Fractured Hearts

by SJD Peterson

“Oh. Ah. Hi… Jesus, don’t do that and then expect me to use my brain for anything intelligent like talk.”

  Too late.

  “Well, I’ll just have to make sure I try it again sometime if that’s the reaction I can expect.” Cade chuckled. The deep tone of it told Charlie that Rae wasn’t the only one affected.

  Rae blushed nice and pink and stared at the man as if he’d just told her the secret to the universe and he was it.

  No way. Rae blushing? That has to be a first.

  Charlie looked back and forth between them, tickled as all hell. “Rae, shut your mouth before you attract the flies. And you, Mr. Cade, stop trying to distract Rae. We have a date with fuzzy navels. Can I take a rain check on getting back up to speed on things?”

  Rae clamped her mouth shut but the silly expression on her face remained, along with an awed sparkle in her eyes. Cade recovered a wee bit better but he still didn’t take his eyes off Rae.

  “Uh, yeah sure, Charlie. I’d hate to keep two beautiful ladies from their date with peaches. I can get you caught up in no time. You haven’t missed a lot.”

  “Thanks, Cade.” She pulled a reluctant Rae back toward the door.

  Cade tipped his hat again and drawled real nice and sweet, “Truly was nice meeting you, Miss Rachel. Sure hope I get the pleasure again real soon.”

  Rae stared back at him and nodded her head like a fool as Charlie forced her out of the barn. Charlie reached over and wiped Rae’s chin. “You’re drooling.”

  Rae blinked at her a couple of times with a dazed expression on her face then visibly shuddered. “Shut up,” she grumbled and swatted at Charlie.

  They both cracked up. For Charlie it was like a balm to her soul and she slung her arm over Rae’s shoulder and led her to the house, feeling better than she had in days.

  Charlie and Rae spent the next two hours painting toe and fingernails as she filled Rae in on every detail she knew about Cade. She had a good feeling that it wouldn’t be the last time the two of them would cross paths. They were both great people and she could so totally see them together. Why in the hell hadn’t she thought of hooking them up before?

  It wasn’t until Charlie had blue toenails with little pink polka dots and matching fingers in a reverse pattern before the conversation turned to her relationship with Kegan and Trevor.

  “The bruising has started to fade. How are you really feeling?” Rae asked as they sat together against the headboard, legs stretched out to let the ugly nail polish dry. “And I don’t want the I’m fine version you try to lay on everyone else.”

  “I’m not sure if the yellow coloring is much of an improvement over the black. I think it might clash with the color of my eyes,” Charlie responded, ignoring Rae’s order.

  “Nah, you still have enough dark color under your eyes that it sets them off nicely.” Rae stared at her expectantly, no doubt waiting for Charlie to tell her how she really was. When Charlie remained silent and only smiled, Rae rolled her eyes. “Okay whatever. So when you gonna resume horsey duties?”

  “Hell, I’m more than ready now. You know how I hate just sitting around. I’m going stir-crazy, but if it were up to Trevor, he’d have me stuck in bed twenty-four-seven and not in a good way. I swear, Rae, the man would carry me from room to room if I’d let him.”

  “I say enjoy it while you can. You’ll be up to your elbows in mares soon enough.” Rae gave her a sidelong glance. “I wouldn’t have pegged Trevor for the nurturing type. Figured he was more like the commander and Kegan would be more the one making a big domestic fuss over you.”

  The mention of Kegan pushed aside some of the good mood Rae had created in Charlie and slapped her nice and hard in the chest like a sucker punch. The reminder of his absence was enough to take her from giggling and happy to sad and misty-eyed in seconds flat.

  God, she missed him so much. Missed waking up to his silly, eager grin each morning, the way he looked for her during the day to sneak a kiss or a hug. She loved the way he and Trevor used to wrap around her each night and stroke her gently until she drifted off to sleep.

  “Charlie?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I asked how Kegan was taking all this, seeing as it was his dad. He’s got to be devastated, poor guy.”

