. Exactly,” he said as he squeezed my hand one last time and released it. He pulled a card out of his wallet and gave it to me. I was too nervous to do anything but shove it in my purse and smile.
As he walked away, I wished I knew what he was thinking. Emily sidled up next to me and whispered, “Oh. My. Gosh.”
“Shh!” I whispered. She giggled as we got in the van.
I tried to resist, but as we pulled away, I looked out the window. Matt and Ted stood watching us. Matt raised his hand and smiled. At me. I couldn’t help it. I grinned like the Cheshire cat and waved back.
“So, did you give Matt your phone number?” Patty turned in the front passenger seat to smile broadly at me.
I kept my tone light. “We exchanged business cards, but I came up here to learn to fish and I did. Now it’s back to the real world.”
Patty gave me a funny look. “I thought you two were getting along pretty well. Don’t you want to see him again?”
I laughed and shook my head. No need for matchmaking. I’d started a list of qualities I wanted to find in Mr. Right. Heartbreak had its moment. Now it was time for me to move on. When I got home, well, maybe I’d look around a little.
CHAPTER 7
WHEN Monday dawned, I was ready to go again. I came to work early, determined to catch up on anything on my desk by noon. My Starbucks iced mocha with whipped cream (yes, sugarand caffeine) rested on a sandstone coaster as I booted up my computer and looked over my mail.
Carmen, the office manager, stopped by with my phone messages when she came in. “Okay, girl, tell me everything.” She leaned against my desk and sipped her coffee.
“Well, let’s see. I saw a bear, fell in the river, and found out I don’t like to fish.” I laughed at Carmen’s expression. Obviously not what she was expecting.
“Sounds terrible!”
I leaned back in my chair and sipped my coffee. “Actually, it was nice.” I licked whipped cream off the lid. “Unbelievably beautiful up there. Wish I could’ve stayed longer and done some hiking.” I thought about Matt. Definitely wish I could’ve stayed longer.
Donotmention him to anyone, said Pride.
“Emily kicked butt in the fish-catching department, though. Caught three, better than anyone else.”
“Good for her. Tell her I said ‘nice going’.”
“I will.” I sat up and set my drink back on the coaster.
Carmen started to return to her desk, then paused. “Any chance you met any fascinating men up there?”
Play it cool. I smiled and said, “Just the fishing guide and lodge owner.” Completely not a lie.
Carmen pointed her finger at me. “It’s time, girl. There’s plenty of good men out there. If you don’t know how to meet them, I’ll introduce you. Pretty Boy is gone, and I say good riddance.”
I grinned. It’s good to be loved. “Thanks, Carmen.”
She harrumphed and went back to her desk. I shook my head and went back to work.
Over the next couple of hours, people trickled in and out of the office, some stopping to ask about my fishing weekend. I repeated what I’d said to Carmen and got the same reactions. It was fun to be the center of attention for a few minutes.
“Hey, Sydney, how was your weekend?” Trent pulled up a chair and sat down.
I finished typing and turned away from my computer. “It was nice.” On the corner of my desk sat a bud vase with two fresh roses. I shook my head as I picked up the vase. “You’ve got to stop doing this.”
Trent had a habit of doing nice things for me sometimes like bringing me roses from the rosebush in front of his apartment complex. It was sweet. I always told him he should get a girlfriend and give the roses to her. He’d always laugh and say all the good ones were taken. Such a sweetie.
Trent laughed when I stuck my nose in the flowers. “I will when you stop enjoying them. Come on, tell me about the fishing trip.”
I grinned. “I saw a bear, fell in the river, and found out I don’t like to fish.”
“Well,” Trent raised his eyebrows, “you don’t believe in boring vacations, do you?”
I laughed. “I certainly didn’t plan it that way.”
“Speaking of vacations, what’re you doing over Fourth of July weekend? Going home?”
Something in Trent’s tone made me look up. Was he…?Oh. Oh dear. I had a feeling he was about to ask me out. Before he did,if he did, how should I reply? I know I said I was ready, but…am I? I did a quick comparison against the list I’d made in my head yesterday. Trent was kind, rather funny, good-natured. Not bad, I guess.
Yeah, piped up Little Miss Lovesick,but not like with Matt where you watch him and accidentally brush up against him and have dinner by firelight and—
Enough! Matt’s too far away to date. Trent is here.
But do I want to date him?
“My parents are going to Disney World, if you can believe it,” I told him. “Emily’s work is having a picnic on the beach before the fireworks, so we’re going to hang out there all day. Swim, eat, get a tan. What’re you doing?” I tried for a nonchalant tone. I didn’t want it to sound like I wanted him to invite me anywhere, but I didn’t want to sound like I hoped he wouldn’t, either.
“Some friends are going sailing, then we’ll watch the fireworks from the bay. Probably spend most of the time on the boat.” His eyes met mine and darted away. He fiddled with the vase I’d put down on my desk.
“Sounds fun.” Man, this flirting thing was so much easier this weekend.
“Let me know if you’d like to go out sometime — on the boat, I mean.” Trent got up to leave. “Remember, you owe me dinner.”
“What?” I snorted and wrinkled up my face. Humorous faces definitely lighten the mood.
“Last week you gave me a rain check.”
“No, I gave you a rain check for lunch.”
“Fine, what’s your schedule? I have to show a house today at 12:30.” Trent waited expectantly. Did I walk right into that or what?
“I’ll check.” I didn’t make any move to open my calendar on my laptop.
Trent cocked his head. “Tomorrow or Thursday?”
I chuckled. “I’ll check my calendar, I said.”
“Fine, Thursday then. Around one. The office may close up early and we could have the rest of the afternoon for a long lunch.” He smiled like he’d
just checked my king.
I needed to learn to play a better game of chess. “If I’m free.” I shook my head at him. “Which I won’t be if you don’t let me get back to work. Go!”
He grinned and left. What was I going to do with him?
He likes you, said a Voice.You kind of like him. Maybe he’s The One.
I still like the other one, said Lovesick.
The phone rang and saved me from having to think about it. It was the newlyweds. It’s possible I might have to kill myself if they don’t find a house soon. They kiss in every room. They stare at each other with googly eyes every moment they’re together. Once, I took her out alone and the only thing she talked about was him. They were so sweet, they were giving me cavities.
Only because you desperately wish that was your life, said a Voice.
Today they’d called to discuss the pros and cons of buying a “fixer-upper.” I gave them my opinion and they were off the phone in a flash to “conference.” That’s what they always said when they wanted to discuss something and get back to me. “We have to conference. We’ll call you back.” Don’t they know “conference” is a noun, not a verb?
The fact that you could be a happy newlywed right now if things had turned out differently is making you cranky, said Little Miss Lovesick.
No, the issue, said Sergeant Pride,is that Dirk’s a jerk andthat’swhy you aren’t a happy newlywed right now.
That’s enough. Remember, I’ve decided to feel better now. Focus. I choose to be happy. I choose to feel peaceful. I choose to stop thinking about Dirk.
Asshole, said another Voice softly.
The phone rang again. Thank you, God! If I don’t have some distraction from all this noise in my head, I’m going to need some medication.
“By the Bay Properties, Syd Riley speaking.”
“Darlin’ Sydney! How are you, sweetheart? It’s GT!” I put my hand over the mouthpiece and groaned. I hit my forehead on the desk twice. It didn’t help.
“Are you there, darlin’? This is Gerald Turkelbain. You remember me, don’t you? You helped me buy my cottage last winter.”
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