by Adam Oster
“Can we get a ride?” Griff asks nervously as he jumps into the back of the wagon.
Tenney, not missing a beat, hops onto the back of his horse and immediately starts turning the wagon around toward the gate. Noll throws me into the wagon and jumps in behind me, causing the horse to be taken off-balance momentarily before Tenney forces him to speed forward.
I look and see Robo-Chelle folding herself in half. Just as we exit under the gate, I’m pretty sure I see wheels come out from her chest. It’s like some sort of crazy nightmare as we make our way across the narrow bridge over the open chasm. Robo-Chelle appears at the gateway as a rocket shoots out from somewhere on her. In a sense of panic, I take off my shoe and throw it at the approaching projectile.
Amazingly it makes contact, creating a great explosion just feet away from us that sends our cart flying forward.
We land and just narrowly avoid falling off the edge of the bridge and into the brink. I hear cracking below and see that there’s a great hole in the bridge that is getting bigger by the second.
“Go!” Griff screams. “Faster!”
The cart jerks forward, shaking underneath us as the road continues to disappear from behind us. Through the smoke, I see Robo-Chelle paused at the edge of the destruction. I pray to myself that she doesn’t have some sort of helicopter blade set-up built into her skull.
We make it to the end of the bridge with plenty of time to spare as the rest of it crumbles away behind us. Almost tilting the cart onto its side, we turn right and head down the street. Noll and Tenney both look as though they had seen the devil himself. I can’t help but think the same thing.
“What the hell?” Griff yells as he pants for breath.
“What the hell is right!” Tenney yells back at us. “What was that thing?”
“I had hoped to avoid telling all of you this,” I answer, feeling a calm wash over me as I begin the lie, “but the reason I had been on the run is because a monster has taken over the throne. This monster is so keen on usurping my power that I fear it may be willing to destroy everything that we’ve built to keep it.”
“I ain’t never seen no sort of monster like dat before,” Noll whines.
“Have you ever seen any sort of monster?” Griff snarls.
“Well, dat depends on what you consider a monster.”
“That’s a monster!” Tenney yells. “I ain’t never seen nothing like that. We have to leave town!”
“That won’t be enough,” I reply as I take off the shoe from my left foot and throw it off the cart. “We need to hide. I can’t imagine it will be stuck over there for long. Do you guys know of anywhere we can hide around here?”
“I do,” Griff smiles.
Chapter 43
He directs us toward the rectory building, or at least what we find out will become the rectory at some point. We learn this because there is absolutely nothing built on this side of town yet.
“What?” Griff shrugs. “How was I supposed to know it wasn’t built yet?” He jumps out of the wagon and begins stomping around on the ground.
“Are ya lookin’ for da ol’ ale hold?” Noll asks.
“There’s an ale hold?” I say, my heart leaping in my chest.
“Oh yeah, but you’re off a bit.” He walks off into the distance toward an open field. We follow him for about fifty yards before he finally stops in front of a large rock. He lifts the rock with ease and disappears into the ground.
I run to the spot where Noll had just been to see a deep hole under where the rock had stood. Looking to the sky as though it will soon be filled with a swarm of flying Robo-Mes, I climb down a rickety ladder into the hole and find Noll in the midst of lighting a torch to illuminate the area. Griff and Tenney join us shortly after the room lights up.
The room is little more than a long narrow tunnel that stretches on into darkness a questionable distance. The damp air smells of old earth, but also has a sweet scent to it.
“What’s that smell?” Griff asks happily.
“Ale,” Noll answers. “I told yas dis was da ale hold.”
That’s when Griff notices the large barrels lining the walls and I see his eyes light up. “Are you trying to tell me that all of these are filled with ale?”
“Yup,” Noll smiles. “I fink it should be about a year’s worth for da whole town.”
“I know where I’m living out the rest of my days,” Griff says as he approaches the nearest barrel and inspects it. “How the heck do you get one of these things open?”
