Days of You and Me

by Tawdra Kandle

  She backed up, holding up her hands. “Calm down there, buddy! I’m not doubting your ability. Not one bit.” As she passed by Corey, she patted his ass and mock-whispered, “Watch out for the psycho rookie! Don’t let him wash any knives.”

  Corey cracked up, and then we fell into a companionable silence, Corey and I working together and Ellie over at the coffee maker, adding water and scooping in the grounds.

  Our conversation at dinner had centered mostly around the team, our season—which was winding down—and our slim chance for a wildcard spot in the playoffs. We’d had a fairly decent year, but there was no doubt our team was still in its building stage, and other teams had performed better. Corey had pointed out that two years ago, we would have clinched a spot by this far into the season, but this year, the good teams were just playing better.

  We hadn’t gotten into anything remotely personal, but now as Ellie hummed quietly to herself and began taking out small round plates for pie, I could almost feel the curiosity coming off her in waves.

  “So, Leo.” She was playing it cool, trying to act as though this was nothing more than an innocent question. “How in the world did a hot piece of man meat like you get this far without some lucky woman snatching you up?”

  “El, seriously?” Next to me, Corey shook his head and cast me a half-apologetic, half-speculative glance. “Man meat?”

  “Babe, it’s what all the girls say. And believe me when I say that they use that exact phrase and worse when they’re talking about Leo the Lion here.”

  I sighed. “Not the Lion. Please. Anything but that. It’s been following me around since high school, and I’m tired of it.”

  “Sorry.” Ellie wrinkled her nose. “I get it. My sisters used to call me Ellyphant when we were growing up. They still do it to be mean now and then. I hate it.”

  “Who knew I had a veritable zoo right here?” Corey snickered. “Now me, I never had any nicknames. Just plain old Corey Iverson.”

  His wife ignored him. “So no more Lion, but still. Answer the question. Why are you still single, sweetie? I’d assume it was just that you enjoy the playing the field—and I’m not talking about the big G Game here, but I noticed that you haven’t been a party boy so far this year.”

  “Yeah, I’m not much into parties and bars. Don’t get me wrong. I like to have a good time. But I saw what too much of that could do to a person, and I don’t want to slip down that particular road.”

  “Good thinking.” She slid the coffee pot into place and punched the button to start it brewing. “So my next guess would be that maybe you’re gay, but nowadays, there’s no reason to hide that, and I haven’t seen you ogling the cuties on the team. Not that you would, maybe, but still—you’ve got no vibe.”

  “El, babe, you’ve got the world’s worst gaydar. And you’re embarrassing our guest here.” Corey took a handful of forks from me and deposited them into the silverware basket in the dishwasher. “Let him be.”

  “No, it’s okay.” I ran water into the larger pot, added soap and found a long-handled dish brush. “I’m not gay. I’m into the ladies.”

  “Ah.” Ellie stood behind us, hands on her hips. “So that’s it then.” She nodded, as if I’d actually said something aloud.

  Corey cast me a sideways look and gave his head a little shake. I stayed quiet.

  “You’ve had your heart broken. Someone hurt you so badly that you’re shying away from taking a chance that it might happen again.”

  She’d come way too close to the truth for my comfort. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about my past love life. On the other hand, Ellie didn’t seem to have an ulterior motive. I got the sense that she was a kind person who was honestly interested in other people and what made them tick. In a way, she reminded me of Quinn.

  “So who was she? And what on earth would make her give up on a terrific guy like you?”

  I finished one pot and started scrubbing the second. “It’s a long story. And the truth is, the whole thing is complicated. What went down between us wasn’t her fault. Or mine. It was just something that sort of . . . happened.”

  Ellie hadn’t stopped staring me down, but when she spoke, her voice was soft. “What’s her name?”

  “Uh, Quinn.”

  “How did you meet?”

  I smiled. “We didn’t. Well, at least, neither of us remember it. I’ve known Quinn her entire life, and she’s known me most of mine. Less three weeks, that is.”