  Charlie wished like hell she could get back to the happy buzz, but that wasn’t likely to happen now. “I heard Trevor say that Kegan insisted on paying to have Drake buried. Nothing fancy, but he paid the cost of what the county would have had to. Trevor didn’t sound like he was too happy about it, but then again, I’m sure Kegan wasn’t either. Guess he wouldn’t have felt right about others having to pay for the bastard.”

  “Did you ask him about it?”

  Charlie scooted from the bed, swaying a little. She suddenly couldn’t stand the thought of being in the bed she shared with Kegan and Trevor. The walls began to close in on her, the air heavy and thick, making it difficult to take a deep breath.

  Suddenly the room started shaking, and she thought maybe she’d gotten up too quickly until she realized that it wasn’t the room that shook but her own shoulders. She found herself wrapped in Rae’s hug, head resting on her shoulder as she gave into the sobs that wracked her body. She let every last tear slide down her face and cleanse her of the pain, anguish and the hellish nightmare of Drake.

  Rae stayed wrapped around her while she revealed how Kegan hadn’t been there when she’d woken up in the hospital and had avoided her at all costs since. Every bad feeling and fear she had kept bottled up tumbled out, and Rae took it all until there was nothing but an uneasy kind of peace and a hint of exhaustion that might just promise a serene rest.

  She let Rae support her until she was finally able to make some clear choices and understood that as bad as she wanted things to be like they had been before Drake had come back into their lives, it wasn’t going to happen.

  With that realization came the decision that she couldn’t stay there any longer with the way things were. As much as her leaving would hurt Trevor, she would never ask him to choose between her and Kegan, and that was exactly what she was doing by staying.

  Running away wasn’t a great decision, would devastate her physically and emotionally, but what other choice did she have?

  Staying in Kegan’s home and forcing him to work from morning to night to avoid her just didn’t seem fair to either of them. Everything at the ranch was a reminder of him and all she had lost.

  Charlie didn’t want to leave, but it was time.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  The herd made its way along, slow and easy, as Kegan and Cade moved them from the back pasture. For once, they behaved and only needed occasional reminders to keep moving.

  Kegan hated having time to think. It was so much easier to keep busy and not have to feel. He didn’t want to think about Drake and what he had done to Charlie. No, what he had allowed Drake to do to Charlie. He had come to the realization that he and Trevor had kind of forced themselves on Charlie, forced her to give into their demands. He was no better than Drake. He might not have used physical strength, but he had still coerced her into something she hadn’t wanted and it had damn near killed her.

  You should have stayed away from her.

  Too late for should haves now. Being a selfish bastard, he had nearly destroyed one of the people in his life that meant the most to him. Well, that wasn’t entirely true either. Trevor meant the world to him too, and the selfish side of Kegan wanted to keep him, to continue their lives the way it had been before he’d found Charlie again, but the rational part of his brain knew Trevor loved Charlie and deserved her.

  “She’s gonna leave.” Trevor spoke in a deep whisper. Kegan had been so wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn’t realized Trevor had ridden up until he was right behind him.

  Kegan didn’t have to ask who. He knew Charlie would leave. How could she not? It was just a matter of when, not if. There really wasn’t anything he could say that would change it. He nodded as he continued to watc
h the herd make its way toward the south field and tried not to feel.

  “Did you fucking hear me? I said she’s gonna leave us.” Trevor’s words were more of a menacing growl.

  “Yeah, I heard you.”

  Trevor pulled his horse up alongside Kegan. “What the fuck are you going to do about it? It’s your goddamn fault, fix it.”

  Fix it? How am I supposed to fix it? He couldn’t take away what Drake had done or protect Charlie when she’d needed him the most. She’d be a hell of a lot better off if he just left her alone like he should have in the first place. Kegan continued to look straight ahead, not really seeing anything.

  “Answer me, dammit!”

  Kegan pulled his Stetson down farther over his eyes, avoiding the rage humming from the man next to him. “Trev, go on back up to the house. There’s nothin’ for me to fix.”