Noll comes to his side and pulls an awl out from behind the very barrel Griff had been looking at. Griff grabs it greedily and begins crafting a hole in the top of the wooden barrel.
I look at Tenney, realizing he’s been silent since we entered. He looks as though he’s in a state of shock, which I feel I should probably attempt easing.
“So, you guys been down here before?” I ask.
“Forget the small talk, kid,” Griff says, still working with the awl to little success. “Let’s talk about how crazy that was out there.”
“Yes, dat was quite da monster to have appear wif-in da cassle,” Noll says.
“Not that, old chum,” Griff says to Noll. “I’m talking about the even larger item at hand.”
“If you’re talking about the idea of a robot appearing in the Middle Ages, I’d hardly say that’s all that much weirder than the fact that we’re time travelers,” I argue.
“Still not that,” Griff says.
“Time travelers?” Tenney asks silently.
“Watchoo fink is weird?” Noll asks Griff.
“The fact that my girl Chelle here took out a rocket with her shoe. Who knew she had that kind of aim?”
I find myself blushing lightly. “Yeah, that was a bit of good luck, wasn’t it?”
“A bit?” Griff says, finally throwing down the awl in frustration. Noll comes to his side and picks it up. “I’d say that was the throw of the year!”
“Time travelers?” Tenney repeats.
“’Ere ya go,” Noll says as he pulls the awl out of the barrel. “Dare should be a ladle around ‘ere somewhere.”
“Thank you, my good man,” Griff says, his grin getting bigger. “I’d say about now is the perfect time for all of us to get something to drink.”
“I’m not so certain about that,” I reply. “We need to probably get some sort of plan together, an idea on how to get out of here, or, you know, if we’re feeling ambitious, how to get Wyllt and Robo-Me out of power.”
“Time travelers?”
“Jeez, Tenney, yeah, we’re time travelers, okay?” I yell at him. “Meaning, we’re from the future, came to the past, and it looks like everything’s gone all kooky.”
Tenney looks at me blankly.
“I think you might’ve broken his brain there, kid,” Griff says as he digs around on the ground under the barrel that Noll has opened. “Oh, here it is!” he cheers, holding a ladle above his head as though it were some prized treasure.
“You’re from the future?” Tenney says weakly. “Like, from the time after now?”
“I don’t fink it’s too hard to unnerstan’,” Noll reprimands. “’Ow else you fink a monster like dat fake queen would come about?”
Griff puts the ladle into the hole Noll had made, using great flourishes as he excitedly pulls out the brown liquid from within.
“I think Chelle deserves the first sip, considering her amazing shoe work.”
“I gratefully accept,” I say, walking to Griff’s side and allowing him to tip the ladle into my mouth. The beverage tastes amazing. Down here it’s managed to stay nice and cool, unlike the stuff I had at Agnes’. It takes like apple, with a heavy dosing of bread flavor. I slurp the ladle-full happily.
“Good work, kid,” Griff cheers me on. “Who’s up for the second round?”
He places the ladle back into the barrel, scooping it in deeply. As he does so, a faint clink can be heard from within.
“What was that
?” Griff asks, looking at Noll. “Should there be anything inside these barrels?”
“No. I made dis ale myself. Should just be barrel and liquid.”
“Weird. What do you think could have gotten into a barrel of ale?”
“I think it might be cider,” I correct him. “It definitely tastes like apple.”
“Cider?” Noll says, looking at me curiously. “We ain’t got no apples ‘round here. I wooden ‘ave bin able to make cider if I’s wanted to.”
“You don’t think—“ Tenney begins.
“Don’t think what?” Griff asks him.
“Maybe you two left yourself a message? From the future, or the past, or whatever?”
“Chelle?” Griff looks at me. “Is that possible?”
“There’s definitely a chance that we decided to leave ourselves a note, although I’m not sure why.”
“What do you think, Noll old boy?” Griff asks. “I’d hate to waste a whole barrel of ale if we don’t need to.”
