by SJD Peterson
She reached for the door and yanked it open. “To hell with you both! I can find my own way home.”
Trevor reached out for her. “It’s fifteen miles. Let us take you home at least.”
Before he could pull her in, she spun out of his grip. “Fifteen miles isn’t that bad. Besides, I have a thumb.” She held it up for emphasis.
“C’mon, Charlie! I’ll forgive you for insulting me if you’ll forgive me for kidnapping you.”
Charlie stopped dead in her tracks and turned on him. “Forgive you? Are you fucking kidding me?”
Two weeks of sexual frustration plus years of hurt and loneliness boiled to the surface, and the careful shield she had hidden it all behind broke wide open. Charlie jabbed her finger into his chest.
“Look here, you arrogant bastard! I’m tired of your damn roaming hands enticing my body into something that I shouldn’t be coaxed into. Keep your big paws off me or I swear I’ll press charges against you for kidnapping.”
“Now, now, bichito, he didn’t mean anything by it,” Kegan chuckled.
She turned that raw pain and anger on him. “And you! How dare you call me that! Don’t you ever call me that again!” she screamed. “I am not your little bug. I haven’t bugged you for eight fucking years. Eight years, Kegan. Eight goddamn years of me trying to figure out what the hell I did to make you leave.” She slammed her hands against his chest over and over.
“You promised me you’d come back and you lied. You left me, and Gram died and I was completely alone and you still didn’t come back!” The tears streamed down her face and she couldn’t catch her breath or stop the flow of words coming from her broken heart.
“I never stopped wondering where you were and what you were doing. Wondering if you were okay, if you were happy and praying you were just as miserable as I was. Then I find you here and your life is wonderful. You have a great home, a great job, someone who loves you, and a string of women in your bed.” She clawed at his chest, tried to rip his heart to shreds the way he had shredded hers. “You left me alone, scared and broken while you were off living the high life. Stupid me, I never stopped waiting for you, hoping that you’d come back, praying that you’d want me. Damn you, I tried to hate you but I never stopped loving you.”
Her hands flew over her mouth. Oh God, what have I done?
Charlie felt lightheaded and her body shook so hard she couldn’t stand. She was unable to catch her breath, the pressure on her chest a pain that was too hard to endure. Black dots swirled around her vision. Just before everything went black, she felt strong arms wrap around her.
Chapter Seven
Blinking her eyes open slowly, Charlie let her gaze adjust to the bright light. Dazed and unsure of where she was, she could tell she was lying on a bed, just not sure in whose bedroom. She glanced around until her eyes focused on Kegan sitting in a chair next to the bed.
His shoulders were slumped as he rested his forearms on his knees and stared at the floor.
Everything came back to her in a rush. I never stopped waiting for you or loving you!
How could she have lost such control? Charlie blinked rapidly, tried to hold back the tears that burned the backs of her eyes.
Christ, you’re pathetic. No wonder Kegan left your stupid country ass. A small, desperate groan escaped her lips before she could stop it.
“You’re awake.”
Charlie closed her eyes like the coward she was, unable to meet his gaze. “I’m so sorry, Kegan. I shouldn’t have… I didn’t mean… Oh God, I shouldn’t have hit you. I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, you should have. I deserved it, Charlie, and so much more.”
She wasn’t sure what to say. On one hand, she had wanted to cause him pain, for him to feel at least a fragment of the pain he caused her, but it still wasn’t right. She had attacked him and he’d never lifted a hand to defend himself.
“No, it’s not okay. No matter what I was feeling, I had no right. I’m sorry. I know saying sorry doesn’t make it better, but please know I am. It was unfair to lash out at you just for living your life the way you choose. From everything I’ve seen and heard, you’re a good man, Kegan. How can I be so selfish as to blame you for moving on and doing what was right for you?”
Kegan scooted his chair closer to the bed. “Please, Charlie, look at me.”
