by Lea Hart
“From the house.” He looked over at the photographs and sighed. “I always carried one with me, but when I came here, I decided that I’d like to look at my family’s faces so I could remember what the sacrifice was for.”
Brooke stared at the hem of her shirt and wondered what the hell was going on, because her father had never been a sentimental man. Hell, he barely ever showed emotion of any kind. The new attitude was weird, and she wasn’t sure what to make of it, so she decided to ignore it. “Do you like your new job?”
“Yes, it’s a lot different than commanding the Teams, but I’m finding that I enjoy the new responsibilities.” He moved a folder over. “Your brother told me you’re not planning to return to MSF right away. Have you decided what your next move is going to be?”
Fiddling with the strap of her purse, she shook her head. “No, not yet. I’ll probably start making some decisions after I see the doctors this week.” Taking a calming breath, she decided to tell him what was going on so she could set his level of expectation at a reasonable level.
“Which doctors are you going to see?”
“I have an appointment with my hematologist-oncologist on Wednesday. It’s just a precautionary visit because I’ve been tired since I got back from Chad. I’m guessing I just have malaria again, but he wants to see me and do a full set of tests to be sure.” Seeing her father visibly shrink before her eyes made her regret saying anything.
“When and where?” he asked with a choked voice.
“What?”
“When and where are the tests, Brooke?”
“I don’t expect you to be there. I’ll call you when I get the results, and I’m guessing it’s going to be nothing more than a parasite I brought home from Africa.”
“I will absolutely be there, Brooke.”
Sitting back, she felt the old anger rise and prayed they were not going to end up in a yelling match. “Not necessary.”
“That’s not true, and you know it.”
Feeling her stomach clench and her face grow hot, she pressed her hands together and responded quietly. “I’m a big girl, Dad, and I can handle this without you.” Looking him directly in the eye, she went on, “You were not there when I was twelve and fighting leukemia, so don’t think I want you there if I end up fighting it again.”
“Brooke…”
“No!” She stood and then quickly sat back down and cleared her throat. “Maybe we should try this visit another time, because I don’t have the energy to fight with you.”
“It doesn’t have to be a fight, because I want to be there.”
Sitting forward, he gave her a look that had probably intimidated hundreds of SEALs, and for her, it did nothing. She had been to hell and back twice, and he hadn’t been there for either of the visits. So, as far as she was concerned, he could take his look and shove it. “I don’t want you there.”
“Why?”
“Because, even though you’re my parent, you’ve never really been more than a distant family relative. I have very few memories of you being around when Chance and I were growing up, and I don’t know that we ever really bonded.” She shrugged and looked at the picture of her mother that sat in the center of the shelves. “I thought that’s just what dads were for a long time, until I was around my friends’ families and understood that wasn’t always the case.”
“You know that not being around wasn’t my choice.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know you were out hunting evil, keeping the world safe…blah, blah, blah.”
“I regret missing out on our family.”
“I’m sure you do, but please understand that I don’t have any desire to play catch-up and try to have a father-daughter relationship this late in the game. I’m good with how things are and the semiannual visits are more than enough.”
“You never want to try to get to know one another?”
“Dad, you came to the hospital once during the two years that I fought leukemia and were maybe home three or four times. You also were absent for a good portion of Mom’s fight with cancer as well. Why in the world would I want to get to know a man who was capable of that?”
Scrubbing his hand over his face, he let out a frustrated sigh. “I understand, Brooke. I made a choice that the events after 9/11 were more important than anything, and my family paid the price for that decision.”
“What’s done is done and nothing is going to change the past. I never had a relationship with you, so it’s not like I miss it. Polite chitchat and a cordial relationship is the best we can hope for.”
Tenting his hands in front of his face, he nodded. “I’m never going to give up asking for more, Brooke.”
“Some of my friends’ dads who were SEALs seemed to make it home a lot more often than you did, and I’ve always wondered why.”
He dropped his hands and placed them on the desk. “I hated being out of control and not being able to do anything when you were diagnosed with ALL. It was a debilitating feeling that I didn’t know how to handle, and so I suppose I didn’t. When your mom called me in August and told me what was going on, I almost fell apart, and then the towers were hit a month later. Looking back, I realized it was easier for me to go into combat than see my baby girl fight cancer. I was the worst type of coward and used the excuse of work so that I wouldn’t have to see you battling for your life.”
“I figured as much.” Taking the bottle of water out of her purse, she took a long drink. “I always thought of Mom as the true warrior of the family because she faced everything that came our way with unflinching courage and grace.”
“You are absolutely correct about that. Your mother was the finest, most courageous person that I have ever known. All those medals that I’ve been given during my career are really hers. She was always braver and stronger than me.”
“She should have been holding your hand in the end, because she really loved you, and I believe it was your face she would’ve like to have seen last.”