Noll inspects the barrel and gives a shout of surprise. “’Ey, look at dis picter up here. My barrels ain’t got dis picter on it. Eiver of yous seen it b’fore?”
I climb behind the barrel with him to look and see the image of Saint Christopher from the pendant. I stand and look at Griff with an air of certainty. “It’s ours.”
“Noll, you wanna crack this sucker open?”
“Ya’lls mind if’n I do dis da easy way?”
“Chelle?” Griff asks.
“Go for it.”
“Yous might’n wants to step back.”
We all give him a wide berth, lining the opposite wall as Noll lifts the barrel above his head and slams it against the ground, causing it to splinter and sending a surge of sweet amber liquid all across the dirt floor.
Griff runs to Noll’s side and begins digging through the wreckage, finding a glass bottle that is somehow still intact, corked, and looking as though it might hold something special within.
“Anyone got a corkscrew?” Griff asks.
“Let me handle this one,” Tenney says, ripping the bottle from Griff’s hands and wrenching on the partially exposed cork until he pulls it out. Griff steals the bottle back and tips it upside-down before he starts shaking it to remove the piece of paper.
“Mind if I give it a try?” I ask.
Griff looks in surprise at me before finally handing it over. I fling it at the opposite wall, shattering it against another one of the many barrels in the room.
“Well,” Griff recovers, “I was thinking that the bottle itself might be a clue and didn’t want to—“
“Right,” I say, cutting him off. “Let’s pretend that’s the reason.”
I walk cautiously over the broken glass to the sheet of paper that settled on the floor amid the wreckage. Picking it up, I recognize handwriting that looks all too familiar.
“The robot’s on your side,
love Future-Chelle.”
Chapter 44
“The robot’s on our side?” Griff argues. “She’s sure got a funny way of showing it.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “But this is definitely my handwriting. I have a hard time believing that I’d have any reason to lie to myself.”
“Okay,” Tenney chimes in, “so, if this letter’s really from yourself, and the robot thing is actually one of us, what does that mean? That thing was trying to kill us just minutes ago, I highly doubt we could just jump back over to the castle and be welcomed with open arms.”
“Dat’s not to mention we can’t get back to da castle,” Noll joins. “Da bridge is da only way in.”
“Actually, at least in the future, there’s a tunnel that leads from right around here to the castle,” I argue.
“What’s that on the other side of the note?” Griff asks, pointing at the paper in my hands. I flip it over and notice a small design in the corner of the paper. It looks an awful lot like the faces of the pendant.
“Holy crap,” I shout. “This is showing us how to set the sphere to get us into the castle!”
“You sure?” Griff asks.
“What do you mean?” Tenney asks.
“I mean,” I say as I press the button on the top of the sphere, “if I set the faces on the pendant to match the image here, I think it’ll bring us right back into the castle. Look, it even has arrows showing that…jeez, I feel really dumb now. I just need to twist this and then, yep, look.” I turn the sphere to show them how the faces on mine match the one on the paper.
“What now?” Noll asks.
“Now we see if I’m right,” I answer.
“I don’t think so, Chelle,” Griff argues, closing the sphere in my hands. “I don’t think I can handle going back in time again. Every time we use that damned thing, we just end up getting further away from home.”
“Where’s your sense of adventure?” I ask the master. “Don’t you trust me?”
“I trust you. I don’t trust random notes in bottles that are hidden in the middle of an ale barrel underground within the middle of a medieval English city that is currently being ruled by an evil robotic queen. I’ve never trusted that before, don’t intend to now.”
“But the note says she’s not evil,” I smirk.
“That’s what makes me nervous.”
“Fine, you know what,” I conclude, “you don’t need to come with me. I’ll do this myself. Maybe that’s what’s supposed to happen anyway.”
“I don’t fink so,” Noll disagrees. “I’ll stay by your side.”
“You were going to sell her to the highest bidder not even an hour ago!” Griff argues.
