She glared. “I didn’t look like that.”
“You’re very intense in battle. You ran toward the gap where the enemy was shooting our men while they escaped the fire. You were the only one who did that.”
“The only one besides you.”
“We must have been mad.” Wolfgang shook his head.
“God protected us, even though you were shot in the shoulder.” She could tell he was still favoring it, not carrying anything on that side, flinching if he had to lift that arm too high.
He lowered his brows. “How is your injury feeling today?”
“Better.”
“I’m glad.” Wolfgang lay back and flung an arm over his eyes. “You said earlier that you might not stay here with Duke Konrad. Are you longing for home and for your village?”
“No. And you? Do you miss Hagenheim?”
“I asked you first.” He smiled but didn’t look at her.
“I didn’t know this conversation was bound by laws.” Mulan hesitated to reveal too much, even though she trusted Wolfgang as much and more than anyone else. “I am not longing for my home or my village. I miss my mother, but I always wanted to leave my village, to see the world, to do things I couldn’t do in my village. Honestly, the thought of going back there . . . fills me with dread.”
Wolfgang turned his head toward her, emotion flitting across his face. Was it her imagination, or did he seem . . . relieved?
Wolfgang regarded Mulan. “I’m glad.”
“You’re glad that going back to my village fills me with dread?”
“Tak. Nie. I mean, I’m glad you aren’t longing to go back there right away.”
“Why?”
“Oh. Well.” He sat up and picked at the grass. Should he tell her the truth? But then he remembered something. “Because I thought you wanted to learn to read. And I’ll instruct you.”
Her expression froze, then split into a smile. “I would like that very much.”
“I can’t teach you to read Lithuanian, I’m afraid, since I don’t know that language.”
“I would be thrilled to learn to read Polish, since we both know it.”
“I could even teach you German.”
“I would like to learn German. I only know a bit that I learned from Andrei.”
She sat up, her face bright, her eyes wide. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her so joyful. If they had been closer, he suspected she would have embraced him.
How he wished they were closer.
“How did you learn to speak Polish so well?”
“From Andrei. He is Polish, you know. My father found him, an orphan with no family. Or rather, he found my father. He followed him around, trying to be useful to him, until my father agreed to let him be his servant.”
“You treat Andrei as if he was your friend instead of your servant.”
“He is my friend.”
He nodded.
“And how did you learn Polish? Does your family speak it?”
“Nie, my brothers and I learned it from our tutors, as well as from our sword-fighting and jousting instructors, some of whom were Polish.”
Mulan picked a tiny wildflower and stared down at it. “And do you like being a soldier?”
He thought about it for a few moments. “Truthfully, I don’t think I’d like to be a soldier all my life, always going from place to place.”
“What would you like to do, if you could?”
He remembered how badly he’d wanted to protect the woman Jacyna and her baby, how he’d wished he could protect all of the people the Teutonic Knights had oppressed, and how he’d wanted to protect Mulan, even before he realized she was a woman. And yet, he longed for a home and a wife and children, a place of stability. But he couldn’t exactly tell her that.
“Perhaps I could be a farmer. Can you not see me plowing fields and sowing seeds?”
She raised her brows and shrugged. “You could do anything.” Her expression grew more sober. “Your family probably expects you to make your fortune by marrying a wealthy heiress. You’re a duke’s son, after all.”
“Is that what you imagine a duke’s son does?”
She shrugged again, returning her focus to her flower. “Is it not?”
Was she sad to think of him marrying a wealthy heiress? Hope surged at the possibility. But that was selfish. He was not in a position to marry her.
“Do you have an inheritance?” She peeked up at him.
“Sadly, no, as my father has many sons. I’ll receive something, but nothing so grand as a home or a fortune.”
She twirled her flower.
The conversation that had started out so well had veered in a sad direction. They both lay back on the ground.
Was she as tired as he was? They’d been through battles and injuries and had slept less than normal the last few days. The summer sun was warm and was making him drowsy. He closed his eyes and felt himself drifting.
CHAPTER 19
Mulan lay in the warmth of the sun. Was it possible to feel so comfortable and at ease so soon after being in mortal battle, fighting for her life and the lives of those around her? Wolfgang reclined nearby, and then he was hovering over her, his face only inches above hers. His eyes were so brown, his expression so gentle. His lips were so perfect, and she wanted to kiss them.
It was as if by her contemplation, she summoned him to lean down, closer and closer, until his lips were touching hers, and she felt the pressure of them, firm and warm.
Mulan opened her eyes to blue sky above her. She looked to her right, and Wolfgang was yawning and stretching his arms over his head.
The kiss between her and Wolfgang was a dream. Only a dream. But it was so real she could still feel the pressure of his lips on hers. Was that how a kiss felt? She covered her face with her hands as her cheeks heated.
“I think I fell asleep,” he said, letting out a long breath.
“I think I did as well.” Mulan sat up and rubbed her cheeks and eyes. At least he couldn’t know what she had just imagined. She stood and shook her skirts to rid them of dead leaves and grass.
“Ready to go?” He squinted up at her.
