by Drew Stepek
Eldritch cleared his throat. “We are from Los Angeles.”
The Tooth Fairy took a step closer and then turned to the horde of zombies behind him. “Y’all hear that? These here people are from Hollyweird. Look like a bunch of pretty boys.”
A toadie from the back who seemed preoccupied with his exposed arm bone chimed in, “Maybe them is actors.”
“Actors? More like faggots.” The leader laughed.
A member near the toadie pushed him, showing his approval. Out of nowhere, the toadie jumped on his chum and began raging on his face with the open arm bone. “I tol’ you. Never touch me again.” The guy on the bottom laughed as his nose became more and more concave with every stroke of the pummeling.
“Stop, you dumb fuckers,” the leader ordered.
The rest of the gang started laughing and jittering around like a troop of rabid monkeys. The kid on the BMX bike continued to perform tricks on his bike around the scuffle. At one point, he was bunny-hopping to the beat of his own frenzied laughter.
I glanced at Eldritch, trying to keep my eyes on the leader. “This is insane.”
The leader stepped to me. “You got somethin’ funny to say there, homo actor boy?”
I extended my hand to shake. “I’m RJ.”
He looked at the hand, confused. “Name’s ’miley.”
I chuckled under my breath and tried not to make eye contact with Eldritch.
The McCoy faked a shake and pulled his hand away, then ran it through his filthy hair.
“Miley?” I said, ignoring his attempt to disrespect me. “Like Miley Cyrus?”
He smiled and pointed to the few teeth left in his mouth. I figured he was laughing with me. Who am I to say that naming yourself after a pop star is lame? I was named after a pack of cigarettes.
I put my hand back up to shake. “Nice to meet you, Miley.”
He remained still, not accepting my introduction. Then, he pointed to a smiley face pin on of the straps of his overalls. “Said the name’s ’miley.”
I grabbed his wrist to shake his hand this time. As he pulled it away, his rotten skin pulled from the bone like he was shedding. I planted my hand into his. “And I said, ‘Nice to meet you, Miley’.”
Eldritch kicked at my boot. “Smiley,” he whispered.
The leader spit into his hand as if to cleanse himself of my city boy stench. He nodded his head toward Eldritch.
We all waited a few seconds. A dog barked in the distance. One of the other McCoys sneezed. I almost started whistling when I just burst out, “Is it fucking Miley or Smiley?”
He pulled out a blood-filled syringe and injected it into his hand. “Sa. My. Lee.” As quickly as he pulled out the needle, the flesh on his palm began melting off. For a split second, before the restoring began, I could see his eye through his hand. He giggled and shook his head like he had just taken a huge piss. Then, his eyes beamed open and he started wheezing.
“Can I ask you what kind of drugs you all are taking, Sa-miley? You’re freaking me the fuck out.”
He looked back at the gang and shook his head. “You ain’t never seen Sunshine, boy?” He pointed at one of the other McCoys. “Show him.”
The kid, maybe fifteen years old, pulled another blood-filled syringe from the front pocket of his overalls and injected it into his cheek. Like the leader, the entire outside of his face vanished, revealing his jaw. His teeth clicked together, showing the hinge near his ear as he spoke. “Like moonshine, but Sunshine. Makes you feel like yer burnin’ up in the sun and then like yer flying to the moon.”
Eldritch and I both froze, not wanting to continue to look but not able to turn away, either.
I slapped Eldritch on the back. “Okay, then. We can go now.”
Eldritch opened his right hand and extended the talons. “What is in this drug?”
The leader turned back around. “I dunno. Bath salts, meth, Krokodil.”
“Krokodil.” I laughed. “Isn’t that Russia’s flesh-eating drug?”
He nodded but I wasn’t sure if he knew or was just starting the nods.
The noDs. Ask if it hAs hEroin in it.
“Does it have any heroin in it?”
“I already tol’ you what’s in it. Bath salts, meth and Krokodil.”
“Krokodil,” I repeated, talking to him and assuring The Gooch. “I’ve never known anyone dumb enough to take that shit.”
