by C. C. Bolick
She nodded. “This is the chance of a lifetime. I never thought I’d see inside the cockpit of a spaceship.”
“Agent Dallas is the best pilot we have,” Sylvia said. “She can fly anything.”
“I will decide that after we land,” Van said. “Agent Dallas, Miss Mason… Will that be our crew?”
Sylvia waved toward her SUV and a door to the backseat opened. Out stepped Rachelle in a white jumpsuit like mine.
“No,” I whispered. Angel and Skip registered the same shock on their faces. Rachelle approached and Sylvia put a hand on Rachelle’s shoulder.
“Rachelle has agreed to tag along with this mission in case there are any problems related to heat exposure from the sun.”
“My ship should withstand the heat,” Van said. “As long as the cooling units function and the isometric electro-magnetic fields remain intact. There is a limited zone we cannot enter, but it’s a million miles closer than your space shuttle can withstand.”
“Just in case,” Rachelle said with a smile.
Angel leaned in and hugged her, followed by Skip. Agent Dallas also gave her a hug, patting the long braids that fell down Rachelle’s back.
Sylvia smiled with pride. “You make a great agent. The suit looks good on you.”
Rachelle laughed. “I think I like the space outfit better than the black agent gear.”
Dad put an arm around my shoulders and I hugged him. “Be careful up there, Regina.”
I pulled back. “I didn’t tell you, but I saw Mama yesterday. Saw her as a ghost, not as Bethany. She flew with me and we circled the globe. Mama promised to be there with me today.”
He wiped a tear that slid beneath his dark sunglasses. “I knew Rosanna would be there for you if she could find a way. Even coming back from the grave. You inherited her determination.”
“Dad, if I don’t make it back, tell Alfie—”
“Tell him yourself later today. Van said this mission should take an hour max.”
“I wish Travis was here to see this.”
“He’ll come back.” Dad’s voice lowered. “I always knew Travis would disappear one of these days. Noah Payne won’t stay gone forever.”
My mouth fell open. “You think his father—” Dad held up a hand and I dropped my voice to a whisper. “You think they’re together?”
He nodded. “I can’t tell you why, but I believe we’ll see them both soon. Call it agent intuition. Years ago, Noah said he’d be back.”
“The night he disappeared,” I said. “You never told Travis what happened that night.”
“Because Noah wanted to tell the story himself.” Dad gripped my hand. “You can’t go up there worried about Travis or anyone else. The people on that ship will depend on your ability to control your power.”
I nodded. “I’ll do my best.”
“Not your best,” he said. “This isn’t one of those soccer games where Coach Andrews told you winning isn’t everything. This is life and death. You’ll push the limits until you’re successful and everyone returns alive.”
The pain in his voice haunted me as I boarded the ship.
* * * * *
Fifteen minutes later, I sat next to Rachelle in one of two seats behind where Van and Agent Dallas sat at controls similar to the plane she’d flown, but with a tick-tac-board of flashing lights and strange beeping noises. I had to give her credit. The woman didn’t back down when Van told her to sit quietly and keep her hands to herself. After a glare from her, he pointed out which sequence of buttons would get us off the ground.
The ship seemed twice as big from the inside. Everywhere was black glass. I tapped the wall to my side but the glass showed no reflection where my fingers touched. The seats were similar to Agent Dallas’s plane. They even had seatbelts, which Rachelle and I both clicked into place.
I wondered how Van knew there would be enough seats. “You shouldn’t be here,” I whispered to Rachelle. “I know what can happen if you use your power.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You’re flying to the sun. You might need a little sunscreen once you get there.”
“You’re not powerful enough to cool the sun.”
“Maybe not, but I can cool the ship if that’s what it takes to get you close enough to shoot your sparkles. No one is sure how close you need to be.”
“If you use your power…”
Her voice filled with hurt. “Don’t look at me like I’m broken. I can take care of myself.”
“But—”
“I thought you were my friend. I thought of all people you understood what it takes to have a power and use it when needed.”
Anger filled me. “Sylvia was wrong to send you.”
“You think she forced me?” Rachelle gave a sad smile. “I volunteered for this mission.”
“Why?”
“Because I wanted to help people and this is the best way I can. Unlike you, I want to be an agent.”
“Using your power will destroy your mind.”
“I’ve accepted that and decided I can’t avoid what happened to my mom. I’ll live each day enjoying the time I’ve had and not fear my power. Taking time to fear means less time for fun.”
Van turned around. “Are you finished?”
“We’re done,” Rachelle said.
He nodded and turned back to the screen across the ship’s front. “Start the sequence.”
Agent Dallas pressed the buttons with more excitement than necessary. I glanced down at my palms, which lit with a thin line of blue sparkles. Not yet, I thought and pushed back the fear. The blue disappeared.
The ship rose slowly, barely moving except for the tops of trees that showed on the screen and then faded to blue sky. Without warning, the ship shot up so fast I thought my stomach would drop out of my body. Before I could take a breath, the screen in front of Van showed the dark vastness of space.