“I think we should.” She couldn’t even look at him or the dream would come flooding over her. She gathered up their things and tied the first bundle onto her saddle.
“Are you so eager to get back?”
“Just in the happenstance that Duke Konrad needs us. I don’t entirely trust that Rusdorf won’t do something to violate the agreement he signed.”
Wolfgang frowned. “I don’t understand why Rusdorf’s life was spared when so many men were killed. But God must have His reasons.”
“I was thinking the same thing.”
“Perhaps God is giving him a chance to repent and change. After all, Rusdorf is known for his religious fervor.”
“Sometimes those are the worst deceivers of all. Mother told me the stories of the Teutonic Knights and the Livonian Brothers who attacked Lithuania and ruthlessly slaughtered poor peasants and noblemen alike, all in the name of religion. I don’t see how that is the Christian way. It’s man’s way, and I suspect they just blamed it on God.”
A smile skimmed Wolfgang’s lips. “I believe my father would agree with you. He has no good opinion of the Teutonic Knights or anyone else who uses violence to force people to convert. But . . . while I agree that Rusdorf is misguided, his attempted murder of Duke Konrad was in wartime. And he even told the duke during the peace negotiations he may have misjudged him. The duke seems to have impressed Rusdorf with his Christian piety. Or perhaps he was only impressed with his gold and ivory chancel and the marble tiles of his chapel.”
“Well, he certainly wasn’t impressed with me—or with women as a whole.” Mulan grabbed the second bundle off the ground, but Wolfgang placed his hands on it to take it away from her.
They were standing face-to-face, and Wolfgang’s fingers brushed hers. Her gaze slid to his lips, and when she looked away, her breaths were coming
shallow and fast.
“I’ll take this one.”
She let go, and he started tying it to his saddle.
“Rusdorf does have a problem with women. I heard that he despises women and never goes near them because his mother . . . I shouldn’t repeat rumors, but they say she, well, didn’t embrace morality. She had many lovers, which could explain why his thinking about women is so twisted. Besides that, the Teutonic Knights take a vow of chastity. They mustn’t have any relationships with women at all.”
“That doesn’t mean they have to despise women and say they’re all instruments of the devil. That’s oppressive and unjust.”
“I agree. Very unjust.” He finished tying the bundle and turned to her. “I’m sorry he said what he did to you. He sounded evil and vindictive, but I would never let him hurt you. I would die before I let him near you.” He cleared his throat. “And Duke Konrad wouldn’t let him hurt you, and neither would the other soldiers and guards.”
His declaration conjured up an emotion that took her breath away. She pressed her hand to her chest and turned away from him so he wouldn’t see. “Naught but a bitter man and his ravings.”
“Exactly. The ravings of a man who doesn’t understand love. I’ve heard my father say, ‘The love of a good woman is God’s blessing and not to be taken lightly.’”
She spun around to look at Wolfgang. “Your father said that?”
His eyes were soft as he played with his horse’s reins. “I heard him say that to my older brothers, Valten and Gabe, when they were about to marry.”
“Your father sounds like a good and wise man.”
“He is. A loving father and a kindhearted soul. I’m sorry you . . . Never mind.”
“No, I didn’t have a father such as yours. But at least I had a kind and loving mother.”
They mounted their horses and rode back to the castle, her thoughts tangled up in Wolfgang, dream kisses, and kind fathers who taught their sons that their wives were a blessing from the Lord.
Wolfgang stood at the top of one of the castle towers, staring out at the hills and forests in the distance on this warm, pleasant day. While he waited for Mulan to meet him for their first reading lesson, he was remembering a day from several years before, when his mother had found him in the chapel at Hagenheim Castle.
“What were you praying about, if you don’t mind me asking?” Mother’s voice was soft and soothing as she sat beside him on a bench against the wall.
“For Kirstyn.” She’d been through so much pain, and she was still not her old self. “I feel bad for her. I was just praying for God to give her peace.”
She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you for praying for your sister. I am sure God will hear and answer our prayers.”
“I want to help her, and it makes me angry that there is nothing I can do. I know Steffan feels the same way.”
“You’re a thoughtful boy. ‘Nothing can hinder the lord from saving, whether by many or by few.’ Have you ever heard that scripture?”
“I don’t think so.”
“You are right to want to help your sister, but sometimes the best thing we can do, the most powerful thing, is to pray. God already knows how He will help someone, and He may use us, or He may use someone else, but our prayers help make it happen.”
Wolfgang had been a little frustrated with her answer at the time, but now he thought he understood. Kirstyn’s husband, Aladdin, had helped her heal. They were good for each other. Besides being kind to her and praying for her, there was not much Wolfgang could do to make it happen.
“Here I am.”
He turned. Mulan stood behind him.
“I want to thank you for agreeing to teach me. I hope I won’t prove too daft to learn.” She sat on the stool in front of the small table he’d brought up the stairs with the help of a servant. He was suddenly very glad he’d chosen to have their lesson on top of the castle tower. She was even more beautiful in the sunlight.