Oblivious to the fact that I just called him and the rest of the Midnight Runners a bunch of nitwits, he got back in my face. “Hey, motherfucker. You a commie? This shit was made in the U.S.A. This is the greatest thing in the world. Why don’t you leave, boy? We don’t want no actors and fairies on McCoy turf.”
I looked around. There wasn’t much of anything on their turf other than the abandoned strip mall I imagined they called their clubhouse.
Eldritch stepped between us. He was right before. We wouldn’t have any trouble with these jokers. He reached his hand out to introduce himself to the leader. “Hello, good sir.” The leader showed Eldritch his recently contaminated hand. “Sorry.” Eldritch put down his hand and covered his front with his forearm. Then, he reached out with the other. “I am Eldritch.”
The leader stared at him. “Those sure are some funny clothes you got on, Hollywood boy.” He surveyed the trench coat. “I wanna get me one of them. Look like The Matrix.”
“Eldritch, you should give this fine fellow your coat. It does look like The Matrix, or at least, a coat seen in The Matrix,” I said before I remembered that Pinball was tucked away.
Pinball peered out from inside the coat for a second and immediately retreated back in after seeing Smiley.
“Well, what do we have here?” He cackled. “Come on out little girl and let me have a look at you.”
“That is why we have come. We are seeking assistance from the Real McCoys to get a message to a Mr. Stephan Rodderick.”
The leader remained fixed on the moving child in the coat. “Who?” he asked.
“Stephan Rodderick,” Eldritch continued as he crossed both his arms over Pinball. “Is he not the leader of this Austin crime organization?”
“You mean that gay boy from them vampire movies?” the BMX kid chimed in.
“Yep. That’s him,” I said.
The leader side-stepped back to me. “So. The gay one does talk.”
“What?” I asked confused. “I thought we were all gay and I was literally just speaking to you a moment ago.” I looked over his shoulder and noticed that all the McCoys were checking out The Matrix jacket. It wasn’t the coat they were interested in, however; they wanted the little creature inside.
I snapped my fingers at the leader who had somehow managed to lose focus on our conversation in a split second. “Do you know Rodderick or not?”
He took a pack of chew out of the front pocket on his overalls and put it inside of his cheek. “You’d be smart not to snap them pretty fingers in front of my face.” He sucked a bunch of juice from the chew and then spit the refuse on my pants.
Eldritch pushed me back. The time bomb was about to go off. “We do not want trouble, sir.”
“Well, boy.” The leader pressed on the chew inside his mouth. “You found trouble. We outnumber you Hollywood fairies fifty to one.”
I stepped in front of Eldritch now in an attempt to keep Pinball out of harm’s way. “Look, ass stain. Your math is way off and I assure you that you don’t want to fuck with us. Can you please relay the message to Rodderick?”
He spit again, barely missing my leg again. “Who?”
“God dammit. The fucking actor, dude.”
“Why would I know some actor fella? Maybe y’all should go back to Hollyweird if you wanna find you an actor.” He turned back to his gang for a laugh. Unfortunately for him, they were all now completely puzzled as to where they were and what we were all talking about. One guy chuckled but got something stuck in his throat. Probably a tooth.
I grabbed Smiley by his hand, snapped his
arm backwards and pressed him down to his knees on the ground. It sounded cooler than it actually was. He was in such a fog that he stumbled around. “Ask the rest,” I insisted as he finally started to feel the pain of the break. “Do you…” I continued.
He craned his neck back to look at me. He was terrified. “Do you…” he repeated after me.
I slapped the chew out of his mouth with my free hand. “Don’t talk to me, jackass. I don’t fucking know the guy.” I pointed to the rest of the McCoys. “Talk to them.”
He turned back to his gang. They stood around, each spinning and convulsing to a different song in their heads. “Do you know,” he started. I cranked the arm again. “Owwww!” he belted out. “Do you know the actor from The Matrix?”
“Not the actor from The Matrix, asshole. Stephan Rodderick. He’s the actor from the Nightshayde vampire movies.”
The BMX kid yelled out, “Keanu Reeves!”
One of the other McCoys kind of agreed. “Yeah Stephan Rodderick is the guy from The Matrix.”