Tears slipped down her father’s face, and he looked over at the picture of the four of them in front of the base in Coronado. “If I had been there when she passed, I probably would’ve crawled into the ground with her. I think she understood that, and that’s why she insisted I take the assignment that kept me away.”
“Like I said, the bravest, strongest person there ever was. She made sure everyone was taken care of to the very end.”
“You are just like her, Brooke.”
“Not even close, Dad. Not even close.” Sitting forward, she cleared her throat and willed the tears that were threatening to fall to stop. “Well, this was fun. We’ll have to do it again next year.”
“Smart-ass,” her father muttered. Standing, he came around the desk and sat in the chair next to hers. “I’m going to come to the hospital for the tests.”
“No, you’re not. Respect my wishes, please.”
“Who is going to be there?”
“Chance and Piper.”
“What about Frisco Jones? Your brother said you two were seeing one another.”
Sitting back, she slapped her hand on her leg. “Jeez, when did Chance become such a gossip?”
“Frisco’s a good man, Brooke. He was under my command for a number of years, and I think he’ll do right by you.”
“We’re dating, and that’s it.”
“Have you told him about what’s going on?”
“No, not sure if I’m going to.”
“Tell him and give him a chance to be there for you.”
“Maybe.”
Standing, she shoved the strap of her purse over her shoulder and gave her father a small smile. “I should be going.”
Her father stood and opened his arms and embraced her tightly. It wasn’t the usual weird hug he gave her. It was a genuine bear hug, and it took everything she had not to let the tears fall. Giving him a squeeze back, she then stepped away. “Okay, leaving now, because that was more sappiness than I can take.”
“I’ll see you at th
e hospital.”
“Why are you being so stubborn about this?”
“Because I’m not making the same damn mistake twice.”
“Whatever.” Stepping around him, she walked out of his office and called over her shoulder, “See ya.” As she was about to enter the reception area, she saw Carrick standing in the doorway with his arms crossed, glaring at a woman’s retreating figure. Stopping next to him, she looked up at his face. “Meeting go well?”
He glanced down and smirked. “Miss Audrey Barnes is going to soon learn the meaning of chain of command.”
“Really?”
“Oh, yeah. Just because she’s the client doesn’t mean she’s the one running the show.”
Brooke watched the woman get into her car, and let out a whistle. “Damn, Carrick, she’s beautiful. Is she some kind of supermodel?”
“That would be too easy.” He snorted and then kicked his foot against the ground. “She’s an attorney and a writer that’s putting together a book about the Kurd female fighters in Syria.”
Hitting his arm, she grinned. “Your Amal just showed up.”
“Absolutely not,” he replied with firmness.
“Beautiful, smart, and altruistic.” Letting out a laugh, she elbowed him. “Poor you, how will you handle it?”
“Like the professional that I am. I’m her watchdog for the next couple of weeks, and she’ll soon understand that if she doesn’t want to end up dead, then she’s going to follow directions.”
“Good luck with that.”
“Why are you here?”
“Semiannual chat with Dad.”
“How did it go?”
“As well as can be expected.”
“Sometimes life is a lazy Susan of shit sandwiches, and the best thing you can do is get up from the table as soon as you can.”
“Don’t I know it.” Looking up, she gave him a small smile. “Good luck in Syria.”
“Thanks, Brooke. I think I’m going to need it.”
Walking through the lobby, she waved to the man behind the desk and then made it to her car. Once inside, she rested her head against the steering wheel and thought about whether she wanted to tell Frisco what was going on. When no immediate answer came to mind, she decided to go by the market and grab a cake. Maybe after she had a couple of pieces, she’d have some clarity about what the next step should be.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Tuesday, October 3rd
Frisco sat at a table in Leroy’s and waited for Brooke to arrive. Checking his watch, he figured she would be here any minute, and he shifted in his seat. Doing his best to let go of the bad feeling that had been building since she suggested they meet for lunch, he hoped things were not about to go from sugar to shit.
Something was off, and he prayed she wasn’t having misgivings about how their relationship was progressing and he was simply being paranoid. When he told her he’d pick her up and she adamantly refused, he felt like it was a bad sign.
And he hated bad signs, because they always led to seriously bad shit happening. But how that was possible after the last week they’d spent together, he didn’t know. Trolling through his memories, he tried to come up with some mistake he’d made, and hadn’t been able to come up with anything.
Had he been heavy-handed in the way he had claimed her as his?
Yes.
Was that something she couldn’t handle?
Hadn’t seemed like it. Scrubbing his hand down his face, he realized he didn’t know crap about women and the way their minds worked. This was the first real relationship of his adult life, and he had no idea what he was doing. All he’d managed to do so far was go by instinct and show her everything he felt the moment he felt it.
Was it too much?
Maybe.
Could he do anything about it?
Probably not.
Everything he felt for her was bigger and brighter than anything he’d ever experienced, and his ability to keep it under wraps was nonexistent. And that might be a bit much if she wasn’t feeling it too.