  “Ohhhh.” Ellie breathed out. “Childhood sweethearts.”

  “Not exactly. Best friends, yes. But we weren’t sweethearts.” I ducked my head, fastening my eyes on a spot of burned potatoes at the bottom of the pot. “There were three of us: Quinn, me and our friend Nate. She was always caught between us, in one way or another. I was kind of a jerk in high school. And back then, I was a total party dude. Quinn . . . she was the opposite. She was smart and serious and kind—way too good for me.”

  “But you loved her, still.” Ellie sounded so certain.

  I let out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding. “Yeah. Yeah, I did. I fought it for a long time, tried to avoid her, but then . . . stuff happened, and we ended up together.” I thought about those golden days in our junior year, when it felt like nothing and no one would ever come between us. “We were together for about six months, and then we weren’t.”

  “Why? What happened?”

  “Long story.” I attacked the burnt bits on the pot with more elbow grease. “I listened to some advice I probably should’ve ignored, and I managed to talk myself into believing I wasn’t good for Quinn. So for over a year, we didn’t speak to each other. We didn’t interact at all, until Quinn’s dad was killed the day after we graduated from high school.”

  “No!” Ellie looked genuinely sad, as though she’d known Bill Russell. “That’s terrible.”

  “It was.” I turned on the water and rinsed the soap out of the pot. “Quinn and her mom were both devastated. I’d been down at the shore, but I went home to be with Quinn, and one thing led to another . . .” I flashed back briefly to those nights when I’d held her as she cried herself to sleep. “We got back together.”

  “For how long?” Ellie cocked her head. “Because if you’re not together now . . .”

  “The summer before our junior year in college, we were living together down at Carolina. There were a couple of stories about me that went crazy in the media, and things were tough on Quinn. The stress . . . it tore us apart. What started out as a break, just some breathing room for her, ended up being a lot longer and more complicated.”

  “Do you see her often?” She returned to the coffee maker, now blinking with a green light, and began pouring coffee into mugs.

  “Not that much. She, ah, she married our friend Nate in May.”

  Ellie’s mouth dropped open, and for a moment, I was afraid our coffee might end up on the floor. “No way. Are you serious? Why in the world would she do that?”

  I turned the now-clean pot upside down on the wooden drying rack and blotted my hands on a towel. “That’s an even longer story. Maybe it would be better over pie.”

  “Taylor, man.” Corey finished the last bite of his third slice of pie. “That right there is some seriously fucked-up shit. It’s like something you’d see in one of those Lifetime movies.” He darted a glance to his wife and then back to me. “Not that I’ve ever seen any of them. But I hear things.”

  “Yeah, well, I’d trade it in for some plain old boring any time, as long as that came along with Quinn.” I forked up a bite of my first slice of pie. Talking had kept me from eating as fast as Corey had. “But it’s out of my hands.”

  “For now it is.” Ellie reached over to lay her hand on my arm. “But . . . have you thought about what comes next?”

  “Sometimes that’s all I can think about.” I licked a crumb of crust from my lip. “As long as we were deep in the season, I could push it to the background. But I’ve got too much time right now, and I’m goin
g out of my mind.” Laying down my fork, I sat back. “Which makes me feel like shit, because I’m basically waiting out my friend’s death. When I saw Nate this summer, I realized I’ve been so focused on Quinn and how miserable I am that I’d almost forgotten how much I’m going to miss him.”

  “You poor thing.” Ellie stood up and came around the table to hug me from behind. “Listen. I know you’re new in town, and I realize you don’t know Corey and me much beyond just a teammate and his wacky wife. But please, think of us as your family down south. If you need someone to talk to or just a place to hang out so you’re not alone . . . we’re here.” She ruffled my hair. “I never had a little brother, but I think I could do a decent job as the big sister you never knew you wanted.”

  Warmth spread over my chest. “Thanks. I really appreciate that.”