She didn’t want to face him knowing what she had done to him, but the tenderness in his voice compelled her to turn her head and open her eyes. His eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. His brows were drawn down, pain evident on his face.
“It’s me who has no right to say I’m sorry. Saying it won’t ever make up for what I did to you. I didn’t realize—”
“Kegan, it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.”
“Yeah—yeah I do, Charlie.” He ran his hands over his face before looking back at her. “I know you probably don’t want to hear any excuses from me, and I won’t blame you for telling me to get the hell out right now, but I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to try and explain.”
She wasn’t sure she was ready to hear why he’d stayed away. She’d been able to block out most of the pain from that part of her life into a little bubble, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to open that up any further than she already had. It was one thing to let out what she was feeling, but she was scared of hearing what he would say.
The old saying ‘ignorance is bliss’ was so very true sometimes. But the sadness in his eyes won out over her fear and she nodded in encouragement for him to continue.
“See, I was pretty messed up the last day you found me by the river. My old man and I had gotten into one hell of a fight and I knew I couldn’t stay. I didn’t want to leave you, Charlie, I swear I didn’t, but I couldn’t stay anywhere near my old man. I wandered for a bit with no particular destination in mind, no money and nowhere to stay. I was getting pretty hungry and desperate when I walked up on the ranch Trevor’s dad owns. He hired me, gave me a place to stay and three square meals, but that’s all I had, Charlie. I didn’t have any way of taking care of you and I figured you’d be a hell of a lot better off without someone like me.
“I swear, Charlie, I didn’t know about your grandma. I knew in my heart that she would always take care of you since I couldn’t. I’m so sorry she’s gone.” He paused to clear his throat, as if his confession was taking a toll on him.
Charlie wished she could reach out and soothe the pain on his face but wasn’t sure she could. She stayed still and waited for him to continue.
“It took two years or so to get on my feet. I got there mostly due to Trevor’s help. By then I figured I’d messed up everything with you and you wouldn’t appreciate me showing back up in your life after that long. The longer time passed, the more I realized I had given up any right to have you.” Kegan was wringing his big hands together so hard his knuckles were turning white. He lowered his head. “You are the only thing I missed after I left. I never stopped missing you, but I fought it. I didn’t want to ruin your life.”
Charlie felt her heart open up to Kegan’s confession, but she was still wary. How could he have thought she cared about whether he had money or not? Had he really thought her so shallow that she wouldn’t want him if he were poor? Hell, he’d been poor all his life and it hadn’t mattered to her.
Her suspicious mind prevailed over the desire to comfort him as she thought of how lonely she had been after Gram had died. The only thing that had seemed to matter to her, that had helped her get through those hardest days of her life, was that Kegan would come back for her. She hadn’t let anyone other than Rae get close to her in years because of his broken promise.
Did he have a clue what loneliness really felt like? She sat up in the bed, crossed her arms and hugged herself. She pushed farther away from Kegan, let her bitterness wash over her like an old friend to chase away the need to comfort. “You broke your promise because you were poor?” Charlie shook her head. “I have to wonder if you ever knew me, Kegan.”
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He looked up at her. “No! That’s not what I meant. I knew I couldn’t take care of you, Charlie. You had dreams and goals. I knew if I stuck around or you followed me, you wouldn’t be able to reach them. It was hard for me to stay away, but I had to. You deserved so much more than what I could offer you.” He lowered his arms onto the bed and held his head in his hands. “I’m so sorry, Charlie. I know I have no right to touch you, but God I wish I could just hold you once. I’m not so good with words, but if I could just hold you, I could show you what you mean to me.”
Charlie had wanted that, had spent years dreaming and praying for Kegan to wrap her in his arms. Had missed him every day, even when she’d told herself she didn’t. The need to feel his hands against her skin, even when the bitterness had consumed her.
Now as she stared at him, she didn’t know how to reach out and touch him. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to.