Van slammed a button on the panel and the strain from rising disappeared. “Sorry, I didn’t engage the stabilizer.”
“That was scary,” Rachelle said.
“Everyone should experience that rush at least once,” he said.
“It was amazing,” Agent Dallas said. “I’ve flown some experimental jets but nothing this fast.”
Rachelle grabbed my hand. “Once was enough to make me never want to fly again. He probably did that on purpose.”
Van turned to Agent Dallas. “You handled that well. Would you like a chance to control our flight? I can show you how to set our trajectory.”
Agent Dallas looked as if she’d just received a medal of honor. She smiled and gushed over how much she appreciated this opportunity. How did I never see this side of her before?
With a click of another button, the black glass around us lighted with a view from outside the ship, even at our feet. It felt as if we rode through space without walls. On one side, we caught a glimpse of the International Space Station as it faded from view. Van turned the ship toward the sun and diagnostics appeared on the screen next to the fiery ball. Surface temperature, mass, time until arrival.
This was really happening. I’d once dreamed of getting a degree in aerospace engineering and working for the space program. I never imagined getting the chance to fly into space. And not in a space shuttle. I was flying to the sun in a bona fide spaceship.
“Mama,” I whispered. She’d promised to be here with me, but I’d yet to see her ghostly presence today.
Rachelle turned to me. “Did you say something?” Ahead of us, Van pointed to the screen and explained more of the diagnostics to Agent Dallas.
Would Rachelle think I was crazy? “You know my mom died.”
“I know,” she said.
“She came to visit me yesterday. As a ghost. We flew around the globe together. She promised to help with the solar flares.”
Rachelle stared. “Last week I would have said you’ve lost your mind. But today we’re flying in a spaceship.”
“Incoming,” Van yelled.
Before
I could react, the ship bounced and threw my weight against Rachelle.
“Gee, Rena. Didn’t know you felt that way.”
The bouncing stopped and I pulled away with a laugh. “That was from the flares, right?”
“Right,” Agent Dallas said as if she’d become an expert at flying a spaceship in under an hour. “They play hell on satellite communication.”
“And ours.” Waves blurred the screen, Van hit a few buttons, and the screen calmed to a clear picture of the sun.
Time to the sun was counting down in a box on the screen. ETA five minutes. The closer we got, the less I felt sure of my ability to face a force this massive. This wasn’t one of Louis’s bombs. This was the sun.
A powerhouse of energy almost a million miles across.
“Are you ready?” Van asked.
I knew this question was aimed at me. “I’m not sure.”
He turned his seat around and looked over my face. Behind him, explosions raged on the red-hot surface. “Now isn’t the time for fear.”
“Actually, it is,” Rachelle said. “She has to fear for her power to work.”
“You’re sure?” Van asked. “Yesterday you showed great control.” Again, he looked closely at my face. “I see your fear.”
His ability to read my emotions wasn’t helping. “I fear what happens after death.”
“Everyone dies,” Agent Dallas said. “Why fear the only thing that’s guaranteed?”
Guaranteed, but none of them had experienced the darkness.
“I’m not afraid of dying,” Rachelle said.
I turned to her, taking my eyes off Van. “What do you think happens when we die?”
She shrugged. “I never cared much about the… after. I almost committed suicide twice. Now I’m glad I didn’t.”
“No joke,” I said. “You really thought about…” I closed my eyes.
“Things were bad when my real mom died. I was bullied in school. Sometimes I thought no one would notice if I disappeared. After getting my power, I thought everyone I cared about would be better off without me.”
“What changed your mind?”
“I didn’t want people to remember me as the girl who killed herself. I want to be remembered for a reason people care about.”
Van cleared his throat. Agent Dallas stared at the screen without moving.
“Can we see Venus and Mercury?” Rachelle asked, nearly choking on her words.
“They’re not in our path,” he said, “but in a far orbit.”
“That’s too bad,” Rachelle said.
“I can bring up a picture.” Van hit a few buttons and the screen split down the middle. One side showed a brown planet and the other looked gray.
“Beautiful,” Agent Dallas said, though I could have sworn I also heard tears.
Van turned around, again looking at me. “Do you believe one person can make a difference? If one person gave their life would it be worth the sacrifice to save other lives?”
My blood ran cold. “Travis allowed himself to be captured in order to help me escape from the base. I’d do anything to save him.”
“You care about Travis,” Van said. “I can see the love on your face. I’m struggling with a command from our queen.”
“I thought you always followed orders.”
“Following orders doesn’t mean I never question my own motives.”
“Your motives?” I asked. “What about hers?”
“It’s difficult to explain, but I feel I’m not the best person to complete this mission.”
“Why?”
“I’ll have to kill someone I barely understand. A person I’ve feared for most of my life.”
“I didn’t think you were afraid of anyone.”
He smiled. “We all have fears.”
“Haven’t you killed before?” Rachelle asked. “From what Angel said—”
“Many times,” Van said.
“How many?” I asked. “Do you know the exact number?”
“Yes,” he said slowly. “You never forget the sound when a person takes their last breath.”
“How many?” I asked again.