  “And if the time comes that Quinn is . . . in your life again, I’ll be happy to take her under my wing and help her adjust to life with a football player. It sounds to me like she’s scared and overwhelmed. Maybe she just needs a helping hand. Someone to show her the ropes.” She paused. “And if things don’t work out with Quinn, then we’ll start looking for the right woman for you.” She grinned. “I know a ton of eligible women.”

  “She’s not exaggerating. She really does.” Corey began counting off on his fingers. “There’re all the girls she’s still in touch with from high school. And then there are her sorority sisters from Virginia State. And then the women she works with now, from her job and on all the charities she helps.”

  I nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind. But I’m not ready to give up yet. I have to believe Mia and I haven’t blown our last chance.”

  “Mia?” Ellie’s brow wrinkled.

  “Ah . . . yeah. Her full name is Amelia Quinn, after her grandmother, and when we were little, her mom would call her that sometimes. I couldn’t say it—when I tried, it came out Mia Quinn. So that’s always been my special name for her.”

  “Oh . . . my . . . God. That’s just about the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.” Ellie pressed her lips together, and I was pretty sure she was getting teary-eyed. “Okay, forget about the other women. I have got to meet this girl, and if the two of you don’t end up together, eventually, it’s going to break my heart, too.”

  “You heard her.” Corey scrubbed at his mouth with a napkin and threw an arm around his wife. “Ellie’s kind of spooky like that. She says something’s going to happen, and it almost always does.”

  “I wish that was true.” She smiled at her husband, the kind of expression I recognized and instantly envied, because it reminded me of how Quinn looked at me sometimes. Or used to look at me. Ellie threaded her fingers through Corey’s and cast me a half-apologetic glance that said she knew what I was thinking.

  “I guess I feel like Corey and I were so lucky to find each other early and always be together that I want that for everyone else. I wish everyone could be as happy as we are.”

  “Thanks.” I stabbed a juicy cherry with my fork and stuck it into my mouth. “I’d just be glad for one more chance to prove to Quinn that we’re supposed to be together. At the same time, I’m scared shitless that I’ll screw it up again.”

  “As much as I’d like to say you should go for it as soon as you can, I gotta say, man . . . maybe your friend Nate’s got a point. If you want to make sure you two have the best shot, it’s possible Quinn needs some time to get over everything.” Corey turned his head and brushed his lips over Ellie’s cheek. “Remember after your accident, babe? That was a tough time.”

  “It was.” Ellie nodded, leaning on Corey as she looked at me. “When we were sophomores in college, I was in a car accident. A bunch of my friends and I were driving home from an away game, and we were hit by an old man who’d fallen asleep at the wheel. The girl driving the car I was in was killed, and I was in the hospital for almost a month, and then in rehab for another three weeks. It was the worst few months of my life.”

  “And afterward, she wasn’t the same for a while.” Corey tucked her more securely under his chin. “Neither of us was. I was mad as hell, but I couldn’t figure out who to hit, you know? And El here, she cried at the drop of a hat, and my girl’s not a weeper. I was frustrated that I could never say the right thing—or it felt that way—and she was scared I might leave her.” He huffed out a breath. “As if.”

  “We finally talked to a counselor, and that helped. And I had to take some breathing room to get over everything that had happened. That wasn’t easy, because I didn’t want Corey to think I was running away from him—I wasn’t—I just needed to get my head screwed on straight again.”

  “Yeah, I see.” I turned my plate in small revolutions, staring at the tiny flowers that adorned the edges. “I want to say you’re wrong. I want to say Nate’s wrong, but the bottom line is that I’m going to do anything and everything to get it right this time. So if Quinn has to wait a few months before we can give it a try, I’ll try to be patient.”

  “If you need help or advice, we’re here.” Corey winked at me.

  “Hey, if you guys keep treating me this good, I’ll be over every night. Hell, I’ll move in.” I laughed and pushed myself back from the table a little. “But for now, I think I need to hit the road. I’m going in for a training session first thing in the morning, and five thirty AM isn’t going to feel good if I stay out too late tonight.”

  “True enough.”