“I’m coming too,” Tenney says, a sense of resolution crossing his face.
“Dammit!” Griff shouts in frustration.
“What?” I ask. “Now you have even less reason to come along, since I’ll have these two strong men joining me on my journey.”
“I’d almost be more willing to let you go off and do this by yourself than with them.”
“Oi,” Noll recoils. “Dat hurts.”
“Am I wrong?”
“I like to fink we’s good men.”
“We sell people for profit,” Tenney agrees. “The man’s got good reason to be concerned. All I can do to ease them is say that we always do what’s in our best interest. A queen that has the ability to destroy everything with but a whim is not.”
“It’s not good business,” Noll adds.
“Doesn’t matter,” Griff says. “I’m coming too. Do your thing, kid, and let’s get this over with already.”
I re-open the sphere and push the clock face into its proper location. A loud clicking sounds in the room, followed by a creaking, as one of the shelves holding barrels is magically pulled to the side, revealing a long tunnel behind it.
“What the heck?” I say without thinking.
“What the heck is right,” Griff smirks.
“Once more unto da breach?” Noll asks.
“Really?” I ask.
“What?” Noll looks at me confused.
“Isn’t that Shakespeare?”
“Who?”
Phase 6: The In-and-In
The In-and-In is the one place where you’re gotta be sure you’re set. Don’t hand over anything to the mark until you know you’ve got him made.
– Scammer’s Bible
Chapter 45
“Lions and tigers and bears?” Griff asks as he steps into the newly created opening.
I grab Griff’s hand tightly. “Oh my,” I say slowly as I exhale.
“That’s my girl,” he laughs. “Come on, gents,” he says, gesturing to Noll and Tenney. “Let’s get a move on.”
We step into the dark tunnel and lights shoot on down the path, creating an eerie hum in the air.
“Electricity?” I ask.
“Hey, if there can be robots and secret passages that open by act of necklace, why can’t there be power?”
“What sort of magic is this?” Tenney asks, putting his hand near one of the
closest lamps. “This fire does not even appear hot.”
“Looks like an LED bulb,” I reply. “Can run for a while before it gets really hot.”
“Fire that is not hot reeks of witchcraft,” he says as he takes a slow step backward toward the room we had just left. “And that sound, is that the sound of demons?”
“Just electricity,” I answer.
“I know not that demon’s name, but I care not for his actions.”
“He’s got a point,” Griff replies. “Even if it’s not witchcraft, it’s pretty creepy.”
The entryway makes a loud beeping sound before closing tight behind us. A look of panic crosses Tenney’s face. I look over to Noll who seems completely entranced by the events unfolding around us.
“What do yous fink waits on da ovver end?” Noll asks in awe.
“No clue,” I answer.
“Only way to find out is to get to walking,” Griff says just as another beeping sounds through the air. A whirring begins below our feet, creating a moderate amount of vibration before the ground moves forward, pushing us deeper into the cavern.
“What is this new evil?” Tenney screams.
“Relax, pal,” Griff smiles. “Looks like someone installed a moving walkway for this crazy tunnel. I’m glad for it. I was really getting scared that we were going to have to walk all the way back to the castle.”
“I’m beginning to question whether or not this is actually going to the castle,” I add.
“Of course it is,” Noll joins in. “Where else would it go?”
“Your guess is as good as mine, but that castle is separated from us by a deep chasm. We’d have to be going a lot deeper before we get there.”
“I think you’re getting your wish on that,” Griff says. “We’re definitely heading down.”
Up ahead I notice that the walk way drops off. I feel anxiety building in me until I see that the walkway becomes an escalator, reaching deep down under the earth. Wherever we’re going, it’s definitely a place that was built with some anachronistic beauty. The walls are lined with LED displays declaring in a series of different languages how we should continue to hold onto the hand rails. I see maps on the wall every ten feet or so, but they go past too fast for me to determine what is actually contained on them.