Van remained silent for several tense moments. “I’m commander of a prison. For more than twenty years, I carried out executions under orders from my government. My hands were stained with blood while others kept theirs clean.”
“Do you regret pulling the trigger?” Agent Dallas asked, her eyes on him. “Even once?”
“I didn’t always use a laser…” He noticed my face and stumbled with his words. “Perhaps this isn’t a discussion we should have.”
“Why kill?” I asked.
“The government forced me to kill.”
“You had a choice,” I said. “Everyone has a choice—didn’t you talk about a conscious choice earlier?”
“I did what was needed to achieve the ultimate goal—humans on Golvern now have rights.”
So, they were on our planet and we were on theirs. “I didn’t realize humans lived on Golvern.”
“Many, including me.”
I stared at him. “You’re human?”
“Part. I once thought it was the worst part, now I wonder…” He turned back to the screen. “Thank you for listening. All of you.”
“Did we help?” I asked.
“I’m not sure. Hopefully I’ll know when the time for action arrives.”
Our ship approached the sun and Van slowed the ship about a million miles from the surface. The glowing ball on the screen grew as we approached. I closed my eyes and tried to wrap my mind around reaching out to the sun.
I visualized the explosions on the sun’s surface. The neutrons, an infinite number of particles that far outnumbered my ability to call to them. Raging beyond my reach was a tremendous power. Dad always said that taking on an impossible task was like ‘drinking water from a fire hydrant. One sip at a time,’ he insisted, or I’d drown.
I opened my eyes. “We need to be closer.”
Van moved the ship closer. We began to shake and none of the buttons he slammed would stop the movement. “We’re too close for the stabilizer to work.”
I reached out to the sun again, tentatively this time, taking it slow as I poked at the massive field of power. “Mama,” I whispered, “now would be a great time.”
“Look at the screen,” a voice said.
On the screen was her ghost-like form, glowing with a bright white light between me and the sun.
I gripped Rachelle’s arm. “What do you see on the screen?”
“A hot mass of lava. It’s giving me flashbacks to the volcano incident.”
“What do you see?” Van asked.
“I see my mother.”
Agent Dallas watched the screen. “Her dead mother in case you don’t know the story.”
“I know the story,” Van said so low I almost missed his words.
I closed my eyes and pictured the bench near the RV park in Florida where we sat feeding the ducks. This scene haunted my dreams for weeks after Mama came back as Bethany. When I opened my eyes, Mama sat beside me on the bench.
“Where are we?” I asked.
“The mind can be a wondrous place, my fearless girl. But also dangerous. You don’t want to be stuck here forever.”
I wrapped her hand in mine. “You feel real here.”
“I am real here. I wish we could have this conversation for hours, but there’s no time.”
“We can stop time,” I said. “When I talk to the neutrons, time almost stands still.”
“Everyone on that ship will die, including you. Van doesn’t realize his thermal protection is about to fail.”
“What—”
“Work with me and let’s make this fast. Close your eyes. Visualize the neutrons. Reach out and cast a net around the sun. You take the front half and I’ll take the back.”
“It’s too large.”
She laughed. “We’re in your head, not reality. The sun is only as large as you imagine it.�
� Mama waved a hand and a ball of light the size of her palm appeared, floating above her hand. Flaming red, an exact replica from the screen. “Focus on this. You take one side and I take the other.”
“Then what?”
“You’ve studied physics. What is causing the flares?”
“Changes in the sun’s magnetic field.”
“By sending massive amounts of neutrons into motion, we can affect the field.”
“You’ve studied physics?”
“If you have a power, don’t you think you owe it to yourself to understand how to use it?”
I smiled with pride. “You’re right.”
“Of course I am. I expect nothing less out of you.” With her free hand, she took one of mine. “Send neutrons my way and I’ll send them yours. I don’t think we’re powerful enough to collapse the field, but maybe we can calm it enough to end the flares.”
“I’ll try.”
“Remember what your dad said about doing your best?”
“You were there?”
“Heard every word. Now get to work.”
I focused on the glowing ball in her hand. Seeing the pint-sized sun made me realize the task was difficult but not impossible. I thought of my worst fear—of the darkness—and gave the neutrons on my side a push.
“Harder,” Mama said. “Act like you’re trying to hit me in the face.”
With my hands raised, I shoved at the neutrons and felt time slow to almost a standstill.
“Good,” she said.
Around us, ducks quacked and water from the lake sloshed near our feet. Time went on as normal in our space outside of the real world. My hands began to burn and sweat burst from every pore of my body. I choked, barely able to breathe air that felt hotter than a triple digit Florida day.
“What’s happening?” I screamed. My eyes stung.
“Focus on the neutrons,” she said.
What did she say about the ship’s thermal protection? This heat wasn’t coming from the air around the bench; the spike in temperature was from the ship where I actually sat.
“We’re almost there.”
The heat charred my skin but the colors, oh the beautiful colors from the neutrons spread before me. The most wonderful rainbow I’d ever seen.
“One more push,” she said. “With everything you’ve got.”