  Corey retrieved my coat from the hall closet, and Ellie gathered me into a quick hug. “You remember what I said. You know the way now. Don’t forget to use it.”

  “Thanks again for everything. You two are the best.” I waved over my shoulder as I jogged down the front concrete steps to where my car waited at the curb. It was cold, and when I breathed in, I thought I smelled snow. We hadn’t had any down here yet . . . and the way the locals carried on about the possibility of it, I wondered if they knew how to deal with the white stuff.

  I let the car warm up for a few minutes while I checked my phone. Sitting in that warm and welcoming house with Cory and his beautiful wife had made me homesick for something I’d never known. It had made me more sharply aware of how much I missed Quinn and how badly I wanted her with me. I wanted her to organize my mostly-sparse kitchen, to change around the living room, to put her makeup and hair crap all over the bedroom and bathroom . . . I wanted to trip over her heels, which she invariably kicked off the minute she came into the house. I just wanted the life I knew we could have.

  I opened up my text app and skimmed down to her name. Our last few interactions had been generic and boring—me checking on her every once in a while, and Quinn’s vague answers. Everything’s fine here. That told me nothing.

  When I’d played in Philadelphia a few weeks back, I’d had dinner after the game with my parents, Carrie Russell and Mark and Sheri. We’d kept the conversation light, steering away from the Nate and Quinn topic, but my mother had pulled me aside later to say that Nate was going downhill fast. They weren’t sure he’d make it to Christmas.

  Yet Quinn had never told me that.

  I wasn’t in any state tonight to risk calling her or even texting with her. I knew I’d be too tempted to beg her to . . . what? Leave Nate? Let me come to her? Promise me something that neither of us was in a position yet to even mention? No, that would be disastrous.

  So instead, I scrolled down until I found the name I was looking for and tapped out a brief message.

  Leo: Hey, Zelda. Leo here. Just wondering if you’ve heard from Quinn lately.

  I hit send before I could second-guess myself. A few moments later, her response appeared.

  Zelda: I saw her a couple of weeks ago, the night the Rebels played in Philly. Gia and I spent the night with her. She’s okay. Best she could be under the circumstances. We text every day.

  Knowing Quinn had been with friends that night made me feel a little better. I’d felt her absence all during dinner with our parents.

  Leo: Thanks. How’s Nate?


  The reply was swift and cuttingly to the point.

  Zelda: Dying.

  I closed my eyes and shook my head. Of course he was. But what I wanted to know I couldn’t ask over the phone, and definitely not via text. Was he in pain, or at peace? Was Quinn doing okay at this point, or was she suffering along with him? Should I be up there, or would my presence make everything harder for both of them?

  I finally decided to keep it simple.

  Leo: If she needs me, or if you think I need to be there for either of them, tell me please. I don’t know the right thing to do anymore.

  There wasn’t any answer. After waiting a few minutes, I put the car in gear and pulled away from the Iversons’ house, heading into the pitch dark of the country roads that wound between where they lived and my own gated townhouse community.

  I’d just climbed out of my car in my own garage when the phone buzzed again.

  Zelda: I will. I promise.

  I blew out a breath and stretched my neck. This was all I could ask Zelda to do, and I couldn’t bring myself to put yet another burden on Gia, not when she was still struggling to stay upright with her own issues. I was about to slide my phone back into my pocket when the second part of Zelda’s message came through.

  Zelda: She’s doing fine, Leo. Try not to worry about her too much. Quinn is strong, and she’s holding up. Be there for her after. She’s going to need us all then.

  As if any power in heaven or on earth could keep me away.

  Life Is Eternal by Carly Simon

  Winter used to be my favorite time at the shore. Ocean City was nearly a ghost town during December, compared to how it was in the middle of summer; the locals were there, but thanks to the biting cold and damp air, most of us stayed indoors unless it was absolutely necessary. I loved having the beach to myself, or just about, when my parents and I would come down before Christmas. The ocean seemed wilder, loud and forbidding, the sand was blown into peaks and valleys, and I often found shells I didn’t at other times of the year.