“You’re right, Kegan, you don’t have a right to ask. You made your choices and had no respect for me to allow me to make my own.”
Kegan opened his mouth to speak when the door behind him opened.
“Everything okay?” Trevor asked as he entered the room.
Charlie felt some relief at his presence. She hadn’t known how to respond to Kegan and was glad for Trevor’s distraction.
“I’m fine. I’m not sure what came over me.”
Trevor, clearly not feeling any of the awkwardness that she and Kegan felt, jumped onto the bed behind her and pulled her tight against his chest. “No apologies needed. I’m glad you finally got all that off your chest. Must have been a bitch carrying it around all these years.” He stroked her hair as he spoke to Kegan. “See, you could learn a lot from this little wildcat. You don’t always have to keep such a tight rein on your emotions all the damn time.”
With his free hand, he stroked Charlie’s leg, up and down, from her knee to the top of her thigh. Little sparks of electricity surged through her.
She had to be going insane. How could his touch arouse her while she was sitting there across from Kegan? Why in the hell didn’t she push him away?
Kegan’s eyes followed the movement of Trevor’s hand as if the motion hypnotized him.
After a few more caresses, Charlie started to feel uncomfortable with the game. How far would Trevor go before provoking Kegan to respond? How long could she allow it to continue? Would her bitterness allow her to punish Kegan, allow someone else to touch her and throw it in his face that Trevor was able to touch her and that he had given up that right a long time ago? Or was she hoping that Kegan would finally respond in the way she had waited for nearly a lifetime to experience? Whatever the reason, she couldn’t move. She didn’t encourage Trevor or pray for one or the other, she just sat and waited.
His hands roamed over her belly, thumbs teasing the underside of her breasts. Trevor leaned down and brushed his lips against the side of her neck. “You feel so good, Charlie.”
His voice was deep and husky. She knew Kegan had heard when his blue eyes dilated and darkened and his nostrils flared as he breathed in.
Trevor continued to explore, running his hands up her sides, across her collarbone, then sliding them lightly back down her body. The combination of his warm hands and Kegan’s lust-filled gaze caused her heart to race and her breath to quicken. Her body seemed hyperaware of the presence of both men.
“He’s aching to touch you. Let him, Charlie.”
Her head swam, and arousal poured off both men in waves that were almost palpable they were so strong. It wrapped around her, caressed her skin like a lover’s touch.
Kegan stood, his big body seeming to vibrate, yet he didn’t reach for her. He stared down at her, his eyes roaming all over her body as if he were trying to decide where to touch first if invited.
“Reach out to him, Charlie,” Trevor whispered, coaxing her, his breath hot against her ear.
She stopped thinking, shutting her brain off and giving in to the feeling. Before she’d even realized it, she responded to his command and held her hand out to Kegan.
After a slight hesitation, Kegan took it in his and moved to sit next to them on the bed. He leaned in as if to inhale her scent as his grip tightened on her hand. His free hand trembled as he placed it to her cheek. Her body instantly responded and she pushed into his hand. His eyes bored into hers as he breathed in shallow pants.
“Ah God, Charlie.” He brushed his lips against hers.
As he breathed out, Charlie inhaled and his warm and familiar scent filled her. Trevor placed soft, delicate kisses to her neck as Kegan’s mouth pressed against hers again.
Kegan swiped his tongue across her bottom lip and she opened to him. As his tongue found hers, they both moaned and deepened the kiss. Charlie wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer. The kiss was hard and passionate and she lost herself in the sensations. She had dreamed of this kiss for so many years, but none of her fantasies could prepare her for the reality of it. The dual sensation of both men’s mouths at once took away her ability to form rational thought. Trevor lowered her onto the bed, sliding out from behind her. They rearranged themselves till he was on one side and Kegan on the other.