  “Bullshit. You’re gonna fucking fix this or… I swear to God, Kegan, you’re going to regret it.”

  I already do. I regret letting that sick excuse for a man touch her. I regret the pain I caused both of you. Ah, fuck it, what can I say? “Go home, Trevor. It’s better this way.”

  “You selfish prick,” Trevor roared.

  The statement had no sooner left Trevor’s mouth when the breath was knocked out of Kegan as he hit the ground. He turned at the last second, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. He barely avoided the fist that barreled toward his head. “What the fuck?”

  Kegan tried to scramble out from under the weight of Trevor’s body, but the man rolled at the last instant, grabbed onto Kegan’s coat and spun him until he was flat on his stomach. Before Trevor could get a solid hold on him, though, Kegan pressed his knee into the ground, pushed upward and threw Trevor backward.

  The rage Kegan had tried so hard to keep suppressed boiled over and spilled rapidly out of him. He lunged for Trevor just as he kicked out and Kegan went flying backward and landed on his ass in a blink of an eye with Trevor straddling him. He pulled his fist back, ready to let it fly into Kegan’s face.

  “Go ahead. Fucking hit me.” Kegan surrendered and relaxed his body. Hell, he wanted Trevor to hit him, maybe then the pain in his face would be greater than what ripped through his heart. Hopefully, Trevor would beat him until he didn’t have to think or feel anymore.

  Trevor lowered his fist to his side slowly, keeping his hand clenched tight, but whatever he saw as he stared at Kegan had his anger fading from his dark eyes.

  For long moments, Trevor just continued to stare at him as if he were a complicated math problem to work out. He gave up, pulled himself to his feet and held out his hand toward Kegan. Trevor helped him up, then abruptly turned to mount his horse again.

  Before he turned his horse back toward the ranch, Trevor looked him square in the eye. “She’s not the only one you’ll lose.”

  God, how had his life gotten so fucked up so fast? Kegan swung up onto his own mount and avoided the curious looks Cade gave him as he reined the horse toward him.

  “Don’t even ask.” He spurred his horse in the direction of the herd and went back to work. The hardest part, the part that was impossible, was trying not to feel.

  It was going to be a long day and even longer night.

  * * * *

  Trevor wasn’t sure what the hell had gotten into him. He certainly hadn’t planned on kicking the shit out of Kegan, but the man’s refusal to meet his gaze or even talk to him had pushed him over the edge.

  He’d tried being patient, to give Kegan time to get shit worked through in his own head, but he was tired of being patient.

  He’d spent so much time trying to keep Charlie together, rarely allowed her any time alone with her thoughts and worked to keep her spirits up while her body healed that maybe he’d neglected Kegan in doing so. He had hoped that once Kegan buried his old man, knew once and for all that the man wouldn’t be around to ever hurt any of them again, he’d come around. He hadn’t and continued to withdraw further and further into himself, and no amount of patience or fists seemed to be able to stop the descent.

  As Trevor rode closer to the barn, he thought about everything he and Kegan had been through since they’d first bought their spread. They had been able to overcome a lot of shit and it wasn’t like this was the first time they’d gotten physical with each other.

  The small outbuilding where they kept the fertile mares away from the stallions was a testament to that. They hadn’t had the money to hire anyone to build it at the time so they’d figured what the hell, how hard could it be? Three fucking days in the scorching summer sun and they’d barely had the framework done. An argument over how to set the doorframe had ensued and suddenly they’d been rolling around in the dirt trying to force one another to cave to their idea. It had taken Cade and a big tub of ice water to cool the situation down, but it had worked out and they’d finished the building with damn fine results. However, a tub of cold water wasn’t going to help them with their current situation.

  The self-doubt and certainty it was his fault for Charlie being hurt had set Kegan on this downward spiral. He was scared. Trevor totally got it. He knew Kegan loved her more than life and wouldn’t hurt her on purpose.

  If only Kegan would realize he was hurting her a lot worse than Drake Colburn ever could. She needed reassurances and to feel safe again. As much as Trevor tried to be everything she needed right now, he couldn’t be Kegan.