“I’m quite certain that will not be the case. If anything, I may prove to be a daft teacher.” Wolfgang tried to remember learning how to read from his tutors, but he had been so young, and it had been so long ago, he couldn’t recall exactly how it happened. So he actually did feel like a daft teacher as he stumbled through their first lesson.
“I think I learned a lot today.” Mulan smiled at him as the sun lit up her eyes and the wind gently tossed her hair. “May I take these parchments with me? When I’m not carrying out my duties, I shall review them.”
“Yes, of course. I borrowed them from the duke’s library, but I’m sure he would not mind.” Wolfgang rolled up the loose sheets of parchment and gave them to her. She thanked him.
A sudden urge came over him to pull her into his arms. Would she respond by wrapping her arms around him? Would she feel soft and warm pressed against his chest? His chin would rest on top of her head, her silky hair against his skin.
She tilted her head, a bemused look on her face. He swallowed the lump in his throat, but she turned and left before he could recover his voice.
Mulan and Wolfgang, as Duke Konrad’s captains, had duties nearly every day: patrolling, listening to reports, and occasionally standing guard. But every day they seemed to find time for studying together. After a week, Mulan worried she was not very quick-witted.
Today they were in the room the servants used sometimes to prepare food, as well as for their dining room. It was empty except for two benches, a few stools, and a wooden table. They sat next to each other, with Wolfgang at the end and she to his left.
“Do you not think I’m daft?” Mulan grimaced as she said the words. “I’m not making very good progress.”
“Of course not. I’m very pleased with your progress. You’ve already learned some words, and Polish isn’t your first language. I think you’ve proven that you are not daft at all but rather gifted with language, especially since you’ve been taught by an inexperienced tutor such as myself.”
She smiled and asked him more questions, and they read a whole page together.
“Soon you’ll be able to read a Polish Bible.”
“You don’t think I’ll know German well enough to read yours?”
“Someday you will, I am certain.”
“I’m almost afraid to read the Holy Writ.”
“Afraid? Why?”
“What if it reveals something I’ve been doing wrong that I didn’t know?”
“I doubt that will be the case. But even if it is, wouldn’t you want to know rather than remaining in ignorance?”
“I would. But what if it says something that surprises me? What if God turns out to be . . . different than I thought?” She chewed her lip and studied Wolfgang’s face for his reaction.
“Why? What do you think God is?”
“He is an all-powerful Creator God, a God who demands obedience, and He sometimes seems like a harsh judge. But I like to think that He loves us, that He’s a more kind and loving Father than our human fathers.” She liked to think that God was nothing like her father, Mikolai.
Wolfgang squinted at the table, the look he got when he was thinking. “The tone of the Bible changes a bit after Jesus comes. There is so much about God’s grace and mercy and love for us, you will think of Him less as a demanding judge. He is a kind and gentle Father who loves us. After all, everything before Jesus was leading up to this provision, the sacrifice of the Son, as the way to be forgiven and welcomed into heaven.”
His expression was so earnest while he spoke. She’d never heard a man speak so sincerely about God besides the priests and friars that had come to her small village.
“So, you like reading it?” She found herself leaning toward him.
He nodded but stared at the wall behind her, as if considering her question. “I hardly remember a time when I wasn’t reading it. I do like knowing what God has said, and there are some thrilling stories in the Old Testament.”
Wolfgang smiled, his brown eyes gentling as he stared into
hers. With his brown hair and dark stubble on his solid jaw and square chin, he was so masculine, and yet he was nothing like her rough and manly father. Her father was rude and barely spoke, except with the other men in the village. He hurt her mother by ignoring and dismissing her. But she couldn’t imagine Wolfgang doing that.
“You said most of your brothers and sisters are married. Did your parents arrange their marriages? Have they arranged yours?” Her heart leapt into her throat at the possibility.
“No, my brothers and sisters all found love on their own.”
“And you?”
“Me?”
“Did you ever . . . find love?”
He shook his head and smiled as if amused. “No. My father and mother taught me that love was not something to treat lightly.”
“That sounds very wise.” Mulan reached for the parchment papers and tried to look as if that subject no longer interested her, pulling the papers up close to hide her face, searching her mind for a question to ask about reading.
“Why do you ask?” Wolfgang’s voice was insistent.
Her heart stopped beating. “Ask what?”
“Why did you ask if I’d ever found love?”
She shrugged, keeping the paper in front of her face. “Just curious.”
“Did you ever love anyone?”
“Me?” She dropped the papers to stare at him. “No.”
“Just curious.” He was staring quite pointedly at her face. “I don’t suppose . . .” He stopped and shook his head. “We should start our lesson.”
“You don’t suppose what?”
“Nothing. Let us begin.”
Should she insist he tell her what he had been about to say? She ended up letting him pull the papers away from her as he started his instruction for the day.
It was probably safer that way.
CHAPTER 20
Wolfgang had been about to say, “I don’t suppose you could marry, as a soldier in the duke’s guard.” But he thought better of it. What would she think? That he was asking her to marry him? Or that he was saying he could never marry her because she was a soldier?
The Warrior Maiden Page 17