She was amazed at how they worked in tandem and controlled her body without saying a word to each other. This is what they did, they shared women, and how smoothly they worked together could only be a result of experience. The notion they had done this same thing many times before didn’t sit well with her. Was she just another of their sexual conquests? What exactly was it they wanted from her? If it was just sex, she knew she couldn’t deal with the loneliness that would surely destroy her in the aftermath.
She pulled her mouth away long enough for her to find her voice. “Wait.”
Trevor nuzzled into her neck. “What is it, Charlie? Tell us what you need.”
“I need to stop, to breathe. God, I need to think.” Everything was happening too fast. She needed to get her thoughts straight. Kegan had told her he had missed her, thought about her, but he’d never said he loved her. Did she really want to open up those old hurts? How could she trust his words? She didn’t even know him anymore.
“I’m sorry. I just need time to sort this all out. I’m not sure I can trust…” She shook her head. “I’m not sure of what I’m feeling right now.”
Kegan stood, took a step back and gave her room to rise. She looked up into his beautiful sapphire-blue eyes. She tried to find any signs of deceit, wanted to hate him, but found tenderness, which only made it worse.
She wanted to stay mad at him, blame him for all the years of loneliness, but she knew that was unfair. She hoped that she was more than just another one of their women, but false hope always hurt in the end and she knew it.
“I’d like to freshen up.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
Kegan tried to smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Of course. We’ll be on the back porch if you need anything.” He turned and walked away, his shoulders hunched.
“It’s going to be okay, Charlie,” Trevor said behind her. “Kegan has a hard time talking about his feelings, but I know he cares about you. Just be patient with him. Please.”
The anger flooded back. Anger she could deal with. It had become a familiar friend. It was much better than the hurt and confusion. It allowed her to regain some control of herself.
“No, Trevor, it’s not okay. I don’t owe him patience. If he’s hurt, embarrassed, or whatever it is he’s feeling, it’s your fault. You had no right to bring me here and force Kegan to have to deal with his past. It should have been his choice, not yours.” She tightened her arms around herself to keep from trembling. “You made him lust after me with your little game, and it was unfair. To all of us.” She headed for the door.
“Charlie?”
She stopped at the door but didn’t turn around. “What?”
“I’m not sorry I brought you here. I’m only sorry that I’ve given you the impression that the only reason I brought you h
ere was about sex. I hope you’ll give us a chance to show you it’s more than that.”
Unsure of how to respond, Charlie walked away.
* * * *
Trevor joined Kegan on the back porch, handed him a cold beer before opening his own, then sat in the chair next to him. “We seem to be spending a lot of time out here lately.”
“S’pose we are.”
Trevor took a long pull from his beer. “What are we going to do about her?”
That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? Kegan knew what he wanted to do with her. He wanted to keep her close and replace all the bad memories with good ones to take away some of the pain he had caused. He’d give just about anything to have the chance.
“I’m not sure what we can do. I don’t even know if I have a right to ask her for a chance.”
“It has to start somewhere. Hiding is a lot easier than facing the hard stuff, but it won’t get you what you want. She’s mad as hell at me right now, but it won’t stop me from going after her. So you have to ask yourself—are you going to be a coward and hide, or are we going to figure out how we get Charlie?”
“And then what? What exactly would we be offering her if we are able to win her over?”
Kegan didn’t want a single night with Charlie, he wanted a lifetime. He’d compared every woman he had ever been with to her. Not a single one of them could bring out the feelings within him that Charlie did. She’d owned a big chunk of his heart and soul since he was eighteen years old, and he knew that would never change. “What exactly do you want from Charlie, Trev?”
“I’m not sure,” Trevor admitted then took another long pull on his beer before continuing. “The only thing I do know is there is something about her that calls to me. I want to know everything about her, all her secrets and desires. I don’t want to just have sex with her, if that’s what you’re asking me. But in all honesty, Kegan, I have never been affected by anyone like I have been by her.” He ran his hand through his hair as he stared at Kegan. “What about you? Are you willing to share Charlie with me or do you hope to claim her as solely yours?”