I threw the leader to the ground. “Jesus fucking Christ, Eldritch, are you fucking kidding me with these guys? They might as well be a soccer team. They are so low on the totem pole and so fried they don’t even know who they run drugs for. This is, without a doubt, the creepiest and shittiest gang ever.”
I mushed the leader’s face into the asphalt with the heel of my boot. “Who gives you the drugs? Do you sell it as well or is that asking too much for a gang to sell drugs?”
I released my boot from the back of his head so he could speak. “Yeah, we sell it. We sell ice, too.”
“Then, who takes a fucking cut? Where do you get it? Where do you buy it?”
“We take kids,” he said. “Off the street and trade them to this gang for the drugs. That’s where the money is in Austin. Taking kids.”
No wonder they were so interested in Pinball. I kicked him in the face. “Kids? What does a gang need with kids?”
He sat up and started licking his hand. “I don’t know. They fuck ‘em, I gather.”
“They fuck kids. Great.” I brushed his body sauce off of my hands. “Where is this gang and how can we speak with them?”
He began hyperventilating. As his breathing slowed he managed to squeak, “Y’all can find them over on Sixth Street.”
I kicked some gravel at him. “What’s their name?”
He coughed into his unhealed hand. “The Sixth Street Skulls.”
I rubbed my temples. “Really? The Sixth Street Skulls. That’s their name?”
“Whose name?”
“Well, they were fun,” I joked, slapping Eldritch on the trench coat where his ass was. “I certainly hope that the Sixth Street Skulls are as insightful and pleasant as the Real McCoys.” I fired up a cigarette. Eldritch batted it down.
I bent to pick it up. “What the fuck, Eldritch? That was my last blood-dipped smoke.” Before I got to it, he smooshed it under the toe of his boot.
He bent his head sideways and signaled toward Pinball, who was holding on to his hand for dear life. He grinned and out of the side of his mouth he said, “No smoking.”
I put my arm out in front of our pilgrimage and then bent down to Pinball. “You don’t mind if I smoke, do you?”
She pulled away from me and pushed her face into Eldritch’s leg.
I scurried over to the crushed butt and picked it up. It wasn’t salvageable. “Dammit.” I tossed it away. I went to Pinball and turned her around. Her wig tilted off its axis. As I straightened it out, I took a calmer tone. “Pinball, do you mind if I smoke and do drugs?”
She grinned. “Drugs are bad an’ so is smoking. My daddy had to smoke outside when I didn’t feel good.”
I looked up to Eldritch. He closed his eyes and shook his head.
My attention turned back to Pinball. “We’re outside right now though. So, if I did still have a cigarette, you would approve, right?”
She yawned and licked her lips. “But I don’ feel good.”
Eldritch turned her around toward him. “Can you sit down right here while Uncle RJ and I have a talk?”
She stomped her feet and sat on the curb. “He’s not even my real uncle. My real uncle wouldn’ a kilt my daddy.”
Eldritch walked me to the corner.
I put out my hand. “So, give me a clove or whatever you smoke, asshole.”
He clutched my balls and my trembling hands latched onto his wrists. “Listen, you pathetic, selfish little goblin, do not smoke in front of Paulina and stop calling her Pinball. I am not sure how riddled with drugs your brain is, but she was called that by a predator; a predator that disguised himself as her father. She is diseased and we kidnapped her. Remember, it was your idea to go there and execute her parents. She is not to be treated like a dog, as you treated her sister. Her sister, who is dead as well because you allowed a human into our world.”
I jumped back from his grip. “Oh, eat shit. I just wanted a smoke.”
“She is sick, RJ. She has cancer. We need to get her to Rodderick.”
I massaged my pelvis. “She had cancer. That doesn’t give you a pass to grab my dick.”
“I fear that she is still sick.”
“But you don’t know do you, Eldritch? You know as much about her and her disease as I do: nothing. The only time I’ve ever dealt with cancer is drinking some poor sick gang banger’s infected blood. It doesn’t qualify me as a doctor.”
He placed his palm over his face. “Start acting serious. This is a serious matter. This is not a joke to be tossed around between a bunch of heroin addicts at a garage.”