  “What the fuck am I going to do?” he asked the empty field around him. He couldn’t just let Charlie leave. But if it was what she needed, should he follow her?

  He didn’t believe she wanted to leave, but more than likely felt it was her only option at this point. On the other hand, he didn’t believe that Kegan was pushing her away on purpose and if he ever needed anyone in his life, it was now. So how in the hell could Trevor just leave him too and follow Charlie?

  Trevor balled his fist up tightly and screamed at the sky. “Somebody want to tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to do?”

  His whole world was falling apart and he had no clue how to hold it together. He’d been with Kegan for years—amazing years of work, laughter, fights and living right. Now when they finally had everything they could ever possibly want, it was being ripped from their grasp and there was fucking little he could do to hold onto it.

  Trevor hung his head and let the horse make his way back to the barn. He wasn’t a praying man, never really had much use for God and religion, but at this moment he wished he could find a little faith.

  Please, someone just tell me what to do, how to make this right.

  He left Gallie with one of the hands to brush down and made his way back to the house without a word to anyone.

  He needed to find Charlie, to keep her close until he could figure out how to make her stay.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Staring down at the biscuits and gravy Mrs. Miller had set in front of her made Charlie’s gut churn.

  “Eat up, honey.”

  “Thank you.” Charlie knew before even picking up her fork that she wouldn’t be able to eat it. It had been ten days since her discharge from the hospital, and in that time, Kegan had spoken only a few words to her about mundane things. He had avoided her as if she carried the plague. The one time she had finally mustered the courage to confront him, he had literally run in the opposite direction. Her appetite wasn’t the only thing that was missing these days.

  She missed Kegan.

  She’d given up on approaching him since it seemed to cause him near physical pain to be anywhere near her. It had been sheer torture to lie in Trevor’s arms each night and listen to the silent house, knowing Kegan was lying alone in the room next to theirs. She couldn’t take it anymore. As much as she appreciated everything Trevor was doing for her, how he had gone out of his way to make her feel comfortable, it wasn’t enough. He and Kegan were a package deal. They belonged together. One without the other was like having a cup with a hole in the bottom. It was just impossible to f
ill. Kinda like her heart was feeling.

  “You’re leavin’, ain’t ya, girl?”

  Charlie looked up into Mrs. Miller’s eyes, where she had taken the seat directly across from Charlie.

  “What makes you think that?” She averted her gaze quickly, looking down at her biscuit as if she were about to eat it and her world wasn’t falling apart.

  “Lot of years of watching people makes recognizing someone about to flee fairly easy. I wish I could tell you it’d be a bad idea to leave, that you should stay, but I ain’t so mean that I would even ask you to stay on my count. I’d miss you. It’s been nice having another woman around the house.”

  Charlie looked up, stunned by her admission.

  “I know one thing for sure, Charlie. That boy loves you and he’s just feeling sorry for himself and acting ten shades of stupid by living in the past. He’s just forgotten what’s right in front of him.” She winked at her. “He’ll figure it out when he realizes you’ve up and left. Then he’ll have to figure out what he wants the most. He’ll either continue to beat himself up over what he can’t change or move forward.”

  Mrs. Miller stood, wiped her hands on her apron, before she removed it and placed it over the chair. “I’ll see ya real soon, baby girl.” She turned and headed out the door, but turned back to toss over her shoulder, “I’ll keep them lockets safe for ya until you come back home.” Then she was gone.

  Shit! She had forgotten all about the lockets she had purchased for Trevor and Kegan. The ones she’d planned to give them the night… Nope, not going there.

  Charlie stood and shook her head to dispel the images. She refused to let them control her and keep her in fear when he was dead and gone. She had work to do. She either had to figure out how to get her life back with Trevor and Kegan or move on. Living in limbo was pure-ass torture and being she was so not into S&M, it was time to force their hand one way or another.

  She walked to her purse sitting on the counter by the back door and retrieved her cell phone. After dialing the familiar number, she waited until it picked up on the second ring.