Maybe that was why she wanted to meet for lunch.
Maybe she was going to tell him to back off.
Which he could do.
If that was what it took to make her happy, he could back off and relax and play it as cool as an ice cube.
He’d never had a problem doing it in the past, so it shouldn’t be that hard now.
Except it was Brooke, and all he wanted to do was run at her as fast as he could and claim her so that she would always be his. And if that wasn’t some sick possessive shit, he didn’t know what was.
God, he was fucked.
Lifting his glass of water, he drained it and instructed himself to pull it together. The last thing she needed to see was him losing his shit. And here came the owner of his happiness. Watching her walk toward him with a grin made him feel a bit better. Assume the best, he instructed himself.
He stood and embraced her and felt her arms twine around him tightly. “Hi, sweetheart.”
“Thank you for meeting me here. I heard they have great burgers, and I figured it was worth a try.”
“It’s my buddy’s favorite place, and I had one last week, and it was good.”
He pulled out a chair next to his and made sure she was comfortable before he took his own seat. “How was your morning?”
“Fine.”
Bending over, he looked at her closely. “What’s going on, Brooke?”
“Let’s eat first.”
Before he could object, the waiter came up, and they placed their order. Once the guy had left, Frisco scooted his chair closer and took Brooke’s hand. “How did your visit go with your dad yesterday?”
“Fine.”
“I hate that word, and if you say it again, I’m going to lose my shit. What the hell is going on, Brooke?”
Making a small choking sound, she shook her head. “Frisco…”
Feeling like the biggest asshole in the world, he rubbed his finger over her hand and leaned forward so their heads were touching. “I’m sorry, Brooke. I didn’t mean to upset you; just forget it. You can say fine as much as you want.”
“I think trying to have this conversation in public was a mistake; maybe we should get our food to go and leave.”
“Forget the food, Brooke.” He stood, opened his wallet, and threw some money on the table, and then took her hand so she stood. “I’m taking you home.” Once she was standing, he put his arm around her and walked toward the door, signaling the waiter they were leaving.
“My car is here.”
“We can come and get it later.” He loaded her into the truck and then headed to his condo. Whatever he was about to hear was going to be bad and, the sooner he could hear it, the sooner he could fix it.
They were settled on his couch and Frisco did nothing more than stroke Brooke’s hair as she rested her head against his chest. “Tell me what’s going on whenever you’re ready.”
Pulling away, she crossed her legs and settled her hands in her lap. “Sorry I lost it in the restaurant.”
“Don’t apologize. Whatever it is, we can handle it.”
Letting out a long breath, she gave him a small smile. “I’m just going to spit it out.”
“Please.”
“I’ve been pretty wiped out since I got back from Chad, and at first, I thought it was just jet lag and the chronic stress that I’ve been under catching up with me. When it didn’t abate after two weeks, I thought maybe malaria had flared up again or I brought home some parasite from Africa.”
“But…”
“It still could be any of those things, and I’m praying that’s all it is, but…”
“What?”
“I had childhood leukemia, ALL, to be specific, and there is a small possibility that my low white blood cell count is an indication that it’s returned.”
“Cancer?” Frisco whispered.
“You can say it aloud.”
“Fuck.”
“
Yeah, that’s pretty much my feeling.”
Picking her up, he put her in his lap and hugged her with everything he had. “If that’s what’s going on, then we’re going to beat the shit out of it.”
Throwing her head back, she let out a small laugh. “Okaaay.”
“So, this is you not trying to end things with me; this is you scared out of your mind that the cancer is back?” The incredulous look she gave him made him feel all kinds of stupid, but what could he do? He could handle cancer. He couldn’t handle her wanting him out of her life.
“Oh. My. God. You are crazier than I thought.”
“Yeah, I probably didn’t hide it that well.”
“No, you sure didn’t.”
He took her hands and held them. “Tell me what’s next.”
“I had my blood drawn this morning, and tomorrow, I’m having a spinal tap done so they can draw CSF.”
“What is CSF?”
“It’s cerebrospinal fluid, and it bathes the brain and spinal cord. It will tell my hematologist-oncologist if the cancer has returned. In my heart, I don’t believe it has, because the possibility of it recurring is very small. I truly believe it’s a malaria flare-up.”
“How small a chance?”
“Only fifteen to twenty percent of patients who beat ALL ever see a reoccurrence.”
“I want to be there when it happens.”
“Not necessary. My brother and Piper are going to come, and it’s really pretty uneventful. The procedure takes about thirty minutes, and I’ll only have a local anesthetic. After they’re done, I rest for four or five hours and then go home.”
“How long until you get the results?”
“Three or four days.”
“Is your dad going to go as well?”
“No.”
“You don’t want him there?”
“He wasn’t around the first time I battled leukemia, so I really don’t need him now. He wasn’t around much when I was growing up period, so we’ve never been close, and as an adult, I’ve never felt the need for that to change.”