He was right. I backed down.
“Owwww,” Pinball cried out. “My stomach hurts, Mr. Eldritch.”
“Can you hear her cries?” He started whispering. “She is in a massive amount of pain.”
“She’s probably hungry. When was the last time you fed her anything besides bullshit?”
He looked behind me and stared down the street.
I waved my hand in front of his face. “Drug store. Let’s get her some drugs.”
He unfolded one of his steel talons in front of his lips. “Shhhhhh.”
I turned my head slowly. I hadn’t heard anything or anyone on the streets around us. “I don’t see anything.”
He pointed to an alley two blocks away. “Right there.”
“What?” I squinted and tried to focus on what he was pointing to. “I don’t see anything.”
He flicked his talon. “I see the front tire of a bike.”
“Who cares if there is some kid on a bike back there?”
He walked back to Pinball, bending down and leading her to her feet. She dropped the rock as he tugged her away from me.
I ran up to them. “Why do you care if some kid is on a bike?”
He cupped his hands over her ears and whispered, “You phlegmatic nincompoop, we are obviously being followed by the McCoys.”
“Give me a break. Those clowns don’t have the balls to track us. Why would they? They told us to go talk to the Skulls.”
He picked up his pace. “That tire. I am certain it is the boy who was performing for us.”
“Who cares, I could decimate those idiots with or without your help.” I turned and hollered toward the alley. “Hey, BMX Bandit! Go tell your boy Miley to leave us the fuck alone.” I waited for a response and saw a little movement back by the alley. “That’s what I thought, you phlegmatic nincompoop.”
Eldritch let out a huge sigh.
I caught up to them. “Don’t worry about it, guys. They won’t attack us. They had their chance.” In an attempt to join the buddy system, I grabbed onto Pinball’s hand and doubled my pace to keep up. She looked up at me. “Don’t worry. We are going to get some medicine it’ll make you feel better. Maybe Eldritch will let Uncle RJ get some cigarettes, too.”
She tugged loose from my grip. “Your hand is cold.”
“Well, I am dead,” I said under my breath. “And he’s dead, too.”
She suddenly let go of Eldritch too and doubled over, grabbing her belly. “Owwwwww!” she howled.
Eldritch just shook his head.
“So, it’s settled, then?” I asked. “Right, Eldritch?”
“Yes,” he said. “We will go to get some medicine for Paulina. Then, we will go talk to our new friends, the Sixth Street Skulls.”
Although I was happy that I got my way, I decided to further lighten the mood. “No, that’s not what I was talking about.”
Eldritch tucked his hair over his ear. “Then what is it you are talking about?”
I laughed. “I wanted to make sure that we were all on the same page about you lying about being raised by wolves, becoming the leader of their pack and even ever being in Canada.”
He broke Eldritch character and started laughing with me. “You are a fucking asshole.”
Pinball stood up straight and took our hands, relocking the chain between the three of us.
We stood between the pharmacy and some insurance office.
I smoothed my palm upward against the brick. “How are we going to get in?”
Eldritch unlocked his talons on both hands. “I suggest we climb.”
I looked up the side of the two-story pharmacy. “You’re kidding, right?” I clenched Pinball’s hand and raised it. “Are we going to leave her down here?”
“I’m hungry,” she said, tapping on the top part of her arm.
So aM I.
I pulled away as soon as I realized I was being a little rough. “Sorry.” I looked around for a solution, then pointed to an area on the side of the store. “Maybe we can build her a fort with those empty boxes.” I knew it was important that we got the kid medication, though I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t also want some of my own meds. But I needed to think of the kid. Even though I thought she was just hungry and scared, Eldritch insisted that she was sick. My cravings were strictly secondary.
Eldritch placed both his hands on the wall and determined the plausibility of the climb and then looked at my box-fort idea. “We are not leaving her down here.”
“I’m hungry,” she grumbled again.
Eldritch rushed over to her. “Yes, I know, Paulina.” He grabbed a pack of gummy bears out of a small satchel—not a purse—slung around his side. “Open up,” he said.